The General Human Code of Conduct

I actually had a really hard time figuring out what I was going to write about today. There are a few serious things that have been going on in my life and have sort of kept my mind occupied, to the point of losing sleep and my body waging guerrilla warfare on itself.  So, instead of divulging EXACTLY what is going on, I'll talk around it.  That seems to work well for others. Humor me.

There are certain social rules that people abide by, and there is a reason why.  Disobeying them won't land you in prison, but it will cause problems with your relationships throughout your life.  If you break one once, it can be forgiven.  That's not a big deal.  Life happens and people can sometimes break a rule, once or twice.  The major issue comes when a person breaks every social rule thereby hurting everyone in their life.  There could be a million reasons for this.  Maybe the person had a horrible family life.  Maybe they had poor role models, or none at all. Maybe their genetic predisposition is just generally bad.

I'm not talking about the awkward behaviors of some groups of people that might spend way too much time hiding in dark rooms behind computers or do Live Action Role Playing.  Social graces are like icing on a cake, I'm talking about the cake itself. People can have the icing and not the cake.  Those are the most dangerous people you could possibly have in your life.

So let's go through the major principles one by one.  Not anything that would get you imprisoned (well at least the smallest infraction wouldn't), just things that would be within the average range of social acceptability. My husband calls his version "the Gentleman's Code" but what I am writing is perhaps a little less specific. Maybe we can call it "the General Human Code of Conduct."

1. Honesty - this might seem totally cliche, but the thing is, it's a biggie. Why would someone waste the time and energy to tell someone a falsehood instead of telling the truth and letting the chips fall where they may? Everyone has seen all the dopey romantic comedies that have the lie that goes through the snowball effect until it becomes worse and worse and is more damaging than just telling the truth.  It's stupid to lie.  Just come clean, and accept the consequences for your actions.
2. Loyalty - this one is so crucial to keeping good relationships healthy.  So this means, you don't sleep with your friend's girlfriends.  You stand by your friend or your significant other when someone hurts them or they need a helping hand.  You don't look around for the next hot thing that is paying attention to you while repeatedly ignoring your soon-to-be spouse. It also means you tell someone when they made a mistake, because that is what good friends do.
3. Honor - some might think I've transported myself to a Pashtun village, but really, honor is important no matter where you are.  There are good and right actions to be done in every situation, and there are wrong ones.  You should never take advantage of a situation, where someone is less powerful or less knowledgeable, just to bring yourself a little pleasure or satisfy your curiosity.  It is unethical.  Honor is about doing the right thing by everyone in a given situation.
4. Courage - everyone has their own demons, and everyone needs to confront them.  Be honest with yourself and acknowledge your fear so you can move past it.  Courage can be standing up for what you believe in or what is right or it can be protecting someone you love.  It can also mean being brave enough to say what you really feel and what you really think.

Needless to say, there is someone in my life who has repeatedly violated these principles to the detriment of their family, friends, as well as that individual's self.  The question becomes, when should it be made a legal matter or social suicide for that person.  When is a person so dishonorable they deserve their actions to be made public? When is an infraction of the code something criminal?

Obviously there are civil courts where you can claim emotional damages, but I have a strong inclination against this litigious tendency.  I would rather the courts stick with those more dishonorable actions that are criminal. But what makes a person criminal? Is it an issue of scale? How many people are hurt by a person's actions? Is it the magnitude of a given action? Is it their thoughts and mental state? The dentist who gropes multiple patients in the dental chair is surely criminal.  But would that change if the person was a massage therapist? It seems there would be a line at certain body parts regardless of the position of the therapist, even if you can't say that the person assaulted a client or raped them.  It remains a dishonorable act that apologies cannot erase.  The violation of the code is there. 

The moral of the story, let the principles be your guide.  Let your actions speak those principles loud and clear and everyone will respect that you do, no matter how few social graces you have.  Most people are just looking for friends who are real, true, and good.