Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Electro-magnetic People - AKA "I break stuff"

Toast. Dust. Done. Dead. Kicked.

Yes, that is my phone, well more appropriately, bricked.

When I was younger I wanted to have super powers. It's a fairly common phenomenon for young children growing up around comic books and their cartoon renditions to want to be like their favorite protagonists. But of course, then it happens and really it's more of an inconvenience than anything.

Jokingly, I call it my superpower. When my emotions get riled, no matter what direction - enraged or ecstatic - I break things. I'm not saying I go through some wild manic expression or a rage where I physically take things and throw them on the floor.  No.  I never do that.  I hate cleaning up messes made for no reason. No, I actually cause computers, tech, and even the occassional mechanical item to spazz out.

Most people reading this will get that look of disbelief on their face thinking I'm crazy, except of course, its true.  I've broken the dishwasher, the toaster oven, computers, cell phones, and gaming systems.  The more fragile the thing is, the more likely I will cause it problems.  So the older computer models and smartphones, the more likely it is that I will actually break it. There have been times I've walked into the room and my presence makes a computer crash. If I really didn't want to play a game, a gaming system would stop working. If I get frustrated with Google Maps on my phone, suddenly it freezes. That is my life.

I tell people and they don't believe me, until they see it. And then they realize I'm for real. And of course, it's hereditary... but I don't think anyone knew of my mom's awesome abilities. She just thinks of herself as a ludite. But of course, she's not just a ludite. She's electric.

There are other perks I get for having this weird energy, but I don't really have control over any of them. And its worse when I'm exhausted.

This leads me to my present state - or rather, my phone's. Yesterday I worked solidly all day unpacking, cleaning, and following other domestic pursuits.  Needless to say, by the end of the day, I was totally loopy. And then I wanted to space. So I played Trefoil on my phone until it stopped registering my fingers on the touchscreen. At first I didn't realize what was happening. My fingers don't always register on the touchscreen. Sometimes it takes me three or four times for any touchscreen to catch what I'm asking it to do. But of course, this time, even the solid menu button on my faithful G1 wouldn't cause a menu to come up. So I had Christian touch the phone.

This sounds superstitious, but as much as I break tech, Christian can cajole it into action, which is fortunate for me, otherwise I think I'd be relegated to a rotary phone and a day-planner.

Unfortunately, even after messing with it for a while, Christian was unable to breathe life into my little friend.  Radio silence. This after having no internet (with the exception now of my hubby's rooted G1 tether app) was a little too much. When I woke up in the middle of the night and reached for my little black box, it wasn't there. I itched like an addict for her drug.

It's ironic that I, with all my electro-magnetic super powers of destruction, would be addicted to my smartphone, but of course, I am. Just like I've become dependent on the internet and my little Ubuntu sporting netbook, I am dependent on my personal mobile communicator.

In this spirit, I ask, what is the best most solid resettable phone you can think of? It must have a keypad for those times when the touchscreen won't take my fingers. Mechanical is always better than high tech when it comes to my special skills...


  1. No,you're not crazy and you're not alone.

  2. I do that, too. I went through 5 Samsung Moments, 2 Blackberries, and so far, 4 LG Optimus S's. I am frustrated, and tired of relearning phones. I don't even personalize them anymore. Sprint can't figure out why I kill them either. All they know is it will not turn on, it hadn't been wet, and it's in great condition.

  3. Most recently, I caused a system to crash at my new job. At the time I was frustrated with how inefficient training was. Attaching pics to emails on my phone requires my husband to touch my phone in order to make sure it works. I'm wondering if they'll ever make electronics for people like us. I'll cross my fingers...

  4. If you're looking for some lessons I've learned about breaking things - check out this post: http://alexisdonkin.blogspot.com/2012/04/advice-for-walking-emp-empaths.html