Show Far: My Growing Belly Update

I knew I was starting to show a few weeks ago, but when I saw the picture Christian took of me tonight my jaw dropped. It got me thinking about how far I've come in this pregnancy.

So far I've:

• Had my blood drawn 4 times (once because the lab said I had a different blood type and RH factor - and I'll have to have this done again, but we won't talk about that now...).
• Not taken any childbirth classes whatsoever - and I don't intend to - at least not in person. I read a ridiculous amount and will be attending a prenatal group through my birth center so I feel like it would be redundant.
• Been scared shitless about being a parent even while I've been deliriously excited about this new life growing inside of me and the adventure it promises.
• Purchased a total of 2 dresses and 7 tops (although one of them shrank beyond wearability after one wash).
• Gone to 3 prenatal appointments.
• Heard the baby's heartbeat twice.
• Seen the baby once (and will again for an anatomy scan at 21 weeks).

It makes perfect sense. I'm almost half-way through my pregnancy. The baby is almost 6 inches long and half a pound at this point. I can feel movement. This thing growing in my belly is no longer a simple cluster of cells or an abstract thing. It is much more than that.

And it shows.

Literally.

I wonder how much longer it will take for my students to comment. So far they continue moving along the way kids so often do - blissfully in their own little worlds - concerned about their lunches, snacks, friends, and timing of summer vacation.

Though I have seriously considered making one of their drawing prompts "Draw something related to babies/pregnant ladies" (not sure on the wording for this one as I might need to be careful with my prepubescent 5th graders) I have yet to broach the topic. I'm waiting for them to bring it up. Eventually one of them will. It's just a question as to when. And as I wait for one of them to bring it up, my belly continues to grow along with the resident in my womb.

No matter how I look at it, my body is changing rapidly and we're getting closer and closer to all the excitement, terror, and wonder of being full-fledged parents (as crazy as that sounds). There's no denying it any more. It is absolutely real.

Hands Off MY Belly! No Worship Allowed!

I'm not big enough to attract the unwanted belly attention so many pregnant women get. For this I'm very glad.

I'm not sure I'll even get it. I have this uncanny ability to ward people off with my eyes. While it is possible for the socially inept to miss my death glare, generally when I don't want to speak to people, they stay away. I hope this will be the case with my belly, but I'm not holding my breath.

I'm not talking about people asking about the pregnancy. I know that is unavoidable. I know I'll get the stupid comments about how I look bigger or smaller than my number of weeks. I've already gotten plenty of "sleep now because you won't later." These things might be mildly annoying but they aren't bad.

It's the touching thing that concerns me.

The abdomen is a vulnerable place on the body. It is an intimate place. All our vital organs (with one exception) are located there. I have always been sensitive about my belly. It is one body part I've always been self-conscious about, even when I've felt really good in my own skin.

These things alone are enough for me to want no one (unless invited) to touch my belly.

Even still, let's add one more thing. Adult touch is layered with meaning, particularly status. A person of higher status can touch a person of lower status without any real meaning. If a person of lower status touches one of higher status, it implies sexual interest. These things aren't conscious, but are very much a part of how we as humans understand the world as social beings.

The problem arises when someone assumes they are higher status.

I will put several things out there for thought.

I NEVER expect ANYONE to touch me. The exceptions are my friends, family members, and those of clearly higher status (older, C-level executive types or other *highly* accomplished individuals). Those of a clearly higher status are only able to touch my shoulder, arm, and give me a greeting. Anything else is unacceptable to me.

If anyone who is unknown to me touches me, it raises every hackle in my being. If a stranger or acquaintance assumes it is okay to touch me, I get very upset. This is because I feel they don't know my social rank, and I don't know theirs. The assumption before I was pregnant was made based on my sex, which I feel comfortable saying, I am definitely higher in the pecking order than many men, and therefore is a false assumption.

But pregnant?

I don't know if the need to touch a pregnant woman has anything to do with status. It might be worship.

Yes. Worship.

For anyone who has been to a Hindu temple you'll know what I mean immediately. I remember a Devi temple where the press of bodies in the idol room was so intense one wrong step and you'd have been trampled. The fervor of the devotees was immense. But how does this relate to touching a pregnant woman's belly?

Just think - pregnancy is the closest to creation a human can get. All the art and fabrication in the world is nothing compared to the power of the womb. If you were standing that close to a saint or to the Creator, wouldn't you want to touch her? To receive her blessing?

I understand the urge. I do.
And it doesn't fricking matter. You touch me uninvited and I'm touching you right back - possibly with a snappy comment to boot.

My body is not public property. It's a private shrine. Membership is exclusive. Ne me touche pas!