Saturday, April 16, 2011

Clubwear and Heart Rate Monitors - Skanky v. Sexy

They are a match made in heaven.  You see, when you look at clubwear, you need to monitor your heart rate.  Your heart will literally stop because you're in such a state of shock, OR you'll suffer your first bout of arrhythmia, OR you'll reach your maximum heart rate, die, and therefore need to resuscitated.

I've been checking out clubwear for my book (and my own morbid fascination with tiny dresses that I will never be psychologically ready to wear).  The heart rate monitors (HRM) are to help me with my fitness goals when I no longer have access to a treadmill with an HRM. It makes sense.  Completely.  Totally unrelated and yet....

Strangely enough, they work together.

Looking at clubwear reminds me of something my dad once said to me when I was growing up.  "You can't wear just anything.  The law might say you can, but the truth is you're inviting a certain kind of attention and it isn't good."  He was talking of course, of the difference between skanky and sexy. Many people are unaware there is a difference.  This is how you will find some women saying, "I wear what I want.  You still can't leer/touch/harass/assault/rape me." I say those women are delusional.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think that women should be held liable under the law for wearing slutty clothing if they are attacked. However, just like taking heroin is a bad idea, so is dressing like a hoDon't be a ho - wear a frickin opaque shirt and some pants! Those are words to live by.  That and learn the difference between skanky and sexy.

'Ho' or 'skanky' is qualitatively different than 'sexy.' A woman can be sexy without dressing like she's free to any passersby.  She can be sexy without looking like she's recently contracted multiple venereal diseases by sleeping with half the football team. 

Sexy can be fun and exciting - but it is never cheap.  Cheap is what we call 'skanky' and the difference necessarily elicits different kinds of responses from those observing.  A woman who is skanky does not command respect from those who see her.  She is telling people with her clothing that she doesn't care about her body and therefore anyone who sees it shouldn't and can do whatever they want with it.  It's not the kind of message you want to send.

Maybe if women wearing clubwear could monitor other people's heart rates, they would be sensitive to the acute impact their clothing has on the people around them.  Of course these women are choosing to wear horrible dresses because they want to attract attention.  They know that much.  The problem is when a woman is shocked by how much attention she is attracting, especially when it is negative, which it inevitably is.

So hook the lady up to the king of surround sound heart rate monitors (which doesn't exist at this time but science is magical and perhaps one day it will be possible) and let her see what happens when someone sees her ass hanging out the back of her skirt.  Let her see how people respond when both boobs are coming out of the neckline and arm openings of her dress.  The direct feedback she would get would let her know that no, it is better to use that dress as a dust rag than to wear it.

The fault or inaccuracy to this proposed method of education, comes when someone experiences extreme disgust as opposed to arousal.  Both of these things could result in a high heart rate, arrhythmia, or heart stopping shock. In either case, of disgust or arousal, the dresses are dangerous. Really these outfits could be considered health hazards.

The moral of the story is, you should not wear ho dresses.  If you do, be prepared for potential leering/groping/harassment/assault and suing for any damages to the observers' health (or emotional damages incurred because of relationship troubles due to observing skanky dresses).  Instead of wearing that horrible degrading dress, go home.  Have someone tutor you in the art of self-respecting sexy, and take up ballroom dancing

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