The House, The City: The Crunchy Hipster Dream

Mom, Dad, Baby & kitty? (wikipedia)

Lately Christian and I have been thinking a lot about where we want to go and how we want to live. It's a question that colors our thoughts daily especially as we've been living with my parents since late October. I love my parents and I love having our family close to them and to my in-laws - especially for our baby's sake; but it's also increased some stress levels for everyone (Yesterday I actually saw lights, my blood pressure spiked so high - not good!).

We have to decide where we want to go long term and how we want to live when we get there. In short, we have to have plans (seeing a trend with me these days?).

Because of Christian's job situation and me being at home, writing with our baby, Southern California (or rather California generally) hasn't really been very hospitable. California has 13 of the top 15 most unaffordable real estate markets in the country. Several of them were areas where we have lived because that's where the jobs were. The others in the state that had work for Christian had something else really unappealing (like horrible air quality or ridiculously high temperatures and no water ANYWHERE). Plus, there are some cultural things in Southern California that we're not interested in having our children exposed to.

Needless to say, California really doesn't feel like a place we can stay without increasing our stress levels enormously. But I also don't want our kids to be far from family...

That means the west coast is the best coast (though I wouldn't mind being back east, I think that wouldn't sit well with either set of grandparents). So where can we go and feel good (financially and otherwise) in the west?

Well seeing as we eat salad and recycle, and think brown people should have rights we can't move anywhere in Arizona (crossed off list). Nevada feels like the same kind of situation, if a little more...uh...seedy organized crime and less vigilante. Idaho...has some possibilities, but it's also pretty conservative politically and I'd rather not live anywhere where accidental eavesdropping could make Christian get into a brawl.

So...that leaves Oregon and Washington.

I love seasons. I love snow (especially when I can cross-country ski in it). I love apples and wool sweaters and fireplaces. I'm not a huge fan of gray, BUT if I have some awesome things to focus on, I can love a place despite gray. Christian hasn't lived in snow, or seasons, but he hates heat. He's a sweatball, and our son takes after him, so I think snow and rain is a better choice for our family than dirt and 120 F.

Plus, we have some friends up there, which is appealing to both of us.

We've played around with different locations and researched things and so far our top two choices are Bellingham WA and Corvalis OR. The question is when and how.

At this point we're thinking around a year and a half from now, or something like that will be a good time to move. This will give us some time to pay off our educational loans (or at least pay them down) and create a nest egg of sorts. Right now that nest egg could be either a micro house on a trailer base (a serious interest for both Christian and me), or a savings account for moving/down payment, or both (ideally both, but we may be able to swing things with one or the other).

If we can pull this off, we'll be in really good shape. We'll have a mountain of debt off our shoulders. We'll own our home (if not the land it's on...yet) and we'll be in our dream location (at least for this part of life). We're focusing on it, which means it will happen, for sure, right? :-D

Minimalist Motherhood: Why Nurseries Are Pointless

Whenever people think of getting ready for a new baby, nurseries come to mind. The funny thing is, nurseries are completely pointless, unless you're a masochist and also hate babies.

Let me explain.

Babies don't need a room. They can't even focus their eyes. They need to eat every couple hours and poop themselves constantly. When they don't eat upon waking, they fuss. If left long enough, they cry. If you don't clean their butts soon enough, they get a rash which...(you guessed it!) can lead to crying.

All this means if you put a baby in a separate room at night, you're going to be getting up and down a lot more with a whole lot less sleeping than if you had the baby co-sleep in the bedroom with you. Less sleep means more zombie. More zombie means you will be cranky and less able to deal with the demands of your new eating and pooping machine. This is why having a nursery is a kind of excessive hate-filled endeavor. However this doesn't even touch the ridiculous amount of money spent on furniture that will not be used after the baby's second year.

Yes, babies are an additional expense, but they don't have to break the bank. They don't need a lot of space. They need diapers, cloths, a place to sleep, and food. If you're breastfeeding (as 99% of women should at least try to do) one of these things is built in. So why spend 1000s on a matching changing table, crib, dresser, and rocking chair (not to mention bouncy seat and swing)?

It's a gimmick. A sham. It's something big companies in Western society want you to feel like you need so you spend thousands of dollars to feel like you're good parents.

I'm not falling for it.

Of course, I can't. I don't have the space. But even if I did, I don't know what I would do with it. Having a separate place for baby clothes would be nice, but a changing table? A huge crazy crib? Cutesy pastel curtains that match cutsey pastel crib sheets? Bleh! It doesn't appeal at all.

I'd rather spend that money on something kiddo wants, like when s/he is 3 or 4 and has preferences for a room. Then we could paint a wall mural just for them. We could have bunk beds and fun collapsible cloth play spaces to create a special and wonderous space. Personally, I don't remember a nursery. I do remember the room I had as a toddler, and I remember loving it. That seems like a much better use of resources.

While I don't have the luxury of hiding my child and hating myself, many people do. I'd urge you to reconsider indulging in such a luxury. I think a happier baby and more sleep is a better choice.

Baby in A Small Space: Toy Minimalism

I've been searching the internet for guidance on living with a baby in a small space. I'm not so concerned with the first year. It's after that which concerns me most.

I grew up always having my own room. When I lived in Albany, NY my room was larger than many apartment bedrooms. I had an insane amount of toys, games, puzzles, and crafts. I blame this in part on being an only child for a good portion of my childhood as well as all my doting relatives. Believe me, I'm not complaining in the least.

My childhood was rich. Full of engaging activities and toys, my mind was stimulated in a variety of ways. I was able to create worlds that spanned my entire room, weave carpets, model clay, paint, draw, and do science experiments. I also made my share of forts.

Of course my child's experience will be different. While I don't expect to live in our loft forever, it does require creative thinking about space usage. This means fewer toys and more multi-tasking gear.

Babies only need a few things:
1. Food
2. A place to sleep
3. Diapers
4. Clothes
5. Love

These are the absolute essentials. A close addition to this list would be a carseat, but that's only if you intend to take your child in a car ever (most of us fit into this category). A baby carrier could also make this list.

This list of essentials doesn't really take up much space. My concern are the toys and the books which could overtake our home in a short time. I read about all these moms who couldn't *live* without their exersaucer/playmat/swing/bouncer and I cringe. My stomach clenches with anxiety because we really don't have space for something so bulky and preposterous. Simultaneously, I feel like I am somehow denying my child some sort of heightened stimulation by not providing such a thing - like maybe I'm a bad parent for living in a small space.

My redemption comes when I think about my own excitement for everyday items as a toddler - boxes, plastic food storage containers, pans, blankets, rocks, sticks, leaves, and flowers. I get excited about making different colors of salt dough or making our own finger paint or playing in the sand at the beach or sock puppets out of buttons and fabric scraps.  I get excited about museums and history books that could lead to hand's on activities. I fantasize about tanagrams and fractal patterns and math manipulatives. I dream about wooden blocks.

I don't know what our living situation will be like in 5 years, or even 2. My books may do so well, I won't even need to entertain space saving questions long term (though I like the idea of less clutter).  In the mean time however, I comfort myself with my plan for toy minimalism.