Hate Your Life - It's Good For You!

There are about a thousand things going through my head right now, but I'll try to keep to one or two because, well...that's usually a good idea when you're writing (even if you're writing in a casual setting like a blog).

To be completely honest, I had a total breakdown earlier this week. There was sobbing, statements made that I'd rather never repeat, and admissions that at another time in life may have only brought me down. I have long suffered the curse of self-doubt, self-deprecation, and many other wretched things.

I'm done. Well, at least for the foreseeable future.

I've been reinvigorated.

How, you're asking? Maybe you're thinking, I too have suffered these awful things and worse - much worse. My first world problems are the worst of anyone I know! Yes yes. I understand, and I am happy to share my secret. It came with a confession - the ultimate confession.

Currently, I hate my life.

I'll give you the rundown, not to make this into a pity party, but rather to be entirely factual and clear about where I'm coming from.

• I live with my parents - an increasingly common situation these days.
• I stay at home with my baby - granted he's a sweetheart, but I'm not exactly the stay at home type.
• I have very few friends (if I can say any) outside my family in my current location.
• I struggle to complete my writing goals, and compared to many, have a long way to go.
• I am not currently, nor have I ever worked in my field of study.
• Between my husband and I, we have a mountain of student loan debt.
• My husband works in an industry that does not pay well, despite the high level of expertise and responsibility required of him.
• I am not anywhere near the level of success I envisioned for myself as a younger person.

I hate that. All of that. I could let that hate consume me and make me wallow and take my situation into all new spectacular lows, and indeed, when I had this mini-meltdown, I thought it would.

To my great pleasure, it had the opposite effect.

Rather than dragging me down, it spurred me forward. It was a bit like living in that wretched apartment in Phoenix complete with termites, roaches, no working fridge or AC. I did that for 6 months. You see, I hated that apartment so much, I bought a house. Granted there were other issues with that, but I got the house I wanted and I loved that house while living the remainder of my time in Phoenix.

And that experience illustrates something else; high pressure wretchedness motivates me. It makes me want things - want things so badly I'll do anything to get what I want. So I will.

That's the key to all those crazy self-development books. Nothing else really matters. When you want something bad enough, you will do anything and everything to get it. When you do anything and everything, you will get it. That's what happens. The question is, do you want it badly enough? There is no half-assing at this level. You have to want it. Really. I mean...REALLY.

Fortunately, I do. I really, really do. Now if everyone around me could get on board with things (I'm thinking of the crying baby in the next room), we could get things moving towards some kind of wonderful.

When have you been spurred to change your situation? What was the moment of action for you? Leave a comment below!

The House, The City: The Crunchy Hipster Dream

Mom, Dad, Baby & kitty? (wikipedia)

Lately Christian and I have been thinking a lot about where we want to go and how we want to live. It's a question that colors our thoughts daily especially as we've been living with my parents since late October. I love my parents and I love having our family close to them and to my in-laws - especially for our baby's sake; but it's also increased some stress levels for everyone (Yesterday I actually saw lights, my blood pressure spiked so high - not good!).

We have to decide where we want to go long term and how we want to live when we get there. In short, we have to have plans (seeing a trend with me these days?).

Because of Christian's job situation and me being at home, writing with our baby, Southern California (or rather California generally) hasn't really been very hospitable. California has 13 of the top 15 most unaffordable real estate markets in the country. Several of them were areas where we have lived because that's where the jobs were. The others in the state that had work for Christian had something else really unappealing (like horrible air quality or ridiculously high temperatures and no water ANYWHERE). Plus, there are some cultural things in Southern California that we're not interested in having our children exposed to.

Needless to say, California really doesn't feel like a place we can stay without increasing our stress levels enormously. But I also don't want our kids to be far from family...

That means the west coast is the best coast (though I wouldn't mind being back east, I think that wouldn't sit well with either set of grandparents). So where can we go and feel good (financially and otherwise) in the west?

Well seeing as we eat salad and recycle, and think brown people should have rights we can't move anywhere in Arizona (crossed off list). Nevada feels like the same kind of situation, if a little more...uh...seedy organized crime and less vigilante. Idaho...has some possibilities, but it's also pretty conservative politically and I'd rather not live anywhere where accidental eavesdropping could make Christian get into a brawl.

So...that leaves Oregon and Washington.

I love seasons. I love snow (especially when I can cross-country ski in it). I love apples and wool sweaters and fireplaces. I'm not a huge fan of gray, BUT if I have some awesome things to focus on, I can love a place despite gray. Christian hasn't lived in snow, or seasons, but he hates heat. He's a sweatball, and our son takes after him, so I think snow and rain is a better choice for our family than dirt and 120 F.

Plus, we have some friends up there, which is appealing to both of us.

We've played around with different locations and researched things and so far our top two choices are Bellingham WA and Corvalis OR. The question is when and how.

At this point we're thinking around a year and a half from now, or something like that will be a good time to move. This will give us some time to pay off our educational loans (or at least pay them down) and create a nest egg of sorts. Right now that nest egg could be either a micro house on a trailer base (a serious interest for both Christian and me), or a savings account for moving/down payment, or both (ideally both, but we may be able to swing things with one or the other).

If we can pull this off, we'll be in really good shape. We'll have a mountain of debt off our shoulders. We'll own our home (if not the land it's on...yet) and we'll be in our dream location (at least for this part of life). We're focusing on it, which means it will happen, for sure, right? :-D

Declarations & The Master Writer Plan

Yesterday I posted about how excited I am to have been consistently reaching my goals, but of course, being the INFJ Myers Briggs type that I am, I'm always hungry. I want more. I came across Russell Blake's prolific works and it made me irritated. It's hard for me to be a mom the majority of the day when what I'd really like to be doing is moving on my career, especially when I don't have someone to watch the baby (nor can I afford someone to). It's hard and I have to be patient with myself, which I'm learning. That starts with breathing, moves to yogic focus, and then ends with steady results.

What's the focus? Well, I came across another site that helped me hone things a little more. I know my focus of my writing - women (and a little fun on the side). I know how many books I want to write in a year (7 - modest by Mr. Blake's standard, but pretty high compared to most writers) and how long I want to take doing all this. But all of this doesn't mean anything unless I have readers - devout-buy-all-my-books-and-are-hungry-for-more readers.

Readers are how I can make a living. Readers are the point of writing (or well, at least one of the points). So the question is how many readers do I want? How much money do I need to make to live?

This year I need 1500 readers to buy each of the 14 books I intend to have published by December 31 2014.

That would give us enough money to put a down payment on a mortgage in a new city so we can make a fresh start. That's what I need for my family. Now I need to let that goal sit with my subconscious mind for a little while so that I can figure out how to make that happen. I know I can make it happen because already I see a difference in how things are moving in my writing and in my personal space. The intention is there. The declaration is there. And now it's time for things to move.

Speaking of things moving, I need to get writing and editing. Stay tuned for more about promotion, and the first book of 2014.

Dogs in The City

So I stepped out of my car after Christian parked just outside our apartment only to be greeted by a wonderful surprise.

Yes.

A giant steaming pile of poo.

Thanks neighbor!

Dogs are very popular in Oakland and extremely popular in our little alcove of Jingletown. And I have no problem with them. I like dogs. I like their playfulness and can appreciate the companionship and comfort they provide to their owners, however...owners are a different story.

Now, don't misunderstand. Most of my neighbors are responsible friendly types who religiously leash their pets and carry a large supply of doggie bags. And I love these people.

I'm concerned with owners who feel that despite the fact their dog's shit will wash right into the bay (a mere 2 blocks away) - and their neighbors' front doors are right on the sidewalk - it is okay to not pick up poop.

Multiple times has Christian come home to find a pile sitting on his motorcycle cable. Regularly there are piles in the *middle* of the sidewalk. This is nothing short of disgusting, and without a doubt irresponsible.

When a person chooses to become a pet owner, that means becoming responsible for the pet's needs. This includes grooming, sheltering, feeding, playing, and exercising the animal if necessary. So with my cat, I understand I need to check her ears, nose, and eyes to make sure they are clean. If they aren't, I clean them. I clip her nails and make sure they don't get too thick which means I have to peel off the outer dead claw layers as needed (if you have a cat, you know what I mean). I play with her, but I do not need to walk her. Instead of picking up poop, we clean her litter box as needed. It's simple.

Apparently some people don't realize the added work and care required for keeping a dog.

If you don't like walking, you shouldn't own a dog. If you don't like cleaning up animal poop, you shouldn't have a pet period (all animals need their enclosures cleaned periodically even if you're not scooping poop off the curb).

I have to think people who leave their dog feces on my front stoop must feel they are outsourcing their animal care. But I wonder, if they're being lazy about this aspect of pet ownership, are they just as lazy with others?

In short, if you are considering pet ownership, make sure you're ready for everything involved. If you see someone being a jerk, kindly remind them the grocery store has snack bags that work just fine in a pinch (though most parks have bags for free where dogs are allowed). Or, if you have a regular culprit and you know where they live, you could be creative; collect samples until you have an enormous pile which you could then drop on their stoop. After all, it's only fair.

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