Lately Christian and I have been addicted to Eureka. It's campy and according to Christian the science in it is bunk, but it's a fun diversion from our daily lives. One of the observations we made recently about the series is it is obviously written by a person of faith. Nearly every episode someone says the phrase "have a little faith" which being a singer makes me think of one of two songs... either John Hiatt's Have a Little Faith in Me or George Michael's Faith. By the way, I don't really like either one but they're both catchy and therefore I currently have both simultaneously replaying in my head. Somehow this works.
Regardless of the musical mayhem caused by the repetitive dialogue, the show serves as a strong reminder of something I have forgotten. I am an impatient person. When things go badly, or seem to not go at all (which is my version of badly) I tend to get discouraged. This could be a month, or a couple of days, depending on whatever it is. I have to consciously draw myself away from the compulsive tendency to pick at whatever issue it is that isn't going. If something isn't moving forward, I should push it. I can't wait for it to move on its own.
It is terrifying to have things not go. I want them to go. I need them to go. I need to know answers to my questions before I ask them. I have to have a path laid out before I take a step. My success needs to be assured. Sitting still for long periods of time isn't something I'm good at. My circulation gets all out of whack and I need to shift around. For someone with this combination of traits, it makes sense that it would be difficult for them to continue to follow through with any single idea. It makes sense that I would tend to give up before any fruit comes. And therefore it is likely this person would sabotage their success before it is granted.
The thing is, that is totally horrible. It is a useless exercise. It is better to act as though you have won already. Not in a cocky way, but as though your success is guaranteed without all the information. I'm saying this because it took several months for me to get responses to my inquiries regarding Craigslist postings. It's not too late. A month could go by but that doesn't mean things are over. If you trust in the process, things will come. Before you know it, you will have scads of things come up you never knew could be yours and suddenly you get to make choices. That's a wonderful problem to have.