I distinctly remember the sensation of meeting new people as a child. Generally, I didn't feel anything, one way or another. People were just people. Then, when a friend would say "That new guy is a jerk!" after spending a minute with the kid, I was confused.
It may have been, after a week or so, I came to share my friend's opinion. That said, to this day I always give people the benefit of the doubt. There are - it is true - certain actions that forever tarnish a person in my mind, but for the most part, I'm a let-bygones-be-bygones kind of girl. Some people might say this is stupid, crazy, or strange. They might say I'm gullible.
More accurately, I'm optimistically open.
I am one of those rare people whose default is "half-full." I hate mistrusting people. I hate negative feelings. I would always choose laughing over crying if given the choice (which is ironic, if you know me well, because I am quite a crier!).
However, my optimism doesn't end with people or life situations, but extends to include ideas. I am willing to entertain most ideas for a certain period of time. I am willing to be convinced to an opposing view if the information and argumentation is right. Hell, I watch Ancient Aliens and will entertain half their pseudo-science for at least a minute before seeing overwhelming facts proving the contrary (much to my husband's chagrin).
So, when certain strange things present themselves, I am willing to entertain them. Like Sherlock Holmes, once every other theory is eliminated, the remaining, however improbable, is the logical conclusion. It is why I am willing to entertain the power of Reiki (which I have experienced firsthand), the significant numbers of empaths in the greater population, or the general ability of humans to use intuition to their advantage.
It is the same logic I use when confronted by the question of all questions, is there a god? Is there some creative force out there that shapes heaven and earth?
I would be lying if I said I never doubted God's existence. I have - in fact half the time, I do. When I look at humans - dirty, greedy, awful race that we are - I can't imagine how God could allow the world to continue as it is. I have in fact, ceased to watch the news for that very reason (remember, I hate negativity, so it makes sense that I would hate the news). I needn't remind everyone of the 20th century, which was the bloodiest thus far (we'll see how the 21st goes...).
But I'm getting ahead of myself. This isn't about humanity. This is about God.
Many people would consider me to be a heretic, perhaps even an agnostic. I may be a heretic to many traditional religious people, however I am not an agnostic. I can honestly tell you, I have seen and experienced enough in my life to know there are things in this world beyond the comprehension of the human mind. There are too many wondrous things, beautiful things, just for the sake of wonder and beauty to be placed here for any other purpose. I think of isolated forests untouched by humanity for thousands of years, only to be explored recently. There are so many laws of the universe that are too perfect, too extraordinary, not to have something behind them. The ideas proposed by quantum physics fascinate and inspire - for example light being both a particle and a wave or Schrodinger's cat. They don't make sense - but they do.
So, we look at these things, scratch our heads and try to come up with logical explanations. Humans have a habit of expecting things. We like to box and label our knowledge. The problem is we are limited. Our labels are faulty, as are our expectations. The blinders of our perceptions cause us to lose sight of the truth before us.
Fortunately, as we grow and change, we become more open to ancient wisdom we had forgotten (such as empathy, and intuition). This is a good thing, but it is also terrifying. When we admit there are things outside our understanding, it feels as though we have lost control. Yet as frightening as it is, we must force our minds to remain open to the possibilities. We do know our limitations. We disprove our own faulty logic time and again. After all, the world is round and does in fact circle the sun.
Still this knowledge of our limitations doesn't mean we should shut ourselves off from the ideas of what could be. We must accept we don't know everything. We must accept the universe is vast, terrible, and beautiful. We are but a single thread in the larger fabric of creation, only capable of knowing other threads we're able to touch. Simultaneously, we must dream. We must imagine, create, and feel.
I don't know that I believe in very many things. I certainly don't worship anything in a traditional sense. By many books, I'm damned. I am certainly aware that could be a possibility. That said, I'm hopeful that strange and wonderful creative force out in the universe is more interested in interacting thoughtfully and lovingly with a little life form like me.
But then again, I am an optimist.