THRIVE Book Launch Week 9: Why Everyone Needs This Book

Despite suffering, I thrive.

THRIVE is radically different from anything I've written thus far. It is memoir - and a highly personal, highly revealing memoir at that. I share things about myself in THRIVE that I have not shared to any single person, with one exception.

Christian is the one person who knew the whole story - every detail and emotional reaction.

My friends and family knew pieces, but not everything. They learned everything the first time they read the book.

And it is not an easy read. It is painful. It was painful to write. Up until this point, I have hinted but not stated explicitly. Here I will explain why. The following is just a taste of the contents of THRIVE:

• I was molested as a toddler by an older boy.
• I suffered overt misogyny and abuse at the hands of boys while growing up, even as I suffered silently with the aftereffects of my molestation.
• I was so ill in a third world country, I brushed death.
• I suffered every kind of attack a woman can suffer - stalking, following at night, verbal, emotional, and physical abuse. I was also raped by a friend in college.
• I lived in possibly the worst apartment in the developed world, which was sold to Christian and I as a reasonable place to start married life (think: no AC in a bombed out section of Phoenix and you begin to get the picture).
• I was unemployed for more of my adult life than not, including a time when multiple student loans were coming due.
• I suffered homelessness right after giving birth to my son, and struggling to accept unrealized expectations - the American Dream was my American Nightmare.

This is not everything. This is just a peek at what THRIVE contains. The book is graphic. It is not an easy read. And yet... I lived through these things and more (for details, you need to get a copy). You would never know it if I didn't tell you.

I have done so much more with my life. I am so much more than the difficulties I've experienced. And that is what this book is about. It is about using these difficult things - taking the bad and ugly, along with the good, and becoming more than before.

That is why I wrote the book. I chose to reveal these difficult, painful things, because I could not stand one more person getting blamed for their suffering. I could not stand to sit by, watching people around me not understanding the depths of pain that any person might experience, despite their station in life. I couldn't stand watching others ruined by difficulties. How could I let someone else struggle longer than they needed to when I could show them a way to not only manage, but harness their suffering? How could I stand by when I had strategies and tools at my disposal that could make a difference in the lives of individuals and their communities?

I couldn't. I couldn't any longer. I want my legacy to be something my son can take pride in - that will be a force for positive change in the world. To do that, I had to lay myself bare. I made myself vulnerable. And I know my life flies in the face of what many people think is reality. Which is exactly why I had to write THRIVE - because people have to know. Everyone needs to understand what is possible - both the levels of hidden suffering, and the potential power gained through such experience.

So please, for yourself, for your community, for your friends who have not yet broken their silence - read this book. It will open your eyes.

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LAUNCH UPDATE

Last week was big for me. I got a lot of big things accomplished.

• Published THRIVE in paperback.
• Published TRANSFORM TO THRIVE in paperback.
• Updated my author website.
• Finished revamped covers of Books 1-3 in KHLOE ALWELL series.
• Drew cover drawing for Book 4 in KHLOE.
• Finished coverart for Book 4.
• Published 2nd edition of THE BROTHERS on Smashwords.
• Published 2nd edition of LOVERS AND RIVALS on Smashwords.
• Blogged.
• Uploaded link to Patreon.
• Got 75% revamp of LILITH done.
• Pitched articles related to THRIVE to 2 different sites.
• Wrote and submitted guest post to a blog, set to go live in early July.
• Researched possibilities for audio books.

This week I would like to:

• Submit some more posts related to THRIVE
• Confirm when I need to follow up with people/media about pitches being accepted.
• Finish LILITH revamp and publish 2nd edition.
• Publish 2nd edition of KHLOE books to Amazon.
• Review potential publicist relationship.
• Pitch a guest post about women in fantasy.
• Get social media campaign figured out.
• Time to get videos done...about THRIVE?
• Blog
• Patreon

I hope this is another big week. I had a bit of down time over the weekend, and now I'm ready to jump back into the fray. I'm anxious to dig in.

Procrastination? No. This is Multi-tasking!

I've been going through a slump lately when it comes to writing - well, sort of. It's kind of hard to write when there is an adorable baby sitting next to you. I mean, really, this kid is cute. But he's also a baby, and babies require a lot of care.

My days have been filled with a lot of other things besides writing - social things, exercising, and figuring out the next steps for setting up some writing classes that I'll be leading in SB County.

These things are exciting and good, but they also make it a lot more difficult to get to my books. The motivation is difficult to find. Frequently I find myself playing dinky little match-three games and watching superhero movies to try to get the juices flowing. Seriously. I'm watching The Dark Knight right now, in between writing blog posts and playing Pet Rescue Saga.

Now you know my priorities are straight.

But even while I am doing these other things, I'm thinking. I'm always thinking. What's going to happen next in my story? When am I going to block out time to write away from the baby (The answer is when he goes to sleep around 8  tonight.)? Where am I going to submit my short stories? What am I going to do for promotion of my new classes?

This practice of thinking while doing other things might be a product of motherhood, but I also think it's a practice of people who are going places and getting things done. If you're not always thinking, you're not moving forward. So it might be procrastination to some, at least at face value. But it's not in the least. It just allows my mind the freedom to solve some of my problems and smooth the way to getting things done when I do have time to focus on finishing things. Still, I'd like to be writing a little more than I am. Really. But balance is the name of the game, and sometimes I just have to play one.

Pregnancy Annoyances: Inconsideration

This morning I decided I would go for a walk on the beach. It was cool enough for me to not melt, and my midwives like it when I'm active (good for the baby, placenta size, and preventing anemia - or so they tell me).

So I drove over to the Alameda shore. I parked. I crossed the street without incident. I happily enjoyed the fact that few people were on the sand just yet. The beach itself was short this morning as the tide was in, but while I noted it, it caused me little concern. The water was smooth - perfect for the rowers who were already over halfway through their morning practice at least 100 yards out.

As I walked along the water edge of the public shoreline, I came upon a group of people. There were probably at least 40. They were setting up blankets and towels that covered the entire width of the sand (up to the wooden fencing that protects the plants between the shore and the sidewalk). I noticed they had some tiki torches stuck in the ground and quickly looked around the crowd. Was it a wedding? Some kind of service? No one was dressed up. There were no photographers that I could see. Maybe it was some kind of camp thing - there did seem to be some kids.

Without much concern, I continued walking. When I reached my limit, I stopped, looked out at the water and saved the sight. The haze was just right - just enough to obscure the wretchedness of over-habitation on the peninsula across the bay. It reminded me of a morning I experienced at Lake Ohrid in Macedonia. Satisfied with the sight, I turned and walked back, rewinding the people I had passed and subtle landmarks that shorelines have...all the way until I reached that crowd.

I saw there were people trying to dance in the water. They weren't synchronized. They were making many mistakes. They were talking as they danced. There were several of these groups. It must be a camp. The people on the shore were half watching half talking. I was about 10 feet away from one of the tiki torches before a man came up to me.

"We're having a spiritual ceremony."
"Okay."
"We're asking people to walk around." I glanced at the crowd and looked back at this man in confused irritation. The attendees were all the way up to the fence.
"Where?"
"Along the perimeter."
"Right."

I wanted to shout at him, "Are you effing kidding me?! There's no place to walk?! You tell me this here, when I'm right at the edge, instead of having a sign or something?! You let your congregation take up the entire width of the public beach and you're asking us to walk around the perimeter?! In the sharp dune grass?!" I didn't think I needed to say, "Oh and by the way, I'm pregnant."

This is what I would have said if I was feeling more saucy, but I was tired by my walk and so I grumbled grouchily up the inclined sand to the very edge and tried to pick my way along the fence, which soon became impossible because of the blankets and towels people had laid along the fence.

Eventually a dude bro saw me and called, "Oh, you don't have to walk just there. It's nice of you, but just come here." He pointed to an open bit of sand that struck right through the crowd. Needless to say, I never would have done that at a church service, so why would I do that to whatever spiritual gathering this other group was having?

I was so upset I started crying on the beach as I cleared the crowd. If they wanted people to walk around them, there should have been some kind of signage. There should have been a clear space around the group. The congregation themselves shouldn't have packed their towels and blankets ALL the way up against the fence.

The moral of this story? People are inconsiderate. Or maybe thoughtless. Or both.

This was just the latest example in a series of inconsiderate incidences. Any time someone disobeys traffic laws, thinking rules don't apply to them, causing other people to take evasive action (or even when that doesn't happen!), it is at the very least inconsiderate. Any time someone forgets to flush the toilet, or put something back where they found it, it is inconsiderate. Any time someone messes up or destroys something just for the sake of it, it is inconsiderate.

This lack of consideration, of thoughtfulness, disturbs me. I called it an annoyance, and specifically a pregnant one, but it is neither of those things. It is all the time disrespectful, discourteous, and uncivil.

And perhaps I'm being old-fashioned when I say these words. Perhaps I'm being hormonal. But the fact of the matter is, I do not trust our society or many parents to teach these behaviors to children. And let's be clear - the next person who behaves in such an inconsiderate way, is going to be schooled. Severely.

You've been warned. :-)

Have a nice day!

Oakland Locally: Help Me Get Away From Big Business!

I hate big business.

I say this as I wear a shirt that was designed and manufactured for Target, typing on a lap top produced by Acer, on a website owned by Google.

Sigh.

And that's my point. We can try to get away from big business, but it is increasingly difficult. Some might even question why we should do such a thing. Let me suggest something to you, gentle reader. While some businesses have great labor practices and choose to employ people in the geographies they serve, this is not the norm. Some businesses may choose to be socially conscious by recycling, sourcing locally, and only building the best products that make the world a better place. This, again, is hardly the norm.

As I draw nearer to bringing a new life into this world, I can't help but consider the current state of the world. Sure, I see my work teaching art in East Oakland as a counter to all the pressures low income urban children face, but this is hard to measure. I do not know how much I impact these children's lives. I will never know. While I accepted that (and did so when I initially accepted the position) my contract is coming to an end. My attention begins to wander to other ways of making the world a better place, even to the point of examining the most mundane of daily choices.

This leads me to the question of local versus global. Some products are incredibly difficult (or downright impossible) to produce locally. I accept that. I understand the logistics involved for sourcing certain materials as well as infrastructure. That doesn't mean I can't try to support those businesses and products that ARE made and sourced locally.

I have a long way to go on this front. This is where I need your help gentle reader. Do you know Oakland locally sourced businesses? Locally manufactured products? Just locally owned? The more of these I can round up the better, but I'm only one woman and there are limits to my researching ability (I sleep and some times get distracted by other topics and interests...ahem.).

Leave your suggestions in the comments or mention me on Twitter (@alexisdonkin).

Thanks a ton! Your Earth thanks you too (probably my unborn kid would as well, we'll give the kid the benefit of the doubt).

Dogs in The City

So I stepped out of my car after Christian parked just outside our apartment only to be greeted by a wonderful surprise.

Yes.

A giant steaming pile of poo.

Thanks neighbor!

Dogs are very popular in Oakland and extremely popular in our little alcove of Jingletown. And I have no problem with them. I like dogs. I like their playfulness and can appreciate the companionship and comfort they provide to their owners, however...owners are a different story.

Now, don't misunderstand. Most of my neighbors are responsible friendly types who religiously leash their pets and carry a large supply of doggie bags. And I love these people.

I'm concerned with owners who feel that despite the fact their dog's shit will wash right into the bay (a mere 2 blocks away) - and their neighbors' front doors are right on the sidewalk - it is okay to not pick up poop.

Multiple times has Christian come home to find a pile sitting on his motorcycle cable. Regularly there are piles in the *middle* of the sidewalk. This is nothing short of disgusting, and without a doubt irresponsible.

When a person chooses to become a pet owner, that means becoming responsible for the pet's needs. This includes grooming, sheltering, feeding, playing, and exercising the animal if necessary. So with my cat, I understand I need to check her ears, nose, and eyes to make sure they are clean. If they aren't, I clean them. I clip her nails and make sure they don't get too thick which means I have to peel off the outer dead claw layers as needed (if you have a cat, you know what I mean). I play with her, but I do not need to walk her. Instead of picking up poop, we clean her litter box as needed. It's simple.

Apparently some people don't realize the added work and care required for keeping a dog.

If you don't like walking, you shouldn't own a dog. If you don't like cleaning up animal poop, you shouldn't have a pet period (all animals need their enclosures cleaned periodically even if you're not scooping poop off the curb).

I have to think people who leave their dog feces on my front stoop must feel they are outsourcing their animal care. But I wonder, if they're being lazy about this aspect of pet ownership, are they just as lazy with others?

In short, if you are considering pet ownership, make sure you're ready for everything involved. If you see someone being a jerk, kindly remind them the grocery store has snack bags that work just fine in a pinch (though most parks have bags for free where dogs are allowed). Or, if you have a regular culprit and you know where they live, you could be creative; collect samples until you have an enormous pile which you could then drop on their stoop. After all, it's only fair.

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