Monday, January 10, 2011

Awesome Screening Processes for Jobs

I am sitting here, drinking my Royal Tea and my "Chocolate Almond Bio-Crack" getting ready to drive 30 minutes to have my arm checked for "hand-AIDS."

And you think you're weird.

Okay, I'm not actually getting checked out for "hand-AIDS."  That is a fictitious ailment Christian and I came up with for any kind of rash on the limbs which is in no way meant to offend people with more serious afflictions.  "Hand-AIDS" could refer to any kind of fungal or allergic reaction on the skin - even if it is just really horribly dry.  And I don't have a rash.  I have a TB test.

Anyone who works with children - ever - knows the drill.  There are mountains of paperwork and at least two major screens that need to be done before you can even enter the building.  I have found that my fingerprints aren't always read (Although it should be noted the electronic machine does a better job than ink. This is ironic because I usually break electronic devices with my special EMP powers.). I luckily have never had TB (just to be safe, I'll knock on wood now). 

So this is the last stage of my screening process before I am proclaimed clean to work with children (well, and the FBI background check comes back showing I've never done anything "exciting" ever).  This is pretty great because it means I will be good to work starting next Monday and working is good for about a bagillion reasons.  Okay, maybe just a handful, but in any case, it's a good thing. 

Here's hoping you don't have to go through a highly tedious screening process to get paid (raises glass of bio-crack)!

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