Thursday, August 2, 2012

A Writer's Delusion - The Paradox of Creation

When Christian comes home these days there is only one thing on my mind - writing. I am full of Jeremiah's story. The result is not just that I talk over scene after scene, but I begin to live the book and dream reality.

It starts like this: I'm typing. I stop. I say something like "I got to this part..." I type for 5 minutes. I say "What do you think about this?" Of course, I never explained what "this" was. Christian is completely in the dark.

I'm only half present.

I am likely to be this way for the next 6 months. It will be from varying degrees, but nevertheless, it will be. This is because I am determined to finish 8 books (completely) by next July. This means not only will I have to finish writing the several books I have now, but I will also need to begin several more. Cover art, rewriting, editing, and publishing will all need to be completed.

This might be crazy. It may make me crazy, but I have to. I can't waste my life and not do what I was put here to do. It also means I have to leave this world.

To create anything requires a person to leave reality, at least in part. Artists flourish in the realm of the soul. Everything has multiple meanings. We live in the paradox. We are the paradox. Everything is simple, complex, beautiful, ugly , terrifying, and soothing all at once. Nothing is as it seems as we live in the dream - the waking world.

It is easy to become lost in this half-life. For this reason we need things to anchor us to life. Family,  friends, even pets can serve to bring us out of the created and back to real life.

If there is any life purpose for a familiar, it is this. Perhaps this is why my cat Java follows me constantly. Maybe this is why she yowls at me regularly through the day. Whatever the reason, the result is I come back here. For that I am grateful.

Unfortunately my husband has to suffer through the process a little more painfully than my cat. Poor Christian! Though he keeps me from going crazy, my periodic catatonic state has to be incredibly frustrating. I guess that's the price he pays for having a writing wife.

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