After watching The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel and having a severe freak out moment, I did what any sensible person would - I started looking up random things online. Well, okay. My dopamine excretion had a purpose - I started looking up things I've thought about producing.
Whenever I do this I always feel like I'm slow. Things I think of have already been done. That's how it feels. I keep waiting for that one crazy product idea that actually hasn't been made before, but for me, those ideas are books. The reality is, even if an idea has been done in books, it hasn't necessarily been done well, or framed properly. In books I can figure out how to perfect things, but not in objects, at least not yet.
This is probably because I never studied design. I studied art and politics...you know, *useful* things.
It makes me feel like I missed the boat, the very lucrative boat. People generally don't like to pay for the things I produce - things I'm good at like writing and teaching. Okay, some people writing some content do in fact get paid. Certain teachers of almost divine status do find regular (and significant) streams of revenue heading their way.
But generally people like to buy stuff, even when it's useless, or they don't have space, or it will break in two seconds...
In my cyber wanderings I came across the above post, which like the movie I watched tonight, reminded me of two things I should be doing. Those are:
1. Stop worrying about the path. The unexpected will happen and I will get more than what I need. The universe will provide.
2. I need to continue pushing at my dreams despite this overwhelming freak out moment because it will happen - I will succeed.
Reminding myself of these is helpful, even though I'm scared. I really am so scared right now... Which is why I keep blogging (that and my phone is here, while my laptop is downstairs). It's like a nervous twitch. I feel like my fingers have a case of blogging runs. :-/
But I'm also rewriting. I have reached the end of my adult sci-fi romance, or at least the first part of that novel. It's been rewritten and I actually love it. I just reached the end of what I wrote and have no idea where the book needs to go. It can't end where I left it, but I don't know what needs to happen next. War? Sabotage? Self-discovery? Mutual discovery? This is one of those times that I wish I wrote outlines for my books instead of letting them reveal themselves to me in the strange organic fashion they do.
I know one thing. I want to finish this, Lilith, and polish Jeremiah all before summer's end. I want them out there. I think that's what I'm going to do for now. Along with them, if I can do it, I want to get a few non-fiction pieces out there that I think will go over well. I also have an interesting idea for a book which will involve working with my mother and another about my teaching exploits in art. Both of these are more narrative in direction, though I plan to have suggestions and tips included in them. Perhaps chapters will be focused on specific lessons I learned as I went as opposed to telling a traditional story.
Now that I write these things, I begin to understand better what Dan Schawbel meant when he explained the third type of person in his post. It's that axiom, go big or go home. It's balls to the wall. It's Yoda and Nike wrapped into one.
And as I've said before (which was echoed by a character in MARIGOLD) it's being attached to the dream and not the journey there. The journey is unexpected. The dream is exactly where you want to be and where you will be if you keep pursuing it.
I need to stop being distracted by this idea of making useless stuff. That is pointless. Instead I'll focus on those things that I have mastered and bring joy to my soul while nourishing my spirit. Translation: I will write damn it. I will keep on writing, even when it is just to reassure and give myself pep talks. Who knows? That could be my personal tipping point into success.