Monday, May 13, 2013

Pregnancy Annoyances: Movie Theaters

This year is full of blockbuster nerdgasms and it's a problem. Most of these movies fall into my "big screen" category. This means I'm going to be frequenting the local theater on $5 days around at least once a month.


For the rest of the time I'm pregnant, that's going to suck (I'm not sure how it's going to work with a baby, but we'll get there.). Let me explain in no uncertain terms why movie theaters are horrible for pregnant ladies.

Being pregnant means you have to keep everything in balance. As soon as you start to get out of balance, you get upset. When they're really out of whack, the world ends.

You have to drink enough fluids to stay hydrated. If you do however, you will have to pee in the middle of the movie. This requires you to sit in the handicap spot or the end of a row, so you can get up easily, which means you have to arrive ridiculously early. Otherwise you will have to go over people. Your balance is off so going over people in the dark is a really bad idea because you are likely going to trip and fall. On the other hand,  if you don't drink enough your mouth will get dry, you'll get a headache, and you may feel faint by the end of the film.

If you're like me, you don't feel comfortable jockeying for the arm rest shared by a stranger. But of course, if you don't do that, half your body will be stiff and uncomfortable because you won't have been shifting enough to keep your joints under even amounts of pressure for 2 hours.

The best time to go to a movie is immediately after eating. If you don't, then all the other patrons munching away on junk will not only be distracting, but downright torturous. By the end of the film you'll have heartburn from too much acid and no food in your stomach. You'll be so cranky you're hangry (angry because you're hungry) that you'll snap at your spouse over tiny things and not necessarily understand why.

Your discomfort, in short, is so intense it will be difficult to enjoy the movie and you will have to have a plan to address your concerns immediately upon exiting the theater.

Phew. World ending.

And I have at least until September of this. Damn you Hollywood for putting out a bunch of things I actually want to see in theaters!!

I guess I'll just have to wait until movies have been out for months. That way I can sit with at least one seat empty beside me or in the handicap spot. It'll take care of at least a few of my movie theater issues. Sigh.

1 comment:

  1. Ummmm this is not only an issue when you're preggers! movie theaters require hoodies to avoid seat germs and lots of slurpees and popcorn!