Restless Irritation: A Pregnancy State

Today went wrong. I don't know why it was wrong, it just was.

I woke up late and really didn't want to do anything. I still feel like I'm recovering from the activity of the past 5 days. Tuesday I actually did twice my goal number of steps (which was a lot!). Needless to say, I think the activity level and the heat finally caught up to me.

I forced myself to try to get a few things done on my list. I did one set of arm, chest, and back exercises. Not horrible, but not great. I wanted to get out of the house. Preparing for heat I put on a dress. I looked out and saw the strong wind. I didn't change. I stayed inside.

I tried to get some more writing/job stuff done. My internet connection went all weird on my laptop. The things I needed to get done I didn't. I wanted to eat juicy fruit (the only kind I crave these days) but all I had was banana. I wanted veggies. Unfortunately my salad greens were wilted.

I ordered a bra in the mail (often the cheapest route for the well-endowed). It didn't fit. The sizing was completely off. This was like 2 cups smaller than what I expected the labelled size to mean. For $50 I wasn't going to suffer through it. Instead, I will pay to ship this back and end up buying something I can physically try on at a place like Nordi's Rack. I can honestly say right now I hate my breasts. They were never small, but pregnancy has made them roughly the size of Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade balloons. It's more than a little frustrating.

Add to all this the fact that today no food tasted good...nothing was comfortable...and I literally couldn't seem to enjoy anything. I tried. I did. But everything felt off. It was like every color had shifted several shades down - as though at random intervals a discordant sharp played along an otherwise major C scale.

I just felt...wrong. Everything was frustrating.

Well, everything except the baby's insistent kicking. That was okay. Poor kid is probably freaking out because of me being so out of kilter. It wasn't my reaction to things though - I think that was what I found so unsettling. I just was this way, all day. :-/

Christian said that every pregnant day is different, and this is just a pregnant day. Most of the time I can handle it. So far I've had 2 days that sucked during pregnancy - one day where Christian snapped at me after waking up (which resulted in a series of sob fests and a strange reaction at a church service) and then today. The sickness, the nausea is all fine. I can deal with that. It sucks, but it's physical. It's a lot easier to pinpoint and know when it starts and ends. This strange restless irritation is something else altogether. I just hope this is a rare thing instead of a new state of being.

I can do rare; if it's a new state of being then Christian might stay at a friend's place. :-/

Tonight I plan to cross my fingers and toes as I fall asleep. Hopefully tomorrow will be another kind of pregnant day - one full of rightness.