Monday, June 3, 2013

SWC - Break From Writing

Clearly I haven't posted much in the past few days. Well, I haven't done much of anything.

I did do some cover art (for 3 different books) and I did write about 1000 or so words. I feel a little guilty, but I also feel like one thing is clear - I need a break.

I think I'm tired of writing so much so consistently. With the heat of my loft, the end of my job, and a few other things up in the air, I just needed a little time away from writing.

I think I still do.

That said, I figure if I'm still working on something related to the challenge, I'm good. The question is, what does that mean?

Rewriting, formatting, marketing,  and cover design all take time. In fact they take more time than actually writing books. With the non-fiction books I have some research I have to do as well. I'm dreading that, even though it probably won't be soooo bad (I hope it's not so bad!).

At the same time, I'm beginning to doubt my ability to get all of this done. I'm freaking out a little bit. I was counting on my nesting instinct to carry me through,  but I underestimated the general discomforts of late pregnancy. And I miss my non-pregnant abilities.

And I have to get this done.

I will feel like a failure if I don't.

Even if I don't post updates to this blog religiously, I have to keep going. Hopefully today I can get something else book related done. Hopefully that thing will be big and I'll feel like I have accomplished something.

Even with finishing 3 manuscripts so far, I still feel like I haven't accomplished anything. Maybe it's the past week, or the fact that I haven't yet published something as part of my challenge. I'm getting really antsy. I don't want to go to work because afternoon is the time I'm most productive these days, and I don't want to waste another second. I want to stay home and get something done. It is incredibly frustrating. The whole thing makes me feel crazy! Maybe that's why I stopped; I felt like it was a futile exercise.

But I can't stop. I don't know what will happen in September and I need to be publishing. I need my name out there. I need to be the person I am in my head, even if no one else sees it. I need to be the person in the room with a nuke even though it's a knife fight. I need this. I have to have it. It must be done.

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