Thursday, March 31, 2011

Motivated to Move - Or Not

I've been hiding out this week.  This has meant playing a whole lot of Lufia 2 when I should have been packing, cleaning, or something else.  Still, I've been looking for a replacement art teacher for my student (which has been more annoying than not because of the number of people looking vying for a single regular student).  I also have packed the equivalent of one of our book shelves.  Okay, maybe two.  Probably one and a half.

Already I feel exhausted by the idea of moving.  It's one of the reasons I've been escaping (no pun intended) to Lufia 2.  That and really getting into my interval training, which I love.

Then I come back to reality and see we really only have three weeks before we have to have everything packed and ready to go.  The BMW people still haven't gotten us the information we need about the program, the apartment people still haven't given us numbers for what would work best to leave (although they're talking one month's rent either way, so it may work best just to break the lease and go), and I could go on.  I don't know, maybe I'm just overzealous, but I like to know things well in advance.  Even though I have done most things down at the wire, it has been the result of other people not giving me the information I need - because I always ask.  This reminds me that after the BMW program, I have no idea where we'll be going.  We could end up back in the Bay area, which is both frightening and reassuring.

It's frightening because I'm still not sure what I would do here.  As I have discovered with all the responses to my art teacher ad, there are a lot of people here in the art world who can do the things I do (and many better).  Even though I've acquired some contacts in the last 8 months while living here, it doesn't seem to be enough. 

Then I wonder if it will be any different in any new place. 

Ironically I, the person who has been place hopping for ten years, want to settle down and put roots into a place.  The problem is, I'm not sure exactly where that would be.  We've discovered we like many things about the Bay area, but it's too big for me.  There are too many people.  There is too much concrete.  Maybe the concrete just shows through because it can't be overwhelmed by plants the way that cities are on the East Coast.  But I don't particularly want to move across the country to some place that is cold in the winter (and white), hot and sticky in the summer, and 3000 miles away from both sets of parents.

Yeah, it's a problem.  I keep hoping for divine intervention to make this all become clear to me.  Then I got something in the mail from the Catholic church down the road.  They weren't asking us to come in, they just wanted us to send them prayer requests.  Granted, there were some weird ritualistic things in the appeal for prayer requests It's Catholic, they have mini-gods in their system of Saints which remind me an awful lot of Buddhism and Hinduism - sorry guys, but it's true.  Now, I'm Baptist which means I can't participate in any Catholic sacraments, but I'm not adverse to other people praying for me especially with so much going on in our lives. 

So I'm going to do a few things today. I'm going to pack, send in that prayer request, and with any luck find three poems to enter into a contest.  And I'm making coffee...because this is going to be rough.

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