THRIVE Guest Post: Insatiable Hunger

I am so excited to share this guest post by Amy Oestreicher. She is an amazing human being who embodies a superhero spirit. She THRIVES despite everything she has experienced. I hope you find her as inspiring as I do.

"Follow Your Bliss" by Amy Oestreicher

I am, and have always been hungry. When I was a child, I was audaciously, passionately hungry for life, and theatre was my nourishment. I had one goal: Broadway or bust. As a performer, I was hungry to make a difference in the world. What attracted me to the stage initially was the ability to give to the audience, to offer something of myself, to make an impact on people. I was hungry to matter, to make my mark. My days were spent making hammy home movies, begging my parents for an agent as soon as I found out what one was, and dragging them to the city for countless auditions. I was hungry for my future – I strived for the best possible grades I could, applied to too many colleges, and really believed in the endless possibilities that my life could hold for me. I was raised believing that if I set clear goals for myself, with a bit of hard work and strategy, they were achievable. – I could experience life to the fullest and reap what it had to offer me with a bit of perseverance.

I experienced 18 years of this ravenous, insatiable hunger. But weeks before graduation, I was confronted with a new, unfamiliar, frightening type of hunger. Having woken from my coma, I have a fuzzy memory of a doctor standing above me, telling me I had no stomach anymore, I could not eat or drink now, and he had no clue if or when I’d ever be able to again. And suddenly my hunger ran deep – a helplessness in a world of uncertainty where childhood dreams and goals were replaced with the drive to simply survive. I was hungry for control of my life again, hungry for answers.

There was no “road map” to recovery for me, just the monotony and angst of passing each day wondering when I’d ever be able to eat or even swallow a single ice cube. Because I had no control or crystal ball, this was merely a wish rather than a goal. Life became scary, surreal – I could pick up food, smell it, feel it warm in my hands, but was forbidden to put it in my mouth, knowing that this old, familiar friend was now poison to my now-alien body, covered in bags, tubes, and adhesives. I felt stuck in a routine that was out of my control, a pawn in a dangerous game. My new goal: getting through.

I then made a promise to myself – as long as I was going to be hungry, I wanted to keep my old hunger alive too by setting tiny goals for myself – like trying to laugh once a day. These various mini-goals I set under a larger umbrella of the bigger goal I’d manifest each day, more like a desire that with enough dedication and faith would eventually come true: To thrive rather than just survive. I refused to feel like a sick hospital patient tied up with tubes, plugged in like a lamp, bags and drains leaking everywhere. Even though this was my physical reality, I fought against the feeling that I was weak or was less than person who could walk, live, and eat freely. Not being able to sing, or leap across a stage made me feel like I wasn’t myself anymore. So I did anything I could to reclaim my identity. Hungry for myself and for life, which once held endless wonders for me, I set a goal for myself to make a daily gratitude list, even in the bleakest of circumstances.

With an intense desire to let the world know that I was still eager to make that imprint on the world, I couldn’t allow myself to listen to doctors who thought I was too weak to do anything but lie in bed. A month after being discharged from the ICU, I landed the lead role in the musical OLIVER! – tubes, bags, starving, and parched. I was so hungry for my strength back that I put myself through my own physical therapy every day, and ended up leaping across the stage in CATS. I still wanted to make an impact on my community by teaching nursery school, learning karate, and working on a cabaret act.

With a new goal of fearlessness, I didn’t let my new restrictions extinguish my passions. Rather than avoid food, I became obsessed with it and learned how to cook, starting a food blog and making Thanksgiving dinner for 30 guests, still not able to eat a morsel. I played with my hunger by creating a chocolate company, entertaining myself for hours making edible creations for the business I had set up out of sheer starvation.

Eventually, I picked up a paintbrush…and my world changed. I found a way to express things that were too complicated, painful and overwhelming to put into words. The next year, I put hundreds of mixed media and acrylic creations in an art show, displaying work that expressed everything I’ve been through throughout these seven years. I didn’t expect a turnout, but was surprised by hundreds of guests who came to see what I had done all of these years, to know that I hadn’t just got lost in the woodwork. I was still alive, still vital.

I was unexpectedly betrayed by my own body, tested, dehumanized, and put back together, but differently, like a mosaic. Throughout the struggles, I have always kept that spark of hope in the back of my throat, that I’d be able to share my story, that I have survived this trauma for a reason: to reach out to the world, like I once did as a performer for something more than entertainment. After this detour, I still just want to give to the world, and now I can in a deeper sense. Now I know that my role in life is still to be that same passionate performer I once aspired to as a child, but now with the even greater gift of a story to tell.

At 28, I still hunger to my mark on the world, perform, finish college, and not let nine years of medical complications and frustrations separate me from my dream of education, connection, and spiritual fulfillment. I will still get there, perhaps by different means, and even a different end. Now with satisfaction in my body, real nourishment flowing through me, and true appreciation of little daily blessings, anything is possible. Hunger has taught me so much and will always be my intimate companion as I continue to crave inspiration, my mark on the world, and everything life can offer me. Life has taught me that goals aren’t always accomplished…which can be a blessing in disguise. Thank you hunger, thank you life, for giving the opportunity to discover new goals I didn’t realize I could achieve or even had wanted in the first place. You have given my life unexpected meaning by breaking the bonds of expectation.

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Amy Oestreicher is a 28 year old actress, musician, teacher, composer, dancer, writer, artist, yogi, foodie, and general lover of life.  Surviving and thriving through a coma, 27 surgeries and other trauma has inspired Amy to share her story with the world through her passionate desire to create and help others.  Piecing her life together after her initial dreams of performing musical theatre took on a beautiful detour into broader horizons.  Amy has written, directed and starred in a one woman musical about her life, Gutless & Grateful, has flourished as a mixed media and acrylic artist, with her art in multiple galleries and mounting dozens of solo art shows, and continues to share her story through her art, music, theatre and writings. 

More information on her unique story, as well as her creative ventures can be found at amyoes.com, and visit her blog http://www.allspiceandacrylics.blogspot.com/ for her newest art, music and inspirational musings.  You can also visit her Etsy shop at https://www.etsy.com/shop/AllspiceandAcrylics?ref=hdr_shop_menu

Paintings for Show Opening Friday

In case you didn't gather, I have an art show! It's opening Friday at the Cambridge Drive Concert Series 550 Cambridge Drive in Goleta(this concert has Owen Plant opening for the Koles).  So if you want to go see an awesome concert as well as some awesome art, you should give them a call (805-964-0436) and reserve your tickets! If for some reason you can't make the concert, you can still check out my art which will hang for the rest of May!

Bamboo Stand, Summer 2011

These pics are some of the pieces that will be in the show.  I really hope you will come and check them out in person (and take one home if you really like it!).

Coral, Summer 2011

And here is one more to give you another idea of the variety to be seen.  The theme is going to be an exploration of nature developed through form and color. 

Spring Hills, Summer 2011

Hope to see you at the show!

Getting Ready for My Art Show

My recycled palette

It's been a while since I've shown my work.  As someone who is visually inclined, I feel the need to not only have a significant body of work to display, but also have it make sense.  When you're working with a venue where being a gallery is not its primary function, the artist is also the curator.  Themes are important.  Palettes are important.  Even size is important in arrangement etc - and not just in dimensions.  You're not going to throw a killer piece next to your worst work - it would knock everything off. Then where would you be? With nothing sold, or only one piece purchased.

Spring Dream, March 2011

Well I had a large reclaimed canvas that I needed to work on, so I figured before it gets packed away I should do something with it.  That way it can be in the show (as long as it came out alright).  Spring Dream came out better than I hoped for, and it can be seen (along with the rest of the show) opening the first Friday in May at the Cambridge Drive Concert Series music and art show (so excited!).  

Sea to Land, March 2011

Since I paint thickly and had a lot of excess paint left on my recycled palette (cola boxes have many purposes!), I also painted a more simple (and much smaller) painting, Sea to Land, which ideally would be flattened and placed behind glass in a frame.  If I can find one of those between now and the show, this one will make it up as well.

My hope is that I will visit a few thrift stores and possibly an art supply store, for at least three more canvases to balance out the rest of the show.  Currently I'm really enjoying using reclaimed canvases, either lithographic prints, or other thrift store paintings which have been discarded.  This might seem like sacrilege to some people, and of course the answering argument to me is what if it was one of my paintings? My answer to you would be this - if my work ends up in a thrift store for 5$, and that is the only way a poor artist can get canvas, let them cover it.  If I was famous, it wouldn't be in a thrift store. It's better that human expression continue unfettered than to stem the tide of inspiration by preventing someone from getting materials.  Plus, what else is going to happen to that canvas? Maybe it will be sold, maybe it will end up in the dump.  It's better to be used somehow than being in the dump, right? Plus, half the time I get a cool frame to go along with it. So, $5 for a canvas and a cool frame that fits it is a pretty sweet deal for an artist who doesn't have a lot of extra money for materials. Also, it's fun.  You can choose to cover the entire thing, as I did with one painting I sold that now occupies a friend's hallway, or I can choose to incorporate elements of the old piece into the new one.  Either way, it's kind of like spoofing, or post-modern philosophy taken to an eco conclusion.  In any case, the result is beautiful and wonderful, and that's the whole point.

An Exploration of Line and Color in the Bay

Below are six of my 5x5 inch mid-winter paintings with accompanying titles.

 

These were made through a combination of natural inspiration and the colors on my palette.  I have always been interested in patterns created within nature, of which there are many.  Often times patterns in nature are hidden, or slight, and need to be discerned by the observer as opposed to the clear patterns created by bathroom tiles, for example. The movement of an organic curving line interests me as much as straight sharp lines. Contrasting colors are as fascinating as colors within the same hue family created through slight variation. This series was a development and an exploration of these things.

To give you a better idea, I will mention some of the beauties of mid and late winter in the Bay Area.  Cherry blossoms, among other blooming trees, are shedding their petals.  The earth is muddy and mixed up with the leaves of autumn. Clear blue sky mixes with stark bare branches. I think you can see the influences even in just these six pieces.

Artists aren't Crazy! The Artist as Change Agent

Crazy or artist? Cake or death? It kind of seems like the same thing.  Condemnation or liberation.

After I watched Beautiful Losers, I felt like I had been affirmed.  Here were these artists doing crazy things by anyone's standards.  They were doing things outside of the mundane, things that just couldn't fit into average daily life.  Squatting in a NYC storefront, deciding to make it into an art gallery by hanging art in it and having parties regularly, tagging walls all over the place, videoing things that didn't follow typical storylines... To the average person, these things seem crazy.  To me they were "Of course." 

Let me first say that for the purposes of this discussion, we will say "artist" is any creative fringe person in society which includes filmmakers, writers, painters, musicians, animators, actors, and potentially comedians. Let us say "crazy" will be "mentally ill."

Artists aren't crazy.  They're different.  Yes, we could say that within any demographic there is a certain element of people who are mentally ill.  Fine.  But artists aren't any more mentally ill than anyone else.  They just happen to be different.  And let's be honest.  Different is scary. 

Society isn't based on difference (and don't talk to me about pluralism or cosmopolitanism, because that is superficial - we're talking about something much deeper).  Society is based on conformity.  It counts on people choosing to marry, to have babies at a certain time, to buy houses or rent apartments.  It isn't just conformity to a certain skin tone or religion, but in all actions.  There are rules that society requires we follow in order to maintain social order.  It counts on people following the network of laws and social rules.  Society wants things to conform, sometimes so much so there is a willingness to purge difference. Just look at all of the white power and tea-bagging groups out there.  They don't like different, they like the same. There is a strong need to homogenize.  Society is built on all these things.  It is a balancing act.  Society finds an equilibrium and keeps it.  Artists function as a change agent.  They push the boundaries of what is socially acceptable, cause the equilibrium to shift, and necessarily, that is uncomfortable for most people. 

So why are artists called crazy? For starters, they are labeled "crazy" because they must be delegitimized.  They must be relegated to the realm of crazy because in our society crazy has no power.  Literally calling an artist crazy makes them less powerful, less threatening.  It also necessarily informs people this group is a wild card.  "Crazy" people are unknowns.  It is not clear what they will do or how they will act.  Thirdly, artists do things we do not understand.  By calling them "crazy" we are attaching some reason to their actions as opposed to investigating the rationale behind them. We are no longer required to be curious as to reasoning for an artist's choices because they are "crazy."  Finally, an artist will often call themselves crazy because it allows them to fill the social role of the "jester." In this role, the artist is able to speak truth to power quite openly without fear of reprisal because their perceived weakness.  Still, because their critique is often so open, bald, and biting, power will tend to take their words under advisement, which is more than many can claim.

As an artist, creative in many media, I find I am often on the border of what is socially acceptable, particularly in my life choices.  I tend to take risks where others would stay home.  I may say things or question common conventions that others find uncomfortable.  I married outside of my social class, which is something many still today find discomfiting.  I have dabbled in any number of things which would make the average American WASP cringe, raise brows, or drop jaws.  This is all "of course" for me.  I mean, I want a job to allow me to write, because I see writing as my real vocation.  My calling is writing.  And that's weird.  It's crazy.  But my words will be taken under advisement, and that's good enough for me.

Holiday Craft Gifts - Paintings

Along with cards, greens, candles and lights come other things in the first week of advent. Yes, crafts are back in full force.  My guess is this year is going to be an especially crafty year because so many people are without work.  I know that I'm going to be making a lot more this year.  Already I've started my paintings (which unfortunately I cannot post pictures of until they are gifted... sorry guys).

My current projects are actually a combination of commission and presents.  Most people really don't have space for a lot of hanging wall pieces so it is important that they request a painting (and hint at a given size).  Really, most people would rather get something they need (which requires purchasing something) or something small they can put somewhere easily without too much fanfare.  Short of someone coming right out and telling you, yes, please paint me something for one of these three places in my house, you really shouldn't find a large canvas to give your friend.

Of course, there is also the problem of technique, skill, inherent ability, on top of the question as to whether or not your painting style matches that of your friend's preferences.  If you suck, have clashing style with the person you are gifting, or are unsure of their taste, do not paint something for the person.  It would be cruel to yourself and to them.  Why do I mention this? Because I have been one of those people who has been gifted with awful art that doesn't fit my style or taste.  It is abysmal.  On the other hand, I have also been gifted with the coolest set of original ceramic dishes EVER (thanks Bonnie and Dave!) which I use regularly and brag about every chance I get.  The difference is a matter of taste/style convergence.

This brings us back to the art itself - once you have determined your friend is a good person to give your art to, the preparation process begins.  Where will they hang this piece? What kind of other art do they have in their home? What colors are represented? Are there any shapes that recur? Once you have a plan in place for your piece, it is time to get painting.  It's a good idea to plan ahead for a craft or art gift, because the time it takes to finish such a piece (anywhere from a few hours to several weeks).  You can always have too much time and be fine, but if you're cutting it close, you may not finish your gift before it should be given and giving gifts late is let's face it, tacky. 

So your piece is done.  It's almost time to give that gorgeous painting away.  How do you give it? Well there are a few options.  If it is a framed piece, it's a lot easier to wrap than if it is not.  This is because you don't have nearly the risk of damaging the canvas itself in transit while wrapped.  You can always give it with a pretty bow tied around the painting and attach a nice card, or you can go minimalistic and give the painting away as it is, just the painting itself.  I've seen and done all of those.  This year, because of the size of the pieces in question I myself will likely go on the lighter side of wrapping. 

So, good luck with your crafty gift-giving.  Today I have five paintings more than half-way finished, so I'm on a roll.  If you want to give a painting to someone who you know would appreciate some specially made art let me know.  I would love to paint something for you! Despite the risks of crafty gifts, there really is nothing nicer than getting something specially made for you as a present.  It beats store bought gifts every time, if only because of the time, effort and thought that went into making it (and that's true for me even if I don't like the art or it doesn't fit well in my home.).

That said, get crafting! You only have 4 weeks!