My Bucket List

Sailing adventure options...

This is a short list of things I'd still like to do and haven't done. Some of them I could live without, but mostly I see these as things that I have to do at some point during my life. I left off my specific professional goals relating to books and speaking because I'd rather not publicize them at this point. I keep them on my mind daily, unlike these, which sort of simmer in the background.

So in no particular order, my current bucket list:

• Japan - more cultural less urban (Shinto temples especially)
• China - especially the Forbidden City and the Great Wall
• Go to a Steelers game (in Pittsburgh would be ideal, but I would cross it off at an away game).
• Italy - mostly for the high art areas (Venice, Florence, and Rome especially).
• Cosplay Khloe Alwell at a comic convention.
• France - mostly for high art, but local little known wine and artisan cheese pairings would be great.
• Ireland - because, my people.
• Greece - the Islands for fun as well as ancient sites for interest.
• The Explorer Club - just to tour, I don't need to join.
• Visit "the Farm" (Ina Mae's place)
• Montreal - because it's supposed to be fantastic.
• New Orleans - but not during Mardi Gras.
• Yellow Stone - because overwhelming natural beauty.
• Hawaii - same as above.
• Raise a garden successfully
• Own a successful small brick & mortar business
• Raise some animals successfully (chickens, rabbits, and or goats/sheep)
• Build an off-grid sustainable structure (work/studio, tiny house, and or main house).
• Start and run a non-profit - education, mediation, or arts based
• Go on a couple sailing trip - stopping in interesting ports.
• Cross continental train trip (for the stories)

 What's on your list? Leave a comment below!
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Looking for something fun to read? Check out Lela Markham! She has two different series that look really fun - one dystopian, another fantasy. Check them both out on her Amazon page and read her thoughts on her blog here!

An InLinkz Link-up

THRIVE Launched, Now What?

I've got a lot further to go.

I've been struggling the last few weeks. In the wake of THRIVE's publication, total exhaustion set in. I want to get a whole bunch of things done. I want to work. I know there are things I should be doing. I know this.

I think part of me felt like I hit my milestone and that was that. The project was over and I could space out. And it was a lot of work. And some of it paid off, but mostly it was just the beginning of a larger lead up to more things....which mean the dividends haven't come in yet.

I've been reading a lot about this, especially through my author forums, which have proved invaluable (for which I thank Clara, as strategic a person in thought as I am in feeling). In these forums, muckety mucks slum around with us peons. And it is great for the peons, and gives perspective to the muckety mucks. We find out how much more we have to do, and they realize how much they've done.

I have to say, honestly, it can be disheartening. I am at a disadvantage with what I am able to do (limited primarily by resources). But there are also things that encourage me - such as the reminder that this process is never over. Books do not stop selling - and with the internet, they can always reach more readers. There is always someone else who has not heard of me (Okay, in my case, at this point there are probably around 7 billion, but even for the famous author, there are probably 2 or 3B.).

This is actually a good thing because it means I can always do more for a book - there is always more that could lead to sales. Also it is a bad thing, because, well, it is never done.

Right now, after the insane push I made with THRIVE, some part of me thought the momentum was already there. That I could sit back and enjoy THRIVE having a life of its own. But I'm not there yet. I've hardly begun. It feels like the week after mid-terms where the tests are done, but there's another half semester to go. The nights of studying are not over. The note-taking is hardly finished. And I have no energy. And I'm struggling to get FAMILY FRIEND OR FOE rewritten, which while turning into an excellent book, is going much slower than I'd like. I have until August 2nd to finish the manuscript and upload it to Smashwords (incidentally, you should preorder it to get the 20% off price before it goes live!).

And after that I need to work on ANDREW, and redo all the Rollins Pack covers, and revamp all those books, and finish proofing SIX DEGREES.

And while all this is going on, I need to continue working on speaking engagements about THRIVE, guest posts about everything, possibly blog hops, and remembering to eat and sleep... sometime.

When I do all that, not only will I feel damn accomplished, but I will have transformed my life. And that is incredibly exciting, but it is also a lot of work. And I need to keep reminding myself that it is worth it. I need to keep developing better systems for getting everything done that needs doing, that assures forward progress.

Here's to efficiency, effectiveness, encouragement, and energy! And crossing my fingers I get all four in hand...and soon!

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Transform your life and heal through my memoir and small steps for 32 days!

Get digital copies of THRIVE: HOW I BECAME A SUPERHERO and TRANSFORM TO THRIVE: 32 DAYS FROM VICTIM TO SUPERHERO!

You can also get paperback copies of both the memoir and journal.

How To Be An Indie Author 1: Beginning

By request, this is the first post in a series about self-publishing.  I'm going to go through and every week there will be at least one indie publishing post until I'm finished describing this process.

Through the series I will explain every aspect of the process, as I've learned it, including the pain in the ass parts and the obvious easy bits. If you are starting from the beginning, this will save you a lot of grief. If you're coming at this from the middle, you may have something to add. That would be good too (i.e. comment!). There is always more to learn, more to understand, and room for improvement. As such, accept this for what it is - my experience. It is BY NO MEANS the singular authority on self-publishing. It will, however, contain a lot of information that will be valuable to anyone considering such a venture.

I've written about indie publishing before, but always piecemeal. So
I'm going to pretend you're starting from the beginning.

That is, you don't have a book yet.

Beginning

Is this a complete book idea?

Everyone has at least material for one book. At least. That said, everyone should not write that book. Writing is for disciplined people - people who commit to seeing a project through to the end. Most people will start a book and never finish it. Sometimes they'll start it several times over. Sometimes they'll brainstorm, outline, and even create a wiki for their world.

If that is all you can do, that's fine. Don't beat yourself up about it. Few people can handle the grueling process of writing a complete book.

But let's say you are disciplined. Let's say you actually finish things. Let's say, you have nothing else going on for a month and you'd like to finish a manuscript.

I've heard many different ideas about how to start, and how to finish. One that sounds good is to focus on a character. Develop a character, and then put them in a certain environment. Let the character drive the story from there, and they will, if they are a complete character. I like this as a concept, though I can't say this is how I write personally.

Another is to have a kernel of a story, or format, or whatever the hook is.

My first book, THE BROTHERS, was based on an idea of three real brothers, whose real story continues to fascinate me to this day. While the Grechs are not derived directly from these three boys, there are parts that are clear parallels. The idea of a fantasy novel based on them came to me twelve years before I wrote a single line of Khloe's story.

BELOW THE BELT came from a very different place - the need to have a science-fiction story that would appeal to female readers while still maintaining classic elements of the genre. It is affectionately called my "sell-out" book because I tried to write something commercially appealing...and...maybe it is. It sold as many copies as any of my other books. The idea was flippant, and I added pieces based on my husband's feedback and knowledge of the genre.

I can say, while I've publishing over ten books, I have probably twice as many ideas that never got off the ground. For one reason or another, I just never finished the books. So what's the difference?

Even if you never finish anything normally, you still may finish a book if the idea is right.

The idea must inspire commitment. This is especially true if writing is a hobby as opposed to your vocation. If the idea doesn't speak to you, you won't finish. Period.

Vetting Ideas

How do you know if an idea is good enough to carry you through to the end?

When I started writing, I needed the idea to nag at me. When I say nag, I mean it needs to keep popping up until I can't ignore it any more. The story idea needs to reach a point where I have to write it down or else go crazy.

This is why I have journals everywhere. And if it isn't a journal, it's a notepad. And if it isn't a notepad, it's an email to myself. I write down a few notes about whatever story kernel or character I have. If I find myself returning to that idea, imagining the next plot point or supporting characters or setting, then I know I need to write the book. This is especially true if I feel excited about the idea. If I keep thinking about the idea, but it drains my energy, it isn't worth my time. I probably won't finish writing it.

And most likely, neither will you.


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If you're starting out from scratch, does your idea feel like it will carry you through? If you have a finished manuscript, how did you decide on your idea? Leave a comment below.

Check out next week's publishing post about process and of course, be sure to visit my website to support your neighborhood indie author!

It's THRIVE LAUNCH DAY! A.K.A. Labor of Love

*Blinks*

I can't believe I made it. Here.

And yet, I feel like this is such a false, utterly arbitrary marker. It kind of feels like I planted a post months ago on this path, got here, and realized the path continues up a mountain, or down, or through a pass, or...

You fill in the blank.

For my writer friends, you may experience this anti-climatic moment in marketing. The truth is, THRIVE's launch is far from over. It is...well...forever. Until I die, really. I have the beginning of a second volume on THRIVE (at least the kernel of an idea), but that isn't what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about talking. About sharing. About continuing to reach out to readers, victims, acquaintances, random strangers, organizations, schools, clubs, religious groups, conferences, and companies. This is a message that, while contained in my tiny narrative, is bigger than me. It is important. It is important to all people because fundamentally it is an approach to life.

Around my 20th birthday, I did a small speaking tour in upstate New York about a mission experience (you can read about some of it in THRIVE in Chapter 6: Fear and Death). The big message I shared with church officials, clergy, and Christian youth, was love.

Love.

Compassion.

And ultimately, this is the central message of THRIVE. It isn't quite the same message of that speaking tour, that was the golden rule - love others as you love yourself.

No. THRIVE's message is even more basic, if that is possible. It is - love yourself.

That's the thing. All the lessons, all the perspectives, all that stuff comes down to accepting yourself. If you can't do that, if you can't love yourself, you can't heal. If you can't love yourself, you won't treat others well. If you don't love yourself, you will live in a pit of despair when confronted by trauma or suffering.

These are the two messages of my heart. Every person has messages they are meant to pass on. And mine is love. Love. LOVE!

People may think these are overdone. Said too much. But they can never be said enough. They are so simple, so essential to every action, they are easy to forget. People lose track of these ALL THE TIME! So I'm here, put on this earth, to remind you. Despite everything - despite every hurt you experience - despite every evil act and experience - do not stop loving.

And when you forget, when it gets hard, read a book to help you. Read THRIVE. True superheroes love. They love despite. That is their gift and blessing. Be a gift. Be a blessing. Be a superhero, thrive, and love.

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Ebook versions of THRIVE: HOW I BECAME A SUPERHERO and the journal guide, TRANSFORM TO THRIVE: 32 DAYS FROM VICTIM TO SUPERHERO are on sale today June 15, for a little while longer! 

Or get the paperback of the memoir and journal for that traditional paper feel! ;-) 
 

THRIVE: How to Become a Superhero

Take the chaos and shape it.

If you're in a public place, look around. Look at the people nearby. If you're at home, or in your office, imagine some of your friends. Some of the people you know.

Some of them are superheroes.

You might not realize it. You may not know all the battles they've fought - all the things they've done. And they don't have spandex catsuits (or maybe they do?). They don't have alter egos. They don't have X-ray vision given to them by gamma rays or a weird mutation that allows them to extend bone claws out of their knuckles.

These are not comicbook characters! That would be ridiculous.

No. These people are bona fide heroes. They are testaments to the enduring nature of human spirit. They are beacons of hope in a world of chaos. They are pillars of strength in the face of weakness.

But they weren't always this way. They went through a transformation. And no, it wasn't a genetically modified spider bite or falling into a vat of toxic waste that did it.

More likely it was trauma. It was illness. It was death. It was poverty. It was shunning. It was being stripped down to the bone and being left to fend for themselves. And it sucked.

This process is not fun. It is not easy. Being a superhero is not something you want to do - except it is.

When life gives you horror, terror, pain, and despair, you have a choice. You can allow it to ruin you. You can allow yourself to be weighted down, to wallow, to die an agonizing death of the self. Or you can do something remarkable. You can refuse.

You can embrace the pain and shape it in your hands into something you can use. And once you decide to do that, you are no longer on an ordinary path - you have chosen to be remarkable. And you are. Because everyone is not willing to do this hard work. There are no shortcuts in this process.

You may be wondering, "Well, Alexis, why would I buy your book? I thought it would teach me what to do!"

There are no shortcuts to the transformation. You can't be a superhero without pain. That's the rub. No one gets to that place without extreme experiences. You will suffer.

I repeat - you will suffer.

But that's okay. Because with the right perspective, the right approach to problem-solving, to looking at your life, you can use those experiences.

And the perspective requires learning and practice. It is the difference between saying "I am unemployed and therefore a loser." and "I am unemployed. I should write a novel since I have the time." When you've grown up surrounded by people thinking the former, the latter becomes difficult to do. Sometimes you need a guide. A little help figuring out how to change.

THRIVE gives you specific lessons in changing your perspective. Each chapter has a story from my personal experience. In some cases they are disturbing. But in every case, I got through the experience and used it to grow or do something remarkable. And you can too, if that is what you want.

And believe me, that is definitely something worth wanting.

No one wants to suffer, but if you do, use it. Use it to become great.

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Until June 15, ebook versions of THRIVE: HOW I BECAME A SUPERHERO and the companion journal guide, TRANSFORM TO THRIVE: 32 DAYS FROM VICTIM TO SUPERHERO are at a special price. Preorder and save! Or if you prefer paperback, order the book and journal today!

THRIVE Book Launch Week 11: Blistered and Limping

Last week time sped up. Things were all timey-wimey. I experienced about two weeks in the span of seven days, and yet, got very little done for my books. Or at least, that is how I feel.

My nutrition was off. My sleep was off. My work was off. For the last few days I've felt like I've got a hangover, and yet, I didn't have the pleasure of drinking. It's all the punishment, with none of the pleasure.

So unfair.

Needless to say, even while in the midst of this whirlwind, I've had some points of light. It has been hard to focus on them, because frankly I've had a hard time focusing on anything at all. That said, some time last week I had a brilliant idea.

I started contacting victim advocacy organizations about listing my books on their resource pages, doing blog posts, and or talking at their events. Their missions are in line with my goals for THRIVE, and that resonated. I got one that invited me to do a blog post, and one that said they would review my press kit. Seeing as I only emailed three, I felt that was a pretty good response. It seems that direction is something I need to continue to pursue. And along those lines, I need to connect with other organizations doing things on other topics within THRIVE.

It's kind of easy to find organizations working with survivors of sexual abuse. Not easy to search for the bend I'm looking working on homelessness, unemployment, and even less so with "whiteness." Hopefully I'll have some kind of epiphany of search terms this week to figure out connections for other outlets. In the mean time, I need to recover from last week. So, unfortunately, the week leading up to my digital release, is also the week I'm dragging from other things in life.

Isn't that just the way?

It is the last little bit of the marathon, and I have enormous blisters covering my feet. I'm dehydrated. I'm limping. I've got a stitch in my side. I am that stumbling runner. I'm so close, and yet it feels like every step is full of pain.

And I wonder, is the pain all worth it? When I get to the finish, will I be proud? Or just relieved that it's over?

But of course, this is just one race in a series of races. Promoting THRIVE doesn't end on June 15 with the release of the ebook. There is the speaking tour I'm gingerly putting together for next year. There are the videos I've finally prioritized with Christian to get done. There are the audio books I need to record and master. There are the organizations I need to contact, the posts I need to write... and the list goes on.

And that's just THRIVE. I have so many other writing projects this could be my full time job, plus some. It is daunting. But I'm getting ahead of myself. I can't think that far, not yet. Right now I have to concentrate on one foot in front of the other. This is the first marathon. I have to finish as strong as I can.

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LAUNCH UPDATE

Despite the craziness of everything in the past week, I was able to get the following done:

• Researched victim organizations
• Contacted victim organizations
• Wrote post and submitted to one of the above.
• Wrote first draft of submission for writing blog related to THRIVE.
• Contacted friends at universities about speaker fees
• Posted to author forum about speaker fees etc
• Did social media blitz for several days on THRIVE.
• Blog posts
• Wrote and posted exclusive story to Patreon.
• Began rewriting FAMILY FRIEND OR FOE.

 This week I'd like to do the following:

• Contact friends personally about the book - either through social media or email or both (LAUNCH DAY IS NEXT MONDAY!).
• Contact more victim organizations about resource listings, guest posts, and guest speaking.
• Follow up with friend about radio appearance.
• Follow up with contact about speaking appearance.
• Send out inquiries about speaking appearances at local organizations related to THRIVE content.
• Send out social media blast about THRIVE.
• Rewrite post for web zine/blog and submit.
• Send email blast on launch day.
• Blog.

I think that is more than enough. If I'm lucky, I'll get some videos done, but I don't know how things will go in the evening. It's one of those things that I feel like everything is so full, so intense, I'm not sure how much energy I'll have at the end of the day. And I'm pretty spent right now. I have a major case of energy drain. I have to get back on track, which considering the timing, might be difficult to do. We'll see. I'm crossing my fingers and counting on the support of many to make this happen.

When there is a good purpose, I believe things happen. This will test my belief...and that's a little scary.

THRIVE Book Launch Week 10: Help Me Fulfill My Purpose

I have a broad vision, but I need your help.

For the next few posts my format is going to be a bit different. I wanted to focus on THRIVE related stories in the blog posts and keep my update separate. That way the stories are the focus of the post. As expected, THRIVE related posts will, of course, have THRIVE in the title.

Imagine that.

This week was hard because Christian's grandma died (see my last post). It derailed my social media campaign plans and to my chagrin, the people who said they would help me with posting have completely flaked...which really sucks.

More than ever I feel the need for support, in part because of this remarkable woman's death, but also because I feel the intense need for this story to reach people. I need people to read THRIVE. I need it. I believe (and people can think what they will of this) that part of my life purpose is to share this story and change people's lives through it.

I believe the reason I suffered as much as I have is because I am not the kind of person to succumb to addiction, or to sit back, or to wallow. I really feel that my suffering is a vehicle for the healing of others and of communities. I feel at the core of my being, that lives can be transformed by this story.

I need your help.

To get this story out, I need your support. My readers. My friends. My family. My acquaintances. I need you, each and every one of you, to do the following things:

1. Buy a copy of the book - the ebook is cheap, and even cheaper before June 15 (3.99 is less than a fancy coffee!). The paperback is the standard cost for that genre - not bad and you're supporting a friend.  
2. READ it. This goes without saying, but seriously. Read it.
3. Write a review, on Smashwords, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Apple, whatever. Just do it - please. The more reviews the better.
4. Share posts from my Facebook author page, links to the book (paperback or digital), and or tweets. Talk it up to people who might need to read this story - it could help someone get through a tough part of life.
5. If you're feeling this close to your heart, then share it with organizations, media, or other outlets and contacts that would find this story interesting. I research, but I am limited. I may have missed something. I'm sure I missed something.

The thing I learned is that I am nothing without my support system. I need your help to fulfill the vision I have for this book. I have a dream about what my story can do, and I cannot realize it without you. Each and every one of you. You have come to my aid in the past, saved me from horrible fates (something I detailed in THRIVE), and I need your assistance one more time.

Please. Help me do this. Help me reach out to people suffering in silence. Help me pull them out and show them how they might live.

Thank you.

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LAUNCH UPDATE

What did I do last week? Ugh. I feel like several weeks have passed in the span of one...

• Print copy of Lilith and Ammon
• Print copy of The Brothers
• Print copy of Lovers and Rivals
• Amazon Kindle copy of Lilith
• Kindle copy of new version Brothers
• Kindle copy of Lovers
• Uploaded Thrive preorder to Kindle
• Uploaded Thrive journal preorder to Kindle
• Blogged

And this week?

• Aggressive social media campaign posts - G+, Twitter, Facebook, author forums
• Blog posts
• Solicit organizations for Thrive as resource listing
• Solicit organizations for speaking engagements
• Upload to Patreon
• Start Family, Friend, Foe rewrite (WOOHOO!)

 I think that's enough. Remember, June 15 the Smashwords price will jump on THRIVE and TRANSFORM TO THRIVE. Until that point, you get a significant savings so make sure to PREORDER NOW! Unless you want to buy the paperback, in which case...ORDER NOW (the journal too!)! :-)

THRIVE Book Launch Week 7: Pre-order Day & Marathon Madness

I can see it, but it's still so much further....

Last week was slow. Then with Mothers' Day family obligations I ended up doing a lot less than I wanted. And my social media phone app went wonky. And my computer stopped charging consistently. And everything just felt...bleh.

Despite this, I continued to press on. I continued and I found myself talking with a fascinating person who was most unexpected. I don't know what will come of that connection, but I intend to see that through, wherever it leads.

And that is me. Try things. Screw up. Adjust. Try things. Screw up less. Adjust.Try things...ad infinitum.

To some that might seem like a waste of time. However, it is the only way that makes sense to me. I will make mistakes. I know this happens. However, I do not let this stop me from acting. I do not let this hinder my will. I do not let it keep me from reaching. I am so full of vision it is impossible to remain content with any situation. There is always more to do. There is always better. I can always be more.

Some people would just give up, but I refuse.

Is this folly? Madness? Maybe. Only time will tell. But I know that if I didn't try everything I would ache. I would know I didn't try one or two things and that would disappoint me. That would keep me up at night.

This is one of my superpowers - drive. My narrative of suffering chronicled in THRIVE has this theme - my refusal to stay down. My refusal to let anything hold me back. And some people may look at my experiences and wonder how I can see lessons. Some people might wonder how I can step in a pile of shit and ask, "Where is the pony?"

But that is the thing. That is the gift I was given: to see the good and bad anywhere I look. I understand what it is like to feel complete hopelessness. I understand what it is like to feel violated and betrayed by people close to me. I understand what it is like to look at death. I have been to those places. I have walked through them, and come out to the other side to share these stories.

Some people might say this optimism is an opiate, and they would be right.

An opiate is something that helps manage pain. Yes, it could become addictive BUT fundamentally it is meant to help you endure. And so I used my optimism to endure.

I do not feel this is a crutch. I do not feel like it is a problem. When everything breaks down around me, I need to call on that deep inner strength. My optimism helps me summon that power, call it forth, and continue despite everything.

And this week, when everything is precarious...I need it more than ever. I'm almost to the finishline. Now is not the time to shut down. 

Now is the time to push harder.

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LAUNCH UPDATE

I mentioned above that I had a slow week and I did. And with everything breaking, or not at top functionality, I struggled to keep my momentum. I did. I imagine this is what a marathon runner feels like in the last few miles of a race. On the one hand, I'm excited that I can almost see the finish line. On the other hand, I wish I could sit down on an overstuffed chair, and drink a glass of red.

This is what I got done last week:

• Met with connector and brainstormed opportunities for THRIVE among other things
• Got over 150 entries in my press kit/speaking opportunity database
• Wrote cover letters
• Sent a few press kits out to connections
• Fiddled with website (and changed my mind about a few things)
• Read a number of articles about marketing
• Got to 63% in LILITH
• Tweaked revamped covers
• Finalized format for THRIVE and TRANSFORM TO THRIVE (added connect, about author etc)
• Blogged

This is what I need to get done this week:

• Upload THRIVE & TRANSFORM TO THRIVE to Smashwords and set up pre-order
• Send out press kits to media
• Send out press kits to colleges, organizations etc
• Sign up for speaking bureau at RAINN (among others?)
• Finish cover tweaks for KHLOE series
• Finish LILITH
• Upload corrected books, descriptions, and new covers for KHLOE
• Follow up with connector/mentor
• Info blast on social media about pre-order
• Consider Createspace for print on demand version of THRIVE and TRANSFORM TO THRIVE.
• Think about business cards
• Create speaking page for website (and list topics etc)
• Blog
• Patreon.... 
• Pitch THRIVE related story ideas to sites and blogs?

I'm sure there is more. I don't know when I'll get time to do videos. I want to get them done, but the problem is I need quiet time and light to do them as well as someone to watch my toddler. It has been next to impossible to get all those things simultaneously. For now, I'm going to focus on the absolute essentials and if I get the videos done, I'll be really pleased. But that is definitely icing at this point. The most important is to get the books into tip-top shape and available.

THRIVE Book Launch Week 5: Grateful

I am jumping out of my skin because I am SO excited.

I am excited about revelation, helping people, transformation, joy, heartache, and the power and strength my journey has given me.

I am excited by the wonderful people who surround me with love and life every day. What wonderful people the world has made! How lucky I am to be blessed with them in my life!

I am so grateful for the support I have received for this project (THRIVE) already. It feels as though I am walking with arms wrapped around me, hugging me, urging me, holding me up, and pushing me ever forward - picking me up at the slightest stumble.

You, my dear friends, are what this is all about. Really. And I love each and every one of you. I really, truly do.

I would be a fraction of myself without you - a lone filament. This, I know beyond doubt, as you prove yourselves time and again. No one is alone. Each person is a moment - a point in time, in a network of relationship. Touch a thread, and ripples move across the web. And when I reach out, I see more connections than I ever expected. And this - this is glorious.

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LAUNCH UPDATE

This past week went in a slightly different direction than I anticipated, in part because I had a mini burnout, inspired partially from computer troubles. Thankfully my wonderful partner corrected that. So this is what I completed in the last week:

• 90% LOVERS & RIVALS revamped
• Author website up and running (domain and hosting purchased etc) - http://alexisdonkin.com
• Outreach to target group of magicworkers for campaign/marketing advice
• Tweaking and completion (really this time!) of THRIVE manuscript
• Developing database of contacts to receive press kit (in hopes of securing speaking engagements and possible book purchases)
• Blog posts
• Patreon posts
• Brainstormed/outlined serialized writing for Patreon subscribers (more on this later!)
• Brainstormed additional tabs for website (influences with relevant links?)
• Implemented daily back-ups of documents
• Outreach to author forums for social media boost & marketing advice
• Made social media picture posts
• Updated social media
• Linkedin
• G+
• Facebook author page
• Twitter
• Patreon

This week I hope to get the following done:

• LOVERS & RIVALS 100% revamped
• BROTHERS & L&R covers revamped
• BROTHERS & L&R revamped books on Smashwords & Amazon
• Patreon uploads (first look at me reading book excerpt? artwork inspired by novels?)
• Videos - 
• intro to author site
• intro to Patreon, 
• Patreon thank you 
• reading book excerpt?
• Blog posts (of course)
• Begin revamping LILITH & AMMON
• Continue developing THRIVE contact database
• Do social media/marketing planning with magicworkers
• Contact blogs/influencers about guest posts/blurbs for book(?)
• Finish formatting THRIVE for publication

It is a lot. I know. BUT... we're coming up on the pre-order date for THRIVE (May 15) and I need to have as much ready as I can. The more preparation, the better this whole enterprise will be.

P.S. If you want to be a part of the journey....LET ME KNOW! I need a team of committed ambassadors for THRIVE. It is an important book with an important message and I want it to help as many people as it can. With your help, its reach increases!

THRIVE Book Launch Week 4: Burn Ships

Last week I got my final rejection letter for grad school.

Some people might give condolences, but I'm not sorry. I'm not because I also got another series of notices telling me I was not being considered for jobs. It felt like the go ahead...as in, the Universe dropped a piano to knock some sense into me,

It's okay Alexis. You are supposed to do this. If you don't effing do this, I'm going to make you. Love and Kisses, God/The Universe/Metaphysical Forces Everywhere.

Every other door closed. With every door closed except one, things get pretty easy. In fact, stupidly easy. In fact, I should drink a beer right now in gratitude.

And then there was another thing. As I reworked my KHLOE ALWELL series, I realized, I love these books. I mean, I would reread these books for fun...over and over...like I do Jane Austen, or Harry Potter. I mean, I'm not comparing myself to those writers, except to say I enjoy the story just as much. I mean, I'm reworking the heck out of these books. I was a hobbyist when I published them originally. I've grown tremendously since writing THE BROTHERS, but...

I love Laran. I love him. He is...my favorite. I mean, this guy seriously is the hot, snarky, punk I always wanted in a book. And I identify with Khloe - the girl who reluctantly accepts and embraces her power, to become something the world never expected, but always wanted. I love these books. Love. Them.

And I wrote them! Ha! And it's great if other people love them too, but I think...maybe...I just wrote them for me. And that's enough. The sexy, action-packed, snark is enough for me.

And as I realized that, while every other door closed, I filled with strength. Because suddenly, it didn't matter any more whether I sold ten books, or a hundred thousand. Suddenly, it didn't matter if people hated or loved my words.

I was meant to write. I was meant for this. I sailed across the sea, and as I reached the shore, those ships all burned. There are no bridges. There are only locked doors behind me. There is only one way forward - the word. My words.

The steps unfold before me, and I will take them with purpose - with faith - knowing it is my path, and it is right.

*************
LAUNCH PROGRESS UPDATE:

This past week was hard because I had some scheduling issues (in addition to the closed doors) and my computer was on the fritz. Christian got it back up and running, thankfully, but I now do daily back-ups so I won't lose any work. Read: I am going to have to replace my computer this year. Yikes.

Despite this, last week I finished:

• Patreon upload
• Blog posts
• Thrive & journal covers
• Updates to Thrive
• Revisions to journal
• Consulted with other authors about marketing
• Consulted with friends about marketing
• 100% revamped THE BROTHERS
• 30% revamped LOVERS & RIVALS
• Researched celebrity influencers
• Researched marketing campaigns
• Wrote out more marketing plans
• Divied up marketing elements
• Drew and edited novel artwork

This week I need to:

• Upload again to Patreon
• Write blog posts
• finish THRIVE updates
• talk to de facto editor about THRIVE updates
• Complete website
• Buy domain and hosting
• Upload revamped BROTHERS, description, & new cover
• 100% finish revamp of LOVERS & RIVALS
• revamp social media outlets (Facebook author page, Twitter, Patreon)
• finish social media cover photo promoting THRIVE

I'll let everyone know about updates, and definitely post website links etc as soon as it is up. I'm itching to get it done! If only there was more time in a day...

Don't Be a Writer

Note: This was written to advise those thinking about pursuing, or contemplating a more professional trajectory into writing. Because, you need to know, if you didn't already, what it is really like.

The early days of a starving artist...

My dear aspiring writer, don't. Don't be a writer. This is not a job you should choose. If there is anything else you would enjoy doing, do that. This is especially true if you have remotely thin skin because you will have to defend your choice at every turn. You will have to defend your craft and your creation. This is because from the very earliest part of a writing career, you are constantly attacked.

First, everyone will tell you it is impossible. They will say it a thousand times. They will say only the superstars make it. No one, however, knows what makes a superstar, and when you ask these people how superstars become superstars, they will name someone who already made it in another field with a ghostwritten book about said field. The other true writing stars? They paid whatever dues all writers must pay and that process remains a mystery to everyone, even the stars.

Everyone will say no one knows what makes a successful book. In fact, this is one thing everyone agrees on. Family and friends don't know how writing can be successful. Agents and writers don't know what books will be successful. No one in publishing understands people's tastes. Shitty writers can make millions of sales while pure genius prose can be used as drink coasters for Big Gulps. So if you can't handle that level of unknown, just don't bother writing.

If you're impatient, you really shouldn't write. The submission process involves a painful amount of waiting. You have to submit to a thousand agents to get a read through if you are anything like the other millions of people doing the same thing. And these agents will send you letters, time and again, saying it isn't quite right. They aren't interested in repping a book they aren't totally passionate about, and your book just doesn't do it for them. They send these notes anywhere from a week after receiving your query, to never. You might never get a response at all and will have to infer that your writing just wasn't good enough for them to be your advocate.

Some people will say you should get a few stories published and that will help your chances. Maybe having a few published pieces will convince agents it is worth taking a chance on you. But you have to find the right home for your stories. You might read a bunch of magazines and think you found the right one, but your opinion doesn't matter. It's the editor's opinion that matters. And so you get rejected. Again.

Others will say, write some articles! And the process repeats with the addition of some head banging against either a table top, a wall, or both.

Finally someone will say, why don't you self-publish? But of course, self-publishing is looked down upon by pretty much everyone. You can't be writing good work if you self-publish, even though a lot of “superstars” go on to self-publish, and a lot of self-published authors go on to be picked up by traditional publishers (only after they have sold thousands upon thousands of copies under their own steam). And so many other people have self-published and have nothing to show for it. Your chances are slim, even if you follow every book marketing guru's instructions for success. After all, they have no idea what makes for a successful book.

Determined, you read more writing blogs. You read about the successes and failures of your superstars. You try to fit into the molds of different agents and publishing houses. You try to fit into the molds of the market. You make a thousand mistakes. You try again. You make more mistakes. You try again. You open a bottle of whiskey and chug half of it. You write. You lay awake at night with terrible heartburn wishing you knew what to do, that someone would mentor you to success. You rewrite. You think if you could just figure out the magical formula that mixes lead and snake oil you could get gold.

You write every day for months on end. You blog. You comment on other writers' work. You read. You drink the other half of the whiskey bottle mixed with Ethiopian coffee brewed in your French press, because this is what you have in your kitchen to eat. You have become the epitome of the starving artist. It happened some time between the first set of agent queries and one of the rounds of rejections from literary zines. You lose weight. You wear thrift shop clothes that make Macklemore proud. You only buy generic food from the grocery store, and at some point you will finally break down and go to the food pantry when your last bit of pride is stripped away.

But then, you get an email back. It is unexpected. It is a single website where you thought your work would fit in perfectly. They want to print it. SUCCESS! You got an article posted on a website besides your free blog! You're going somewhere! You're a real writer!

That iota of affirmation is all you needed to get through another series of grueling rejections of another piece of your creative soul.

The dream isn't dead. It just got a fresh shock back to life. But never fear, you'll feel this again. And again. Always just on the brink of death, you'll get jolted, pulled back in by that horrible temptress hope.

So don't be a writer. It promises a lifetime of psychological masochism. Be an accountant, or a paralegal. Be a mid-level manager in a large corporation. You'll have a regular salary and so much less psychic pain.

But if there is nothing else that you can do – if it is impossible for you to stop writing – then you must write. You can never be happy doing anything else. You will never be fulfilled. You will never have solace. You will carry the burden of creation within you and without the pen and paper, the keys and screen, you will explode. Or worse, you will rot, the stories inside their womb, dead, festering, spreading their necrosis across your spirit. It will affect every relationship. It will affect every interaction. It will mark every second of your life – with that horrible longing ache that comes when words must be written, when ideas crave expression.

No one will think worse of you publicly for becoming a writer. They will praise your courage and bravery – your commitment to the craft. They will tell you time and again how they always wanted to write a book but never had the time, the energy, or a single coherent idea. If you have completed manuscripts they will fawn over you. If you have published anything, even independently, they will gush over you, amazed they met someone, anyone, with enough discipline and courage to not only finish, but share their vulnerable creation with the world. They will marvel at you, that despite all the reasons not to be a writer, you chose it, and continue to, not because you are a masochist, but the very opposite; because you hate pain.

Because if you are a writer by birth, and do not write, your existence is sheer agony. In this case, it is much better to write, much better to subject yourself to that Promethean submission process. Then at least, there is some chance of relief. This is the curse of the writer, the burden you must bear if you are a writer. If there is no choice.

But, if you can choose, by all means, choose something else. This vocation is not for the weak of heart.

Ideas and Inaction: The 2 Water Dish Problem

Is that the right path over there?

For creatives, or starving artists, there's a problem in the realm of ideas. There are too many. Certainly that is my problem.

I wake up and have twelve different ideas by breakfast. Some of them I dream while in deep sleep. Others I discover in the course of getting my toddler dressed. Others I have while reading through my social media feeds. And then, when I have these ideas, I have to decide whether I should keep thinking about them - let them develop into something.

The process of vetting such ideas takes maybe a few seconds, but it always goes more or less like this:

"Oh shit! That would be an awesome story!"
"It would. It really would. People would read that."
"Damn! I could write that kind of fan fiction!"
"No I couldn't."
"Yes I could."
"No I couldn't. How could I get into that character's head?" Pauses while thinks through how that would work.
"Wait, yes I COULD! WAHOO!!!"

Keep in mind this happens daily. It happens daily all the while I'm working on several other projects. And this is not the whole day - this is just before breakfast.

You see the problem.

I don't have enough time to follow through on every idea. I can't. It is impractical. I have to prioritize. I have to decide which ideas are worth pursuing. Which ones would I enjoy? Which ones would benefit society? Which ones would be profitable?

This is the same problem creatives, like myself, encounter with jobs. As a creative, I am capable of doing a lot. I have the skills and abilities to make magic happen because I have this wild potential-seeking mind. I solve problems constantly. Ideas bloom, literally, in my sleep. I cannot keep up with them. So of course I do well in problem solving environments. I can do anything in theory, but that doesn't necessarily mean I flourish.

I could, for example, work in a 9-5 job. But, frankly, I might kill myself. I don't say that as a rhetorical device. Working 9-5 doing something that is busy work, surrounded by hundreds of cubicles makes me want to jump off a bridge. Really. There isn't enough variety. People are telling me what to do and how to do it, when those are the kinds of things I excel at on my own. It is soul sucking and does not make use of the extent of my gifts. So of course I would bang my head against the wall and need to take some kind of mood altering prescriptions just to survive.

That is not living.

But what about traditional jobs that do honor my tendencies? What about jobs that do allow me to make use of my crazy idea creation and vetting process? Where are they? What are they? How do I find these things?

The easy thing is to decide what I want to do and then find that.

*blinks while looking blankly*

Right. Remember how I just explained the different ideas I have? Remember how many I have every day before breakfast alone?! What do I want to do? How do I figure that out?

Well, there are the books by career counselors that can be helpful. But what if the required skills you need to do the thing you want to do are out of reach. What if, for example, I decide I want to be a professor for a day job and then, I am rejected by the doctoral programs that would essentially guarantee me such a position (or at least make it possible)?

That is a pickle.

So I end up staring down at my list of ideas, like my wild and crazy skills, wondering how I can cobble them together into a job.

I mean, I know. I know what job I want. What kind of success I want. I know that. I've got it in my head and I visualize it every day (read: comic convention panels, women's conference panels, writing workshops...the list goes on). But, the path to getting there is foggy. The ideas run fast and hard and I can see about twenty different routes to achieving the same thing. Which to choose?

It is like the dog with two water dishes. He sits there, staring at both, getting progressively more thirsty, never drinking. How does he choose? Which one is better? The answer is neither. They both have good water. Both will work. It is whichever one he likes. But the dishes are the same, he thinks. But they aren't. One is on the left, the other on the right. One is nearer the window, the other nearer his owner's chair. It does not matter which he chooses, except that one quenches his thirst and makes him feel good.

But I might regret not choosing the other dish!

Yeah...well...cost of business. All paths will reach the destination. Both dishes solve the problem of thirst. But sitting there ruminating about it won't do anything.

I am actually drinking water. I have actually four books that will definitely be published this year. Two are finished, but in revision phases. Two just need a few more chapters complete and will be done. That's kind of amazing. That means I will have finished four books while watching a toddler...since January. That's kind of remarkable.

I am definitely drinking the water here. I submitted pieces to magazines and got positive rejections (I just added a third to my group...) which means I'm getting closer on that front as well. Closer, but not there...yet.

But in the mean time, waiting for thirst to abate, I'm wondering if this is okay. If my time wouldn't be better spent doing other things. Should I use my skills somewhere else? Should I do something else? Should I have a day job outside of raising my kid? Could I manage that? I applied to a few traditional jobs, and I have to admit that I'm cautious. I mean, if I do not pursue my dream, my vision, part of me will die inside. It is that tension - the tension of giving up, of accepting defeat, versus continuing to battle, continuing the pursuit. The first is pushed by society at large (like, get real). The second is glorified (as in, "Wow! I could never do that! You're amazing!").

I think, no matter what, it is better to be on a path to achieving the goal than not. Not achieving the goal - the dream - is not okay. So I store my vetted ideas for later refusing to get distracted, continue pushing on the ones I've prioritized, and act as though I know what I'm doing. Which I don't. I'm just guessing here and hoping for the best. I mean, I think that's a pretty good idea.

The Waiting Game

Watching time go by...

Lately all I do is wait. I'm just waiting. My own version of purgatory.

"A 34? Proceed to window 7. A 34? Proceed to window 7."

That is what I may as well hear. Because I'm waiting.

I'm waiting for responses to my doctoral applications. I'm waiting for those responses because I cannot make any choices without that information. Honestly, I haven't determined the choices I would make in hypothetical scenarios. So I snap at those closest to me. I curl in a ball on the couch. I hold on to the present as best as I can, as best as I ca wait.

I'm waiting for feedback on my nonfiction book. Waiting to respond to all those social media posts that clearly don't have experience in the things I do. That don't seem to understand what they are saying to people who share my secret life. Waiting to reveal myself, my history, for all its horrors and glory. Waiting to make a splash even as the waters are dark, filled with sharks and blood. Biting my nails. Donning my armor. Watching. Sharpening my sword. Waiting.

I'm waiting for someone to read book 4 in Khloe. Waiting to be ready to reread it. To rewrite it. To draw the cover that it is meant to have. To be inspired into that art. Waiting to publish it, for those fans loyal to the series. Waiting to push it against all those science deniers...waiting to connect it to the stories of the extreme things that should only be the stuff of fantasy, but are real. The drought...the storms...the insane snow...are real...and where do they come from? Waiting.

I'm waiting to get that mentor promised me. Waiting to hear back from websites. Waiting to get help recording videos - recording audio - creating platforms. Waiting to have enough time to work out. Waiting to decide what I want to do with my life. Waiting to pay off my debt. Waiting to change the world. Waiting to have people understand my deepest depths. Waiting to get a job. Waiting to be independent. Waiting to have the benefits I so desperately need - the rewards I so richly desire. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

I am not a patient person. I have done all that I can do to prepare. I have done all I can do to hold on to this vision in my head of a future, of a more wonderful life. I just can't wait any more. I can't stand another day. I can't stand another hour - another minute - another second. It is crushing my spirit - my mind - my heart.

I just want to hear...

"Alexis? Proceed to window 1. Alexis? Proceed to window 1."

INFJ Dream Team?

INFJ: Just imagine what you can't see...

In the last few days I've been doing super crazy research about my MBTI type. In fact, I've been providing ample evidence of my own type - INFJ - in pretty much everything I'm doing (My reaction to stress is on full throttle these days...if only I could find a television show on which to binge the picture would be complete!).

It's crazy. Well, maybe neurotic. Which is further proof I'm an INFJ.

Thanks Myers and Briggs! You've provided an excellent explanation for all my actions! Sheesh!

So what have I been researching about MBTI types? Specifically I've been looking at ways to overcome my weaknesses and strong-arm myself into personal growth in ways that I am not inclined to on my own.

First I decided I should have a mastermind group - a group of people to mutual assure success of all its members by addressing problems and concerns of each individual. This is an idea I've thrown around for ages, however never definitively concluded how to go about setting up such a group. I am, as you might expect, driven to perfection. Therefore I wanted this group to be, well, perfect. The question I asked myself was, who would be on the dream mastermind group for an INFJ?

Necessarily, a dream group for an INFJ could serve as a dream group for others as well (though I haven't concluded who would be in such a group, so I cannot absolutely confirm this would best benefit other members...or even myself definitely.).

I threw around different types and finally stumbled upon a few sites with relationships across types. For example, an INTJ is supposedly my companion. We think about the world in a similar way (intuition babe - it's killer). We make systems and, well, we're *right.* ENFJs are my buddies, because, well, we're just shades of the same type (introverted or extroverted). I might be a bit more, uh, "psychic" than my extroverted buddy, but for the most part, our values are very similar.

All this is to say, I decided I need an ENTP and some kind of ST temperament in my life (possibly an ESTP, even though it might make me bang my head against the wall). I'm also increasingly convinced I should have some kind of SF in my life (ESFP? ISFJ?). Basically, I need to collect them all - all the temperaments at least - in a conscious, deliberate way.

I know -  this sounds a little crazy but lately I've felt like I'm surrounded by NFs...all the time. Everywhere. I love my little intuitive feeling group, but I need some variety in my life. Desperately.

The reason is I need to be pushed - pushed out of head and heart and into reality a bit more. I need to be pushed to try the things that are scary for me (and maybe I would push scary for these other types too? After all, INFJs are human lie detectors...and somewhat oracular. Not a comfortable thing for most people.).

So now what? How do I find these people? Do I put an ad on Craigslist? Do I go to some MBTI forum? Do I solicit my social media connections for recommendations? Suggestions? Volunteers to be a part of my success group experiment?

This doesn't sound diabolical at all....

And you, gentle reader, have you done anything like this? What was your success? Failures? What would you have changed if you could have? I'm open to direction (and possibly scrapping the whole venture if deemed a useless exercise). Leave a comment below!

Life Success System

Transition can be so beautiful...

According to many business minded blogs, systems are the way to success. This is what many self-made people argue, and indeed, it would appear this kind of structure helps ensure focus. When a person has a system, a standard operating proceedure to fall back on, it guarantees that certain things get done no matter what.

It might seem a little awkward to talk about "personal standard operating procedures," after all, applying a business concept to one's life feels rather robotic. That said, I can say quite honestly that it works. I can say this, because in order to fulfill my promises to myself and ensure I achieve my goals, I have implemented a few systems of my own.

At first, it was a bit of experiment. I started off with some casual things. Once I experienced a little success with these smaller items, I decided to apply the same concepts to other areas of my life.

Because I hate veiled language and undelivered promises, I will explicitly share with you what I have done and then what I intend to do. In short, I'm going to give you my system. Keep in mind, it might not work for you. Just because it works for me, does not mean it will for you. The fact is, a system only works if it is used consistently. If you cannot follow it consistently, then do something else. This means you may experience some trial and error. I can attest that I have tried all manner of things and I have finally come up with something that works for me (and works for me in all aspects of my life).

The first thing I wanted to do was change a few habits. In order to do that, I downloaded a 21 day habit app (21 Days Effect from Google Play). I then chose three habits I wanted to establish. Each day I had to check into the app and choose whether or not I had completed the habit for a total of 21 days. At the end of the 21 days, I would input three new habits (or select one of the previous for another 21 days).

Now, I will openly admit that I need the check in. I need some accountability and I hate failure. Hate failure. I cannot stand being unsuccessful at something, thanks to a strong perfectionist streak. The check in, even if it is just within the app, is enough motivation for me to maintain focus on my selected daily goals for the 21 days.

I decided to choose some physical goals - like calorie counts and exercise quotas. Later, after a little success with the app, I added some professional goals. These I based on the things I feel called to complete in order to achieve my long term vision for myself.

My long term vision is a five year plan that includes my writing, finances, level of reknown, "day job," and family life. In order to realize that vision, I divided it up into yearly items. I realized I could only control myself, and so rather than worrying about how things would be received, I decided to ensure I did everything within my power to realize my vision every year, month, day, and hour.

This year, it meant applying to doctoral programs (check!), publishing a nonfiction piece (in beta reading as I write this post), finishing the Khloe Alwell series (80% finished with the manuscript of the last book!), finishing Andrew from the Rollins Pack, and completing related marketing/publishing changes for all related items. On top of all that, I need to assure my family is provided for. In order to do that, I need to have a way to make money consistently.

That seems like a lot when I write it out like that. Okay, actually it is a lot. But if I break it down into bite sized chunks, it isn't. Really. In fact, I plan to get it all done by July.

I decided the order in which to get these things done. First, my nonfiction book is in beta reading. Until I get feedback about that, I am unwilling to publish it. In the mean time, I can write a guest post or media packet item once a week related to the book.

Next, I decided to focus on Khloe. My Khloe fans have been waiting patiently for the last installment, and it's time I fulfill my promise. I gave myself several weeks to rewrite the 80k that was written, and then another month to complete the first draft. Then I gave myself a couple weeks to rewrite into a second/third draft. When that was complete, I would send it to a few beta readers. With feedback, I'd do another draft, give myself a day for coverart, and publish. I took less than a week to rewrite the 80k and already I am up to 92k. By giving myself very achievable daily goals, I am able to pace myself and maintain momentum. When I have more time and energy, I rewrite or write more. When I don't, I focus on reaching my daily goal.

By putting my daily writing goal into the app, I have added accountability. It is enough to make me feel like I'm in a race with myself, which is ideal for the competitive perfectionist.

Needless to say, I divided the tasks for Andrew in a similar way and will complete it when I send Book 4 to beta. After Andrew, I hope to have my nonfiction piece in hand, will rewrite it, and publish, along with a nice marketing campaign in relevant sites and blogs. I get my daily goals done before I do anything else, and I'm golden.

Once those book related items are done, then it is time to focus on developing a consistent income stream. In my five year plan, my books do that for me. Right now however, I need an alternative. This is especially true if I enroll in a doctoral program.

I have a TON of business ideas on any given day. In fact, it's a little crazy how varied my ideas are (products, services, websites, brick and mortar...you name it). There are several issues with this, however...

1. Isolating the best idea.
2. Hammering out the details.
3. Making it work.

In the past there was also the question of having enough energy to get started. Getting started is the first difficult thing. The second difficult thing is continuing before the idea builds enough inertia to be self-sustaining.

Getting started is scary for me, but I can do it. In the past my true hurdle was waiting for sufficient inertia.

I have written more than enough books to feel good about publication. I feel good about my overall plan. While I continue to follow my plan for writing, marketing, and publication, I need to decide what I idea to develop for a consistent income stream. That way, when I have finished my publication goals, I can transition seemlessly to my business/income development goals.

So far my system works. I'm moving along on a good clip. I am sure of my success. I just need to decide what that success will look like and then I can make it happen. I have a system for that.

Projects, Next Steps, and the Right Track

Now that applications are done (submission number two will be Monday) and presents are finished (a little wrapping left but...not much) I'm focusing on some other things that need to happen.

Since I've been doing self-hypnosis and focusing hardcore on my goals, I had some divinely inspired projects come to mind. As such, they are definitely on the docket for completion. In fact, one of the books is already in the rewriting/review phase. I started it like two weeks ago. I know. Crazy huh?It is rather short, so being done so quickly isn't a terrible surprise...

NaNoWriMo came late huh? Well, it's not a novel so it wouldn't qualify. I promise to say more about it in a separate post. However, I do need a little help with the book cover. I'm looking for a photographer to do a professional photoshoot of me (and possibly a stylist). It would need to be someone looking to develop the portfolio as well as credit. If you know anyone in the SB area who fits that bill, send them my way.

As part of the aforementioned, I want to develop some related talks and pitch them to various organizations. This would help me achieve a two things at once - one to get some paid speaking engagements, and two, promote the book.

The second project is a little less involved, though I do need to make some decisions about formatting etc because that will change the nature of the book significantly. I guess I need to meditate on that to determine what the best course would be (i.e. what would the proposed demographics prefer?).

This could likewise have some associated talks, and may, though I'm not sure what direction I want this to take.

Finally, if I am accepted into the doctoral programs, I have another problem. I need to finish my 2 beloved series. At least, I definitely need to finish Khloe and the Andrew manuscript, if not Freddy and Charlie too for Rollins. I had a major psychological breakthrough as to the goals of my fiction writing, and it requires some serious reconsidering of the Khloe's development as a character.

In short, I want her to be a bit more of a bad ass. That said, doing that in such a way as to allow it naturally, and balance it with her vulnerabilities is a delicate process. It takes careful handling, and that requires a great deal of thought as I rework some of the earlier writing and finish the book. Presently I'm about 80k. I have about 40k more to finish the book...sooo...she could get pretty amazing by the end.

As to Andrew, I need to go back and make sure I have James consistent with his own story, as well as Jeremiah being consistent with his own. I think I need to consider writing these a little longer and bring them up to 90k or more. James and Jeremiah were on the shorter side, but it seems as though the average ebook consumer prefers a longer book.

I go back and forth about these kinds of things however, asking myself questions like: Is this pandering? Do I need to question this? Am I being true to the story? In the end, I'll probably just go with what feels good at the time and let things go where they must.

Along with those projects requiring completion, I have a few tangential ideas that may be worth developing (like associated teaching or book club materials). In my quest for self-realization, I've been reading a lot about being bigger than your life allows. If you act bigger, then your life tends to expand. I'm working on getting comfortable with this. I do catch myself sometimes getting back down in a small setting, and then I just shake myself off and push myself into that bigger space.

I'm getting good at it.

I intend to not only pull these things off, but do them exceptionally well. It's making me antsy...bubbling in my skin I'm so excited to work on these things.

I think that's how you know you're on the right track. That's what has me smiling.

The Most Powerful Force

Love.

This is the thing that holds us together and sets us apart. This is the thing that makes us scale mountains and cross oceans.

Love.

More powerful than greed or apathy or fear - love can turn an enemy to a friend. Love can turn an object into a real human being. Love is the most powerful force - more powerful than gravity. It is the ultimate variable - more important than time.

It is the ultimate choice - transcending Schrodinger's cat, particles and rays, life and death.

Love.

And what comes from this ultimate power? This force before all forces? When we use this, when we allow this force to direct our hearts and minds, only the best things come into being. Only our best dreams are realized at the hands of love. Only our best intentions are made manifest - made into only, exactly, the best thing needed at that exact time.

Anger, jealousy, sadness...these are products of the broken heart. They are symptoms of love lost, or betrayed. Do not allow such things to direct your actions. Twisted plants grow from seeds sown with these hands.

Instead, turn your heart toward love. Turn it to forgiveness and let go those broken things. Let your heart be healed through the creative, restorative power of love. Focus instead on new tomorrows, better days filled with peace, friendship, hope, and joy. These are the fruits of a vibrant heart focused on love. These are our yearnings. Let us set our sights on them.

This is my earnest wish for all - that your hearts be filled with love.

The Platinum Child Returns

Truth is stranger than science fiction. It is more amazing than fantasy. Life is full of mystery, and I don't mean the "who dun it" variety.

It is truly remarkable what a few small changes can do for a person.

For example, let's say a person decides he or she will go to college. They decide this will be, no matter what. Because they have decided it will happen no matter what, it is impossible for anything less. We, innocent bystanders, watch as they overcome all obstacles easily because they are so committed to the idea that it is already done.

The result? Not only does this person attend college, but they acquire all the other lessons and confidence each obstacle afforded them. How cool is that? But that isn't so outside the realm of the ordinary. We hear about people doing things like this all the time. It is rather normal...right?

With my recent reframing of life, I began to notice where I need a little more development in order to reach my own goals. I noticed how previous habits were not really serving me. It's no wonder that I am working on growing and strengthen areas that need it. It makes perfect sense that I would change my habits.

Of course this takes some practice. The more practice,the easier it gets. All of a sudden one day I will wake up and I will be a completely different person - the person I willed myself to be.

That's pretty exciting.

But the remarkable thing is how I know this is in process. I know it because I have already noticed so many things, not only how I think about the world and my place in it, but reality seems to be working more the way I want it to.

It feels like I got my quantum mechanics powers back, bit by bit. It feels hesitant thus far, like little flickers of control in the smallest moments of kismet. However, the affirmation I get from even these small things is marvelous.

Now you're sitting there wondering how I went off to crazy land. I'm perfectly sane, I assure you.

In my family I was called "The Platinum Child." My father was "The Golden Boy." He was lucky, and I was...well...on another level. Then my luck disappeared. Reality felt like it crashed down and I lost whatever control I had over my fate. It was...a dark time. That dark time has ended.

I know this is true because my "luck" has returned. It started unobtrusively - getting a check for my birthday. Getting flowers. Getting headphones as a gift when I desperately needed them. Then it moved on to other things, like finding the exactly perfect baskets for my son's Christmas present at a price that was laughably low. And then duckies (he loves duckies). And then I found a felt pumpkin (he loves pumpkins too) - the last one from previous holiday decor display. I paid a stupidly low amount for his Christmas presents and got more than I expected I would be able to find.

In a strange twist, my horoscope in the paper is literally talking about the exact same things I am reading on my own time. It is insane. I'm not talking about reading into stuff - I mean the words are the same...all telling me how to change my thought patterns.

The more I look around, the more things I see like this.It has been going like this for the past several weeks. I am so incredibly grateful for this growing trend and I can't wait to see what shows up next. I'm pretty sure it's going to be awesome.

The moral? Thoughts are more important than you realize. Choose them carefully.

Perfecting Your CV

Resumes have rules. CVs are...negotiable.

Trying to figure out the best headings and the best things to include on a CV during the application phase is a pain in the ass.

Do you have enough honors and awards to merit their own heading? Does anyone care about your community service? Is there any point in mentioning that life changing experience if it doesn't really fit under your teaching experience? What about those two years at art school that are completely unrelated to everything else? What about the 10+ books you have independently published? Are they helpful or hurtful?

And those are just my CV questions.

Luckily I have a few people in my life willing to give my vitae a once or thrice over. We've been going over everything with a fine toothed comb, to the point where I'm deciding where best to put the publication dates of my books (I think I'm still including them as a testament to my productivity regardless of their genre.) and the location of my research interests (the top).

And these are the things that keep me up at night. That and something else: What if I don't get in? Or what if I get in to only one place? Or what if I get into everywhere I apply? What do I do in each scenario?

To put in so much energy to the application process, it would be devastating not to get accepted, however, I would also know quite clearly it wasn't meant to be. If I was accepted everywhere, I would have to prioritize various aspects of each program and school in order to make the best long term choice, despite whatever pressures might come at me. Hopefully everyone would respect my choice seeing as I try to make decisions carefully and thoughtfully.

But that is a discussion for February or March. Today I am focused on perfecting CVs and statements of purpose. Tomorrow I am focused on recommendations. I can only focus on one step at a time, otherwise I would never sleep. Seriously.

Apply Where You Will

Last Monday I took my GRE. I was nervous about it. Not about the test - I figure you are as ready as you can be by the time it comes around. No. I was comfortable with how much I prepared.

Rather I was nervous about what it meant.

Having taken this test, I was officially committed to an idea - the idea of attending graduate school and everything that means. In my case, it means moving across the country.

There are no programs in California that interest me. None. When I began looking at things it became clear I was going to have to move far. The schools to which I am applying are all well past the Rockies and each in very different segments of the country. Each of them is scary for one reason or another.

One is Lesotho in the middle of South Africa...or an island in shark infested waters...whichever metaphor you prefer. Either way, it makes me nervous.

Another is in Flatland, coated in vanilla and sprinkled with a dash of whiteness. I get bored thinking about it.

The third is a dream. It just happens to be in Siberia where the sun never shines and the houses have second story doors opening out to seasonal 9 foot snow drifts.

This is my current feeling, though it may be misplaced, delusional, or just wrong. Whatever the case, these are the pictures I have constructed around each school. They are all good schools, and each one is perfectly positioned to help me achieve my goals. I am confident that I would do well at any of them. Of course I have a first choice and my heart tells me that is where I belong, but there are other prospective students. There are other applications.

And I have to submit mine just like everyone else to be carefully scrutinized.

This brings me to my next steps: personal statements, transcripts, recommendations, and curricula vitae.

Time to research so I can make my application as attractive as possible. Because this is happening. I am moving across the country. It is the right thing for me to do and I won't let anything stop me. I am committed.