Open Book Blog Hop: Three Things Shaping My Voice

Winetasting in Paso Robles

What are three things that make you unique? That was the prompt for this week's Open Book Blog Hop. I think you'll see a lot of connection between my answer and my books.

Ultimately the thing that makes a writer unique is experience. Accident of birth places us in a certain range of possible experience and life directions. In my case, there are a few specific things which guide everything else.

First, and perhaps the most obvious, is the influence of my parents. My parents are both ordained Baptist ministers (it is one of the family occupations in my tree). However, their brand of religion is not exclusionary in the least. It is carefully considered, thoughtful, and deep. My father is a man of logic and learning, who enjoys everything life has to offer, from watching a finch take a bath, to winetasting, to playing electric bass or guitar in a funk band. When my friends meet him, they say, "Your dad is so cool!" Half the time they end up befriending him on Facebook.

My mother is a powerful person. She dictates the climate of every room she enters (a gift I inherited, for better or worse). She suffered prejudice in order to follow her calling. I think because of this, she determined not to pigeon-hole me into a gender label. Instead, as a child she gave me gender neutral clothes unless I asked for something "girly." She made sure I had all kinds of toys, from remote control cars to blocks to dolls. I had science and craft kits. Thanks to her, I never felt like I couldn't do something because I had a uterus.

Second, I experienced a lot of overt misogyny from toddlerhood through young adulthood. I write a lot about this in my memoir THRIVE, and while I won't go into the details of what happened here, it definitely shaped who I am and my voice as a writer (especially in the context of my upbringing). This made me hunger for compassionate justice for all people, no matter their identity or station. It definitely directs my themes in all my fiction, but especially in THE ROLLINS PACK, because I wanted boys to particularly understand how their actions can impact others.

Finally, I am an optimist. Despite whatever crazy things happen to me (again, see THRIVE for some of the nitty gritty), I look for the beauty and wonder in all things. This may be considered a quality or trait as opposed to an experience, but it definitely shapes how I view my life experience and how I approach new things. I always give people the benefit of the doubt. If I don't know I person, I never credit their reputation until I have seen and experienced it myself. If something bad happens, I always look for the lesson or opportunity available. When there is the option for adventure, I always say yes - because I see all the marvelous possibilities and potential. It's how I ended up studying abroad in Hungary at the last minute (I heard a professor talk and decided I was going a month before.). It's how I got married in India in the Himalayas (Because why not? A story for another time...).

These are the things that stick out in my head as dictating what I do and how I do it. These are the things that shape my work and my path through life. What about you? Leave a comment below or write a post and join the hop!

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Looking for a diversion this August? Be sure to check out P.J. MacLayne's books. If you like werewolves like I do, you might want to pick up a copy of WOLVES' PAWN. It explores werewolf social structure and has a love story, the kind of thing I love in paranormal!

Also be sure to read about MacLayne's Wyoming adventures. There are some super cool pics on her blog.

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An InLinkz Link-up

THRIVE: 5 Sites for Strength & Light

Strength & light

Sometimes, even those of us who have done some serious self-work need a little more inspiration to get over the rough stuff.

This is why I wrote THRIVE: HOW I BECAME A SUPERHERO in the first place - I wanted others to know it was possible to transform suffering, in multiple types of situations. And as I've been talking up the book, so many different inspiring people and resources came into my life. So I wanted to share some of that with you. Here are five sites that can give your life a little more strength and light, no matter where you are in your journey:

• Defying Shadows' series #WeAllHaveAStory - I discovered this through my fellow blogger Amy. This is an AMAZING undertaking with guest posts from many people, all sharing their different inspiring stories. It is definitely worth a read for inspiration and guidance on how to transform into an everyday superhero.
• Some Talk of You and Me posts in the health and wellness category are of particular interest to those of us wanting to THRIVE. There are some great personal essays that show different journeys of self-acceptance, persistence, and resilience in the face of life obstacles.
• The Manifest-Station is a personal favorite. This is an online zine that is full of powerful, raw, empowering personal essays by women. Some posts are hard to read, but I always find myself renewed after I read something on this site. It is a spiritual experience and inspires a sense of solidarity between readers and contributors.
• The Honeyed Quill is a similar site to mine in that it mixes things like writing advice and experience, with resilience and healing work (such as contained in THRIVE). In fact, Shawna is working on a trauma writing workshop, which I think will be a great resource for people committed to the hard work of healing.
• I have to give a shout-out to Amy at Allspice and Acrylics, because honestly, she is really amazing. This woman has an incredible will and inspiring story. Every time I read her words or interact with her, I feel her bubbling over with life and passion. I think it comes through in everything she does (I'm sure you'll agree when you check out her blog!).

Do you have other sites that give strength and light to your life? Something that helped you thrive? Leave a comment below!

If you like what you read, be sure to visit my author website and donate or become a patron. Your support makes my writing possible!

THRIVE Book Launch Week 6: Temping

Keep moving. It's all temporary.

Recently I had an epiphany, which is strangely related to THRIVE.

I realized even though I still get freaked out, depressed, or angry, even in the moment I see the experience of those feelings as temporary. Before, I felt bad and it made me feel like the whole world was awful and there was no light. Now I recognize I am reacting to a specific situation, which will pass, and it does nothing to hinder my progress.

Before I might have wallowed. Now I give myself the freedom to feel, accept the feeling, and then move on to do what has to be done.

My core situation is solid - I have my family. We love each other. Everything else is dressing. Everything else is a game. I move the pieces. I try different things. I experiment. I have fun. I get annoyed. And at the end of the day, I come back to my husband and son.

While I haven't been in war, I've been torn down enough to know that I have what really matters in life. I have family, friends, and an extensive support network who surround me with love. In this, I have been extraordinarily successful. And I am profoundly grateful for this situation, and for the epiphany that everything else in life is just fun and games.

Really.

That is not to say that my actions don't matter, or that I don't want to have a legacy for my son, or a positive impact on my community, country, and planet. I do want those things.But I am open to how they play out. I am detached from a specific result. I intend to enjoy the ride. I intend to enjoy helping as many people as I can with THRIVE. I intend to enjoy fulfilling the purpose given to me. I intend to enjoy every moment of life, even the angry, sad, or anxious ones. All of these things are gifts. All of them are part of the experience - part of the game.

And it's all good. Truly it is.

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LAUNCH UPDATE

It's a bit of a mixed bag, and I feel like last week was a blur. Maybe the stress of the marathon involved with this process finally caught up to me. Whatever it was, I was exhausted all week and had trouble focusing on tasks. That said, I was able to finish the following:

• Patreon blog post
• Patreon art upload
• Regular blog posts
• Incorporated magicworkers' suggestions into press kit
• Scheduled a meeting with a "connector" who has a lot of similar interests and influential friends
• Finished west coast press kit contact database (in hopes of speaking engagements)
• Reached out to connected friends at several universities
• Finished revamping LOVERS & RIVALS
• Determined ideal camera set up for videos
• Recorded prelim/video tests (need to redo for the perfect ones)
• 43% revamped LILITH & AMMON
• 75% done with "influences" page on author website
• Created "author ambassador" contact form and solicited from friends and other connections.
• Downloaded fonts for new covers
• Downloaded grammar extension for word processor

And the plan for this week is:

• Finish LILITH & AMMON
• Finish formatting THRIVE
• Finalize revamped covers for KHLOE series
• Patreon EXCLUSIVE upload of a short story
• Blog posts
• Finalize "influences" page
• Finalize first video set (especially Patreon ones)
• Upload KHLOE books with revamped covers to all outlets
• Upload new covers to website & blog
• Finalize east coast contact database
• Have meeting with connector and follow up on any relevant brainstorming/ideas

I think that's it...but I'm a little scattered at the moment. I'm experiencing that temporary feeling of anxiety the closer I get to pre-order day (May 15). In the end, everything will be what it will be...BUT, I still don't want to get caught with my pants down. I know that everything could always get picked and prodded more, and that I just have to let that go. I can't know what people will get riled about, or what will speak to people. I can't worry about it. In the end, it was my life. You can't argue with experience. It was. It speaks for itself. And I can't control what others hear.

My Book Launch Extravaganza

Is this the last door I have to walk through?

Thus far I haven't had much success in marketing my books. I have tried many things and none of them have really made a difference in sales. Let's take a look...

1. Blog tours - after contacting multiple websites (like almost 100) I got one site interested...if I had my book in paper form.
2. Soliciting honest reviews - no one followed through.
3. Book giveaways - this only generated moderate interest...
4. Asking people to talk about the book (friends etc) - no one did, except maybe my dad...and a couple true believers (who I really love for their devotion)
5. Publishing multiple books in one calendar year - not as much profit generation as you might think.
6. Guest posts on other blogs - only got one or two to happen.
7. Goodreads - cut off self-published entries and is not hooked up to any social media so...why?
8. Connecting with other writers - just a lot of stress from people who are fumbling around just as much as I was
9. Wattpad - still not sure how to connect with readers here...
10. Twitter - not really my market for my books so just led to a bunch of mutual following without many sales.
11. Facebook groups - asking for help...few responses if ANY
12. Facebook pages - minor interest/reach with few sales if any
13. Signing up for mentors - none
14. Asking for mentors in entrepreneur organizations - uh....NONE
15. Having scheduled blog posts - I have no idea how this influences sales...or doesn't. My following and favorites on Twitter has increased because of this and definitely my Facebook engagement increased. But sales? Hmm.
16. Getting published in literary magazines or websites - I wouldn't know because even with extensive research on the zines/sites, I still haven't gotten published here. I think this is in part because my stories are too...political and generally dark. No one wants to read about dystopian reproductive rights...says the average genre journal...
17. Sending book launch press kits to media outlets - zip...and no coverage (This is after I modeled my press kit after those available on line and had people who submit these REGULARLY check them out for viability.)

So you see, I've tried A LOT of stuff. I have. But I never tried a serious launch.

Which is what I'm doing now.

My goal is to have THRIVE, my upcoming memoir/self-help book available for pre-order on Smashwords by May 15 (goal remember...) and outright purchase June 15. Along with this, I plan to have a journal guide/daily meditation book available along the same lines as the book (to be used during or after reading, although it could be stand alone) available one the same dates.

I am being really aggressive. In preparation for the launch, I am designing/building an author website (finally!), revamping my current library (Read: double extra special proofing of text as well as redoing/sprucing cover art AND revamping book descriptions etc). I have a social media campaign strategy which I will be asking for help on (and participants will receive huge thanks in video and the website). I will be developing a press kit and will send this out to all the media outlets I know, and possibly organizations with interests related to the topics in THRIVE.

This is a big deal. I am very passionate about this book because I am doing something with it that I have never done - I am revealing myself. More than anything I've produced, this is important to me and it must do well. It must because through the vulnerability of my revelation, I can help people. Yes, the success would be nice for me, but the purpose of this isn't me. It is about helping people, changing perspectives, and making an impact for the better. I am committed to this, burned bridges behind me, burned the boats...however you want to think about it. Because once this book is published, there are no take backs. It cannot be undone.

And that is scary. And exciting. And thus...I will do something else I have never done - a real book launch.

In the time leading up to May 15 and June 15, I will periodically blog about the process and the book (hopefully will get some guest posts going at a few other sites). I will let everyone know when the website is up (hopefully by May 15). And of course, I will probably have a few videos (hopefully) about the book and available on the website and my YouTube channel (which I've largely ignored to this point).

It's a big deal. It's a big plan with an aggressive timeline and multi-prong approach. It's big. And it's kinda my last shot. It's kinda all of the eggs.

I'm pretty sure it will work. I'm crossing my fingers.

Ideas and Inaction: The 2 Water Dish Problem

Is that the right path over there?

For creatives, or starving artists, there's a problem in the realm of ideas. There are too many. Certainly that is my problem.

I wake up and have twelve different ideas by breakfast. Some of them I dream while in deep sleep. Others I discover in the course of getting my toddler dressed. Others I have while reading through my social media feeds. And then, when I have these ideas, I have to decide whether I should keep thinking about them - let them develop into something.

The process of vetting such ideas takes maybe a few seconds, but it always goes more or less like this:

"Oh shit! That would be an awesome story!"
"It would. It really would. People would read that."
"Damn! I could write that kind of fan fiction!"
"No I couldn't."
"Yes I could."
"No I couldn't. How could I get into that character's head?" Pauses while thinks through how that would work.
"Wait, yes I COULD! WAHOO!!!"

Keep in mind this happens daily. It happens daily all the while I'm working on several other projects. And this is not the whole day - this is just before breakfast.

You see the problem.

I don't have enough time to follow through on every idea. I can't. It is impractical. I have to prioritize. I have to decide which ideas are worth pursuing. Which ones would I enjoy? Which ones would benefit society? Which ones would be profitable?

This is the same problem creatives, like myself, encounter with jobs. As a creative, I am capable of doing a lot. I have the skills and abilities to make magic happen because I have this wild potential-seeking mind. I solve problems constantly. Ideas bloom, literally, in my sleep. I cannot keep up with them. So of course I do well in problem solving environments. I can do anything in theory, but that doesn't necessarily mean I flourish.

I could, for example, work in a 9-5 job. But, frankly, I might kill myself. I don't say that as a rhetorical device. Working 9-5 doing something that is busy work, surrounded by hundreds of cubicles makes me want to jump off a bridge. Really. There isn't enough variety. People are telling me what to do and how to do it, when those are the kinds of things I excel at on my own. It is soul sucking and does not make use of the extent of my gifts. So of course I would bang my head against the wall and need to take some kind of mood altering prescriptions just to survive.

That is not living.

But what about traditional jobs that do honor my tendencies? What about jobs that do allow me to make use of my crazy idea creation and vetting process? Where are they? What are they? How do I find these things?

The easy thing is to decide what I want to do and then find that.

*blinks while looking blankly*

Right. Remember how I just explained the different ideas I have? Remember how many I have every day before breakfast alone?! What do I want to do? How do I figure that out?

Well, there are the books by career counselors that can be helpful. But what if the required skills you need to do the thing you want to do are out of reach. What if, for example, I decide I want to be a professor for a day job and then, I am rejected by the doctoral programs that would essentially guarantee me such a position (or at least make it possible)?

That is a pickle.

So I end up staring down at my list of ideas, like my wild and crazy skills, wondering how I can cobble them together into a job.

I mean, I know. I know what job I want. What kind of success I want. I know that. I've got it in my head and I visualize it every day (read: comic convention panels, women's conference panels, writing workshops...the list goes on). But, the path to getting there is foggy. The ideas run fast and hard and I can see about twenty different routes to achieving the same thing. Which to choose?

It is like the dog with two water dishes. He sits there, staring at both, getting progressively more thirsty, never drinking. How does he choose? Which one is better? The answer is neither. They both have good water. Both will work. It is whichever one he likes. But the dishes are the same, he thinks. But they aren't. One is on the left, the other on the right. One is nearer the window, the other nearer his owner's chair. It does not matter which he chooses, except that one quenches his thirst and makes him feel good.

But I might regret not choosing the other dish!

Yeah...well...cost of business. All paths will reach the destination. Both dishes solve the problem of thirst. But sitting there ruminating about it won't do anything.

I am actually drinking water. I have actually four books that will definitely be published this year. Two are finished, but in revision phases. Two just need a few more chapters complete and will be done. That's kind of amazing. That means I will have finished four books while watching a toddler...since January. That's kind of remarkable.

I am definitely drinking the water here. I submitted pieces to magazines and got positive rejections (I just added a third to my group...) which means I'm getting closer on that front as well. Closer, but not there...yet.

But in the mean time, waiting for thirst to abate, I'm wondering if this is okay. If my time wouldn't be better spent doing other things. Should I use my skills somewhere else? Should I do something else? Should I have a day job outside of raising my kid? Could I manage that? I applied to a few traditional jobs, and I have to admit that I'm cautious. I mean, if I do not pursue my dream, my vision, part of me will die inside. It is that tension - the tension of giving up, of accepting defeat, versus continuing to battle, continuing the pursuit. The first is pushed by society at large (like, get real). The second is glorified (as in, "Wow! I could never do that! You're amazing!").

I think, no matter what, it is better to be on a path to achieving the goal than not. Not achieving the goal - the dream - is not okay. So I store my vetted ideas for later refusing to get distracted, continue pushing on the ones I've prioritized, and act as though I know what I'm doing. Which I don't. I'm just guessing here and hoping for the best. I mean, I think that's a pretty good idea.

Self-determination

Success! Sort of... yay?

Last week I fell into a moment of weakness, which spurred a moment of motivation, which brought on waiting, and then...replies.

Magical...wonderful...feel good...don't give up you crazy starving artist writer replies!

I got personalized responses from a few editors about my submissions. This has been a rarity for me. Honestly it happened once, two years ago. Ever. Before now.

In fact, as I write this I wonder if the very act of writing about it may jinx me into the trash bin, but I can't help it. I'm excited. I feel affirmed, if only by receiving constructive criticism...which means I got a got a genuine read through, which is better than before. This means I'm on the right track, and with a little doctoring, may finally land that success I've been craving, striving for, in my writing life.

And while this is a limited glimmer of hope when compared to my former non responses and form letter rejections, it serves to spur me forward. Rather than slowing down, I feel the need to continue...to submit...to re-evaluate... to dream...to push harder.

Since I've finished my writing goal for the day and my email replies, I think it's time to submit a few more stories. Yes. I think that's a new weekly goal - until everything unpublished has been submitted and is under consideration I will submit several stories each week. And when there is nothing left, I'll start writing new ones (or I'll write something specifically for the sites I want to contribute to.).

With every rejection, I'll continue to polish. I'll rework. I'll reconsider. I'll perfect until I get yes. That is my path forward. Those are my next writing steps. I am a writer and I am determined.

The Waiting Game

Watching time go by...

Lately all I do is wait. I'm just waiting. My own version of purgatory.

"A 34? Proceed to window 7. A 34? Proceed to window 7."

That is what I may as well hear. Because I'm waiting.

I'm waiting for responses to my doctoral applications. I'm waiting for those responses because I cannot make any choices without that information. Honestly, I haven't determined the choices I would make in hypothetical scenarios. So I snap at those closest to me. I curl in a ball on the couch. I hold on to the present as best as I can, as best as I ca wait.

I'm waiting for feedback on my nonfiction book. Waiting to respond to all those social media posts that clearly don't have experience in the things I do. That don't seem to understand what they are saying to people who share my secret life. Waiting to reveal myself, my history, for all its horrors and glory. Waiting to make a splash even as the waters are dark, filled with sharks and blood. Biting my nails. Donning my armor. Watching. Sharpening my sword. Waiting.

I'm waiting for someone to read book 4 in Khloe. Waiting to be ready to reread it. To rewrite it. To draw the cover that it is meant to have. To be inspired into that art. Waiting to publish it, for those fans loyal to the series. Waiting to push it against all those science deniers...waiting to connect it to the stories of the extreme things that should only be the stuff of fantasy, but are real. The drought...the storms...the insane snow...are real...and where do they come from? Waiting.

I'm waiting to get that mentor promised me. Waiting to hear back from websites. Waiting to get help recording videos - recording audio - creating platforms. Waiting to have enough time to work out. Waiting to decide what I want to do with my life. Waiting to pay off my debt. Waiting to change the world. Waiting to have people understand my deepest depths. Waiting to get a job. Waiting to be independent. Waiting to have the benefits I so desperately need - the rewards I so richly desire. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

I am not a patient person. I have done all that I can do to prepare. I have done all I can do to hold on to this vision in my head of a future, of a more wonderful life. I just can't wait any more. I can't stand another day. I can't stand another hour - another minute - another second. It is crushing my spirit - my mind - my heart.

I just want to hear...

"Alexis? Proceed to window 1. Alexis? Proceed to window 1."

Life Success System

Transition can be so beautiful...

According to many business minded blogs, systems are the way to success. This is what many self-made people argue, and indeed, it would appear this kind of structure helps ensure focus. When a person has a system, a standard operating proceedure to fall back on, it guarantees that certain things get done no matter what.

It might seem a little awkward to talk about "personal standard operating procedures," after all, applying a business concept to one's life feels rather robotic. That said, I can say quite honestly that it works. I can say this, because in order to fulfill my promises to myself and ensure I achieve my goals, I have implemented a few systems of my own.

At first, it was a bit of experiment. I started off with some casual things. Once I experienced a little success with these smaller items, I decided to apply the same concepts to other areas of my life.

Because I hate veiled language and undelivered promises, I will explicitly share with you what I have done and then what I intend to do. In short, I'm going to give you my system. Keep in mind, it might not work for you. Just because it works for me, does not mean it will for you. The fact is, a system only works if it is used consistently. If you cannot follow it consistently, then do something else. This means you may experience some trial and error. I can attest that I have tried all manner of things and I have finally come up with something that works for me (and works for me in all aspects of my life).

The first thing I wanted to do was change a few habits. In order to do that, I downloaded a 21 day habit app (21 Days Effect from Google Play). I then chose three habits I wanted to establish. Each day I had to check into the app and choose whether or not I had completed the habit for a total of 21 days. At the end of the 21 days, I would input three new habits (or select one of the previous for another 21 days).

Now, I will openly admit that I need the check in. I need some accountability and I hate failure. Hate failure. I cannot stand being unsuccessful at something, thanks to a strong perfectionist streak. The check in, even if it is just within the app, is enough motivation for me to maintain focus on my selected daily goals for the 21 days.

I decided to choose some physical goals - like calorie counts and exercise quotas. Later, after a little success with the app, I added some professional goals. These I based on the things I feel called to complete in order to achieve my long term vision for myself.

My long term vision is a five year plan that includes my writing, finances, level of reknown, "day job," and family life. In order to realize that vision, I divided it up into yearly items. I realized I could only control myself, and so rather than worrying about how things would be received, I decided to ensure I did everything within my power to realize my vision every year, month, day, and hour.

This year, it meant applying to doctoral programs (check!), publishing a nonfiction piece (in beta reading as I write this post), finishing the Khloe Alwell series (80% finished with the manuscript of the last book!), finishing Andrew from the Rollins Pack, and completing related marketing/publishing changes for all related items. On top of all that, I need to assure my family is provided for. In order to do that, I need to have a way to make money consistently.

That seems like a lot when I write it out like that. Okay, actually it is a lot. But if I break it down into bite sized chunks, it isn't. Really. In fact, I plan to get it all done by July.

I decided the order in which to get these things done. First, my nonfiction book is in beta reading. Until I get feedback about that, I am unwilling to publish it. In the mean time, I can write a guest post or media packet item once a week related to the book.

Next, I decided to focus on Khloe. My Khloe fans have been waiting patiently for the last installment, and it's time I fulfill my promise. I gave myself several weeks to rewrite the 80k that was written, and then another month to complete the first draft. Then I gave myself a couple weeks to rewrite into a second/third draft. When that was complete, I would send it to a few beta readers. With feedback, I'd do another draft, give myself a day for coverart, and publish. I took less than a week to rewrite the 80k and already I am up to 92k. By giving myself very achievable daily goals, I am able to pace myself and maintain momentum. When I have more time and energy, I rewrite or write more. When I don't, I focus on reaching my daily goal.

By putting my daily writing goal into the app, I have added accountability. It is enough to make me feel like I'm in a race with myself, which is ideal for the competitive perfectionist.

Needless to say, I divided the tasks for Andrew in a similar way and will complete it when I send Book 4 to beta. After Andrew, I hope to have my nonfiction piece in hand, will rewrite it, and publish, along with a nice marketing campaign in relevant sites and blogs. I get my daily goals done before I do anything else, and I'm golden.

Once those book related items are done, then it is time to focus on developing a consistent income stream. In my five year plan, my books do that for me. Right now however, I need an alternative. This is especially true if I enroll in a doctoral program.

I have a TON of business ideas on any given day. In fact, it's a little crazy how varied my ideas are (products, services, websites, brick and mortar...you name it). There are several issues with this, however...

1. Isolating the best idea.
2. Hammering out the details.
3. Making it work.

In the past there was also the question of having enough energy to get started. Getting started is the first difficult thing. The second difficult thing is continuing before the idea builds enough inertia to be self-sustaining.

Getting started is scary for me, but I can do it. In the past my true hurdle was waiting for sufficient inertia.

I have written more than enough books to feel good about publication. I feel good about my overall plan. While I continue to follow my plan for writing, marketing, and publication, I need to decide what I idea to develop for a consistent income stream. That way, when I have finished my publication goals, I can transition seemlessly to my business/income development goals.

So far my system works. I'm moving along on a good clip. I am sure of my success. I just need to decide what that success will look like and then I can make it happen. I have a system for that.

The Farce Revealed

There is always a breaking point. There is always a point in the tour of life where you just cannot go on - where whatever show you put on is seen as the farce it is.

It might not be outsiders who see it clearly. Maybe you are a consummate actress and so they think you're doing just swell. However you no longer fool yourself. The feigned strength is just a system of pulleys and rope you concocted out of the scrap of your life. But the rope is thin now. The pulleys stick.

You look out over the play and see the story just repeats itself. How many excuses can you make for this? How many rationalizations? You are such a rhetorician you can argue any point from any angle, but it's not enough. Smoke and mirrors are illusion, and reality must be addressed.

No make up. No witty one liners. No song. No dance. No flowing costumes or well designed sets.

This is life baby. This is where you cannot ignore your breaking heart, your festering wounds, your empty accounts. This is where the best plans are laid waste by an anxious fool too myopic to see how his actions impact those around him. This is where you cannot wait around for someone else to do the hard thing.

There is no one else.

There is only you.

You do the hard thing.

You fix yourself.

My 2015 Vow

Everyone needs the obligatory "New Year's" post, so here is mine for 2015 - from a professional and personal perspective (my parenting one can be read here).

I'm not sure about this "resolution" business, but I can keep a few promises. I think promises hold more weight for me. Maybe you have been successful with resolutions. I feel like often they set us up for failure either because they are too vague, too unrealistic, or because they reflect someone else's ideals and expectations. I want to foster success throughout my life and to do that, I feel like re-packaging and acceptance are important. With these things in mind, this is my 2015 vow - my promises for the following year:

1. I promise to only ever be myself and honor my preferences and artistry - despite applause, mockery, attacks, compliments, snide tones, as well as disparaging body language or facial expressions.
2. I promise to continue my personal development in all aspects of myself - spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, and socially.
3. I promise to be grateful every day for the blessings in my life, no matter how big or small.
4. I promise to lift up those around me, in an effort to be a force for positive movement in the world.
5. I promise to ask for help when I need it.
6. I promise to smile, laugh, sing, and dance every day.
7. I promise to do everything I can to put out a few good books (3 with luck and perseverance).

I wish you all a wonderful 2015 full of blessings and personal growth. I feel like it's going to be a good year for our family and myself in particular. I can't wait to see what it holds! Happy 2015!

Do you have resolutions this year? Promises? What do you want for yourself this next year? Leave a comment below!

The Platinum Child Returns

Truth is stranger than science fiction. It is more amazing than fantasy. Life is full of mystery, and I don't mean the "who dun it" variety.

It is truly remarkable what a few small changes can do for a person.

For example, let's say a person decides he or she will go to college. They decide this will be, no matter what. Because they have decided it will happen no matter what, it is impossible for anything less. We, innocent bystanders, watch as they overcome all obstacles easily because they are so committed to the idea that it is already done.

The result? Not only does this person attend college, but they acquire all the other lessons and confidence each obstacle afforded them. How cool is that? But that isn't so outside the realm of the ordinary. We hear about people doing things like this all the time. It is rather normal...right?

With my recent reframing of life, I began to notice where I need a little more development in order to reach my own goals. I noticed how previous habits were not really serving me. It's no wonder that I am working on growing and strengthen areas that need it. It makes perfect sense that I would change my habits.

Of course this takes some practice. The more practice,the easier it gets. All of a sudden one day I will wake up and I will be a completely different person - the person I willed myself to be.

That's pretty exciting.

But the remarkable thing is how I know this is in process. I know it because I have already noticed so many things, not only how I think about the world and my place in it, but reality seems to be working more the way I want it to.

It feels like I got my quantum mechanics powers back, bit by bit. It feels hesitant thus far, like little flickers of control in the smallest moments of kismet. However, the affirmation I get from even these small things is marvelous.

Now you're sitting there wondering how I went off to crazy land. I'm perfectly sane, I assure you.

In my family I was called "The Platinum Child." My father was "The Golden Boy." He was lucky, and I was...well...on another level. Then my luck disappeared. Reality felt like it crashed down and I lost whatever control I had over my fate. It was...a dark time. That dark time has ended.

I know this is true because my "luck" has returned. It started unobtrusively - getting a check for my birthday. Getting flowers. Getting headphones as a gift when I desperately needed them. Then it moved on to other things, like finding the exactly perfect baskets for my son's Christmas present at a price that was laughably low. And then duckies (he loves duckies). And then I found a felt pumpkin (he loves pumpkins too) - the last one from previous holiday decor display. I paid a stupidly low amount for his Christmas presents and got more than I expected I would be able to find.

In a strange twist, my horoscope in the paper is literally talking about the exact same things I am reading on my own time. It is insane. I'm not talking about reading into stuff - I mean the words are the same...all telling me how to change my thought patterns.

The more I look around, the more things I see like this.It has been going like this for the past several weeks. I am so incredibly grateful for this growing trend and I can't wait to see what shows up next. I'm pretty sure it's going to be awesome.

The moral? Thoughts are more important than you realize. Choose them carefully.

Come Out, Come Out, Whoever You Are!

Some paths are scary...

Lately there have been several recurring themes in my life and therefore, my writing: coincidence, fate, purpose, choice, self-acceptance, and "coming out."

But worth it.

First of all, I don't believe in coincidence. I'm a person of faith and I've had too many strange things happen in my life to believe in "coincidence." I believe that everything happens for a reason, so you could say I believe in a kind of fate and that things - and people - have related purposes.

That said, I also believe you can choose to ignore or follow your purpose. In order to actively make that choice, many times a person must engage in self-exploration. This often leads to the discovery of both pleasant and unpleasant elements of the self (history, talents, preferences, personality traits, etc). This also leads to the possibility of self-acceptance (or not).

The process of discovery and acceptance in turn leads to the possibility of "coming out."

When encountering the phrase "coming out" most people think of an LGBT person openly declaring their gender/orientation, however "coming out" is not exclusively an LGBT act. Any part of the self that has been hidden, dormant, or laying in a deep recess can be brought to the light of day and shared with others. The process, and often the implications, are the same.

It is the implications of "coming out" - of a change in identity - that piques my interest. It also keeps me up at night.

Coming out is hard. It isn't like going from the identity of coupled woman to mother. That identity is clear and easy to see. It is one most people encounter on a regular basis, and for most people, there are no loose ends or questions raised by such an identity change.

The nature of coming out means the hidden identity or issue being brought into the open is uncomfortable, otherwise it wouldn't have been hidden. There is something shameful or uncomfortable, or difficult about this identity or issue, usually for both the self and others. It calls some fundamental thing into question - roles, relationships, actions, all shift to a new and strange place with this new identification.

Sometimes such identifications become the person. Literally, these difficult identities are so hard to get past for most other people, the self becomes two-dimensional. Suddenly the self is only lesbian, is only an addict, is only poor, is only an abuser, is only a victim, is only a criminal according to the other. Pigeon-holing abounds when the new issue comes to light. In order to overcome this shallowing process, the self must work extra hard to show up this new identity: I am green, progressive, Christian, athletic, multi-racial, multi-lingual, educated etc. These other identities are forced into competition with the "shameful" and marginalized new identity.

Some people choose to embrace their marginalized identity and center their lives around these things, for example a once battered woman turned activist who works with battered women. Another example would be a recovering alcoholic choosing to support others in their quest for sobriety. The centering of this identity surpasses a volunteer level, but moves to paid work as well as possible volunteering. Literally, life in these situations is entirely focused on this "shameful" identity.

The other possibility is to downplay such identities and to focus on something else. I think of the case of Maya Angelou who could have focused much of her writing and energy on the fact that she was molested and raped as a child. She could have written much of her work about - and championed victims of - sexual abuse and assault, however she did not. She chose a wider platform that included socio-economic, race, gender, and orientation identities rather than a single pigeon-holed identity of "victim."

Of course no one is a single thing. Each person has multiple facets, each informing the other. Experiences, preferences, and inherent abilities all contribute to the people we are. Often, however, one aspect or set of aspects stands out. One or a set of identities speaks to us more. We identify with a given set more strongly, and there are reasons for this (our experiences and preferences, for example).

This is where a given person's purpose lies - surrounding those identities of utmost importance.

However there is tension in balancing a person's purpose with the potential of pigeon-holing. There is tension surrounding that question of pigeon-holing and acceptance by others. Will I be stereotyped if I come out? Will I always be only this one thing? Will my identity overshadow my purpose? Will it interfere with achieving my life purpose? - asks the self.

Inevitably, the answer is: I don't know. We cannot know. The other is the one who answers these questions by their actions - their acceptance and rejection. It is only when the self is made vulnerable by coming out that the answer can be given and received. Until then, there is only anxious speculation.

We all have secrets. We all have hidden parts of ourselves. With every hidden piece, there is a debate regarding with whom we render ourselves vulnerable. For those who live more public lives - bloggers, writers, pastors, politicians, celebrities - the debate is more intense. The revelation of a secret self has more lasting and difficult implications. Will my brand be impacted? Will my image be impacted positively or negatively (because it will be impacted one way or another)? Is it worth it? Is it more important to be honest and authentic than to worry about the potential fallout? How strongly do I identify with this part of myself? If I decide to come out, how should I do it? Will it be quiet? Will it be for maximum impact? If so, what would create maximum impact?

These are the questions we ask ourselves. These are the questions that keep us up at night because there are no easy answers. There are no right answers. There are only answers that align with a person's purpose and those that do not. So it comes down to choice: what is your purpose? Who is your secret self? Will sharing your secret self with others further your purpose in this world? If the answer is yes, then it's time. It's time to come out.

What Change Wrought: Relationship, Writer's Block, and Self-Development

Sometimes strong feelings or major life events can be inspiring to a writer. Other times, they are the exact opposite.

For a while I was doing very well with my daily writing goals. I was consistent. Frequently I more than surpassed them by several thousand words! Recently, however, I've been struggling. I haven't written consistently in some time. I missed July by a long shot, neglecting my publication goal despite its reachability. I mean, Khloe could have been done by now. And I want to finish, intellectually. But I just don't have the motivation.

Part of this has been because my son has grown into a more active phase in his development. He does require energy stores that I used to put solely towards writing. However, to place the blame squarely on my child's activity level is unfair and unrealistic. Yes, his energy draw is large, but he takes naps. He plays by himself. He sleeps earlier than I do. I could realistically write even with his increased mobility. There is more going on. Much more.

As you know from reading earlier posts, I've been on quite a journey this year. Every week brings new change in myself and my perspective. It has been a healing time. It has been a beneficial time. I have learned things about myself and come to conclusions in this year that I never could have at other times in my life. I work out 6 days a week. I study Spanish daily. I try to eat balanced meals. I try to meditate at least once a day. I'm working towards specific professional goals.

And I am sincerely grateful for this. I am healthier, stronger, and generally more focused. It is an exciting time for me.

Unfortunately I have a major area of my life that is holding me back and I feel this is impacting my writing. My mind is so focused on this area that I have been uninspired to write. For someone like me who typically writes daily and has multiple books independently published, this is a strange turn.

I would even go so far as to say I have no interest in writing.

In fact, writing this blog post was a chore. I struggled to pick up the laptop. I wrote lines of several other posts and even wrote entire completely different posts before finally settling on this topic as worthy of publication on my blog. I agonized over the words in this post. I fretted over coming clean about this issue. And even still, there is much more I could confess to you, my gentle readers. But what should I say? What is too much? What is enough without making people uncomfortable?

Crazy, right? I mean, who does that? And what could possibly twist me up so badly as to cause such difficulties?

Well, I will answer: the next phase in my life journey. I am applying to PhD programs, and that necessarily is a point of excitement and trepidation. If I don't get accepted, it doesn't matter. I would be disappointed but I would get over it. I would decide on another goal. Rejection is not my worry. My worry is that it will create more relationship difficulties than I have at present.

You see, when someone undergoes transformation, it is impossible for things to stay the same. The equilibrium is disrupted and suddenly old habits don't fly any more. New things are required. Change doesn't just happen in the person transforming, but all around that person has to change. The question is, how?

Absolutely I have transformed. It began with my pregnancy and has continued for the 11 months since my son's birth. I am a completely different woman, with a completely different understanding of how I want to be in the world. Part of this had to do with acceptance of myself, part of it had to do with deciding what I wanted and then actually taking realistic measurable steps towards those things. And quite frankly, I know my husband isn't interested in the same things I'm interested in. It is not that he is consciously working against me getting my goals, but he isn't helping me get them either. As I try to shoot higher and higher, I feel more and more that I am weighted down.

I don't feel this way because I no longer love my husband or because he is sabotaging me. Neither of those things are strictly true. I feel this way because the longer and more entrenched my transformation becomes, the clearer it is to me that my husband is unable to change.  Or rather, he is so worried about what steps he should take, he doesn't take any. He doesn't change because he doesn't feel 100% confident in what he wants. He goes back and forth, afraid to stay where he is, and afraid to move forward. While he's waffling, I'm moving forward with my life, leaving him in the dust. I'm growing and changing quickly and he isn't...

It is pretty clear why I've been struggling with writing.

How can you do anything you love when something so crucial as your relationship is in the hands of someone else? I don't know. I struggle with it every day. It is painful to watch my spouse rely on old habits and struggle against the changing landscape that is our relationship and his very different wife. It is painful to watch him make choices that inevitably cause discord and difficulty. It is painful to watch him make choices that utilize a kind of logic that doesn't make the remotest bit of rational sense to me.

We're one week away from our 6 year anniversary, and I wonder how things will be moving forward. It is no longer my decision. I have made my choices and I'm comfortable with them. I just hope that he actively chooses his own transformation, one that will enhance and enrich my own. I hope he decides to join me.

In the mean time, I wonder. I wonder when things will change in such a way that I am once more inspired to write. I wonder what would make the difference for him. I wonder what will inspire him to transform. I wonder when I will be able to truly move forward in every aspect of my life. I can't handle the stagnation. It is upsetting.

Because right now, when I hold the computer on my lap, I don't want to write. I don't want to open my word processor. I don't want to open my blog post editor.

I just want to browse the web and forget.

Writer: The Irresponsible Student

Is it irresponsible to write about something which you have not mastered? Perhaps this is true for very select subjects - success maybe? But even there I am not sure this is strictly true.

I can take this question literally and say I am being quite irresponsible by not having mastered "werewolves." I have written 2 books about them and yet... am I adept?

Or what about gods? Have I mastered them? Am I irresponsible for writing my Khloe series?

This question ignores one of the principle purposes of writing - writing to understand. If we follow the now predominant held belief that mastery occurs with 10,000 hours of work, it is likely that only the obsessive and the old can be masters and therefore, writers.

This, however, is a ridiculous notion.

I write to discover. I write to understand. I write to organize the thoughts of my chaotic mind.

In some ways, we can never truly become masters. We are perpetual students because there is always more for us to learn. There is always more to discover, puzzle out, clarify, and connect.

This is the work of idea-makers, dreamers, and wordsmiths. This is the forge of the mind.

Mastermind Groups, Mentors, and Grunts - Oh My!

Recently I've begun listening to binaural beats, relaxation tracks, and subliminal affirmations.

I know. Hooby dooby shit. But stick with me on this.

As I wrote earlier this year, life has been generally sucky. In fact, it's been so sucky, I decided (with the prompting one can only get from a meditative state) to write about this experience and the lessons I've learned from it.

That, however, is a different story.

The other more interesting and helpful prompt I received was about a mastermind group. Actually, I was thinking about ways to help my husband out of his funk and in the end, I came to realize it was a route for both of us.

 

 What is a Mastermind Group?

A mastermind group is a small group (maybe 6 at the max, but generally 3-4 people) of peers committed to helping one another achieve each other's goals. This is primarily self-work in the career area, but it doesn't have to stay there. If the group decided to take a session to brainstorm about ways to get their dream houses, I'm sure that would work just fine. It is really a tool for the group, so whatever the group decides, that's how it will work.

Ideally each group member brings different things to the table within a given area. You might even be a member of several different groups that focus on different areas. In my ideal world, I'd probably have a mommy-blogger group and an indie genre writing group (and by ideal world, I mean by the end of August...hint hint!).

But this mastermind group is only one transformative tool - granted an awesome one - but still only one. I feel that both my husband and I need a little more...

 O Mentor, Where Art Thou?

In comes the idea of mentor. Now I've wanted mentors - explicitly - for some time. I just had no clue how to go about courting someone who would spend the time on someone like me (I imagine this is a common problem for people.). Of course, my little meditation prompt led me to the perfect website that had the exact information I needed to read.

Just ask.

I mean, don't ask something like (insert Mr. Rogers' theme), "Won't-you-be-my-mentor?" but instead ask specific questions to people who you admire and think would have helpful answers. These are the kinds of people you want around you anyway - helpful people. Accessible helpful people who actually look at their Twitter mentions or their Facebook pages AND make seven figures annually are kind of amazing and perfect to answer your questions.

Yes, you can wade through thousands of websites and forums trying to find the information you seek, but wouldn't it be nicer just to go straight to the source? The idea of that kind of tedious research gives me a headache. Hell, just searching for people to ask questions of gave me a headache.

The Right Steps

Now that I have a plan of action, I have to put it into action. To be honest, just figuring this out today was a huge step in the right direction. Researching people was tiring, but again, a huge step in the right direction. And now? I need a break.

Even God rested. I'm just saying.

So what will I do the rest of today? Obviously I'm going to listen to my meditative tracks because clearly they're making a huge difference for me. I'm also going to write at least 1000 words because I really need to for my sanity. And then I'm going to listen to Jackson Browne because I'm supposed to be performing in a few weeks at a tribute night to the guy and he might show up (he does live around here).

Phew. I need to get realistic here; there's actually no rest for the wicked...

Self Work is Never Done

Anyone who says they don't have more to work on is delusional.

There's always more to work on. There's always room for improvement. The more you do, the more likely you will succeed because the closer you are to mastery. If you're already a master, you will only get better.

The challenge is finding those places to improve. I mean, you and I, we're too close to ourselves to always figure out what work needs to be done. We may know something needs changing, but how do we find those areas of need? And then, how do we go about fixing them?

Lately I've been doing a lot of self-reflection. I'm in an uncomfortable situation in my life and there has been a lot of upheaval surrounding me. I see the world going to hell in a hand basket, and I feel out of control. There's little I can do about the world, but it would be nice if I had something to cling to that was more stable at home. I mean, something that was for sure...and safe...and well, easy.

Earlier this year I'd gotten into the habit of journaling and writing things I was grateful for every night. A little yoga before or after this journaling really made a difference too. And, then there was also the whole listening to affirmations thing I was doing. Well, for one reason or another, I got out of this habit. I substituted working out for this night time ritual (working out in the morning - not before bed! Geez!). At first, things continued going well.

But once again, I've gone to that dark place. I found myself frustrated with my situation and how slow change has been to come to my life. Instead, I felt like things were slowing down - or even going backwards.

I had so much going on in my head, I needed to do something. I picked up my journal. It seems, even with blogging, writing novels, and non-fiction books, I still have more words floating around that need release. The words, hateful, difficult, angry, disappointed, and depressed, flooded out. And then inspiration struck.

How could I change my life if I didn't know where I needed to change myself? My thinking was all wrong. I was so focused on negative things, on the fact that things weren't changing, on my unhappiness, there was no way I was going to move forward. I've read a bagillion self-help books in an effort to get ahead of my negative preoccupation, and I've had little luck. I needed something more pointed.

Cell phone to the rescue!

I found an app.

Surprising.

But there is an app, or twelve, that include personality/psychological tests to help you pinpoint areas where you need improvement. The one I found was Know Yourself. While the name leaves something to be desired, the comprehensive testing options and articles to combat issues found in your results were impressive.

I mean, I've taken a lot of those goofy tests...but none of them attached helpful content to my problem areas. In fact, few of them identified my problem areas the way this app did.

The Complete Personality Test was long, and the results were nearly as long as the test itself. However, the feedback was invaluable. It helped me unpack areas and habits that need attention (desperately!). It also affirmed other areas, some of which were pleasant surprises (things I never thought of came to light). I haven't yet been able to read all the attached articles, or put exercises in place to change my focus, but I'm hopeful. I feel like I'm on the right track, not only personally, but also professionally.

Sometimes you just need to get right with God, I mean, yourself. Yeah...yourself. ;-)

Hate Your Life - It's Good For You!

There are about a thousand things going through my head right now, but I'll try to keep to one or two because, well...that's usually a good idea when you're writing (even if you're writing in a casual setting like a blog).

To be completely honest, I had a total breakdown earlier this week. There was sobbing, statements made that I'd rather never repeat, and admissions that at another time in life may have only brought me down. I have long suffered the curse of self-doubt, self-deprecation, and many other wretched things.

I'm done. Well, at least for the foreseeable future.

I've been reinvigorated.

How, you're asking? Maybe you're thinking, I too have suffered these awful things and worse - much worse. My first world problems are the worst of anyone I know! Yes yes. I understand, and I am happy to share my secret. It came with a confession - the ultimate confession.

Currently, I hate my life.

I'll give you the rundown, not to make this into a pity party, but rather to be entirely factual and clear about where I'm coming from.

• I live with my parents - an increasingly common situation these days.
• I stay at home with my baby - granted he's a sweetheart, but I'm not exactly the stay at home type.
• I have very few friends (if I can say any) outside my family in my current location.
• I struggle to complete my writing goals, and compared to many, have a long way to go.
• I am not currently, nor have I ever worked in my field of study.
• Between my husband and I, we have a mountain of student loan debt.
• My husband works in an industry that does not pay well, despite the high level of expertise and responsibility required of him.
• I am not anywhere near the level of success I envisioned for myself as a younger person.

I hate that. All of that. I could let that hate consume me and make me wallow and take my situation into all new spectacular lows, and indeed, when I had this mini-meltdown, I thought it would.

To my great pleasure, it had the opposite effect.

Rather than dragging me down, it spurred me forward. It was a bit like living in that wretched apartment in Phoenix complete with termites, roaches, no working fridge or AC. I did that for 6 months. You see, I hated that apartment so much, I bought a house. Granted there were other issues with that, but I got the house I wanted and I loved that house while living the remainder of my time in Phoenix.

And that experience illustrates something else; high pressure wretchedness motivates me. It makes me want things - want things so badly I'll do anything to get what I want. So I will.

That's the key to all those crazy self-development books. Nothing else really matters. When you want something bad enough, you will do anything and everything to get it. When you do anything and everything, you will get it. That's what happens. The question is, do you want it badly enough? There is no half-assing at this level. You have to want it. Really. I mean...REALLY.

Fortunately, I do. I really, really do. Now if everyone around me could get on board with things (I'm thinking of the crying baby in the next room), we could get things moving towards some kind of wonderful.

When have you been spurred to change your situation? What was the moment of action for you? Leave a comment below!

You Don't Deserve Anything

I'm glad that some people have framed this whole mess as an act of violence against women. I'm glad that people have recognized this as an issue of privilege and delusional expectations.

I am thankful it is causing discussions about handguns yet again and about the psychological states of our youth. I am glad of those things.

If the disturbed young man involved in this horror was in fact a sociopath (which I think is safe to say he is an "unsuccessful sociopath" judging by the transcription of his video) he could not have been rehabilitated. All the therapy about misplaced mommy rage would have no impact. If on the other hand, it was a case of entitlement - i.e. he should be able to have anything he wants whenever he wants, including women, there may have been the possibility of redemption.

Though I personally believe this kid was a sociopath, I think his language speaks to a greater issue that impacts not only the criminally insane or mentally disturbed, but all young people. That is the issue of entitlement, specifically male entitlement.

I find it to be profoundly disturbing that entitlement can go this far. It makes me think of how I want to raise my son and how many in younger generations expect certain things to be handed to them. Fair warning, I may offend you (especially if you have been spoiled, sheltered, or have weirdly thin skin).

For these lovely entitled individuals and all parents everywhere (please talk about these things with your kids if you haven't already) I have this to say :

1. You don't always get what you want. Even if you have a trust fund.
2. Other people are not objects to be used and discarded at will.  They are people with dreams, thoughts, goals, and desires all their own.
3. Other people have thoughts and feelings which are completely unconnected to whatever your issues might be.
4. Other people's feelings have value that is equal to yours. This means they deserve respect, even if they are the opposite to yours.
5. If no one likes you, it's not their problem. It's yours.
6. If you ask someone out and they say no, you can ask them why. If it has to do with one of your personal character flaws, guess what? You can choose to change it, or let it be.
7. You do not deserve anything except what you earn for yourself. If someone decides to give you something, it is a gift and should be received with gracious humility.
8. If you want to change a situation, first examine yourself. What would you need to do in order to make something happen that you want? Decide what those things are and do them.
9. Don't whine. You have no right to whine unless you've tried to change your situation.
10. You're not inherently special. Get over yourself.

Detox Life and Reach Goals

Since I started adhering to a writing plan that involves daily and weekly goals, I'm back on track in other aspects of my life. In fact, I would say that I'm in the process of cleaning house.

How, do you ask?

Well, at first it was journaling. I was going through a real dark time, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Journaling helped me to release a lot of things going through my mind which freed me to work on other things (read: writing).

Then I added yoga. I'm not one of those people who is into mixing spiritual disciplines so I was a little hesitant to do this before now. The reason I finally came around and decided to add it to my daily routine is because it can be a kind of meditation. Meditation is good for the body, mind, and spirit. It releases tension can help the body rid itself of toxins etc. It's just a good idea all the way around.

So I hopped onto the Hindu bandwagon for some yoga (just yoga...no pantheon or holy thread or anything). It's been a real blessing and incredibly nourishing to me on every level. I also think I get to sleep faster because of it (probably because of how relaxing it is - this has nothing to do with my new mom sleep deprivation...I swear!).

Then I started adding daily workouts on top of these things. This is something I've really just begun doing this week with any consistency. I had been doing some casual circuit training using my baby as resistance, but that was very sporadic at best (and who knows how effective it was being at achieving my fitness goals other than building muscle). This week I added some kickboxing circuit training videos and next week I plan to up the ante with some other circuit training and HIIT videos. These are ideal for me because they're short but effective, which means I can do them without leaving my baby playing in his play area for too long. The only problem with them is I kind of want them to be longer...or more intense feeling (I sense I'll be adding some low level weights to these puppies!).

I say this now, but talk to me in a week...

My next step is to implement better eating choices...

And then who knows? More active promotion? Actively socializing (sensing a trend here?)?

Needless to say I'm doing these things while I'm reaching my writing goals every day, and I'm taking care of my little man. I know that as I move through this time, every aspect of my life is getting cleaner and the next step of everything is becoming clearer. It's a great feeling.

Sometimes you just need to do some spring cleaning of yourself.

One Week Later - 2014 Writing Plan In Action

I can't believe it took me this long to figure out the best way to divide and conquer writing! Why didn't I do this before?!

So far reaching my daily goal has been very doable for me. When I have a day that I can't for some reason, I just make up the difference the next day. I've been following this plan for a week and I'm actually a little ahead of my word count goals AND I'm finished with my first book and have moved onto the second which may be finished sooner than I expected.

Phew!

Things are moving faster than I anticipated in part because my word counts were just estimates. In some cases they were pretty far off (50% off for several of the non-fiction pieces). It also helps that I had some of the writing done already (in one form or another). In short, I'm jamming. It's a great place to be. It's a place of power.

I feel so empowered by the movement on my 2014 writing plan, I'm already aggressively pursuing other things (after I meet my word count daily that is!), including where we want to live etc. I've been doing yoga every night along with journaling. The whole thing has made my life so much clearer. I feel like a completely different person.

Now that I've taken some of the clear steps I have to figure out the next ones - such as promotion (i.e. how to get the readers), how to get the house, the car, and make the connections I need to make. I wanted to share my immediate joy with you now, and let you know how helpful I've found this process so far. Next time (or at least soon) I'll share with you some of the insights I've come across in promotion etc. Hopefully they'll shed some light on things for other writers and creatives in similar situations.

And now some more steps...