Publishing Goals Revisited

Well, it seems I was a bit too ambitious with my publishing goals for 2011.  The editing and review process is going much slower than I would like, and unfortunately, it is necessary before attempting to submit something.  Submissions cost time, money, and resources on both my part, and the part of anyone at the reviewing magazine or organization.  I don't want to waste anyone's time.  Besides, your work is a reflection of yourself.  You want it to be the best it can possibly be, right?

When is it acceptable to submit something? I hear of authors pumping out books and going through the editing process in less than a year.  I know from personal experience that writing a thing can take very little time.  Editing a thing is a whole other story.  If you are lucky, you can find someone whose job is solely that of an editor.  Or even more likely, you might find someone who is a voracious reader.  Then it goes quickly.  Unfortunately for me, I have limits to what I can do as well as ask others to do.  So I come to a bump in my road to publication.  Damn them.  Damn them all ("They" are the things outside of my control that I cannot change which make this an uphill battle).

So it has come down to this - I need to do more research.  I need to select some edited chapters from the books I have written, and I need to submit them to journals who are likely to be interested.  It looks like simultaneous submissions are generally a bad idea.  So instead, I will refrain and pull an Eddie Izzard by creating more potential content rather than consolidating.  It sounds crazy.  It feels crazy.  I've had difficulty getting myself around short stories in the past.  There are some that seem to tumble their way out of my fingers on to the hard drive space of my computer in minutes, while others suffer a sort of inspirational constipation.  By the way, this is just as painful as it sounds.

And then of course, there is the big whammy - Phoenix Rising.  This book is killing me.  I like rewriting a lot more than I like writing it, which of course, I have to do.  I can't continue to rewrite without it being complete.  Grrr.  I need to finish it so when a chapter is published in some lit mag, and someone loves it, I can hand that person a full manuscript if necessary.  That's how it works.  First time novelists need to have the whole shebang up front.  There isn't much leeway when you haven't already proven yourself.  The process is enough to make me wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. 

It's time to take a minute and prioritize.  Keeping things in a cerebral level without taking action because of hurdles outside of my control isn't going to get me any closer to actualizing my goals.  So, what's a freaked aspiring author supposed to do? Get over it.  I'm going to buy a book that will make research easier as far as submission goes.  I'm going to pick my chapters.  I'm going to edit them again.  I'm going to write whatever cover letters are necessary and we're going for broke.  It's now or never, and I can't handle never, which leaves me with one choice.  Now.

Finishing - That Book Won't Write Itself

I'm lying in bed and awake way too early thinking about writing. My writing group was cancelled yesterday for low RSVPs but my cultivated group of writing partners is taking off. Because writing has become a huge part of my life, my inbox and Twitter account are full of writing references. My inbox with emails exchanging selections reminds me of the next steps I need to take in a variety of pieces. My Twitter account spits out witty quotations from famous authors and links to articles with 10 steps and the like.

The message is clear to me now. After trading a few chapters of Phoenix Rising, I realized I needed to finish the book. This is not only because I need to keep up with my reader's insatiable appetite, but more importantly, how can I correct the thing unless I have it in its entirety? How can I make Olivia grow or explain the depths underneath Paul's stoicism? It works a hell of a lot better when you have a finished story, even if it is incredibly rough.

So what is the goal this Saturday? To write maybe 11000. It's time to pump something out. Hopefully I can do it again on Sunday, but before the AFC game. I do love my craft but I have to pay homage to the STEELERS. But of course, on Monday it is time to go back to the story... no matter what the final score.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Games and Exercise

Well, The Brothers is written.  Finished.  Completed.  Now off for the first read through and the editing process begins.  I've a number of different ideas about it, but first the best thing is to wait for some feedback.  In the mean time, I've been researching literary magazines and contests where I can submit excerpts and short stories (the likes of which I will be writing this week and part of the following before returning to work on Phoenix Rising to bring that to completion).

In fact, I went to a book store today looking at literary magazines.  My mother-in-law gave me a gift card for Barnes and Noble which I fully intended to use to aid in my quest for literary greatness.  Unfortunately, Barnes and Noble isn't really known for its literary magazines.  I looked through the periodicals, found a couple that looked sort of interesting, but of course their combined cost was well over my gift card.  At least one of them was 20$ alone, and not containing writing or genres that pertained to me.  Unconvinced it was a good idea, I looked instead at games.  A house can always have more games.  There were a number of word games, drawing games, puzzles of various types, and innumerable things plastic, shining, covered in large kooky lettering that say things like "Good for ages 6 and up" and "For 4 or more players".   I went with something in the shape of a banana.  Who can resist the brilliant and simple packaging? Now they have apple and pear shaped games as well, those are more for young children however.  They even have double sized bananas!  As I write this, I realize it sounds a little wrong.  I mean of course a double sized version of Bananagrams! 

Luckily I now have the basic version so I can practice the thing in solitaire mode before battling with other more experienced players (ahem, you know who you are!).  While I am excited, Christian is only luke warm about the game because it is word based.  Oh well.  In his words, he'll learn to like it.

In addition to that, I got some fitness books because my current exercise routine is getting a little ho-hum.  Though not related to my professional goals in any way other than how I feel from day to day due to my health, it is intimately related to my personal goals.  It might be before the holidays, but I think it's as worthy a time as any to reinvigorate my work out routine.  It will make me feel a lot better about Thanksgiving and Christmas after, not to mention any binging that may occur on New Year's.  Yes.  Totally a worthy goal.  It's like Catholic indulgences.  I'm totally good for the holidays now.  Thank God for mother-in-laws, birthday money, and the brilliance of neutralizing things by paying them forward.  Yeah, I'm totally eating that last piece of pumpkin pie.

A to B - The Next Horrifying Step

"So the question is, what makes this special?"

I got on the phone today with a classmate of mine from art school who works at a small publishing house in New York City.  It was humbling and helpful all at once.  It got me thinking about all the different things that I need to be doing to help promote my writing, and the list is long.  It's not just a little bit of schmoozing here and lip service there.  Apparently it's an uphill battle.  Of course, he doesn't know that an uphill battle for me is anything remotely difficult.  This sounded like it was a little closer to climbing Everest than it did Potrero Hill.

I've read over and over about writers who have put in proposal after proposal only to be rejected.  I know there are really good books that never make the author any money, and really bad books that make an author tons of money.  There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to it, except what appeals to the marketplace at a given time.  Some authors die poor and starving waiting for someone to give them their due. A hundred years later, everyone rants and raves about their incredible art, long after any copyright has expired.  There is this sinking feeling I have in my gut that I will end up this way - alone, putting down a handle of Scotch daily, eating Top Ramen, and forgetting personal hygiene.  That's my big fear - that my failure will be so spectacular that I am incapable of rising again.

I doubt that I will be that bad off.  But the anxiety I have of ending up that way is so real to me, that it is paralyzing. Then I turn around and laugh at myself. It's ridiculous!  Other people have done these things!  They have.  There are plenty of people who have been successful authors with first novels, second novels, and novels made into movies.  They get on talk shows with Oprah and Ellen and get interviewed on the Today Show.  It happens.  It does.  Some of them even get to do Ted Talks.  That could be me.  I could do that.  I have everything I need to do that if I wanted to... I know the core is there.  This perpetual problem I have is affirmation.  I totally need it.  And the publishing world is not set up for people who need affirmation.  It's set up for the overly confident who are so strong they can take multiple rejections and still pursue.

Okay.  Actually I lied.  If a person has faith in their project, a few rejection letters wouldn't daunt them.  They would pursue. 

I say all these things, yet I haven't gotten a proposal letter written to a publisher or an agent.  One friend of a friend read a couple chapters of Phoenix Rising and said to pitch it to small publishers.  Another said I have so many ideas, I really should get an agent who can handle cross-genre authors.  Eek.  How many of those are there? Well, San Francisco is a veritable gold mine of agents and publishers.  Small publishers don't give very good advances, but big publishers won't look at you unless you're working through an agent.  And a good agent will get you to a big publisher.  How do you find a good agent? You look at the books you like, young authors writing in your genre who acknowledge their support systems. You find their agents.  You write them proposal letters.  You find the one editor in the Bay Area who is from Arizona, left because they hated it and will resonate with Phoenix Rising. You find the one person who when they went to high school felt like there was a whole other world on the fringes and have a love of mythology and folklore - then you pitch The Brothers.

And that my friends, is how its done.  So what is the next step? Research.  Reading lit mags to see what other authors are doing. Finding stories like mine so I can scoop up an agent that hopefully lives in San Francisco and not New York.  Then I start honing my proposal letter. Someone will bite.  It happens to people all the time.  I know it is waiting for me.  I just have to get over my bizarre starving drunken author fear and do it... right after I finish this bottle of Beckman Syrah.

For Air - More about The Brothers

A lot has happened in the past week.  Halloween, one of my favorite holidays, (although not necessarily for the reasons one might think) was on Sunday.  The mid-term elections happened on Tuesday (bleh).  Then today, something that impacted me most directly, I broke 100,000 words in The Brothers.

I should be clear, this is not where I expected to go at all.  In fact, the story has ended up dealing with some issues that people really don't like to talk about, and of course, the way people deal with them.  It's about difference, growing up, feeling the pressures that breed in social circles, and balancing the obligations that come within one's station in life. It explores the differences between primary and secondary socialization - that is, how a person first learns to be in the world, and then a totally new way of interacting in the world and all the troubles that come with it.

I feel more comfortable with this story because it is more fantastic, and I really enjoy delving into worlds that can be, rather than the one that so painfully is. It's a tangible method of escapism. 

My dad once told me the best thing to be able to do is to sing a song, so you can really feel it.  One better is to play and sing. But the best thing is to be able to play and sing the song you wrote.  Writing this book has been more like an act of reading it as it is being written.  I feel like I am entirely immersed in the story.  It is actually happening to me as I write it.  I ask myself questions like, what will happen to this character? How can this issue possibly get resolved? Should I kill this guy off? Then I wake up in the middle of the night, eyes flap open, and I know what will happen and I have to type it out right then.

Phoenix Rising  is very much about the world that is, what is mundane and painful, joyful and humorous. It documents what really happens to people struggling between two competing conceptions of what it means to be a young American.  I've gotten to the point where I need to finish The Brothers (which I hope to do this weekend) before I can go back to Phoenix Rising.  It seems The Brothers could become a series, or a collection of separate stories within the same world.  I'm not sure yet.  As it is, 100,000 words has taken up 2.25 months in the story.  The editing process will no doubt pare it down, but holy crap!  I was hoping to make it through another 7 months.  I just don't know if that will happen.  But then again, books like Pride and Prejudice focus on certain periods of excitement for a group of chapters and then gloss over the boring periods of the characters' lives.  Because really, who cares if your roast ham didn't turn out so well or the pigs had gotten into the garden? I'd rather read a sexy scene between Lizzy and Darcy!  Thus, it is entirely possible to speed things up so to speak... or it could end up being several books like The Mortal Instruments trilogy.  Right now, I just don't know.  Christian admonishes me telling me I should round it out and plan the end.  I disagree.  I feel the story will come to a natural end on its own, as many good stories do.  The ideas are there, I just need to commit them to an Open Office document.

Well, I've been remiss in keeping you up to date in my wild thoughts and random happenings mostly because my life for the past week has consisted almost entirely of writing this book.  I sincerely promise to be better but I don't think I can make any guarantees.  The upshot is I get to learn things about the Gaulish calendar, Germanic gods, and the stats of the Bentley Continental Flying Spur Speed.  You might ask yourself, what do all these things have in common? I can give you a two word answer - The Brothers.

Two Paths to Tell

This is the way it starts.  An idea comes out of the blue, and you just have to see it to the end.  So you start visualizing and writing and suddenly you have a full cast of characters and a general idea of where it's going, but maybe not clearly.

For me there are two processes of writing.  One is the classically planned out things where you know exactly where the story will go.  It's clear.  The other is a process of revelation.  This second is much more dangerous and much more intriguing.  I'm in the throes of the second right now.  Phoenix Rising was predetermined.  It has a clear beginning and end.  I know exactly what is happening to Olivia and Paul as they live out the two years in the book.

My latest story idea, The Brothers, is not predetermined. It is a creature thing. It's a wild ride.  I feel drawn into it and nervous about it all at once, and yet I have this drive to keep writing it.  It is very much a rabbit hole.  Rather than letting the excitement go, or losing the ideas I have, I'm just writing it.  The story begs to be written.  It pushes from the recesses of me to my fingers gracing the keys.  It is turbulent and tempestuous and makes me worry that I have no control over it at all.  But of course, if we believe in muses, geniuses, and true inspiration, then the writer is merely a conduit for a story, not the true creator.  In this case, I feel very much like a teller of the tale, not the creator.  So I take a break from work and from writing to let you in on this nasty secret of mine before returning feverishly to writing.

Next Gen of Awesome

It's weird to grow up.  Mostly because I see these people I spent my formative years with and they're doing all kinds of amazing things. I'm filled with wonder at my acquaintances/friends/schoolmates/relatives and their abilities.  You can never know where you'll end up, what you'll do, or who you will become.  There are clues and hints along the way, but only so many people hit that sweet spot. It appears that a number of people I knew were lucky and smart enough to find it.

If someone had told an earlier version of me that Odain would be on the cover of Billboard, or Dan would be touring the world playing folk music, or that Eli would be rapping in French, or that Elizabeth would be singing opera all over the world I would have probably laughed.  It's too unbelievable, and frankly, it's just too fricking AWESOME. That doesn't happen to people you know - those are the pipe dreams of children that are impossible to realize. They are the dreams that get sideswiped and instead people become middle managers or cube monkeys. Yet all these things are true. Dreams can come true, and have.

Those are just four people from different times and places in my life that have done great things, and there are so many more.  I find myself being motivated and inspired by these awesome people who I grew up with because they too are pursuing their creative passions with success.  If I can do the same thing with writing, I feel like I will have made it. 

So now, after having landed a job that will actually support Christian and I, I feel free to really let go and write.  That was the main thing that was holding me back the last few months.  It's amazing what stress about your basic needs will do to your creative process.  Now I see the steps laying themselves out in front of me and I find myself feeling safe in my choices in a way that I couldn't previously.  It's an intense relief.  My shoulders can now peel themselves off my ears.  Thank GOD.  My words are tumbling out more quickly than I can type them, thousands of them winding their way to Phoenix Rising.  Once it's done, the editing process begins.  When that's done, the selling myself to publishers and agents begins.  From there I feel like it will be a quick jump to movies and the next book.  The sky is truly the limit.  The path is clear.  I can walk now.

Confessions of Writer's/Life Block

I have great ideas.  I have them all the time.  I have a new idea of a thing I could do probably once an hour.  The problem is implementation.  I hate all the nitty gritty parts of implementing a thing.  I really need someone else to do that.  I have so many business ideas and visions about how great things will be, and I have no one who can help me bring them to fruition.  I'm not even sure I want to bring them to fruition.  For example, I walk down the street in downtown Hayward and I see these empty store fronts.  I look at them and see the potential of the place and I want to buy them.  I want to buy them all.  I want to buy them and put amazing businesses in them which would help gentrify this place.  I know that sounds horrible, the last bit, but that's what I see in my head, these beautiful signs on the front and interesting things in the windows.  But I can't buy or lease one of those store fronts.  I don't know if I'm even going to be in this spot for 2 years.  But if I'm not, what will I be doing? I have the urge to start a business, but I need to focus on the the book.  Ah yes, the book.

That may have been the hardest thing to do, just to start writing this book, and then to keep going.  It's actually one of the scariest things I've ever done (not the just the hardest), and it's one of the easier ones I could do (out of my scary ideas).  I'm at a point where I am losing motivation.  You can tell by the decreasing number of times I post my word count.  It's embarrassing.  I want to post a word count, but I can't bring myself to work on this project which is becoming harder and harder for me to do.  Now I'm spending most of my writing time on this blog, which isn't a bad thing, but I could certainly do better with spending at least a little time working on this goofy book. It's not goofy, it's good, but I've gotten to a part in the story which depresses me.  It's difficult to write about something so depressing.  Maybe upsetting is a better word for the moment in the plot.  Maybe I'm just impatient to have the whole thing done.

It doesn't help that everything else is at a stand still.  Perhaps that's a good metaphor for life.  That and this laptop is causing my wrists to get a little sore with all my typing.  That's what I do all day.  I need to do something else.  That's why I think I need to have a job that doesn't involve computers or writing... most of those are not exactly top payers, but it would definitely be an improvement.  I think it's time to do some art, if only for a break from the computer.

Incidentally, if you have any ideas about jobs for me or know any contacts in East Bay, please send them my way.  Right now I like the idea of working for a boutique lingerie shop (though I'm scared of fitting ladies into bras just a little bit), an organic/natural soap shop (which I can find nothing bad about), or a tea shop (a place where things would be sold not served if you know what I mean).  Remember, I'm looking for part time.  All suggestions are welcome!

Phoenix Rising Cover Contest... what do you think?

Originally I was going to let my husband do the art for the cover of my book.  Now I'm kind of thinking I want to open it up and have a contest for the best book cover.  Needless to say, Christian doesn't have the time or energy to spend on this now, and it would be nice to have the cover on any posts about  Phoenix Rising. The cover art could be submitted to the blog and then people could poll on whichever they liked best.  Maybe it could be a vote once a day thing.

I'm not entirely sure how this would work, but I have a feeling it's a great idea.  It's an opportunity not only for you to get your art out there but also for people who have been keeping up with this blog and my creative process to take a bigger part in the creation of this book.  I really feel that everyone in my life contributes to the writing of this thing, so why not help out with the cover too?

What does everyone think?

My Life is a Movie

When I was in high school I thought of myself as virtually invisible.  I didn't understand the social dynamics in which I inhabited.  It wasn't until senior year when the yearbook had a bunch of candids of me with friends and photos of me in various extracurricular activities that I realized I wasn't invisible.  I just didn't hang out with the people who were getting trashed constantly and making a mess of themselves at parties with drugs and alcohol.  Instead I hung out with a small group of people, the majority of whom ended up going to Ivy Leagues and the like. 

After that, my life was less clearly defined.  Everything moved much faster.  Art school flew by with a series of events that became legend, though sometimes my name wasn't listed, or the whole story wasn't told.  Mostly it was surrounding the antics of my then crazy boyfriend (sorry dude). I left art school needing a break from it as well as him.

That summer I went to Costa Rica for a mission trip, and that had its own set of wild circumstances and drama that only I could end up drawing out.  From there I ended up moving to paradise, Santa Barbara CA.  I am sure I tormented quite a few boys during my year off from school.  I decided I would go back to college at my parents' alma mater and became bi-coastal.  Half of my junior year ended up taking place in Central Europe where everything was weird and every day seemed to bring another crazy story, from Chinese business men looking for English tutors hitting on me to being in a double decker bus with a bunch of crazed Serbians with an understandable grudge against Americans.  From graduation it was a year volunteering in AmeriCorps which was another adventure.  Graduate school followed with 6 months in India that was a series of adventures all of which were epic and next to impossible to manufacture.  Immediately after graduation I got married, moved to Phoenix and got the material I needed for Phoenix Rising. Now I'm in the Bay Area and it's a new series of adventures that have plot points which only occur when involving people who are risk-takers, dreamers, and people who don't let life happen to them but go and make it happen for them.  That's my life. 

Some people go home and the most exciting thing that happens to them is their car breaks, so they take it to the mechanic.  Their nail breaks so they go to the salon.  Maybe they turn on the TV and watch the latest waste of time reality TV show that follows someone's Hollywood manufactured life.  They buy a dog, so they have to get new carpet cleaner.  My life has never been that boring.  Sometimes I wish it was. Mostly I don't, because then, well, I'd be bored.  Plus I'd never have enough inspiration to write.  I realized this last night as Christian and I walked to the Redbox to bring back a movie. Our car is still broken so we had to walk. Luckily the grocery store hosting the Redbox is about a mile away - easy walking distance.  We're both feeling guilty like our current situation is our fault.  So our conversation while walking consisted mostly of apologies.  Then I realized that if we hadn't made the choices we had, we wouldn't have any of these crazy stories.  We wouldn't have the adventures.  I wouldn't have the inspiration for my writing.  Perhaps life would be easier, but it wouldn't be nearly as exciting or as much fun.  How else should you live your life but really live it?  Why wouldn't you take the risks to make something of yourself? Doesn't everyone want to have a legacy in this world? I know I do.  I don't think I could live with myself if I didn't. 

Of course, it means that sometimes life sucks.  Sucks major wang.  There's nothing you can do to avoid it.  interesting stories always have that part.  Interesting movies always have that moment where the heroine is at her bottom and you wonder, what is she going to do to get out of this? My movie is a comedy, so something always saves the day.  But then again, I got all the family luck.

Back Cover revised

Revised based on fan feedback. ;-)

Phoenix Rising

Olivia Ashfield, educated, fashionable, and cultured, was the kind of woman that had big plans.  She wanted to save the world from itself one blade of grass at a time. She knew what image she presented to the world, what car she would drive, what house she would own, what man she would marry.  She had her five year goals, which were going to plan like clock-work, or so she thought.

Everything changed when she married a man who wanted to become a motorcycle mechanic.  This meant she would leave the worldly paradise of coastal California to move to the 120 degree summer heat of Phoenix. Suddenly she was living in Hades' special apartment next to the Hell's Angels and across from crack heads. Navigating her new life complete with sub-culture shock, a set of quirky in-laws and a job unrelated to her education, she must make her way in the desert landscape. What could she use to guide her through the morass of new stresses putting her under pressures she never would have imagined?  Olivia would have to find the strength to get through the most difficult two years of her life or throw everything she worked for away. Could she learn anything from this wild ride? Would she be able to prevent herself from crashing into the sound wall during her daily commute? Would she be able to hold together her new marriage under numerous stresses in the divorce capital of America? Find out in Phoenix Rising.

The Back Cover Summary...

This is a time I'm looking for help from friends, neighbors, and the random person who comes across this little blurb.  In an effort to drill down to what type of genre my book is, rather than requiring everyone to read the whole thing, I'm just going to give you the back cover description (which seems sort of fun for me to write anyway...)

Phoenix Rising: The Fall of a Progressive into Hell's Favorite City

Olivia Ashfield was the kind of girl that had big plans.  She wanted to save the world from itself one blade of grass at a time. She knew what image she presented to the world, what car she would drive, what house she would own. She was talented, educated, and interesting. She had her five year plan and everything was in step like clock-work, or so she thought.

Her plans changed drastically once she married a man who wanted to go to school to become a motorcycle mechanic.  Olivia left her high-fashion literati life style in the Central coast of California to move to the final layer of Hell, the bigoted cesspool of Phoenix. Suddenly she found herself living in Hades' special apartment next to the Hell's Angels and across from crack heads, with wild in-laws who couldn't understand her, working a job that had nothing to do with her education, her dreams, or her interests.  The only thing keeping her sane was the knowledge it would end with her new husband's certifications.  She just had to keep going.  Olivia would have to find the strength to get through the most difficult two years of her life or throw it all away. Could she learn anything from this wild ride? Would she be able to prevent herself from crashing into the sound wall during her daily commute? Would she be able to hold together her new marriage under numerous stresses in the divorce capital of America? Find out in Phoenix Rising: The Fall of a Progressive into Hell's Favorite City.


Thoughts are welcome and encouraged!