The Excitement of Adventure

San Bruno Mountain Reserve 2012

This post is part of the Open Book Blog Hop (begun by author P.J. Fiala) where you can learn more about authors and bloggers. The theme this week is fun.

My "fun" is limited. I'm a bit of a workaholic and a stay-at-home parent of an active toddler, which means 99% of my time is spoken for. I have to plan every part of my day and week just to make sure I can shower and brush my teeth. When I do get a spare minute, I am usually so tired, all I can do is watch the latest sci-fi creation out of Canada.

That said, when my husband is off work, we do family or date things. This often involves hiking, short excursions, and or movies. Today we went to the beach, took a long walk, and had a picnic. Afterwards we got frozen yogurt at a DIY yogurt bar. That is a pretty typical example of our family time.

Before Kiddo, however, things were a little different.

Halloween Shiny Toy Guns concert, Bako 2011

I really enjoy dancing - salsa, hip-hop, techno, swing, waltz, whatever. It brings me joy. I also love live music, especially funk and folk (though my interests are pretty varied). Dinner and dancing or a concert would be an ideal time for me. I also really enjoy art openings, festivals, and museums for daytime fun. So if I was childless and wanted to have some staycation-style fun, this would be it.

But more than this, I love adventuring. An adventure for me could be hiking, camping, or just exploring a new town. When I lived in the Bay Area, we would go on a different hiking trail every weekend, and often explore a new section of the Bay. Every weekend was a new adventure, and I absolutely loved it.

We try to do that everywhere we live. When we were in Phoenix, we would take a day in different parts of the city. We went to the mountains. We went to Sedona. We went to Tuscon. When we lived in Bakersfield, we explored Tehachapi. We sussed out all the cool spots. We went to Lake Isabella.

Now that we're in Santa Barbara County, it's hard to feel like there is any adventure left, because we've both lived in the area for significant portions of time. Having our son brings an element of newness to the place, but it's not quite the same. I'm still getting used to the change and embracing it. The next big adventure is scheduled for late September when we'll be camping in Big Sur with Kiddo and going to the Monterrey Bay Aquarium. While I've been to both places when childless, I am excited to share them with my son and experience them as a family. It is different. There won't be dancing or concerts. Our pace will be slower, but I will get to experience it all through Kiddo's eyes. To see his joy when watching jellyfish tanks or when feeling the tide pool exhibit will be wonderful.

What do you consider fun? Leave a comment below! 

Tracy

Speaking of fun, check out chick lit and women's fiction author Tracy Krimmer. Her new book, Jay Walking is on pre-order on Amazon. You can read about this, her other novels, and check out her blog at her site here! Also be sure to like her Facebook Author page here.

 
Also, if you're interested in joining our blog hop, link up below!

An InLinkz Link-up

When You Lose It All

If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, you already know I asked for positive thoughts and prayers in the last day or so. If you've been keeping up with my various blogs, you know we've had a few hurdles this summer, except none of them was as big as the one that appeared this morning.

Christian lost his job.

I'm taking a deep breath now, so I can let that sink in again. It doesn't seem completely real. If I stop to think about it, I begin wondering about the logistics we face in the next month.

There are the bills we have to pay. There is the food we need in order to live. There is the fact that rent in the Bay is exorbitant and now, even with our loans on forbearance we don't have the income to support the measly loft where we currently reside. There's the fact that we have a baby on the way and I'm not sure what our insurance situation is going to look like, or if we will have to move out of the area and look for a new care provider in the last few weeks of my pregnancy. Oh, did I mention we don't have any baby gear AT ALL right now? There is no car seat, no diapers (cloth or otherwise), and no place for kiddo to sleep.

We are, more than ever before, at a crossroads. We have nothing. There is no emergency fund. There is no job waiting in the wings. We have fallen as low as we've ever fallen and there is no net (Thanks America for not believing social democracy is a thing worth pursuing! You've made this possible!).

We have three main things we can do (and I'm not even sure if they're doable):

1. Christian can file for unemployment.
2. Christian can apply for jobs.
3.  We can try to start our own business.

These could all happen at the same time. They're not mutually exclusive, and frankly, I think they're all worth pursuing at this point. As such, my writing and publishing goals are going to be put on hold while I help Christian get things going. Being able to eat, having a place to sleep, and taking care of the baby are my top priorities. I don't think I'll completely stop working on book stuff, but I doubt that I'll be able to be nearly as aggressive as I wanted to be. If I can get 3 or 4 books published this summer, considering the craziness surrounding our living situation, I'll be amazed and incredibly proud of myself.

Granted, if I still pulled off publishing 7 books I would call that something near miraculous.

Whatever the case, print versions of the books are going to be put on hold until I have money to spend on purchasing proofs (you have to order a proof of each book to check for errors, formatting etc). The cost of the proofs varies depending on the type of book (binding and size), as well as the number of pages, and whether it is in color or black and white. I'm disappointed by this, but I don't have a choice at the moment.

I can't submit stories to magazines with reading fees.

The reality of my present situation is starting to set in, especially as how this will impact my personal goals.

And it hurts.

Even though I know practically what will happen on Monday (we'll put our loans on forbearance or deferment, start the unemployment papers, apply for jobs, and begin developing a business plan) I don't know what will happen to us after that. So much hangs in the balance. This is such a big change and it is incredibly scary and painful. I have to believe there is a reason for all this. I have to believe this was a way to clear the slate, to allow for something bigger and better. After all, I have been feeling like this year was going to be a big year. Maybe this had to happen to allow for the really good stuff to come into our lives. I hope so. I don't know that I'll be able to handle a lower fall.

Pregnancy Annoyances: Inconsideration

This morning I decided I would go for a walk on the beach. It was cool enough for me to not melt, and my midwives like it when I'm active (good for the baby, placenta size, and preventing anemia - or so they tell me).

So I drove over to the Alameda shore. I parked. I crossed the street without incident. I happily enjoyed the fact that few people were on the sand just yet. The beach itself was short this morning as the tide was in, but while I noted it, it caused me little concern. The water was smooth - perfect for the rowers who were already over halfway through their morning practice at least 100 yards out.

As I walked along the water edge of the public shoreline, I came upon a group of people. There were probably at least 40. They were setting up blankets and towels that covered the entire width of the sand (up to the wooden fencing that protects the plants between the shore and the sidewalk). I noticed they had some tiki torches stuck in the ground and quickly looked around the crowd. Was it a wedding? Some kind of service? No one was dressed up. There were no photographers that I could see. Maybe it was some kind of camp thing - there did seem to be some kids.

Without much concern, I continued walking. When I reached my limit, I stopped, looked out at the water and saved the sight. The haze was just right - just enough to obscure the wretchedness of over-habitation on the peninsula across the bay. It reminded me of a morning I experienced at Lake Ohrid in Macedonia. Satisfied with the sight, I turned and walked back, rewinding the people I had passed and subtle landmarks that shorelines have...all the way until I reached that crowd.

I saw there were people trying to dance in the water. They weren't synchronized. They were making many mistakes. They were talking as they danced. There were several of these groups. It must be a camp. The people on the shore were half watching half talking. I was about 10 feet away from one of the tiki torches before a man came up to me.

"We're having a spiritual ceremony."
"Okay."
"We're asking people to walk around." I glanced at the crowd and looked back at this man in confused irritation. The attendees were all the way up to the fence.
"Where?"
"Along the perimeter."
"Right."

I wanted to shout at him, "Are you effing kidding me?! There's no place to walk?! You tell me this here, when I'm right at the edge, instead of having a sign or something?! You let your congregation take up the entire width of the public beach and you're asking us to walk around the perimeter?! In the sharp dune grass?!" I didn't think I needed to say, "Oh and by the way, I'm pregnant."

This is what I would have said if I was feeling more saucy, but I was tired by my walk and so I grumbled grouchily up the inclined sand to the very edge and tried to pick my way along the fence, which soon became impossible because of the blankets and towels people had laid along the fence.

Eventually a dude bro saw me and called, "Oh, you don't have to walk just there. It's nice of you, but just come here." He pointed to an open bit of sand that struck right through the crowd. Needless to say, I never would have done that at a church service, so why would I do that to whatever spiritual gathering this other group was having?

I was so upset I started crying on the beach as I cleared the crowd. If they wanted people to walk around them, there should have been some kind of signage. There should have been a clear space around the group. The congregation themselves shouldn't have packed their towels and blankets ALL the way up against the fence.

The moral of this story? People are inconsiderate. Or maybe thoughtless. Or both.

This was just the latest example in a series of inconsiderate incidences. Any time someone disobeys traffic laws, thinking rules don't apply to them, causing other people to take evasive action (or even when that doesn't happen!), it is at the very least inconsiderate. Any time someone forgets to flush the toilet, or put something back where they found it, it is inconsiderate. Any time someone messes up or destroys something just for the sake of it, it is inconsiderate.

This lack of consideration, of thoughtfulness, disturbs me. I called it an annoyance, and specifically a pregnant one, but it is neither of those things. It is all the time disrespectful, discourteous, and uncivil.

And perhaps I'm being old-fashioned when I say these words. Perhaps I'm being hormonal. But the fact of the matter is, I do not trust our society or many parents to teach these behaviors to children. And let's be clear - the next person who behaves in such an inconsiderate way, is going to be schooled. Severely.

You've been warned. :-)

Have a nice day!

Oakland Locally: Help Me Get Away From Big Business!

I hate big business.

I say this as I wear a shirt that was designed and manufactured for Target, typing on a lap top produced by Acer, on a website owned by Google.

Sigh.

And that's my point. We can try to get away from big business, but it is increasingly difficult. Some might even question why we should do such a thing. Let me suggest something to you, gentle reader. While some businesses have great labor practices and choose to employ people in the geographies they serve, this is not the norm. Some businesses may choose to be socially conscious by recycling, sourcing locally, and only building the best products that make the world a better place. This, again, is hardly the norm.

As I draw nearer to bringing a new life into this world, I can't help but consider the current state of the world. Sure, I see my work teaching art in East Oakland as a counter to all the pressures low income urban children face, but this is hard to measure. I do not know how much I impact these children's lives. I will never know. While I accepted that (and did so when I initially accepted the position) my contract is coming to an end. My attention begins to wander to other ways of making the world a better place, even to the point of examining the most mundane of daily choices.

This leads me to the question of local versus global. Some products are incredibly difficult (or downright impossible) to produce locally. I accept that. I understand the logistics involved for sourcing certain materials as well as infrastructure. That doesn't mean I can't try to support those businesses and products that ARE made and sourced locally.

I have a long way to go on this front. This is where I need your help gentle reader. Do you know Oakland locally sourced businesses? Locally manufactured products? Just locally owned? The more of these I can round up the better, but I'm only one woman and there are limits to my researching ability (I sleep and some times get distracted by other topics and interests...ahem.).

Leave your suggestions in the comments or mention me on Twitter (@alexisdonkin).

Thanks a ton! Your Earth thanks you too (probably my unborn kid would as well, we'll give the kid the benefit of the doubt).

To The Basil Thief

Dear Basil Thief,

I'm not sure who you are. Maybe you were hungry and decided that someone who lived in a Jingletown loft apartment could spare an entire young basil plant. Maybe you were someone who just feels entitled and thought it was easy to steal a plant from its pot.

If it was the first case, I can forgive you. After all, you were hungry and the plant was there and completely edible.

However, I'm pretty sure it was the second.

You rat bastard!

I hate your stinkin' guts for stealing my basil plant! I have nearly a black thumb which barely was able to grow the tomato plants in their current homes. As it is, my pepper plant only has a single GREEN pepper to its measly name. I was proud of my basil plant. You stole it right from under me, while I was at home writing (a very lucrative profession).

So, I hope you enjoyed your basil pesto or your caprese salad at the expense of a poor writer's gardening pride.

Seriously - who steals a frickin' basil plant that's barely 5 inches tall?!

Sincerely,

Your Unwilling Patron Gardener
Alexis

New Yorker in a Strange Land - The Case of the Cornmeal Crust

Seriously.

Cornmeal crust.  

That just happened at a place in Alameda - which shall remain nameless.

What is wrong with people?!

I am a pizza snob. I know this. I've been informed by many other people of this. It's so bad sometimes my husband is afraid to take me to pizza places because he knows we may never return. Thankfully I have slowly converted him to loving New York style.

Pizza is a deceptively simple thing to make. People think it's no big deal - cheese, sauce, dough, and toppings. What can go wrong? Well, everything dear Watson - absolutely everything.

If the cheese is poor quality, it won't melt correctly. If it's not mozzarella, it will taste strangely. Cheese should have a little grease form on the top. A good East Coast pizza will even have added olive oil to enhance the greasy goodness.

The sauce should have the right balance between herbs and spices and the tomato base. If there is too little, the pizza is dry. If there is too much, it begins to be California style or possibly a poor attempt at Chicago.

The dough, however, is a completely different story. Dough is an indication of geography, and certain preferences. If a pizza is to be a genuine New York style pizza, the pie should be large and dough should be hand tossed. This method is what makes the center of the pie incredibly thin while the crust is large and bubbly. If the yeast is right, the crust should be crunchy, while the inside melts in your mouth. The center should be so thin, it becomes necessary to fold your pizza twice in order to support the cheese, sauce, and any toppings. Literally, the center should come apart.

Anything less is not New York style pizza. People who claim something different is New York are either a) morons, b) delusional, or c) lying.

I am just about convinced that I need to start making pizza myself. I know if I decide to begin this adventure, it will be wrought with failed attempts. I will become frazzled, frustrated, and possibly fat from blobs of dough. I might even get dough stuck on my ceiling as I toss it. I don't know. It remains to be seen. If I do decide to embark on this venture, you will know it. I'll document every aspect. It's too good to pass up.

This Quantum Life - It's Getting Better

I have become increasingly convinced in the power of quantum physics.

Okay, take this with a grain of salt because I am a lay person and have never studied physics. But I do know this - what you expect is what will happen, once you observe it. Except it needs to cook a little first.

The physicists (along with everyone else) will be making this face now:

Frankly, I don't blame them, but let me explain.

If you put enough thought into something it will happen, because you want it to happen. The catch is, you have to be unattached. You have to care without caring. You have to let the thing sit unobserved for a while. Eventually it will happen and before you even realize it. Pretty cool, huh?

Unless you've experienced this firsthand, it's pretty unbelievable. Even when it's happening, you might not really believe it. But it is. In fact, it's sort of happening for me right now. I wanted to start putting myself out there, but I wasn't sure how it was going to work. I wanted to be active and out in the world, but that's hard to do when you only know a few people. So I put up Craigslist ads. I got a friend from that, and a professional contact as well. This past weekend a bunch of friends and family were in the area and connected both Christian and I with a few more people in the area. Every day I've had something new to do and something new to try. It's been amazing!

Alameda Canal

If you had asked me a month ago if this would happen now, I probably would have shrugged and nodded without completely believing it would happen. No, it doesn't surprise me. It is better than I expected, however. And like many things, it happened all at once.

So now I'm writing lyrics for The Brothers' soundtrack and going to work on an unrelated single. I started designing t-shirts. I'm finishing up another book. I made some new friends. I'm working out regularly. My apartment is starting to feel like home. Christian has a job he loves and is working on some of his own projects. Life is good, and it's only going to get better.

From Oakland, With Love

Well, I'm barely in Oakland. Really, the only reason I'm in Oakland is because water separates Alameda from O-town. That said, I love this little loft. It's perfect for the moment. I don't think I'd want to live here forever, but it's a good place for Christian and I to be a couple.

I love it because it is tucked away between the freeway and the water in a reclaimed industrial area. Just so we're clear, I really do mean reclaimed. Some residential buildings here are new (wusses!), but for the most part, the living areas are also zoned for work. Outside are beautiful herb and flower gardens with the infrequent succulent for sculptural flair. People walk their dogs daily, and stop to chat often. Everyone walking down the street gets a smile. It's an awesome and creative community.

It also doesn't hurt that Alameda is right across the bridge. Literally, I can walk to everything I could possibly need, from hardware to groceries, to restaurants, bars, and coffeeshops. Everything is within a mile.

I truly love this little corner of the Bay. It is one of those sweet secrets few really explore. It doesn't have the wild nightlife of Castro or the shopping of Market Street. It's not infamous for riots like downtown Oakland. However, if you're looking to spend an afternoon in a quiet, friendly, very walkable borough - this is the one. No, it's not quite as hipster as Temescal, but it's definitely worth checking out for the boats and restaurants. And if you're looking for urban lofts, you should definitely try to find one here. It's a great place to live.

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Back to the Bay - The Big Move

It's happening.

I am so excited.

Don't get me wrong, we're going to miss our church. Our church in Bakersfield has a great group of people. I would recommend it to anyone who is progressive and finds themselves in Bakersfield.

I also loved my job here. I really enjoyed teaching writing. I would love to do more of it. I also love teaching adults. If I had to choose one age bracket to teach, I'd choose adults every time.

So yes, we will miss those things. And we will miss the friends we've made in Bakersfield.

But... the Bay. The BAY! We have several good friends in the Bay whom we've missed terribly. These friends not only have similar understandings of life, but they are adventurers. They like to try things, and play in life. It's something that is drastically different from Bakersfield, generally.

In addition to the change in people, the Bay is the kind of place that throbs with creative energy. Forget writer's block! Inspiration here I come! Needless to say, I'm excited about the possibilities for my writing and my art.

It's a new era, and I'm so ready for it!

American Pluralism - If You Don't Love It, Leave It

My husband is repeatedly exposed to country music at his work, which regretfully gets stuck in his head. Don't get me wrong, there is some good country music with good messages. There's even some country music I enjoy. But just like all music, there's some really bad stuff out there too.

Then of course, there's stuff that makes me want to punch people.

This side of country music represents a certain portion of the population that misses the "good ole days" when everyone was the "same" in America. Fightin' Side of Me and songs like it, represent the provincial white American protestant male. And these boys are scared. They're scared because suddenly there are a lot fewer of them and a lot more "others." While living in the Bay Area, the average person was about five or six indefinable ethnicities. The blond and blue-eyed were much more rare.

The problem with the US is it has never been a country where everyone was "the same." In fact, that is one of the best things about America. Difference defines us. It makes this country stronger because we fight with each other until we figure out a common ground. We have people of every race, culture, creed, and religion in this country. We have people of every political and socio-economic persuasion. It is increasingly impossible to look at a person and know who or what they are. We have to ask. And this characteristic is a pain in the ass, no question. But it makes us better because when we struggle through our differences, we become stronger. We know and love ourselves better, and we adhere to our convictions that much more.

Despite the positives, some would rather not have this high level of difference. This particular characteristic - pluralism - is annoying to those who long for a mythical past where everyone was white bread, drank lemonade, and had mothers who looked like Donna Reed (Sorry guys, but that only happened on television!). In a world where the white American male is already a dying breed, and identities become increasingly complex with lines constantly shifting and blurring, it makes sense this group would get angry.

But I've come to put a little perspective on this. Boys, calm down!

There are reasons why people come to the US. We are ultimately a nation of immigrants. Let me give you a few examples. When I studied abroad in Hungary in 2004, some of the students I met made anti-semitic comments. I distinctly recall my shock at the words coming out of these kids' mouths. Did they not remember the Nazi party of their own country? Could they not see the beautiful but empty synagogues testifying to the systematic destruction of European Jews? I couldn't believe this was still alive and well. It makes sense to me that certain groups would want to leave a place where they were still unwelcome after all these years. But anti-semitism isn't the only reason why someone might come to the states.

When I was visiting Nicaragua in 2002, I saw the deep lingering scars left by their civil war. The abject poverty of mountain villages was astounding; even a 10 cent bag of rice was out of reach. I can understand why those people would struggle to move to a place where they could be safe and have opportunities to make more money to provide for their families. Economy and security are just two more reasons why someone would become American. But America isn't just a land of opportunity - America is the land of equal opportunity.

While I was in India in 2007, it struck me as strange that it was impossible to get away from ethnic origins. Every single surname pinpointed the exact location of a person's family - from their region and dialect, to their caste. As much as someone wanted to be heard and valued, as much as someone wanted to work to better themselves, there was always a painful, and acknowledged, glass ceiling. It makes sense then, for these people to move to a place where they could, in theory, change their economic and social fate.

There are many reasons for people to come to the US. These are personal examples of times when I could see why someone would move here. However, these aren't the only situations. In other places it is still possible to be persecuted for what a person believes or thinks. It is still possible to be jailed for speaking out against the government. Luckily for us, that is something that distinctly goes against the American grain. We have freedom of speech. It's great! I love it! And I will defend that right for those with whom I adamantly disagree. The reason is I think it is important. It is one of the ways we become a better society.

It is patriotic to disagree. It is patriotic to stand up for what we believe in. It is patriotic to say we should work for peace, rather than killing people. It is patriotic to say that corporations should just be companies, and not considered people by law. It is patriotic to say rich people should give back that much more because of all they have taken from their fellow citizens. These are patriotic opinions that have a place in our American political conversation. Why? Because they all strive to make this country better. And they require all of us to address these issues. We really can't ignore these voices when we live in a democracy. It's immoral, and frankly it's un-American.

I'm  willing to put up with the consequences of living in a society of difference. I love it and value it. It's one of the things that truly makes me proud to be American.

And to those who don't have the balls to do the same, well, you can leave.

New Year, New Genre? - A Writer's Goals for 2012

I've been hemming and hawing about this post. Last year I made some grandiose goals that were impossible to reach, and I knew they were, but I made them anyway. Because of what I learned in 2011, I feel better equipped to tackle 2012. Of course, a lot of things have changed since last January.

Since January 2011,

1. We moved from Hayward to Bakersfield.
2. Christian and I were apart for 2 months during the summer.
3. We sold our house in Phoenix.
4. I published The Brothers in digital and paperback formats.
5. I finished writing Lovers and Rivals as well as an unrelated book, James: The Rollins Pack.
6. I also began Lilith and Ammon, book 3 in the Khloe Alwell Series, as well as novelized the majority of the first script of The Apex Saga, Legion.

 All in all, I feel pretty successful in what I was able to do considering some of the life changes that happened this past year. I feel this way despite not having reached my stated goals.  So I guess the question is, what's on the docket for 2012? Well, quite a lot is happening actually.

1. I will publish both James and Lovers and Rivals in the next couple months (both as ebooks and paperbacks).
2. I will co-write at least two scripts for The Apex Saga.
3. I will likely finish Lilith and Ammon, hopefully publish it, and get started on book 4 of Khloe.
4. I expect to work on, if not publish, book 2 and 3 of The Apex Saga.
5. I'm hoping (if I can find the time, and depending on how James is received) to write a sequel to James' story from the perspective of Jeremiah, his older brother.
6. I will play badminton more or less every Sunday afternoon.
7. I'm going to get totally awesome at Zumba 2 for Wii.

This might be a little ambitious, but I think I can do it.  The reason I'm being so intense about my writing is because I have read, time and again, having more books out is better. The reason for this is because you appear more serious as well as having more ways for potential readers to get hooked on your stories. It's a good thing I'm so prolific.

In any case, I hope you'll all follow along on my super intense writing journey during 2012.

Accidents - When Impalas and Proteges Collide

Poor Protege!

I had never been in a real car accident until today. Before today, I had been bumped so that my then Volvo tank didn't get a scratch. I had even been in a situation where my friend was driving and his tire was popped. We stood in the rain while he put on the spare. But today I was in a real accident, one that did damage.

And thankfully, this time, it was the other guy's fault.

I have always been a big proponent of being careful on the road. I always double check my blind spot. I use my blinkers. I anticipate where other drivers will be on the road at least several seconds in front of me. I scan my mirrors. In many ways, I'm a textbook driver (Well, I did say in many ways!). So I watched with horror as I completed my U-turn, or attempted to this morning, as the other driver failed to look where he was going. In fact, his head was turned a completely different direction.

It seems strange to me that I should go through life in many places with horrible traffic, and yet the first time I am in a real accident, it's in a place like Bakersfield. I mean, I survived 9 months in the Bay Area, where driving is a contact sport and frankly death defying! I even lived in Phoenix, escaping the oblivious Toyota driving snow-birds and the gun-toting alcoholic Ford drivers. I even survived living in Santa Barbara and driving through Montecito where drivers assume they are entitled to go whenever and wherever they want. 

The saddest thing is the damage may be enough to total the car. This is in part because the car is a 2003 model and damage this extensive will likely total the vehicle. So I guess I'm going to have to go car shopping? *sigh*

Get a Job? Stop Being So Self Righteously Retarded

Somebody told me recently to get a job. What an asshole.

Here is why anyone who says something like that is a jerk and needs to take their judgemental bull and have it rubbed roughly in their face.

It is true that some people aren't really trying to work, but they are few and far between. Let me explain just how few and far between they are! One of my sister-in-law's friends owns a pizza shop. She put up an ad for a busser or something equally skilled - she got over 400 applications. Right. 400. Applications. For. A. Busser???

I am a skilled person. In the Bay Area I got a total of three interviews during the 9 mos I lived there. Since being in Bakersfield, I've gotten 3 so far (what a change - only 2 mos!). One of the jobs here I was offered. It pays a measily 10$ an hour, which for California is just north of minimum wage. I took it because I need the money, despite the fact that it doesn't speak to my skill set, nor does it pay me what I'm worth. It's a bad fit personality wise too, but again, I need the money.

So lucky for me, I was in a place with awesome skills, that I could get a job that was beneath me. That's something I can feel good about, because it isn't sucking my soul out daily or degrading to my personhood and keeping me from doing what I really want to do.

But I'm a lucky one. I keep telling myself that. I'm lucky to have this situation, right? It's a good deal...

There are people out in the world in a 1000 times a 1000 worse situations. There are people who are underemployed with no second income. There are people who can't get even a crappy job at a fast food joint. I don't know how they keep going, but they do. They are amazing to me, determined and beautiful as they trudge through the muck life has given them. I don't have the grace for that. I'm not strong enough. I'm kind of wussy that way, I'll be the first to admit it. But just because I don't have the absolute worst dalit conditions doesn't mean I can't appreciate how ridiculous it is for someone to tell me to "walk it off," so to speak.

So, if you're one of those people struggling and someone has the gall to tell you to suck it up and get a job, or grin and bear it, do me a huge favor. Punch that asshole in the nose and explain to them in no uncertain terms, they have no idea what the shit on the ground is like when they're looking down from their high horse.

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Technically, I'm Homeless

I'm a prideful person.  It's true.  But there comes a point where you have to acknowledge your situation in life - facts are facts, and the reality is, I'm homeless.

What is homelessness? Most simply, it means not having a home.  But what exactly does that mean? When do you become truly homeless?

Most people think of cardboard boxes, sleeping bags, and shopping carts filled with cans when they hear the word "homeless." But homelessness is more complicated than the common street person, especially in this economy.  Many people are living on couches, floors, or in garages, or tents in yards of relatives because they are no longer able to pay a mortgage or rent.

I'll be honest.  I haven't checked into my eligibility for government benefits too thoroughly.  But the reality is, I don't have any income right now.  I'm here through the goodness of my parents' hearts.  I think food stamps and medicare are probably services I could get.  The problem is, I don't have proof of my income.  I don't have proof of my situation.  How do I explain my financial situation to a service provider?

"Are you working?"
"No." Though I would consider my writing to be something of a job.
"Are you married?"
"Yes."
"Does your husband work?"
"He's a student." Well, except he's not a traditional university student.  He's doing a summer program across the country with BMW which doesn't make him eligible for federal aid. 

I don't have any pay stubs, any check stubs, or anything proving my story.  So what does that mean if I get sick? I don't know.  All I know, is it's not a clear cut place to be. And I don't like it.

Normally I keep my living situation fairly clean and tidy, but since sleeping in my parents' office I can't bring myself to completely put things away.  Part of it is I know this situation is temporary and I don't want to get too comfortable with being homeless. Part of it is that I hardly spend any time there and when I get back to my little room, all I want to do is crawl onto my futon covered in fleece blankets and drift into oblivion.  But it doesn't soothe that part in the back of my mind where I feel adrift.  And I do.  I feel how much I'm coasting.

I think I speak for everyone in my situation, and those who have it so much worse, when I say it would be amazing to have a home.  This is one of the big reasons July can't come fast enough.

P.S. If you live in Alameda County, get hooked up with the nonprofit, EveryOne Home that is working to end homelessness in Alameda County.  They're great people and they do great work.

Little Things Are Big - Pre-move Stress

I hate all the little things.  It's not big things that stress you out.  It's little things.  It's a combination of improper filing, new ownership of your apartment complex, a lack of boxes, pollen in the air causing you to space out, along with a lack of money.

Thank GOD I haven't had someone close to me die recently (knock on wood), gotten pregnant, or had a major illness.  If I had, I would have gotten the prize for collecting all the stress badges in a single year. 

Moving is stressful.  Not knowing exactly where we're going is stressful.  Not being able to complete any of my writing projects for months is stressful.  I could go on, but the list just keeps getting longer.  Now more than ever, I want to be settled.  I want everything to be taken care of for me.  I'm so exhausted by the process that I want to curl up into my shell and stop dealing with everything.  Even though I was lucky enough to get the numbers for our settlement with the property management company today (changing ownership had caused a bunch of issues), I don't feel better.  In fact, I feel worse.  Maybe it's because its more real now.  Maybe its because my head is all loopy because my body is reacting to the pollen in the air.  I'm not sure.  All I know, is despite the sunny disposition outside, I'm worn down.  Even though I worked out this morning (which normally gives me tons of energy) I'm exhausted. 

Think I'll go hide in a hole for a little while until the feeling passes.  Then it's back to somehow making things work for the best.  With any luck, the job in North Bay will work out for Christian after the summer's end.  I'm hoping it does, because I'd like to explore the Bay Area more and review some more interesting places and events.  Cross your fingers, pray, meditate - whatever you do - just send us positive vibes that everything works out the best way it possibly can.  Hey, if it does, maybe I'll win that poetry contest I entered.  That would be quite the cherry on top of the mess!

Fun at Oakland Art Murmur

One of the many hipster bars in O-town packed for the night

Well, we finally tried First Fridays a second time on the first truly warm Friday of 2011. My friend was going, and I figured a warm day would be a great time to give it a second chance. It was night and day compared to  our initial attempt. 

When we finally found a parking spot several blocks from Telegraph and W. Grand, we were relieved.  Everything was completely parked.  Walking to where my friends were basking in the artistic ambiance, we passed groups of dirty hippies, hipsters, rockabilly hair, and all manner of things.  The people became denser and denser until I felt like I was back in India, we could barely move. 

Outside of Mama Buzz, I found my group of friends and we checked out a few sauna like galleries.  Really the heat was too much when coupled with the press of bodies.  The art wasn't as interesting as I was hoping for - everything was subjects or styles I didn't particularly find interesting, with the exception of a few complex fractal plays in shiny ink.  Deciding galleries were too stuffy, we wound our way through the crowd to check out the vendors.  There were clearly people on acid painting, stinky weed wafted through the air, and the pungent stench of fish tacos seemed to follow us everywhere.  Punk patches, fairy naturalist jewelry, and pop art magnets were available, among other random things.   Finished perusing, we decided to check out one of the bars nearby, the Stork Club, where they had cheap drink specials, live music, and burlesque show.  I was channeling Betty Page with my hair, lipstick, and black 50s cut dress - which only made sense when surrounded by pompadours and middies.  After a few drinks and the press of bodies got to us, we decided to high-tail it to another bar where a friend of a friend was spinning soul, funk, and RnB. 

At Bar 355, a new friend and I took over the dance floor with our similar cut dresses and hair which made us look like we were meant to be on the stage/floor.  The bartenders were super attentive despite the crowd, and the music was fun.  Drinks were stiff, and you really only could handle one with the heat and humidity.  Pretty soon the place was packed, but by that time, it was late enough that we were ready for bed.  All in all, a wild night with lots of music, art, and general fun.  First Friday is definitely worth checking out, particularly on a warm night.  O-town was hopping and absolutely worth the spectacle for free art shows and entertaining people-watching.

Beach in the Bay - Exploring Alameda

Did you know Alameda has a beach? Beach means there is sand and water, not just water.  Anywhere can have water.  Not everywhere has sand.  And this sand, more importantly, looks like it's the naturally created kind - not imported - by the work of the bay.

Friday was the perfect day to visit this little island city.  Not only was the sand and salty air absolutely glorious, but Alameda itself isn't half bad.  It has early 20th century architecture including the awesome Victorian paint jobs, as well as a smattering of stained glass panels every so few houses.  Add a determined group of locally owned shops representing all manner of products and services, and you have quite an interesting community.  I recommend taking a stroll down Park, the main drag, to get a little taste of what is available.

We decided to check out La Penca Azul, a Mexican restaurant within easy walking distance from our car that had gotten very good reviews. We were very glad we did!  We were lucky enough to be there during happy hour, which meant their huge appetizers were half off.  So a bill that normally would have been close to $40 was less than $20 including tip.  And honestly, we could have had a whole other meal with our leftovers, there was so much food.

Though we didn't drink, the place is renowned for their selection of tequilas which are proudly displayed along the wall of the restaurant.  I was happy with our gigundo appetizers, soda, and the excellent service we were provided from all the staff that came by our table.  The only downside was the awkward conversation taking place behind us at high volume - which wouldn't keep me from going back between 4 and 6 pm.

All in all, Alameda is worth an afternoon of wandering, food, and fun.  There are many other interesting shops and restaurants there that I would love to try out (but there just isn't enough time!).  Who knew? Sand, water, and an awesome island community right in our own backyard.

From Nowhere, With Love

Last night I met someone and I asked them if they were from the Bay area.  They said they had lived here for 14 years.  I responded that she was therefore from the Bay area.  She said, oh no - 14 years isn't enough to be from a place - she was from northern California, not here.

The longest I've ever lived in a single town is 14 years.  So I guess I'm from nowhere.  But if I'm from nowhere, I'm also from everywhere.

It hits me that I have missed out on certain things when people say things like that.  I miss out on having the really tight knit group of friends from high school that went to college together, has had baby showers together, weddings and everything.  I missed having family members close by.  People would go to their grandmother's after school, and I had to wait for summer vacation to take a two week trip to get my annual dose of my extended family.  It was isolating.  I still have that problem now.  It takes me a long time to commit to a place because part of me doesn't expect it to feel like home.  Even after being in Hayward for almost a year, I still have dreams about the house in Phoenix and half expect to wake up in it.  Sometimes I even dream about waking up in the parsonage in Santa Barbara where my parents lived (the third longest place I've lived...).

On the other hand, when I meet people that seem like they could maybe somehow be a friend, I open up and seek them out (which doesn't mean they do the same thing).  The problem with this is, I start to get my groove with the friendship and then I leave again. It's frustrating to say the least.

You'd think with my nomadic lifestyle I'd have less stuff, but the thing is, I've been expecting the situation to change.  I've been collecting furniture etc because I want to settle. I want to be from somewhere.  I want to have roots and a home that I can go to for twenty years running.  I haven't had something close to this for some time.  The closest I came was 14 years in Albany.

I did my growing up in New York, but now I look at Facebook pics of my highschool cohort, and I feel like I'm galaxies away.  Its true I sometimes slip into a New York accent.  But I also slip into a Pittsburgh accent when I'm with my family, or a southern drawl with other family members.  I've been known to take on other accents as well, depending on who I'm with, and what the situation is.  So yes, even though I grew up in New York, I really don't belong there.  Not now. 

But then, can I belong anywhere? Do I just make myself belong somewhere? It's a concern I have because I so rarely feel like I fit in a place (despite whether or not I actually do).  The irony is, that I do fit in rather well here in the Bay. We just can't afford it.  Someday I'm sure we would be able to, but by then, I hope I'm already living in a big house full of family and friends, with tons of animals and a huge garden.    No small roots for me.

Motivated to Move - Or Not

I've been hiding out this week.  This has meant playing a whole lot of Lufia 2 when I should have been packing, cleaning, or something else.  Still, I've been looking for a replacement art teacher for my student (which has been more annoying than not because of the number of people looking vying for a single regular student).  I also have packed the equivalent of one of our book shelves.  Okay, maybe two.  Probably one and a half.

Already I feel exhausted by the idea of moving.  It's one of the reasons I've been escaping (no pun intended) to Lufia 2.  That and really getting into my interval training, which I love.

Then I come back to reality and see we really only have three weeks before we have to have everything packed and ready to go.  The BMW people still haven't gotten us the information we need about the program, the apartment people still haven't given us numbers for what would work best to leave (although they're talking one month's rent either way, so it may work best just to break the lease and go), and I could go on.  I don't know, maybe I'm just overzealous, but I like to know things well in advance.  Even though I have done most things down at the wire, it has been the result of other people not giving me the information I need - because I always ask.  This reminds me that after the BMW program, I have no idea where we'll be going.  We could end up back in the Bay area, which is both frightening and reassuring.

It's frightening because I'm still not sure what I would do here.  As I have discovered with all the responses to my art teacher ad, there are a lot of people here in the art world who can do the things I do (and many better).  Even though I've acquired some contacts in the last 8 months while living here, it doesn't seem to be enough. 

Then I wonder if it will be any different in any new place. 

Ironically I, the person who has been place hopping for ten years, want to settle down and put roots into a place.  The problem is, I'm not sure exactly where that would be.  We've discovered we like many things about the Bay area, but it's too big for me.  There are too many people.  There is too much concrete.  Maybe the concrete just shows through because it can't be overwhelmed by plants the way that cities are on the East Coast.  But I don't particularly want to move across the country to some place that is cold in the winter (and white), hot and sticky in the summer, and 3000 miles away from both sets of parents.

Yeah, it's a problem.  I keep hoping for divine intervention to make this all become clear to me.  Then I got something in the mail from the Catholic church down the road.  They weren't asking us to come in, they just wanted us to send them prayer requests.  Granted, there were some weird ritualistic things in the appeal for prayer requests It's Catholic, they have mini-gods in their system of Saints which remind me an awful lot of Buddhism and Hinduism - sorry guys, but it's true.  Now, I'm Baptist which means I can't participate in any Catholic sacraments, but I'm not adverse to other people praying for me especially with so much going on in our lives. 

So I'm going to do a few things today. I'm going to pack, send in that prayer request, and with any luck find three poems to enter into a contest.  And I'm making coffee...because this is going to be rough.

Student Artwork

Stow Lake Bridge Fall 2010

I've been thinking a lot about appearances and aesthetics, which brought me to a conclusion.  It is time for me to change the look of the blog (which you can see clearly).  Also it is time for me to show off some of my student, Linda's work.  I'll show you the pieces in order of completion. 

The first piece was one that drew on her architecture background but moved her away from that a bit more and into the realm of plant life.  We've been working on more organic shapes for the duration of our lessons in order to expand her palette for shape, as well as play with paint application and textures on the surface.

Park Scene, Fall 2010

The second piece was a little further along in the process, and played more with color than the Stow Bridge piece.  It definitely presented some more movement in the direction of paint application as well as playfulness in color which had not been present before.  I think that when we compare these two pieces to the following two, one can see a marked improvement in application, composition. and movement in Linda's painting.  Ultimately, this is the goal with any kind of lessons - to improve and to enhance skills you have as well as to gain new ones.  For someone like this student, art is a hobby - a release from the world.  It should be something wonderful and fun, which one of the reasons why we stuck to landscape and floral content.  There is a serenity in these pieces which is pleasant on the eye and naturally relaxing.  Though there is a lot going on in each, it is not busy or overwhelming.

Auberge Fountain, Winter 2010

This third piece is one of Linda's most finished works.  "Auberge Fountain" is a beautiful study in light and dark, which is one of the areas on which we worked a great deal.  The difference in textures, colors, light and dark, really gives this piece it's dimensionality.  We spent a lot of time making sure the relationships between objects, foreground, and background were correct.  Additionally a lot of care was taken in matching the colors to the actual scene.  The high contrast is owed entirely to the level of shading surrounding the fountain and the time of the light - around 4 pm.  This period of the day is nice because you get some of the strongest light.  Generally preferred by painters and photographers, early morning and late afternoon add depth and drama to a piece (as seen here in the bright foliage behind the fountain).

Passion Flower, Spring 2011

The final piece of Linda's I want to showcase here is her latest completed work - "Passion Flower."  Observed in Golden Gate Park, the flower caught Linda's attention and struck her with its contrast to the lush green surroundings.  Because of the nature of the flower's structure, we paid particular attention to the colors of the various protrusions in order to give some depth without overwhelming or confusing the viewer.  The glossy leaves were portrayed with the rippling reflection of light very nicely as Linda made a sophisticated use of green necessary to distinguish one part from another.  She also played with texturing and paint application by using some sponging, as well as playful brush strokes to create the background of this piece.

Seeing how Linda has come so far from where she was in September has been a great joy for me.  It is one of my favorite parts of teaching art to others.  It is truly one of the most rewarding ways I could spend my time while living in the Bay. 

I will be offering art lessons for the summer while I am in Santa Barbara.  If you or someone you know wants to brush up on their skills or try their hand at a new hobby, send them my way!  Art is a great stress release as well as a wonderful hobby you can enjoy at any point in life!