Ideas and Inaction: The 2 Water Dish Problem

Is that the right path over there?

For creatives, or starving artists, there's a problem in the realm of ideas. There are too many. Certainly that is my problem.

I wake up and have twelve different ideas by breakfast. Some of them I dream while in deep sleep. Others I discover in the course of getting my toddler dressed. Others I have while reading through my social media feeds. And then, when I have these ideas, I have to decide whether I should keep thinking about them - let them develop into something.

The process of vetting such ideas takes maybe a few seconds, but it always goes more or less like this:

"Oh shit! That would be an awesome story!"
"It would. It really would. People would read that."
"Damn! I could write that kind of fan fiction!"
"No I couldn't."
"Yes I could."
"No I couldn't. How could I get into that character's head?" Pauses while thinks through how that would work.
"Wait, yes I COULD! WAHOO!!!"

Keep in mind this happens daily. It happens daily all the while I'm working on several other projects. And this is not the whole day - this is just before breakfast.

You see the problem.

I don't have enough time to follow through on every idea. I can't. It is impractical. I have to prioritize. I have to decide which ideas are worth pursuing. Which ones would I enjoy? Which ones would benefit society? Which ones would be profitable?

This is the same problem creatives, like myself, encounter with jobs. As a creative, I am capable of doing a lot. I have the skills and abilities to make magic happen because I have this wild potential-seeking mind. I solve problems constantly. Ideas bloom, literally, in my sleep. I cannot keep up with them. So of course I do well in problem solving environments. I can do anything in theory, but that doesn't necessarily mean I flourish.

I could, for example, work in a 9-5 job. But, frankly, I might kill myself. I don't say that as a rhetorical device. Working 9-5 doing something that is busy work, surrounded by hundreds of cubicles makes me want to jump off a bridge. Really. There isn't enough variety. People are telling me what to do and how to do it, when those are the kinds of things I excel at on my own. It is soul sucking and does not make use of the extent of my gifts. So of course I would bang my head against the wall and need to take some kind of mood altering prescriptions just to survive.

That is not living.

But what about traditional jobs that do honor my tendencies? What about jobs that do allow me to make use of my crazy idea creation and vetting process? Where are they? What are they? How do I find these things?

The easy thing is to decide what I want to do and then find that.

*blinks while looking blankly*

Right. Remember how I just explained the different ideas I have? Remember how many I have every day before breakfast alone?! What do I want to do? How do I figure that out?

Well, there are the books by career counselors that can be helpful. But what if the required skills you need to do the thing you want to do are out of reach. What if, for example, I decide I want to be a professor for a day job and then, I am rejected by the doctoral programs that would essentially guarantee me such a position (or at least make it possible)?

That is a pickle.

So I end up staring down at my list of ideas, like my wild and crazy skills, wondering how I can cobble them together into a job.

I mean, I know. I know what job I want. What kind of success I want. I know that. I've got it in my head and I visualize it every day (read: comic convention panels, women's conference panels, writing workshops...the list goes on). But, the path to getting there is foggy. The ideas run fast and hard and I can see about twenty different routes to achieving the same thing. Which to choose?

It is like the dog with two water dishes. He sits there, staring at both, getting progressively more thirsty, never drinking. How does he choose? Which one is better? The answer is neither. They both have good water. Both will work. It is whichever one he likes. But the dishes are the same, he thinks. But they aren't. One is on the left, the other on the right. One is nearer the window, the other nearer his owner's chair. It does not matter which he chooses, except that one quenches his thirst and makes him feel good.

But I might regret not choosing the other dish!

Yeah...well...cost of business. All paths will reach the destination. Both dishes solve the problem of thirst. But sitting there ruminating about it won't do anything.

I am actually drinking water. I have actually four books that will definitely be published this year. Two are finished, but in revision phases. Two just need a few more chapters complete and will be done. That's kind of amazing. That means I will have finished four books while watching a toddler...since January. That's kind of remarkable.

I am definitely drinking the water here. I submitted pieces to magazines and got positive rejections (I just added a third to my group...) which means I'm getting closer on that front as well. Closer, but not there...yet.

But in the mean time, waiting for thirst to abate, I'm wondering if this is okay. If my time wouldn't be better spent doing other things. Should I use my skills somewhere else? Should I do something else? Should I have a day job outside of raising my kid? Could I manage that? I applied to a few traditional jobs, and I have to admit that I'm cautious. I mean, if I do not pursue my dream, my vision, part of me will die inside. It is that tension - the tension of giving up, of accepting defeat, versus continuing to battle, continuing the pursuit. The first is pushed by society at large (like, get real). The second is glorified (as in, "Wow! I could never do that! You're amazing!").

I think, no matter what, it is better to be on a path to achieving the goal than not. Not achieving the goal - the dream - is not okay. So I store my vetted ideas for later refusing to get distracted, continue pushing on the ones I've prioritized, and act as though I know what I'm doing. Which I don't. I'm just guessing here and hoping for the best. I mean, I think that's a pretty good idea.

Book Bloggers Review Selfies!

Normally I wouldn't post twice in one day on the same blog, but I can't help it. I'm pissed.

Alright, a little annoyed.

Okay, maybe disappointed and disenchanted.

Probably all of the above.

I've been going through YA book blog after book blog looking for potential matches that would work to help promote JEREMIAH on a blog tour. I like JEREMIAH. I think it's a good book. I think it's worth reading, if only because of the themes, but I also think it's fun.

I am astonished at how many book bloggers will POINT BLANK refuse to take on independently published books. Then, I'm equally surprised to see how many will only take paper and ink ARCS for review.

Sorry guys, but I think you're missing the boat here. Let me explain.

While there are many books published by large and small houses that could use a little promo, independent books are a special breed. They need extra love and care. They are hard to find. They defy publisher convention. They are worth checking out.

Yes, some of them are editing disasters. Some of them didn't get spellchecked. Some of them have the plot or character development of a 5 year old writer. I will warrant that. HOWEVER, don't judge a book by its publication.

There are a LOT of good independent books out there, and they need love. How does a book blogger find such things? Well, that's the problem isn't it? Book bloggers can take the easy way out and limit themselves to only reviewing or accepting traditionally published books. And I understand the desire for easy. Most bloggers only blog as a hobby. I get that. However, there has got to be a way for bloggers and writers to find one another that gets everyone what they want - good books the exposure they deserve. If I come up with a solution to this dilemma, believe me, I'll post all over that shit.

Now, let's move on from the issue of the independent author who has been rejected on the basis of their independence. Instead, let's talk about the issue of digital versus paper.

For a traditionally published author, paper may not be an issue. They may have prepaid stacks of books at their beck and call. I don't know. I'm not friends with any and I myself am not one. Yet even for the independent author, someone with a more established writing career may be able to front the dough for ARC after ARC to go to bloggers. But what about the little guy?

Speaking as someone on the low end of the totem pole, I don't have that kind of cash at the moment. Paying for each and every paper copy of my book is a little intense. Currently I'm trying to feed myself (and my baby). I can't pay $10 to send 20 ARCs out to book bloggers. It's financially impossible for me. That's a mid-range car seat right there. That's a brand spanking new Hypnobabies home course plus a hand breast pump. As much as I would love to send out paper ARC after ARC, I just can't.

Even if a blogger says they accept independent authors, when they say they only accept paper books, they are kind of lying. A huge swath of struggling writers who could have genuinely good books are taken out of the potential promo pool, making it even more difficult to get their books a few good readers.

So what is an independent author supposed to do? Well, I'm trying to find the few bloggers willing to give me a guest post here and there despite my rejection on the basis of my publishing status (wow, that makes me feel all Jim Crow!). I'm also planning on doing a few fun things on Goodreads and also (finally) on Facebook.

I've done my research. I'm pushing forward despite everything.

I am indie, hear me roar.

Advice From a Musician to a Writer

how to make a living playing music | Ol' Danny Barnes
My dad pointed me in the direction of the above link and I had to share it. While I'm not singing and writing music like I used to (read: 15 years ago!), most of the advice is solid for any creative person trying to live on their art.

As I read through the different points Mr. Barnes brought up, I realized they could be boiled down to 3 main points:

1. Do your art because you love it, and commit to doing it well.
2. Keep doing it no matter what - don't let obstacles or people get in the way of your art (think: nagging voices, reviewers, or finances).
3. Avoid all dramatic bullshit in the form of fellow artists, business people, or other entities (in my case, publishing houses).

It was nice to read this because it was well timed. I'm in the process of downsizing my life (yet again) even while I'm pushing pretty hard to make my writing work (and by work, I mean keep me fed and clothed). Trying to publish 7 books by summer's end is intense, especially as I try to get into the marketing aspect (which is a whole new realm for me).

However, I've read all these different articles specifically about book marketing and the most interesting advice has been "focus on writing and write A LOT!"

I like that. I wish it was that simple for the indie author who can't pay someone else to make cover art or edit. Because I do have to take some time to make cool covers. I do have to take a lot of time to edit as well as some to properly format things. I can't JUST write. And this is a good thing. It keeps me from going completely bonkers.

That said, I write daily and in many ways (i.e. blogging, fiction novels, short stories, essays,  and non-fiction). The art stuff helps break up my day. The marketing keeps me thinking about who is interested and who I should talk to...and I miss schmoozing.

Wow.

Let me say that again... I miss schmoozing. I actually kind of like it. I'm going to blame this on being a pastor's kid and a total performer (maybe politics isn't such a bad idea after all!).

There are lots of areas of being an indie author that require different skills than being able to write well. And I have them. And I'm working on them daily and I'm researching and getting better all the time.

Over all, as I read Danny Barnes' advice, I realized I'm already doing a lot of those things. And the thing is, I'm called to write. I would write no matter what. So guess what? According to him, it's going to work.

Sweet. :-)

Unemployment is Depressing

Lately my dreams have been unnsettling. I wake up feeling horrible. Last night for example, I was mocked and humiliated. I wanted to be correct and so when I called someone on their wrongs, it backfired. It backfired so badly an entire group of people went to work delegitimizing me.
Considering that I've recently felt like everything is falling apart, it makes sense.
But I should clarify. We're fine. We're not under water at the moment. But things could be better, especially if I was making money on any kind of consistent basis. Because I'm not, I feel like a loaf. Even though I do as much as I can, I still feel like I'm failing. I feel like six years of education should be put to use. I feel like I should no longer be in debt. Ironically, the first position I really wanted that used those skills I indebted myself for, I didn't get. I didn't even get a first interview.
Then there's the fact I'm all alone since moving to the Bay. Because I'm at home, I don't get out unless I push myself. I know a few people who are very busy and therefore can't hang out. Christian is gone around 8:30 am, and doesn't usually get home until 7:30 pm. By the time he's able to interact it's 8. Dinner goes until 8:30 which is largely silent, followed by mindless television watching until he falls asleep.
You see my problem. My relationship was highjacked by employment. I'm alone and poor. And now my respite from real life is being impacted. This is not good.
I've been thinking about various ways to get out of my hole. The list of things tried and things thought is long. Most of the things tried were other people's suggestions, though some were strange notions of my own. I am almost desperate. This is as much because my marriage and my sanity are on the line, as the bottom line.
I have researched many things. I've read articles, books, and talked to people. I'm about ready to try the one thing that has worked before, assuming I can get myself out of my slump long enough for it to work.
The problem is, when you've been down for over a month, it's hard to get going. It's hard to see the potential light. I don't have a huge group of people physically in my face telling me it's going to work and that I will do it.
I know I can. Can isn't the problem. I need it to actualize.
I need affirmation and validation. Maybe that makes me a five year old, I don't know. I honestly don't care, as long as my debt disappears and I can buy cappuccinos.

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