Open Book Blog Hop: Three Things Shaping My Voice

Winetasting in Paso Robles

What are three things that make you unique? That was the prompt for this week's Open Book Blog Hop. I think you'll see a lot of connection between my answer and my books.

Ultimately the thing that makes a writer unique is experience. Accident of birth places us in a certain range of possible experience and life directions. In my case, there are a few specific things which guide everything else.

First, and perhaps the most obvious, is the influence of my parents. My parents are both ordained Baptist ministers (it is one of the family occupations in my tree). However, their brand of religion is not exclusionary in the least. It is carefully considered, thoughtful, and deep. My father is a man of logic and learning, who enjoys everything life has to offer, from watching a finch take a bath, to winetasting, to playing electric bass or guitar in a funk band. When my friends meet him, they say, "Your dad is so cool!" Half the time they end up befriending him on Facebook.

My mother is a powerful person. She dictates the climate of every room she enters (a gift I inherited, for better or worse). She suffered prejudice in order to follow her calling. I think because of this, she determined not to pigeon-hole me into a gender label. Instead, as a child she gave me gender neutral clothes unless I asked for something "girly." She made sure I had all kinds of toys, from remote control cars to blocks to dolls. I had science and craft kits. Thanks to her, I never felt like I couldn't do something because I had a uterus.

Second, I experienced a lot of overt misogyny from toddlerhood through young adulthood. I write a lot about this in my memoir THRIVE, and while I won't go into the details of what happened here, it definitely shaped who I am and my voice as a writer (especially in the context of my upbringing). This made me hunger for compassionate justice for all people, no matter their identity or station. It definitely directs my themes in all my fiction, but especially in THE ROLLINS PACK, because I wanted boys to particularly understand how their actions can impact others.

Finally, I am an optimist. Despite whatever crazy things happen to me (again, see THRIVE for some of the nitty gritty), I look for the beauty and wonder in all things. This may be considered a quality or trait as opposed to an experience, but it definitely shapes how I view my life experience and how I approach new things. I always give people the benefit of the doubt. If I don't know I person, I never credit their reputation until I have seen and experienced it myself. If something bad happens, I always look for the lesson or opportunity available. When there is the option for adventure, I always say yes - because I see all the marvelous possibilities and potential. It's how I ended up studying abroad in Hungary at the last minute (I heard a professor talk and decided I was going a month before.). It's how I got married in India in the Himalayas (Because why not? A story for another time...).

These are the things that stick out in my head as dictating what I do and how I do it. These are the things that shape my work and my path through life. What about you? Leave a comment below or write a post and join the hop!

******************************
Looking for a diversion this August? Be sure to check out P.J. MacLayne's books. If you like werewolves like I do, you might want to pick up a copy of WOLVES' PAWN. It explores werewolf social structure and has a love story, the kind of thing I love in paranormal!

Also be sure to read about MacLayne's Wyoming adventures. There are some super cool pics on her blog.

*****************************

An InLinkz Link-up

A Lemon Pie Life of Full-time Travel

This is a guest post by Johanna Read, a writer who gets paid to travel. She chose to transform a crisis into an opportunity to follow a dream, and her story embodies the THRIVE mindset. I am so excited to have her share her story here. Also be sure to read about her travels on her site!

*************** 

Guest post by Johanna Read, TravelEater.net

I have always dreamed of a life full of travel. Exploring places I’ve read about in

books, scuba diving in every sea, seeing for my own eyes how history evolves, understanding the nuances of cultural etiquette, finally learning about art and architecture, and eating. Especially eating.

But I had expected to fulfill this dream later in life, after I’d paid off my mortgage, after I’d climbed the corporate ladder, after I’d maximized my pension, and after I’d had a proper retirement party.

Sometimes life gives you lemons and you need to change your plans.

In the space of a few weeks in 2012, I found out I was getting divorced and downsized. And it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Everyone has some lemons in their life. Bad things happen to all of us. But it’s what you do with those lemons that counts.

If I had just the divorce or just the downsizing to deal with, I would have been devastated. But the two together meant I could try something completely new with my life. When life gives you a few lemons, you can make lemonade ... but you need to really squeeze those lemons and it can take a lot of effort to find the sugar. But when life gives you a bushel of lemons, why not make lemon pie?

I still can’t believe that I started living my retirement dream at age 43. Not only travelling, but writing articles and taking photographs that people actually want to publish (and even occasionally pay me for!). In the past year I’ve been on six continents, including a press trip to China. The majority of my hotels -- and sometimes exotic dinners, spa treatments and excursions -- are given to me free of charge, in exchange for writing travel articles. Oh, and they’re usually luxury hotels too! I’ve lost 25 pounds. My depression and anxiety are gone, and I can sleep through the night again. I can flirt in three languages. I’m perfectly ok with the unknown, in fact I think I prefer it now. I can go on months-long trips to countries I’ve never been, knowing not much more than which airports I’ll fly out of. My shyness is practically gone, and I can make friends anywhere. I’d always considered myself a happy person, but now I’m on another scale entirely. Not just lemonade. Lemon pie.

I’m not saying it is easy to make lemon pie. I’ve certainly had to make some sacrifices. I sold my half of the house to my ex-husband and invested every penny from it and my buy-out package. I own next to nothing. I wistfully remember my dental plan. For the few months of the year I’m home in Canada, I pay “family rate” rent to borrow my mum’s pied-a-terre (thanks Mum!). I’ll need to find another option in the next year or two before my mum moves in. I travel mostly in developing countries where the cost of living is low. What many people consider routine -- lattes, a movie, new clothes -- are for me the rarest of indulgences. But it was an easy decision to give up regular life in exchange for travelling the world.

I’m lucky that I don’t have children to feed or fund. I’m allowed to be a frequent house guest. I will eventually get a pension. I’ve lived my life in a way that made leaving the working world this early not impossible. I’ve always had a fear of debt and lived frugally. I jumped straight from grad school into my career, and sought promotion after promotion. I invested carefully. And if disaster strikes, it shouldn’t be too difficult to find a real job.

I can’t tell you how much I love my lemon pie life of constantly learning and exploring.

People often tell me they’re jealous. But with some planning and sacrifices, almost anyone can live their dream. There’s no need to settle for lemonade either -- make lemon pie.

**************
Johanna Read is a Canadian freelance writer and photographer specializing in travel and food. She's been to 48 countries (and counting!) and in the past year has been on six continents. Follow Johanna on Instagram @TravelEaterJohanna and on Twitter @TravelEater. Check out all her travels at TravelEater.net.

THRIVE Book Launch Week 9: Why Everyone Needs This Book

Despite suffering, I thrive.

THRIVE is radically different from anything I've written thus far. It is memoir - and a highly personal, highly revealing memoir at that. I share things about myself in THRIVE that I have not shared to any single person, with one exception.

Christian is the one person who knew the whole story - every detail and emotional reaction.

My friends and family knew pieces, but not everything. They learned everything the first time they read the book.

And it is not an easy read. It is painful. It was painful to write. Up until this point, I have hinted but not stated explicitly. Here I will explain why. The following is just a taste of the contents of THRIVE:

• I was molested as a toddler by an older boy.
• I suffered overt misogyny and abuse at the hands of boys while growing up, even as I suffered silently with the aftereffects of my molestation.
• I was so ill in a third world country, I brushed death.
• I suffered every kind of attack a woman can suffer - stalking, following at night, verbal, emotional, and physical abuse. I was also raped by a friend in college.
• I lived in possibly the worst apartment in the developed world, which was sold to Christian and I as a reasonable place to start married life (think: no AC in a bombed out section of Phoenix and you begin to get the picture).
• I was unemployed for more of my adult life than not, including a time when multiple student loans were coming due.
• I suffered homelessness right after giving birth to my son, and struggling to accept unrealized expectations - the American Dream was my American Nightmare.

This is not everything. This is just a peek at what THRIVE contains. The book is graphic. It is not an easy read. And yet... I lived through these things and more (for details, you need to get a copy). You would never know it if I didn't tell you.

I have done so much more with my life. I am so much more than the difficulties I've experienced. And that is what this book is about. It is about using these difficult things - taking the bad and ugly, along with the good, and becoming more than before.

That is why I wrote the book. I chose to reveal these difficult, painful things, because I could not stand one more person getting blamed for their suffering. I could not stand to sit by, watching people around me not understanding the depths of pain that any person might experience, despite their station in life. I couldn't stand watching others ruined by difficulties. How could I let someone else struggle longer than they needed to when I could show them a way to not only manage, but harness their suffering? How could I stand by when I had strategies and tools at my disposal that could make a difference in the lives of individuals and their communities?

I couldn't. I couldn't any longer. I want my legacy to be something my son can take pride in - that will be a force for positive change in the world. To do that, I had to lay myself bare. I made myself vulnerable. And I know my life flies in the face of what many people think is reality. Which is exactly why I had to write THRIVE - because people have to know. Everyone needs to understand what is possible - both the levels of hidden suffering, and the potential power gained through such experience.

So please, for yourself, for your community, for your friends who have not yet broken their silence - read this book. It will open your eyes.

*********************************
LAUNCH UPDATE

Last week was big for me. I got a lot of big things accomplished.

• Published THRIVE in paperback.
• Published TRANSFORM TO THRIVE in paperback.
• Updated my author website.
• Finished revamped covers of Books 1-3 in KHLOE ALWELL series.
• Drew cover drawing for Book 4 in KHLOE.
• Finished coverart for Book 4.
• Published 2nd edition of THE BROTHERS on Smashwords.
• Published 2nd edition of LOVERS AND RIVALS on Smashwords.
• Blogged.
• Uploaded link to Patreon.
• Got 75% revamp of LILITH done.
• Pitched articles related to THRIVE to 2 different sites.
• Wrote and submitted guest post to a blog, set to go live in early July.
• Researched possibilities for audio books.

This week I would like to:

• Submit some more posts related to THRIVE
• Confirm when I need to follow up with people/media about pitches being accepted.
• Finish LILITH revamp and publish 2nd edition.
• Publish 2nd edition of KHLOE books to Amazon.
• Review potential publicist relationship.
• Pitch a guest post about women in fantasy.
• Get social media campaign figured out.
• Time to get videos done...about THRIVE?
• Blog
• Patreon

I hope this is another big week. I had a bit of down time over the weekend, and now I'm ready to jump back into the fray. I'm anxious to dig in.

BE MY PATRON!

If you love my blogging, my books, or just love supporting creatives, I strongly urge you to become my patron on Patreon.

What is Patreon?

Patreon is a site that lets fans connect with makers of any and all stripes.

How does it work?

You sign up as a subscriber and BAM! You're a patron! You get access to an exclusive community of fans, special rewards, personal interaction, and exclusive work before ANYONE ELSE. Any time I put up a piece of writing in a given month for patronage, your account is charged your pledge. BUT you are only charged up to the limit of your budget. SO if you pledge $3 and your budget is $6, you would only get charged twice, even if I put up 3 paid pieces. It is a win-win for both of us! You get to control how much you pledge, get access to awesome stuff before anyone else, AND support this indie author.

What do you have in store for patrons?

Not gonna lie. There are some AWESOME things heading the way of my patron page. In fact, I am working on a serial story, EXCLUSIVELY for patrons. That's right. IT WILL ONLY BE ACCESSIBLE TO PATRONS.

Once a month I intend to upload one episode/chapter of the story to the patron page. As the story develops, those patrons with access to the suggestion thread are able to comment on story direction for the next chapter. While I have a general plan as to where the story is going, it is meant to be an interactive experience with my patrons.

The premise? It is admittedly in its early stages at this point, but I am committed to the main character. I'll say more after the first episode/chapter is complete.

In addition to the serial story, I have some stand-alone shorts that will be accessible FIRST on Patreon. Also artwork inspired by different novels will be available to patrons. And maybe some of that artwork will be based on fan models! Hmm. I like that idea.

So, all this is to say, patronizing your sweet indie author is awesome. You get cool stuff and help a girl out. Become my patron today!

Ideas and Inaction: The 2 Water Dish Problem

Is that the right path over there?

For creatives, or starving artists, there's a problem in the realm of ideas. There are too many. Certainly that is my problem.

I wake up and have twelve different ideas by breakfast. Some of them I dream while in deep sleep. Others I discover in the course of getting my toddler dressed. Others I have while reading through my social media feeds. And then, when I have these ideas, I have to decide whether I should keep thinking about them - let them develop into something.

The process of vetting such ideas takes maybe a few seconds, but it always goes more or less like this:

"Oh shit! That would be an awesome story!"
"It would. It really would. People would read that."
"Damn! I could write that kind of fan fiction!"
"No I couldn't."
"Yes I could."
"No I couldn't. How could I get into that character's head?" Pauses while thinks through how that would work.
"Wait, yes I COULD! WAHOO!!!"

Keep in mind this happens daily. It happens daily all the while I'm working on several other projects. And this is not the whole day - this is just before breakfast.

You see the problem.

I don't have enough time to follow through on every idea. I can't. It is impractical. I have to prioritize. I have to decide which ideas are worth pursuing. Which ones would I enjoy? Which ones would benefit society? Which ones would be profitable?

This is the same problem creatives, like myself, encounter with jobs. As a creative, I am capable of doing a lot. I have the skills and abilities to make magic happen because I have this wild potential-seeking mind. I solve problems constantly. Ideas bloom, literally, in my sleep. I cannot keep up with them. So of course I do well in problem solving environments. I can do anything in theory, but that doesn't necessarily mean I flourish.

I could, for example, work in a 9-5 job. But, frankly, I might kill myself. I don't say that as a rhetorical device. Working 9-5 doing something that is busy work, surrounded by hundreds of cubicles makes me want to jump off a bridge. Really. There isn't enough variety. People are telling me what to do and how to do it, when those are the kinds of things I excel at on my own. It is soul sucking and does not make use of the extent of my gifts. So of course I would bang my head against the wall and need to take some kind of mood altering prescriptions just to survive.

That is not living.

But what about traditional jobs that do honor my tendencies? What about jobs that do allow me to make use of my crazy idea creation and vetting process? Where are they? What are they? How do I find these things?

The easy thing is to decide what I want to do and then find that.

*blinks while looking blankly*

Right. Remember how I just explained the different ideas I have? Remember how many I have every day before breakfast alone?! What do I want to do? How do I figure that out?

Well, there are the books by career counselors that can be helpful. But what if the required skills you need to do the thing you want to do are out of reach. What if, for example, I decide I want to be a professor for a day job and then, I am rejected by the doctoral programs that would essentially guarantee me such a position (or at least make it possible)?

That is a pickle.

So I end up staring down at my list of ideas, like my wild and crazy skills, wondering how I can cobble them together into a job.

I mean, I know. I know what job I want. What kind of success I want. I know that. I've got it in my head and I visualize it every day (read: comic convention panels, women's conference panels, writing workshops...the list goes on). But, the path to getting there is foggy. The ideas run fast and hard and I can see about twenty different routes to achieving the same thing. Which to choose?

It is like the dog with two water dishes. He sits there, staring at both, getting progressively more thirsty, never drinking. How does he choose? Which one is better? The answer is neither. They both have good water. Both will work. It is whichever one he likes. But the dishes are the same, he thinks. But they aren't. One is on the left, the other on the right. One is nearer the window, the other nearer his owner's chair. It does not matter which he chooses, except that one quenches his thirst and makes him feel good.

But I might regret not choosing the other dish!

Yeah...well...cost of business. All paths will reach the destination. Both dishes solve the problem of thirst. But sitting there ruminating about it won't do anything.

I am actually drinking water. I have actually four books that will definitely be published this year. Two are finished, but in revision phases. Two just need a few more chapters complete and will be done. That's kind of amazing. That means I will have finished four books while watching a toddler...since January. That's kind of remarkable.

I am definitely drinking the water here. I submitted pieces to magazines and got positive rejections (I just added a third to my group...) which means I'm getting closer on that front as well. Closer, but not there...yet.

But in the mean time, waiting for thirst to abate, I'm wondering if this is okay. If my time wouldn't be better spent doing other things. Should I use my skills somewhere else? Should I do something else? Should I have a day job outside of raising my kid? Could I manage that? I applied to a few traditional jobs, and I have to admit that I'm cautious. I mean, if I do not pursue my dream, my vision, part of me will die inside. It is that tension - the tension of giving up, of accepting defeat, versus continuing to battle, continuing the pursuit. The first is pushed by society at large (like, get real). The second is glorified (as in, "Wow! I could never do that! You're amazing!").

I think, no matter what, it is better to be on a path to achieving the goal than not. Not achieving the goal - the dream - is not okay. So I store my vetted ideas for later refusing to get distracted, continue pushing on the ones I've prioritized, and act as though I know what I'm doing. Which I don't. I'm just guessing here and hoping for the best. I mean, I think that's a pretty good idea.

The Waiting Game

Watching time go by...

Lately all I do is wait. I'm just waiting. My own version of purgatory.

"A 34? Proceed to window 7. A 34? Proceed to window 7."

That is what I may as well hear. Because I'm waiting.

I'm waiting for responses to my doctoral applications. I'm waiting for those responses because I cannot make any choices without that information. Honestly, I haven't determined the choices I would make in hypothetical scenarios. So I snap at those closest to me. I curl in a ball on the couch. I hold on to the present as best as I can, as best as I ca wait.

I'm waiting for feedback on my nonfiction book. Waiting to respond to all those social media posts that clearly don't have experience in the things I do. That don't seem to understand what they are saying to people who share my secret life. Waiting to reveal myself, my history, for all its horrors and glory. Waiting to make a splash even as the waters are dark, filled with sharks and blood. Biting my nails. Donning my armor. Watching. Sharpening my sword. Waiting.

I'm waiting for someone to read book 4 in Khloe. Waiting to be ready to reread it. To rewrite it. To draw the cover that it is meant to have. To be inspired into that art. Waiting to publish it, for those fans loyal to the series. Waiting to push it against all those science deniers...waiting to connect it to the stories of the extreme things that should only be the stuff of fantasy, but are real. The drought...the storms...the insane snow...are real...and where do they come from? Waiting.

I'm waiting to get that mentor promised me. Waiting to hear back from websites. Waiting to get help recording videos - recording audio - creating platforms. Waiting to have enough time to work out. Waiting to decide what I want to do with my life. Waiting to pay off my debt. Waiting to change the world. Waiting to have people understand my deepest depths. Waiting to get a job. Waiting to be independent. Waiting to have the benefits I so desperately need - the rewards I so richly desire. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

I am not a patient person. I have done all that I can do to prepare. I have done all I can do to hold on to this vision in my head of a future, of a more wonderful life. I just can't wait any more. I can't stand another day. I can't stand another hour - another minute - another second. It is crushing my spirit - my mind - my heart.

I just want to hear...

"Alexis? Proceed to window 1. Alexis? Proceed to window 1."

Optimism Maintenance

Negativity is a cancer - crowding out all the good in life. It is leprosy. It will eat you up until there is nothing left. It can turn the bright sun into the dullest overcast cloud cover.

I know. It does that to me. It took me a while to figure out how to manage the negative tendencies in my environment, but I did it and you can too.

So what can we do to bring back the sun? What can we do to keep the good things in life?

There are a few things.

First, there is thankfulness. For anything and everything. This makes you feel positively about everything in your life.

Second is your words. Complaining makes you stupider (really) and focuses on the bad things in life. Instead, talk about the things that are good or talk about ways to improve situations you don't like.

Third is your activity. When you sit in front of a screen all day filled with violent or negative images, it affects your thinking. Exercise and movement release endorphins. Dance releases serotonin. Moving around should be a part of the majority of your day. Think: take the stairs.

Fourth, eat good food. It sounds strange that such a thing would impact your mood, but it does. Bad food makes you feel bad. Sometimes it makes you physically sick. Being hungry makes you angry or lethargic. Good food really makes a difference in your optimism.

Fifth, good sleep cannot be underestimated. When you wake up refreshed, you are better able to tackle whatever comes your way with an optimistic attitude.

Sixth, laugh. It really is the best medicine. People have laughed themselves well. Certainly this can keep the dementors away.

These are so simple and yet for many people, they are next to impossible. However, when you start to do one, it is much easier to do more. Like negativity, positivity can take on a life of its own.

Yes, sometimes a negative thought may intrude. Sometimes bad things will happen. But you can always return to the comfort of your positive habits. You can always find something to be grateful for. There is always something to laugh about. Tomorrow is always another day. How great is that? We always get another chance. I'm definitely grateful for that.

Have A New Better Life

This past year has been a huge opportunity for me. Fortunately I recognized it and took advantage of the time I was given.

As I continue in the second year of opportunity, I have begun to seriously transform my thought patterns and through this, my actions. It is an exciting process and while I am in the beginning stages, I am already experiencing results.

I have found my focus to be sharper. I am much more centered on completing tasks and doing them completely and successfully.

My relationships have improved. I am more present and appreciate the people in my life so much more.

I take advantage of opportunities as they present themselves.

I forgive myself for past mistakes and instead focus on my present situation, always with my goals in mind.

I am celebrating the beauty and joy around me, in others' lives and in the world. I have learned to focus on everything wonderful. It is a great thing.

I know this is where I was meant to be, doing the things I was meant to do. I know there is only more and I am so excited about the new opportunities that come to me daily. How can I not be? Just writing this put a smile on my face!

Everyone has this capacity. Anyone can transform their thoughts and begin to see a different, better world - a different and better life. And when one sees different and better, one gets different and better. It is impossible to continue acting as you did in the past if you see the world differently. It is impossible to stay where you were. You must change. You must do more and be more because that is what your vision requires.

It's a great feeling. It's not magic. It's just you, thinking.

Have a vision - see your new better world, your new better life. Appreciate all the beauty and wonder working to bring it about. Stay focused. Thoughts turn to actions. Actions change reality.

Mastermind Groups, Mentors, and Grunts - Oh My!

Recently I've begun listening to binaural beats, relaxation tracks, and subliminal affirmations.

I know. Hooby dooby shit. But stick with me on this.

As I wrote earlier this year, life has been generally sucky. In fact, it's been so sucky, I decided (with the prompting one can only get from a meditative state) to write about this experience and the lessons I've learned from it.

That, however, is a different story.

The other more interesting and helpful prompt I received was about a mastermind group. Actually, I was thinking about ways to help my husband out of his funk and in the end, I came to realize it was a route for both of us.

 

 What is a Mastermind Group?

A mastermind group is a small group (maybe 6 at the max, but generally 3-4 people) of peers committed to helping one another achieve each other's goals. This is primarily self-work in the career area, but it doesn't have to stay there. If the group decided to take a session to brainstorm about ways to get their dream houses, I'm sure that would work just fine. It is really a tool for the group, so whatever the group decides, that's how it will work.

Ideally each group member brings different things to the table within a given area. You might even be a member of several different groups that focus on different areas. In my ideal world, I'd probably have a mommy-blogger group and an indie genre writing group (and by ideal world, I mean by the end of August...hint hint!).

But this mastermind group is only one transformative tool - granted an awesome one - but still only one. I feel that both my husband and I need a little more...

 O Mentor, Where Art Thou?

In comes the idea of mentor. Now I've wanted mentors - explicitly - for some time. I just had no clue how to go about courting someone who would spend the time on someone like me (I imagine this is a common problem for people.). Of course, my little meditation prompt led me to the perfect website that had the exact information I needed to read.

Just ask.

I mean, don't ask something like (insert Mr. Rogers' theme), "Won't-you-be-my-mentor?" but instead ask specific questions to people who you admire and think would have helpful answers. These are the kinds of people you want around you anyway - helpful people. Accessible helpful people who actually look at their Twitter mentions or their Facebook pages AND make seven figures annually are kind of amazing and perfect to answer your questions.

Yes, you can wade through thousands of websites and forums trying to find the information you seek, but wouldn't it be nicer just to go straight to the source? The idea of that kind of tedious research gives me a headache. Hell, just searching for people to ask questions of gave me a headache.

The Right Steps

Now that I have a plan of action, I have to put it into action. To be honest, just figuring this out today was a huge step in the right direction. Researching people was tiring, but again, a huge step in the right direction. And now? I need a break.

Even God rested. I'm just saying.

So what will I do the rest of today? Obviously I'm going to listen to my meditative tracks because clearly they're making a huge difference for me. I'm also going to write at least 1000 words because I really need to for my sanity. And then I'm going to listen to Jackson Browne because I'm supposed to be performing in a few weeks at a tribute night to the guy and he might show up (he does live around here).

Phew. I need to get realistic here; there's actually no rest for the wicked...

Self Work is Never Done

Anyone who says they don't have more to work on is delusional.

There's always more to work on. There's always room for improvement. The more you do, the more likely you will succeed because the closer you are to mastery. If you're already a master, you will only get better.

The challenge is finding those places to improve. I mean, you and I, we're too close to ourselves to always figure out what work needs to be done. We may know something needs changing, but how do we find those areas of need? And then, how do we go about fixing them?

Lately I've been doing a lot of self-reflection. I'm in an uncomfortable situation in my life and there has been a lot of upheaval surrounding me. I see the world going to hell in a hand basket, and I feel out of control. There's little I can do about the world, but it would be nice if I had something to cling to that was more stable at home. I mean, something that was for sure...and safe...and well, easy.

Earlier this year I'd gotten into the habit of journaling and writing things I was grateful for every night. A little yoga before or after this journaling really made a difference too. And, then there was also the whole listening to affirmations thing I was doing. Well, for one reason or another, I got out of this habit. I substituted working out for this night time ritual (working out in the morning - not before bed! Geez!). At first, things continued going well.

But once again, I've gone to that dark place. I found myself frustrated with my situation and how slow change has been to come to my life. Instead, I felt like things were slowing down - or even going backwards.

I had so much going on in my head, I needed to do something. I picked up my journal. It seems, even with blogging, writing novels, and non-fiction books, I still have more words floating around that need release. The words, hateful, difficult, angry, disappointed, and depressed, flooded out. And then inspiration struck.

How could I change my life if I didn't know where I needed to change myself? My thinking was all wrong. I was so focused on negative things, on the fact that things weren't changing, on my unhappiness, there was no way I was going to move forward. I've read a bagillion self-help books in an effort to get ahead of my negative preoccupation, and I've had little luck. I needed something more pointed.

Cell phone to the rescue!

I found an app.

Surprising.

But there is an app, or twelve, that include personality/psychological tests to help you pinpoint areas where you need improvement. The one I found was Know Yourself. While the name leaves something to be desired, the comprehensive testing options and articles to combat issues found in your results were impressive.

I mean, I've taken a lot of those goofy tests...but none of them attached helpful content to my problem areas. In fact, few of them identified my problem areas the way this app did.

The Complete Personality Test was long, and the results were nearly as long as the test itself. However, the feedback was invaluable. It helped me unpack areas and habits that need attention (desperately!). It also affirmed other areas, some of which were pleasant surprises (things I never thought of came to light). I haven't yet been able to read all the attached articles, or put exercises in place to change my focus, but I'm hopeful. I feel like I'm on the right track, not only personally, but also professionally.

Sometimes you just need to get right with God, I mean, yourself. Yeah...yourself. ;-)

Detox Life and Reach Goals

Since I started adhering to a writing plan that involves daily and weekly goals, I'm back on track in other aspects of my life. In fact, I would say that I'm in the process of cleaning house.

How, do you ask?

Well, at first it was journaling. I was going through a real dark time, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Journaling helped me to release a lot of things going through my mind which freed me to work on other things (read: writing).

Then I added yoga. I'm not one of those people who is into mixing spiritual disciplines so I was a little hesitant to do this before now. The reason I finally came around and decided to add it to my daily routine is because it can be a kind of meditation. Meditation is good for the body, mind, and spirit. It releases tension can help the body rid itself of toxins etc. It's just a good idea all the way around.

So I hopped onto the Hindu bandwagon for some yoga (just yoga...no pantheon or holy thread or anything). It's been a real blessing and incredibly nourishing to me on every level. I also think I get to sleep faster because of it (probably because of how relaxing it is - this has nothing to do with my new mom sleep deprivation...I swear!).

Then I started adding daily workouts on top of these things. This is something I've really just begun doing this week with any consistency. I had been doing some casual circuit training using my baby as resistance, but that was very sporadic at best (and who knows how effective it was being at achieving my fitness goals other than building muscle). This week I added some kickboxing circuit training videos and next week I plan to up the ante with some other circuit training and HIIT videos. These are ideal for me because they're short but effective, which means I can do them without leaving my baby playing in his play area for too long. The only problem with them is I kind of want them to be longer...or more intense feeling (I sense I'll be adding some low level weights to these puppies!).

I say this now, but talk to me in a week...

My next step is to implement better eating choices...

And then who knows? More active promotion? Actively socializing (sensing a trend here?)?

Needless to say I'm doing these things while I'm reaching my writing goals every day, and I'm taking care of my little man. I know that as I move through this time, every aspect of my life is getting cleaner and the next step of everything is becoming clearer. It's a great feeling.

Sometimes you just need to do some spring cleaning of yourself.

Who Caused Haiyan?

This post is written from Khloe's perspective about a current event that is a little too close to the premise of her saga. It's ironic I thought of this type of terror years before Sandy and Haiyan...

I was watching the news. I read it on my smartphone while waiting for Dani. I knew they had plans to destroy humans but I never thought it would get this bad. I saw Sandy and while my father caught those immediately responsible, it doesn't prevent things like Haiyan from occurring. We have to catch the ones pulling the strings if we want to avoid record wind speeds and death tolls.

Laran has ideas. Like him, I think those responsible are the same ones who killed his parents - the same ones who attacked me, and recruited Macha. And it's only going to get worse. If, as I suspect, there are Seelie and Sidhe colluding against reunification, there's only one solution.

You have to stop. You have to stop thinking everything can be thrown away. You have to stop using things that will only destroy land, water, and air. Stop now! Forget plastic. Forget industrial agriculture. Forget gasoline and constant electronic use. Forget GMOs. Forget fracking and mountaintop removal mining. Forget oil. Forget pesticides. Forget using anything that takes longer than five minutes of travel. Forget cities and computers. Forget clear-cutting and dams.

This time, this obscene industrialization and super technological age, is over. This is your last chance. If you continue, you risk your race's complete annihilation. I'm going to do what I can, but there are no guarantees. You have to do your part. If you don't take responsibility for your actions, for the destruction you've wrought, there's nothing I can do.

In the end,  it's your choice. You decide.

My Stay-at-home Mom Plan

Okay. It's official. I have a plan on how I can make staying at home work for me and for us.

Granted, my plan is loose and fancy free, and I haven't worked out all the kinks, but it's there. It is undeniably present in my head.

My plan is comprised of different parts, which over time will work together. It is a process and I expect it to take some time to lead to any consistent revenue, but I'm not going to let impatience blow me off course. I'm also not absolutely certain I will follow this plan. I may decide to throw out huge chunks of it in favor of focusing on one thing over another...we'll have to wait and see.

So what is this much lauded plan? Here goes nothing:

1. I will complete my Summer Writing Challenge. The books from said challenge will be promoted (Look for giveaways and sneak peaks in the future - that is FOR SURE!). I'm hoping to have some book tours involved, or blog hops, or something. This portion of promotion will take a little bit of work, because I need to connect with a few bloggers to make it happen, but I've been researching blogging networks and I feel confident I'll be able to find a few people interested in hosting something.
2. I am seriously considering an email/subscriber list type deal, which may involve some free tips/stories/and if I can make connections with products etc, possibly discounts (that would be AHmazing!). I'd like this to be more connected to my writing as opposed to other topics, as first and foremost I am a writer (though my readers seem to be most interested in my perspective on pregnancy...hmm).
3. I will begin looking for brands/services etc to review (as they relate to content on my blog ONLY - so possibly parenting related, possibly writing related, possibly politically/socially/environmentally related - this is a little open and will depend on how my interests continue to develop.).
4. I will attempt to connect with products and services that may interest visitors to my blog and possibly sell advertising space in the sidebar.
5. I am working with another writer/editor to start a webzine type of site which will hopefully lead to another consistent revenue stream through reviews and affiliates.

Already I've started looking into these different areas and I have a few ideas on how to get started. I know it will take some work to get things going, and I know I will probably have some trial and error before I'm able to find things that work well consistently.

As I work through this plan, you'll continue to get updates about my books (SWC posts), see changes to the blog (likely in the next few months), and hear about different articles on other sites. As part of the book launches, I'm also considering putting together some swag (totes...shirts maybe?).

A secondary consideration is separating my blogging into different sites (one for pregnancy and parenting and one for writing and related issues). This is something I am seriously considering because I'll be able to better tailor my posts to my readership (I know this will be annoying at first for those of you who have gotten used to reading pregnancy posts here, but I think it might work better to help to build brands.).

So here are those questions - (and *please* comment!) - would you rather see my pregnancy posts on a purely pregnancy/parenting blog? Would you rather my writing posts were separate? And, how do you feel about swag? :-)

A final question, what kind of giveaways would be exciting to you?

I can't wait to read your comments (twitter mentions are good too!)!

Looking For Opportunity in a Forced Stay-at-home-mom Hand

The Real Face of Stay-At-Home Mothers: Those Who Have No Other Financial Option - Forbes

I found this article because being this side of 20 weeks makes the issues of financial stability that much more pressing - that much more frightening.

Today when I got home from work, Christian was looking at other apartments. We don't want to move yet, because I'm so close to my job now (let alone the birth center), but come July when my contract's up we may have to.

We're also looking at the retirement accounts that we've acquired which have been losing money for years. When you're not making enough interest to cover inflation, it doesn't make sense to continue doing what you've always done. Does draining those accounts scare me? Yes. Absolutely. Am I more concerned about paying less interest on our student loans and being able to pay for essential baby gear? Yes. Absolutely.

And like the women the Forbes article cites, I find myself in a situation that is less of a choice and more forced at this point in our lives.

Unlike the supposed new face of SAHMs, I'm not foreign-born. I am younger, but certainly not the youngest mother-to-be on the block. The economy may be coming back, but I happen to live in a place where many of my skills are redundant. The Bay Area is flooded with young, highly educated people - many with less experience who are willing to work for less money. 

Who needs someone who studied interfaith dialogue? Politics? Art? Who worked in education without a teacher's certification? Who doesn't have a doctorate? Who has no interest in being a corporate stooge?

When I was looking for full time work, there wasn't any. Even the jobs that were in line with my professional experience weren't interested in me for whatever reason. I guess I didn't know enough people in the area or whatever. Regardless, I decided to give up on full time work to pursue something else - the result of which is partially this blog (the other half being my books which you should buy and read - of course!).

Now I find myself in a position where my hand is forced. I DO want to stay at home, actually. I want to have time with my kiddo. I want to see every first. But I also don't want to become lonely, depressed, or crazy (or any combo thereof). And unfortunately, that is a real possibility.

I grew up having everything I wanted. My family went on regular vacations. I didn't have 20 sets of lessons, but I spent my time in self-directed exploration with kits, tools, and crafts my parents gave me. I had my own room.

As of right now, I can't give those things to my child and it pains me. It pains me that I feel like they will have a worse life than I did.

I know other couples have started with less and ended up doing remarkable things. My parents went from a parsonage with piddily salaries in Philly to living in their own condo in Santa Barbara wine country. Christian's parents worked hard and went from renting a tiny place outside of Camarillo to owning a sizeable house in Santa Barbara. Neither was (or even is) easy. Still they did it. It's not impossible, or at least it didn't use to be. But I don't want to get ahead of myself on the cynic train...

So I remind myself that life leads us in directions we cannot anticipate. I remind myself that J.K. Rowling wrote some of her books on bits of napkins when she was a struggling single mother. Other writers have dealt with scores of rejections and gone on to do great things and have best sellers (even with some of the books that were originally rejected time and time again). Other women have made SAH work for them even with only one income that was lower than the national median.

I can do it. I know. I can be strong. I just don't want to have to be. I feel like we've been doing this our whole marriage and I want a solid break. I want my time of blatant abundance to arrive already. I want zero debt, healthy investments, and a fat savings account. I want vacations to places I've never seen that involve visiting museums or taking lessons that cost more than free because I can afford it.

I want more than I grew up with.

I think this is a more common occurance than many would like to admit. Perhaps we were brainwashed so well we thought we could have a loving marriage, a nice house, well adjusted kids, AND healthy finances. Maybe the truth is we can't have all those things. Maybe we have to let go - be more zen and less attached to these ideas of what happiness and security mean. If I can open myself up to possibilities and begin to dream of ways life can be more wonderful, perhaps I can see opportunities for greatness staring me in the face.

That is my personal goal - to dream of ways life can be more wonderful every day and to be open to possibility. Life can surprise us. We must remember. Every moment ends as another begins.

So yes, I am staying at home under uncomfortable circumstances at first. But I know this is a big year. I know this isn't a grim situation, but an a opportunity. I just don't know exactly what opportunity it is. I'm keeping my eyes and heart open.