THRIVE: 5 Sites for Strength & Light

Strength & light

Sometimes, even those of us who have done some serious self-work need a little more inspiration to get over the rough stuff.

This is why I wrote THRIVE: HOW I BECAME A SUPERHERO in the first place - I wanted others to know it was possible to transform suffering, in multiple types of situations. And as I've been talking up the book, so many different inspiring people and resources came into my life. So I wanted to share some of that with you. Here are five sites that can give your life a little more strength and light, no matter where you are in your journey:

• Defying Shadows' series #WeAllHaveAStory - I discovered this through my fellow blogger Amy. This is an AMAZING undertaking with guest posts from many people, all sharing their different inspiring stories. It is definitely worth a read for inspiration and guidance on how to transform into an everyday superhero.
• Some Talk of You and Me posts in the health and wellness category are of particular interest to those of us wanting to THRIVE. There are some great personal essays that show different journeys of self-acceptance, persistence, and resilience in the face of life obstacles.
• The Manifest-Station is a personal favorite. This is an online zine that is full of powerful, raw, empowering personal essays by women. Some posts are hard to read, but I always find myself renewed after I read something on this site. It is a spiritual experience and inspires a sense of solidarity between readers and contributors.
• The Honeyed Quill is a similar site to mine in that it mixes things like writing advice and experience, with resilience and healing work (such as contained in THRIVE). In fact, Shawna is working on a trauma writing workshop, which I think will be a great resource for people committed to the hard work of healing.
• I have to give a shout-out to Amy at Allspice and Acrylics, because honestly, she is really amazing. This woman has an incredible will and inspiring story. Every time I read her words or interact with her, I feel her bubbling over with life and passion. I think it comes through in everything she does (I'm sure you'll agree when you check out her blog!).

Do you have other sites that give strength and light to your life? Something that helped you thrive? Leave a comment below!

If you like what you read, be sure to visit my author website and donate or become a patron. Your support makes my writing possible!

The End (A Poem)

There are so many thoughts running through my head. At first I thought I would just journal, but then I thought maybe there are some other people who are experiencing these things.

So, as a writer tends to do, I will share. This piece reflects on issues within the last few chapters of THRIVE: HOW I BECAME A SUPERHERO and serves as a reminder that even when we've gotten through part of the journey, there's always more time to be in the crucible.
***************

How can a parent consciously choose something that would be bad for their child? How can a parent willfully choose the interest of a friend, stranger, or the altar of an all-mighty idea over the best interest of their child? Their grandchildren?

How can a person not see what is in their best interest? How can a person not see what will be the best for their family? Community? City? State? Country? World?

I thought these things were obvious. I feel like they are obvious. They are so GOD DAMN OBVIOUS HOW COME YOU CAN'T FIGURE THIS OUT?!?!

It must be a lack of empathy.
It must be some an attachment to a mental self unrelated to reality. So they vote for their pretend best interest, instead of reality. This is torture.

Did you know there are black churches burning in the south? In a week. Less than every 2 days...one lights.

The mustard dried up.
And the brush burns.
What a sickly gas!

I cough and sputter when smoke blows on the wind. The sun grows dark and I close the windows hoping it passes - thankful for people trained, given full benefits, and protected by unions who brave the flames.

And it's one thing when it's a dusty canyon. It's another when it's a wooden church. A church - a place of prayer, of love, hope, and peace. A sanctuary - where people seek shelter from the storms of life, of which there are so many....crossing the mid-west it feels like pinball.

Bouncing us all around, pick a season, pick a weather - you will find it here!

And here we are. And I keep watching people on their journeys, sharing their excitement - sharing their successes and while I smile I can't help feeling I should be further along.

I was supposed to be further along.

I'm supposed to be more than I am.

I was supposed to have a house, a newer car, a career, a savings account. I was supposed to have a name for myself. I was supposed to be established. I was supposed to feel secure.

I was, I was. I was!

But I am. I still am. It is hard to read another peer bought another house. It is hard to see another peer beginning their family in safety and comfort. They don't have my worries. They don't feel my squeeze.

I remind myself this is transition. I remind myself this is not forever. I refuse to let this be much longer. I refuse to withstand this longer. I can't watch my husband sacrificing so much - so much, for so little. He deserves so much more. We deserve so much more. Our son deserves so. much. more.

I will find it. I will get it. I will have this. I have this. I got this. Just a little more. Just a little longer. By this time next year, the world will look differently.

I feel this. I know this. It sits in my gut, a burning coal.
I could choke on the smoke, but I don't.
I'm Ms. Fusion in a lake of flame.
Nothing touches my heat.

And you know, the world doesn't end with water.

************************************************
For more about my story, read THRIVE: HOW I BECAME A SUPERHERO in digital, and paperback.

As an indie author, I'm a bit like a local business and depend on the love and support of readers like you. Please check out my website and become a patron.

THRIVE: How to Become a Superhero

Take the chaos and shape it.

If you're in a public place, look around. Look at the people nearby. If you're at home, or in your office, imagine some of your friends. Some of the people you know.

Some of them are superheroes.

You might not realize it. You may not know all the battles they've fought - all the things they've done. And they don't have spandex catsuits (or maybe they do?). They don't have alter egos. They don't have X-ray vision given to them by gamma rays or a weird mutation that allows them to extend bone claws out of their knuckles.

These are not comicbook characters! That would be ridiculous.

No. These people are bona fide heroes. They are testaments to the enduring nature of human spirit. They are beacons of hope in a world of chaos. They are pillars of strength in the face of weakness.

But they weren't always this way. They went through a transformation. And no, it wasn't a genetically modified spider bite or falling into a vat of toxic waste that did it.

More likely it was trauma. It was illness. It was death. It was poverty. It was shunning. It was being stripped down to the bone and being left to fend for themselves. And it sucked.

This process is not fun. It is not easy. Being a superhero is not something you want to do - except it is.

When life gives you horror, terror, pain, and despair, you have a choice. You can allow it to ruin you. You can allow yourself to be weighted down, to wallow, to die an agonizing death of the self. Or you can do something remarkable. You can refuse.

You can embrace the pain and shape it in your hands into something you can use. And once you decide to do that, you are no longer on an ordinary path - you have chosen to be remarkable. And you are. Because everyone is not willing to do this hard work. There are no shortcuts in this process.

You may be wondering, "Well, Alexis, why would I buy your book? I thought it would teach me what to do!"

There are no shortcuts to the transformation. You can't be a superhero without pain. That's the rub. No one gets to that place without extreme experiences. You will suffer.

I repeat - you will suffer.

But that's okay. Because with the right perspective, the right approach to problem-solving, to looking at your life, you can use those experiences.

And the perspective requires learning and practice. It is the difference between saying "I am unemployed and therefore a loser." and "I am unemployed. I should write a novel since I have the time." When you've grown up surrounded by people thinking the former, the latter becomes difficult to do. Sometimes you need a guide. A little help figuring out how to change.

THRIVE gives you specific lessons in changing your perspective. Each chapter has a story from my personal experience. In some cases they are disturbing. But in every case, I got through the experience and used it to grow or do something remarkable. And you can too, if that is what you want.

And believe me, that is definitely something worth wanting.

No one wants to suffer, but if you do, use it. Use it to become great.

*********************************
Until June 15, ebook versions of THRIVE: HOW I BECAME A SUPERHERO and the companion journal guide, TRANSFORM TO THRIVE: 32 DAYS FROM VICTIM TO SUPERHERO are at a special price. Preorder and save! Or if you prefer paperback, order the book and journal today!

The American Slave State or The Delusion of Freedom

Recently I got into a discussion with my husband over ideology. The question was, does personal ideology - or the way we think about our personal lives - impact political or public ideology - our behavior in the public sphere?

I would argue yes. Always.

This was a problem for Christian because he finds libertarian thought very attractive. And it is attractive, especially to Americans. The idea of being free, of being able to choose every aspect of life is a nice dream. But if a person believes this should govern their personal choices, it will impact their political ones.

Having freedom to choose whether to breastfeed, smoke, carry firearms, eat meat, or hunt are not personal choices. They are also political ones. Breastfeeding, for example, has long term health and psychological benefits to both the mother and child. It necessarily costs taxpayers less if mothers breastfeed. This is not just a personal choice any more because it impacts society at large.

Smoking has been linked to any number of health ailments. The potential cost to taxpayers is enormous. Again, it is no longer a personal choice, but a public and therefore political one.

Carrying firearms is not a question of being able to defend one's self, or even the pleasure of going to the range. In the face of children being shot daily or the mass shootings so regularly committed, it is a question of public safety. It necessarily becomes a public issues, and therefore, highly politicized.

Even eating meat is a political choice. By eating meat raised in large farms where animals are in close quarters and extreme amounts of waste are produced and dumped, sometimes to the detriment of the local environment, this becomes a political issue. This is not to mention the treatment of the workers, which necessarily impacts their physical and psychological health as well as their family structure.

Hunting, of course is a political issue as well. It is not just personal, especially when certain hunters pay to shoot from helicopters as herds try frantically to escape the rain of bullets. This is not a question of personal freedom, but necessarily impacts the environment, and therefore impacts future generations.

These are the same kinds of questions that come into play over the vaccine debate. It is quite clear the personal choice of a few have life and death consequences for the many...therefore the personal choice is not personal at all.

There is no such thing as as a strictly personal choice. All choices have far reaching impacts. All choices impact the communities in which we live. For this reason, extreme freedom is extremely dangerous.

It is often said that freedom is the cornerstone of American society. Freedom of expression and freedom of religion are often cited as benefits of living in the US. And they are. They are wonderful gifts that French and English philosophers inspired American leaders to codify into law. And I am grateful for that every day. However these are not personal freedoms. These are political ones. To think for one second that our freedom to be Baptist or Buddhist is a personal choice is delusional. The moralities associated with such a choice are inherently political - inherently impacting public life.

If this is true, then we cannot allow extreme freedom. We must control the amount of freedom people have, not as punishment  or in an effort to prevent people from being free, but to protect the rights of the weak and marginalized in our society. In short, we must limit the extreme freedom of the few in order to protect the freedom of all. These who benefit from such limitations are the victims of extreme freedom. These are the voices who are silenced by moneyed interests. These are the people who are shot, who get cancer, who suffer environmental degradation because some are given the extreme freedom to.

A society cannot be healthy when the rights of some necessarily hurt others. A country cannot hope to successfully continue when its foundation requires the subjugation of some to allow for the freedom of a few. This is not freedom. This is enslavement of the many by the few.

Legislating extreme freedom to, therefore, is a legitimation of the slave state. It is perpetuating the consolidation of power and freedom in the hands of a select few privileged members.

How does this happen? By those select privileged members spreading lies and spinning half truths to the masses. By letting us think we have freedom, by successfully deluding the many into believing we all have freedom to, we continue to allow our enslavement. We are, in short, handing our power over to our masters.

This is not a question of small or big government. This is not a question of assuring everyone has "personal" freedoms. This is a question of everyone getting their basic humanity respected and protected. This is a question of assuring that everyone has their basic needs met. This is a question of life and death.

So I remind you, the personal is by its nature political. I remind you, extreme freedom is no freedom at all. The rights of a few are not worth more than the rights of the many.

Why Accusations of Rape are Always True

I cannot - cannot - stand hearing or reading one more person defending a rapist. I don't care how nice the person was to you. I don't care how good of a parent they were. THEY RAPED SOMEONE.

Rape is the worst crime a human being can commit against another. Defending a rapist is therefore worse than defending a murderer. Why? No one died, you might say. There are many reasons why rape is worse than murder.

No one blames a murder victim. People are willing to talk about murder. They're willing to openly commiserate with surviving family members. They are willing to condemn the murderer's actions. Obviously, murder is a horrible crime that leaves a terrible hole in a community. Of course, someone who commits such an act needs to face justice. But people heal. People and communities are allowed to heal.

But rape? What happens with rape?

No one talks about it.

No one.

And when someone does... that person is shunned. They are shamed. They are adamantly disbelieved. They are blamed for bringing the violation on themselves. They are told they put themselves in a vulnerable place, you know, by trusting someone they knew to treat them with respect (like normal people do all the time!!!). Because of course, most rapists are people known by the victim.

Then, when an accusation is made, which without DNA evidence is damn hard to PROVE IN COURT, society at large decides she is lying (I say she because most rape victims are female), because, of course, the victim is trying to tarnish this good man's name (most rapists are male) by putting this on a record somewhere.

And then the community rushes in to defend this scum who thought it was acceptable to put his penis in someone's vagina or anus or mouth without their consent.

That is what we're talking about here. Not only are we talking about defending someone who is putting a person at risk for physical trauma such as tissue damage, unwanted pregnancy, and virulent diseases, but also the much more painful and long lasting trauma of total distrust. How can someone ever trust anyone again? When you have been raped by a friend, family member, colleague, or partner how is it possible to trust a person? To have healthy relationships with other people?

This violation continues to impact every single person a rape victim comes into contact with because it necessarily shapes how they view other people. It necessarily impacts communities much more than murder because it continues to impact people throughout the life of the victim. Rape therefore, is absolutely worse than murder because the wound continues, may be reopened, and may fester.

A rape victim has nothing to gain by breaking their silence for a public accusation. If they are lucky they will find legal justice. And that is if they have DNA evidence and or witnesses. Breaking silence is a painful, difficult thing for a victim because society tends to disbelieve and blame rape victims.

So what does that mean? It means that absolutely, every single time a person makes an accusation of rape, it happened. Maybe it didn't happen exactly how it is portrayed, through a combination of PTSD, drugs, or alcohol, but it did happen.

Rape is not something the mind makes up. It is not easy to talk about in a culture where women are devalued, objectified, and used. It is not easy to come forward and break silence. So, the next time you read about someone being raped, defend them. They are more brave than you can possibly imagine. They are more powerful than we give them credit for, because they did one thing that society hates.

They told the truth.