Drought (A Poem)

Wriggling toes on parched earth,
I look to Heaven.

Pollen flies loose
Go ahead. Blow, hot wind!

Your useless reprieve.

Seeking bees,
Beneath the surface I scratch at table tops
Yielding fruitless harvests.

Lick cracked lips.

Balance calls...

Bow!

Accept!
Own!
This is life's path!

But in the face of shining stone,
The human solution is death.

Who Never Read 50 Shades

Recently there has been a war in social media about 50 SHADES. I have a theory about why.

For the most part there are three groups in this fight. The first says the book is poorly written but entertaining drivel. They say it has nothing wrong. There were no rape scenes. It wasn't abusive. It's just erotica etc etc.

Then there are others who read it and hated it not because of the writing quality necessarily, but because of the message communicated to women and girls about BDSM and sexual relationships.

The most extreme warriors in this battle are those who never read the book and will not see the movie. These are the people who have started Twitter campaigns and written editorials. These are the people who unfollow and unfriend fans.

I think the first group has lived in blissful ignorance of the experiences of the other two. The fans cannot have experienced physical abuse or sexual violence and comfortably enjoy these books. How can you read about someone getting hit or humiliated or dominated and feel comfortable if you experienced sexual violence or physical abuse yourself? Maybe these fans have never experienced overt misogyny. They don't know what it is like to be told, in no uncertain terms, that they are worthless because they have a vagina. Whatever the case, they have seemingly gone through life unscathed.

The second group, my guess, has had some abuse experience either through friends or family, or directly to a mild amount. They have suffered at the hands of someone with more power. They have experienced or watched someone else suffer through something. They are allies to those who have bore the brunt of the abusive statistics and they recognize the connections between popular entertainment and the normalizing of such behavior.

The last group, the anti-fans, are the ones we really need to pay attention to. These are the people we need to take the time to understand and empathize with. These are our canaries in the coal mine. I believe these are the most likely to have suffered directly. They are the ones who were manipulated, molested, beaten, or raped. They are the ones who were stripped of their power by someone they trusted. They were the ones who have been told by society it was their fault. They are the ones who discovered the very people closest to them would not come to their aid when they were abused.

When I was younger I was told by a friend, the people who are most sensitive, most outspoken about abuse, are those who have experienced something directly. Let's consider the statistics. 1 in 3 women will be sexually or physically abused in their life time. That is ONE BILLION WOMEN. Of the women alive today, one billion of them have or will be abused physically or sexually.

That's a lot of people.

Think about your Facebook feed. Think about your friends. Think about your Twitter, G+, and Instagram followers. Think about the people you grew up with. How many of them reacted poorly to this book? The movie? Maybe they were impacted directly by abuse. It is possible. It is likely.

Statistically you know someone who has been raped. You know someone who was molested. You know someone who was beaten. You know someone who was verbally abused. You probably know many someones. Just because it happened doesn't mean they would tell you. Don't assume you were judged to be a safe person. These are the things we don't talk about. These are things society says are shameful.

So if you are a fan of this infamous piece of pulp, think about what it tells those people, what they hear out of your mouth: I am not safe. I am not going to protect you. I stand with your abuser.

And all you thought you said was, "It was a fun Saturday read."

The American Slave State or The Delusion of Freedom

Recently I got into a discussion with my husband over ideology. The question was, does personal ideology - or the way we think about our personal lives - impact political or public ideology - our behavior in the public sphere?

I would argue yes. Always.

This was a problem for Christian because he finds libertarian thought very attractive. And it is attractive, especially to Americans. The idea of being free, of being able to choose every aspect of life is a nice dream. But if a person believes this should govern their personal choices, it will impact their political ones.

Having freedom to choose whether to breastfeed, smoke, carry firearms, eat meat, or hunt are not personal choices. They are also political ones. Breastfeeding, for example, has long term health and psychological benefits to both the mother and child. It necessarily costs taxpayers less if mothers breastfeed. This is not just a personal choice any more because it impacts society at large.

Smoking has been linked to any number of health ailments. The potential cost to taxpayers is enormous. Again, it is no longer a personal choice, but a public and therefore political one.

Carrying firearms is not a question of being able to defend one's self, or even the pleasure of going to the range. In the face of children being shot daily or the mass shootings so regularly committed, it is a question of public safety. It necessarily becomes a public issues, and therefore, highly politicized.

Even eating meat is a political choice. By eating meat raised in large farms where animals are in close quarters and extreme amounts of waste are produced and dumped, sometimes to the detriment of the local environment, this becomes a political issue. This is not to mention the treatment of the workers, which necessarily impacts their physical and psychological health as well as their family structure.

Hunting, of course is a political issue as well. It is not just personal, especially when certain hunters pay to shoot from helicopters as herds try frantically to escape the rain of bullets. This is not a question of personal freedom, but necessarily impacts the environment, and therefore impacts future generations.

These are the same kinds of questions that come into play over the vaccine debate. It is quite clear the personal choice of a few have life and death consequences for the many...therefore the personal choice is not personal at all.

There is no such thing as as a strictly personal choice. All choices have far reaching impacts. All choices impact the communities in which we live. For this reason, extreme freedom is extremely dangerous.

It is often said that freedom is the cornerstone of American society. Freedom of expression and freedom of religion are often cited as benefits of living in the US. And they are. They are wonderful gifts that French and English philosophers inspired American leaders to codify into law. And I am grateful for that every day. However these are not personal freedoms. These are political ones. To think for one second that our freedom to be Baptist or Buddhist is a personal choice is delusional. The moralities associated with such a choice are inherently political - inherently impacting public life.

If this is true, then we cannot allow extreme freedom. We must control the amount of freedom people have, not as punishment  or in an effort to prevent people from being free, but to protect the rights of the weak and marginalized in our society. In short, we must limit the extreme freedom of the few in order to protect the freedom of all. These who benefit from such limitations are the victims of extreme freedom. These are the voices who are silenced by moneyed interests. These are the people who are shot, who get cancer, who suffer environmental degradation because some are given the extreme freedom to.

A society cannot be healthy when the rights of some necessarily hurt others. A country cannot hope to successfully continue when its foundation requires the subjugation of some to allow for the freedom of a few. This is not freedom. This is enslavement of the many by the few.

Legislating extreme freedom to, therefore, is a legitimation of the slave state. It is perpetuating the consolidation of power and freedom in the hands of a select few privileged members.

How does this happen? By those select privileged members spreading lies and spinning half truths to the masses. By letting us think we have freedom, by successfully deluding the many into believing we all have freedom to, we continue to allow our enslavement. We are, in short, handing our power over to our masters.

This is not a question of small or big government. This is not a question of assuring everyone has "personal" freedoms. This is a question of everyone getting their basic humanity respected and protected. This is a question of assuring that everyone has their basic needs met. This is a question of life and death.

So I remind you, the personal is by its nature political. I remind you, extreme freedom is no freedom at all. The rights of a few are not worth more than the rights of the many.

I Am Not A Surgeon But...

I am sure I can correct your heart problem. I haven't had any training, I know nothing about sanitizing surgical tools, or if something goes wrong, but I've seen E.R. I'm sure I can figure it out.

I'm not an electrician, but I'm sure I can install your lights. I mean, I have no idea how wiring works or how to make sure circuits don't overload, but it's just cutting holes in the wall and plugging things in, right?

I'm not a mechanic, but I'm sure I can fix your car. I mean, how hard can it be to swap an exhaust system on a 2013 VW Jetta?

This is what our problem is. We think it doesn't matter that we don't have training. We think as individuals we can do anything. But WE CAN'T. How can you possibly know what the right thing is when you do not have any knowledge of the subject? How can you possibly know what the right thing is when you have no firsthand experience?

Training matters. Knowledge matters. Recognizing that you don't know what the hell you're talking about is important. I'm sorry but I don't want some random person I picked up from a pub working on my teeth. I'm sorry but I don't want some random person who has no understanding of construction building my house. I'm sorry but I do not want someone who does not believe in SCIENCE making decisions ABOUT SCIENCE! I'm sorry but I don't want a man making decisions about WOMEN'S BODIES. I'm sorry but I don't want people who send their kids to private schools making decisions about PUBLIC SCHOOLS. I don't want rich people, who were born rich, making decisions about SOCIAL SAFETY NETS.

That is just stupid. It is just crazy.

Training matters. Knowledge matters. Ask the experts what they think - the people with years of training, specialized skills, and experience. Then make decisions. Doing anything else, and we're no better than monkeys playing "human."

Total Equality: A Feminist Manifesto

Recently Obama called for the American legislature to require equal pay for equal work. There have been a lot of conversations about that.

I would argue his call is premature, not because I don't want that. I do. I absolutely completely do. I just think the problem is bigger than that.

You can't eradicate a symptom if you don't cure the disease. The disease, in this case, is sexism, and it is pandemic. The body politic is infested with this horrible, debilitating illness. And we need a cure. We can treat the symptoms, but they will keep coming back in one way or another, until we address the illness as a whole.

It is for this reason I wrote and published TOTAL EQUALITY. I don't think people realize how pervasive sexism is in America. I don't think people realize how damaging it is, how painful it is, as a woman, to be systematically disregarded over and over again (my brown skinned friends know this very well, and I empathize with that hot mess because there is a lot of overlap). I wrote this because I wanted it to be absolutely clear, in one place, easily understood, just what is required for women to be equal to men.

Obama is right. It should happen now. It has been a long time. But let's be clear - this is still a big task, especially when America won't admit there is a problem in the first place.

Why Accusations of Rape are Always True

I cannot - cannot - stand hearing or reading one more person defending a rapist. I don't care how nice the person was to you. I don't care how good of a parent they were. THEY RAPED SOMEONE.

Rape is the worst crime a human being can commit against another. Defending a rapist is therefore worse than defending a murderer. Why? No one died, you might say. There are many reasons why rape is worse than murder.

No one blames a murder victim. People are willing to talk about murder. They're willing to openly commiserate with surviving family members. They are willing to condemn the murderer's actions. Obviously, murder is a horrible crime that leaves a terrible hole in a community. Of course, someone who commits such an act needs to face justice. But people heal. People and communities are allowed to heal.

But rape? What happens with rape?

No one talks about it.

No one.

And when someone does... that person is shunned. They are shamed. They are adamantly disbelieved. They are blamed for bringing the violation on themselves. They are told they put themselves in a vulnerable place, you know, by trusting someone they knew to treat them with respect (like normal people do all the time!!!). Because of course, most rapists are people known by the victim.

Then, when an accusation is made, which without DNA evidence is damn hard to PROVE IN COURT, society at large decides she is lying (I say she because most rape victims are female), because, of course, the victim is trying to tarnish this good man's name (most rapists are male) by putting this on a record somewhere.

And then the community rushes in to defend this scum who thought it was acceptable to put his penis in someone's vagina or anus or mouth without their consent.

That is what we're talking about here. Not only are we talking about defending someone who is putting a person at risk for physical trauma such as tissue damage, unwanted pregnancy, and virulent diseases, but also the much more painful and long lasting trauma of total distrust. How can someone ever trust anyone again? When you have been raped by a friend, family member, colleague, or partner how is it possible to trust a person? To have healthy relationships with other people?

This violation continues to impact every single person a rape victim comes into contact with because it necessarily shapes how they view other people. It necessarily impacts communities much more than murder because it continues to impact people throughout the life of the victim. Rape therefore, is absolutely worse than murder because the wound continues, may be reopened, and may fester.

A rape victim has nothing to gain by breaking their silence for a public accusation. If they are lucky they will find legal justice. And that is if they have DNA evidence and or witnesses. Breaking silence is a painful, difficult thing for a victim because society tends to disbelieve and blame rape victims.

So what does that mean? It means that absolutely, every single time a person makes an accusation of rape, it happened. Maybe it didn't happen exactly how it is portrayed, through a combination of PTSD, drugs, or alcohol, but it did happen.

Rape is not something the mind makes up. It is not easy to talk about in a culture where women are devalued, objectified, and used. It is not easy to come forward and break silence. So, the next time you read about someone being raped, defend them. They are more brave than you can possibly imagine. They are more powerful than we give them credit for, because they did one thing that society hates.

They told the truth.

We Cannot Rest: Claiming Our Birth Right

I have been a little busy with my writing sample. Now that I am finally finished and have sent off the first doctoral application, I can take a little break before getting on with the next. Thus it is a perfect time for a post...

In my research for my paper I discovered something: the world remains stacked against women. I was astounded at how incredibly pervasive this stacking truly is. Yes it is also stacked against minority groups and the poor, but of course, you can be any combination of these and be female. Still, minorities and low socioeconomic groups are seen as marginalized. The problem with sexism is its invisibility.

Apparently having a vagina means you cannot make as much money. It means you are less likely to get a raise or be promoted. It means you are more likely to be attacked - verbally, physically, and sexually. It means you are told repeatedly by society from every conceivable avenue that you are less, despite many people claiming this isn't so (even as their actions say otherwise).

The day when "cunt" and "dick" have the same connotation - when a man is not seen as "feminine" when he chooses stay home because his female partner prefers to work - is not yet here. The day when on site day care is so common it is expected is not yet here. The day when it there are just as many women as men in positions of authority is not yet here. The day when imprisoned mothers are given the possibility of being mothers to their children is not yet here. The day when we don't have to be afraid for our daughters' safety is not yet here. The day when women control their reproductive lives is not yet here.

Until that day arrives, we cannot rest.

We must stand up. We must join hands with those of like vision - those seeking justice - giving voice to the voiceless. We must call on the power that only women wield and stand with our friends, neighbors, and family who see a better way.

We cannot rest. This is FAR from over. Our birth right awaits. The call goes out. Will you answer?

Misandry, Misogyny, and The Third Way

I am a feminist and... I love men.

WHAAAAAT?!?! I can hear some misandrist somewhere shaking her fist and shouting obscenities.

Blasphemer!

Heretic!

Except it isn't. I think it's safe to say that most women love men. They love their fathers. They love their brothers. They love their sons, partners, husbands, and friends. There are quite a lot of men in our lives that we love.

I think it's pretty safe to say that most women also want respect, because we're people and people want respect. We want the ability to control our lives and have our choices, feelings, and values honored.

These things should not be controversial, news, or rocket science. They are common sense.

That all said, I understand why there are women out there who hate men. I get that. I get the personal experience that is so incredibly hurtful it shades your perspective on every person to the point of essentialism. I can understand why an abused woman would hate her abuser, or anyone with qualities reminding her of that person. I understand why someone would hate her attacker, and anyone with similar qualities. It makes sense to me, but it also is something that I believe everyone needs to move past.

I am not someone saying "just get over your hurt." That is not what I mean at all. I mean to say we need to be different. We cannot act like oppressors pointing to a whole group of people and claim they are all exactly alike. That is preposterous. I would be angry if someone said all women were X or Y (hee hee) so how can I do the same thing to another group?

I also recognize there are still a lot of insecure men out there who continue to perpetuate sexual inequality and that situation isn't something we as women can just "get over." That said, we cannot make choices based out of fear, anger, or hatred. This is the way down a spiral of pain and despair.

Instead, let us honor ourselves and our fellow humans by acting out of compassion, wisdom, and justice. Whatever feminist actions we take, let them be informed by these three values, for if we do not, then we are no better than misogynists.

It is time for us to reclaim feminism from hatred and reassert it's original purpose - equality for all. This is neo-feminism - one that transcends misandry and allows for men supportive of the women in their lives to rejoin the movement. As a woman married to a man, who bore a son, I'd like feminism to welcome them with open arms, so they can work beside the women they love for a brighter tomorrow.

Until All Are Equal - Feminism

The internet is full of fail. It allows idiocy to multiply like a virus and collect into little pools of festering infection. First, let me remind everyone: USE YOUR CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS. It is always a good idea to consider arguments thoughtfully especially if they are well structured and supported by sufficient evidence, regardless of your own opinion.  This is how we learn and grow and that is always a good thing.

Always consider a situation and the definition of the words being applied. Does the situation actually fit the words being applied? Or is the person making statement after statement with malapropisms? In other words, does this person actually know what he or she is talking about?

Just saying.

Now to brass tacks.

Let's remind one another, ladies and gentlemen, why FEMINISM is not the "F word." Feminism is not MAN-HATING or "Feminazism." That is female chauvinism and NOT the same thing (I think we all agree chauvinism is bad...equality is good). Let's also remind one another that FEMINISM is about a set of ideals - a philosophy and a movement. It is about EQUALITY in PUBLIC and PRIVATE spaces for EVERYONE.

If a woman has NOT experienced discrimination or violence because she is a woman, I can only attribute this to one of three things: sheer luck, lack of life experience and/or exposure to the world (i.e. too young), or obliviousness to her own situation and those of women around her.

If a man has not witnessed or met a woman who was discriminated against or attacked because of her vagina, then he can only be too young or oblivious (not asking the right questions or "calling a spade a spade" as it were).

Women, you need feminism because

1. You like being able to vote.
2. You like being able to drive.
3. You like being able to have your opinion weigh the same as someone who has a penis.
4. You like being able to choose if and when you want to be a mother.
5. You like government protected parental leave.
6. You enjoy being able to work...in any industry and any organization.
7. You enjoy making it to upper management (or at least having the possibility to).
8. You like being able to go to college and study whatever you want to achieve whatever goals you have.
9. You want to be able to get the same wage for the same work as someone with a penis.
10. You enjoy being able to wear pants, shorts, skirts, and pretty much anything you want at any time ANYWHERE - seriously... think Saudi Arabia people.
11. You enjoy being taken seriously. Seriously.
12. You want to be seen as a person, as opposed to a walking vagina to be possessed or used.
13. There are still women in this world who do not have access to all the  the above mentioned things.
14. Daycare is still not provided by all employers.
15. Women who take themselves out of the workforce during childbearing years have a difficult time being hired after. 
16. Women are still not trusted to know how to give birth in the US and around the world.
17. Women are still not allowed control over their reproduction in the US and globally.
18. Women are more likely to be the victims of sexual abuse (3 in 10) than  men (1 in 10).
19. Women are much more likely to experience violence at the hands of their partners than men.
20. Women worry about being physically safe with men. Men don't feel that way about women.
21. When saying that someone abused you sexually, society is predisposed to call you a liar and an opportunist unless there is physical proof.
22. "Cunt" is still worse than "dick."
23. "Whore" is a slur. "Pimp" is a compliment.
24. Women are less likely to vote for a female candidate to office.
25. We have been so conditioned by the idea that we can't do certain things that WOMEN REINFORCE the status quo.

Men need feminism because

1. Men can't stay home if they want to (without worrying about societal pressure and stigma).
2. Men like parental leave.
3. Daycare is still not provided by employers.
4. Imbalanced power dynamics foster resentment and subversion by the less powerful.
5. Men (and women) want whole, supported partners.
6. Having an empowered partner means a happier relationship (Ever met someone who had control over their own life who was upset about it? Really?).
7. Men need to know how to be male without being violent or aggressive towards women (read: television, video games, movies, and popular music).
8. Men need to be able to explore their own identities and roles (son, husband, father etc).
9. Diversity of perspective leads to innovation which can lead to better solutions (i.e. dialectics).
10. Everyone is more productive when they are supported and empowered (Think of your sisters, wives, mothers, and daughters here.).

All feminists are not the same, but saying that we don't need feminism is like saying we don't need to worry about racial equality. Sorry, but there is still a whole lot of racism in the US and the world, and there is STILL a lot of sexism in the world.

We definitely need feminism.

Come Out, Come Out, Whoever You Are!

Some paths are scary...

Lately there have been several recurring themes in my life and therefore, my writing: coincidence, fate, purpose, choice, self-acceptance, and "coming out."

But worth it.

First of all, I don't believe in coincidence. I'm a person of faith and I've had too many strange things happen in my life to believe in "coincidence." I believe that everything happens for a reason, so you could say I believe in a kind of fate and that things - and people - have related purposes.

That said, I also believe you can choose to ignore or follow your purpose. In order to actively make that choice, many times a person must engage in self-exploration. This often leads to the discovery of both pleasant and unpleasant elements of the self (history, talents, preferences, personality traits, etc). This also leads to the possibility of self-acceptance (or not).

The process of discovery and acceptance in turn leads to the possibility of "coming out."

When encountering the phrase "coming out" most people think of an LGBT person openly declaring their gender/orientation, however "coming out" is not exclusively an LGBT act. Any part of the self that has been hidden, dormant, or laying in a deep recess can be brought to the light of day and shared with others. The process, and often the implications, are the same.

It is the implications of "coming out" - of a change in identity - that piques my interest. It also keeps me up at night.

Coming out is hard. It isn't like going from the identity of coupled woman to mother. That identity is clear and easy to see. It is one most people encounter on a regular basis, and for most people, there are no loose ends or questions raised by such an identity change.

The nature of coming out means the hidden identity or issue being brought into the open is uncomfortable, otherwise it wouldn't have been hidden. There is something shameful or uncomfortable, or difficult about this identity or issue, usually for both the self and others. It calls some fundamental thing into question - roles, relationships, actions, all shift to a new and strange place with this new identification.

Sometimes such identifications become the person. Literally, these difficult identities are so hard to get past for most other people, the self becomes two-dimensional. Suddenly the self is only lesbian, is only an addict, is only poor, is only an abuser, is only a victim, is only a criminal according to the other. Pigeon-holing abounds when the new issue comes to light. In order to overcome this shallowing process, the self must work extra hard to show up this new identity: I am green, progressive, Christian, athletic, multi-racial, multi-lingual, educated etc. These other identities are forced into competition with the "shameful" and marginalized new identity.

Some people choose to embrace their marginalized identity and center their lives around these things, for example a once battered woman turned activist who works with battered women. Another example would be a recovering alcoholic choosing to support others in their quest for sobriety. The centering of this identity surpasses a volunteer level, but moves to paid work as well as possible volunteering. Literally, life in these situations is entirely focused on this "shameful" identity.

The other possibility is to downplay such identities and to focus on something else. I think of the case of Maya Angelou who could have focused much of her writing and energy on the fact that she was molested and raped as a child. She could have written much of her work about - and championed victims of - sexual abuse and assault, however she did not. She chose a wider platform that included socio-economic, race, gender, and orientation identities rather than a single pigeon-holed identity of "victim."

Of course no one is a single thing. Each person has multiple facets, each informing the other. Experiences, preferences, and inherent abilities all contribute to the people we are. Often, however, one aspect or set of aspects stands out. One or a set of identities speaks to us more. We identify with a given set more strongly, and there are reasons for this (our experiences and preferences, for example).

This is where a given person's purpose lies - surrounding those identities of utmost importance.

However there is tension in balancing a person's purpose with the potential of pigeon-holing. There is tension surrounding that question of pigeon-holing and acceptance by others. Will I be stereotyped if I come out? Will I always be only this one thing? Will my identity overshadow my purpose? Will it interfere with achieving my life purpose? - asks the self.

Inevitably, the answer is: I don't know. We cannot know. The other is the one who answers these questions by their actions - their acceptance and rejection. It is only when the self is made vulnerable by coming out that the answer can be given and received. Until then, there is only anxious speculation.

We all have secrets. We all have hidden parts of ourselves. With every hidden piece, there is a debate regarding with whom we render ourselves vulnerable. For those who live more public lives - bloggers, writers, pastors, politicians, celebrities - the debate is more intense. The revelation of a secret self has more lasting and difficult implications. Will my brand be impacted? Will my image be impacted positively or negatively (because it will be impacted one way or another)? Is it worth it? Is it more important to be honest and authentic than to worry about the potential fallout? How strongly do I identify with this part of myself? If I decide to come out, how should I do it? Will it be quiet? Will it be for maximum impact? If so, what would create maximum impact?

These are the questions we ask ourselves. These are the questions that keep us up at night because there are no easy answers. There are no right answers. There are only answers that align with a person's purpose and those that do not. So it comes down to choice: what is your purpose? Who is your secret self? Will sharing your secret self with others further your purpose in this world? If the answer is yes, then it's time. It's time to come out.

Creation and Destruction

The soul yearns to create. This is the mode of artists, engineers, writers, and developers. This is the language in which we speak - we solvers of problems - the structure of our universe. This is the root from which all beauty comes.

But what of destruction?

Destruction is so quick - so easy. It takes seconds for fire or water or weapon to render creation to dust. It doesn't matter how many hours or days, years or decades were spent in its formation. Destruction comes in seconds.

In pantheons the god of creation is always close with that of destruction, for as all people know, throughout time and space, they are two sides of the same coin.

Death is not an end, but transition into new life. The old is cleared away in preparation for the new. Entire cities are built upon cities, upon cities. Coral grows upon the skeletons of dead coral. Plants feast on the remains of everything, broken down by the tiniest of creatures...broken down to dust - to dirt.

It is only when we forget to embrace this cycle, the second and more frightening half, that we come to problems. Everything must be broken down at some point. Everything must be picked apart. Everything must be destroyed, or it will limp along, sick, twisted, and pained - a kind of perpetual Hell.

That is not what existence wants. It wants destruction, just like it wants creation. Each of us has a part to play in this beautiful balance. Each of us is called to be creator and destroyer in the same breath...

We struggle, we question, we tear down and then, always, we build a better up.

Throw That Book: Celebrate Freedom

Freedom. Glorious freedom.
Liberation.
Independence.

Tis a gift to be free. Yes...or is it?

I'm not talking about the holiday coming up. I'm talking about the liberation of books.

FREE OUR BOOKS! BOOK LIBERATION!

A tweep of mine recently had her books show up on a piracy site and as many would be, was upset by this.

The first thing I thought?

I wish one of my books had enough attention to be on a pirate site.

Yes, I would probably lose some money on that book...but...I might gain some fans.

There is a tension between possession of a creative product and accessibility. I think of Louis C.K. who put up a special, DRM free, and had a tip jar situation. He made a bunch of money even though he didn't require payment. Was it a question of demographics? Celebrity? Product itself? Or was it simply the fact that he ventured to trust people enough with his craft they were so moved to support him despite its free price tag?

I have in the past made books free as well as had give aways. I have also given free chapters and of course, my ZEPHYRS short story has always been free. I don't have a tip jar, though I wouldn't mind listing a book on NOISETRADE (can I please?). All my books on Smashwords are DRM free. I did that because I want to trust people and encourage them to support art because it is good, brings them joy, and they want more of it.

On the one hand, if I was on a pirate site, I can see getting mad. On the other, would I be doing my job if my books weren't free somewhere...somehow? Probably not.

So while I don't require payment, I do expect some kind of compensation. PR will do nicely. Money would be good too. :-)

Repeal Obamacare?! Republican Candidates Must Be Daft

If I see one more ad for Republican running for congress I may shoot myself. The thing I hate the most? "I'm on the side of the taxpayers. I'm going to repeal Obamacare."

Yeah. On the side of which taxpayers exactly?

Sorry but Obamacare is a good thing for most people. All the problems are basically because Republicans stymied the idea of a single payer system (all the complications would be erased if there was a single payer system).

Obamacare saved our health care (too bad it doesn't include adult dental! Hint hint!). We were paying 1500$ a month for Cobra after Christian lost his job. Read: we had NO consistent income. Unemployment (which has been cut by the Feds - so thanks for that!) didn't pay for it ...and while our baby may have been eligible for Medi-Cal, Christian wouldn't have been. Now we have health care for a fraction of the cost (Off the top of my head I want to say we pay around $100 monthly for the two of us!) and our baby is fully covered under Medi-Cal.
We're just one example, but there are thousands and millions of people like us who can and do benefit from this legislation.

But...if the Republicans DO repeal Obamacare...they could kill their party and we may end up with single payer after all. Considering how completely horrid they've become (thank you Kochs!), I can't say I would mourn the loss.

Poor? Then You're Bad

If you are poor, you are bad. Why else would the American society, government, and economy be set up to penalize the poor? Let's explore all the ways the poor are punished, and how this punishment keeps people impoverished, and even works to further impoverish those on the bottom.

Firstly, in a capitalist society where money is king, poverty is connected with low status. Necessarily, someone who is poor not only has little power, as capital is a type of power - a way of changing one's environment or situation - but a poor person has low status because they are labeled as a loser in the game of capitalism.

Along with "loser" label comes the associated visible distinctions. Someone with high net worth has a certain appearance - they have nice things, they have good health (because up until this point health was something someone had to buy), they have good education, good connections, and the list goes on. These things are visible to even the most casual observer in how clothes fit, their condition, to even the vocabulary and cadence of a person's voice.

This highlights the problem of quality of life. Because a poor person doesn't have the capital to take care of such needs, like preventative health care, a good portion of their income ends up being spent on emergency situations. For example, I can't afford to pay a dentist for a regular check-up so I wait until my teeth hurt and instead of getting a cavity filled, I now require a root-canal. The cavity would have cost less, but because there wasn't spare income to cover regular check-ups, the care was put off. The result is a more significant intervention that costs more time and money - two things a poor person doesn't have to spare.

Time is invaluable to a poor person. The reason is a poor person likely has to work longer hours for lower compensation. The result is someone making minimum wage at two or three jobs, and often times this still isn't enough to cover basic living costs.

The irony of this, is government programs require a person to have no assets in order to qualify for pitiful subsidies (think: $44 a week to cover food costs). So having a job that pays more than minimum wage, an IRA, or even a car can hurt the poor more when applying for food stamps (and traditionally federal medical coverage). Also, keep in mind that good food tends to cost more money. So in order to be really healthy, as a poor person, you'd have to either make more money at your job, or try to find a food pantry that gives out fresh produce.

Now that we've covered the problems with social stigma, healthcare, and government assistance, what happens to people who'd like to better themselves? That's the American dream - the myth that keeps everyone working hard; if you work hard enough, you can better yourself.

But if you're poor, that's pretty unlikely. The reason is a poor person needs resources in order to get out of poverty - resources he doesn't have.

Let's say this person has some debt because he fell on hard times (an emergency situation like an ER visit or car problems caused him to spend some credit). Debt is built to penalize the debtor. This is because the debtors ends up paying much more than the initial money credited him. This is made even worse when he can't pay.

Take a step back and think about this for a second; the debtor can't pay, so his account goes delinquent, and then we charge him more fees that he can't pay, so we charge him more fees... until his credit is shot and he has no way of digging himself out of this indebted hole.

I don't know about you, but this makes NO sense to me at all. It's one thing if a person is refusing to pay but when they simply can't afford to pay? That's crazy. And this poor credit impacts other aspects of this person's life - his ability to rent (because of course he can't buy a house, and even if he could, he probably couldn't get a loan at a good rate), to buy a car, and even to get certain jobs...

Now let's say our poor person wants to change their fate - they want a better job. But how can he get a better job?

First, he needs a computer, printer, and a phone. He needs the computer to research potential jobs. He needs to printer to print off application forms and resumes. He needs a phone so he can call employers and employers can reach him regarding interviews.

These three things are crucial, yet many are simply out of the realm of possibility for a poor person. Even one of the $99 Chromebooks is an extravagance when you're worried how you're going to buy food or pay the electric bill. And let's not even get into all the little fees and costs involved in having a smartphone, which might substitute for a computer in a pinch...

Let's say this poor person somehow, miraculously, is able to land an interview. What are they going to wear? If he's lucky, he'll find something at the thrift shop that is in reasonable condition and is actually his size. He might not be able to wash it beforehand (laundromats are more expensive to use than having your own washing machine in the long run).

Maybe our man gets the job. What is he going to wear to work? He can't wear the same outfit everyday. Is he going to find 5 suits that fit him and are in good condition at the thrift shop? It's unlikely, but it isn't impossible. But again, he needs to make the time to search for these things....time he may or may not have. He'll need to be at the store when it's open...which might or might not happen, especially if he's reliant on public transit which frequently takes twice as long as a car in most places (and his credit was so bad, he probably doesn't have a car).

In every aspect of the poor man's life, he is penalized. He has to work longer hours for less pay because he doesn't have as good of an education. He doesn't have time with his family because he has to work so long. He doesn't have as good of clothing so he looks like a lower status person to society. He can't afford to cover preventative care, which means he waits until things are emergencies and this usually results in a worse situation for his health as well as his wallet. He is charged fees when he can't afford to pay his bills which puts him into an even worse situation. This screws up his credit so he has difficulty renting an apartment or getting a loan (which makes it hard to start a business as well!). He can't get a good job because he doesn't have the communications equipment to find and apply for one, let alone the wardrobe he would need to hold it down.

All this happens when you are poor in America. Because of this, the logical conclusion is that poor people are bad and have little to no value. Why else would everything in society be set up to punish you?

Climate Change and Haiyan

I feel prophetic, or psychic,...or at least really intuitive.

Let's go with really intuitive.

I'm in the midst of finishing my Khloe Alwell series and the last book is going to be full of all kinds of things - love, betrayal, war, politics, and prophecy. Beyond this however, it is about climate change and the effects humanity has on our environment. It's about the inevitable backlash we'll receive from natural forces - from Earth.

If there were Sidhe in this world, or under a veil somewhere, they definitely would have caused Sandy. They definitely would have caused Haiyan. And these would only be the beginning.

And the call of Filipino leaders to a council of action to address climate change is the kind of thing humanity needs to do, will have to do (and will do in my series) if there is to be any hope for us.

Reclaiming The "F" Word

Sometime in the past year it became overwhelmingly clear that I am a feminist.

For a long time, "feminist" was an empowering word. Then, at some point in the 90s it became a badge of shame. It was right up there with "bitch" or "cunt." No one wanted to be called a feminist. Women would start sentences off with "I'm not a feminist but..." only to be followed by sentiments that were unequivocally feminist.

I don't think I ever started a sentence off that way because it seemed ridiculous to me. Then again, I wasn't really interested or concerned with labels at the time. I was more concerned about music, art, boys, and getting good grades (probably in that order) while "feminist" was busy becoming a bad word.

It was only when I went to college and began interacting with the world that I saw just how unequal the world really was. I realized that my mother, being ordained, was actually a rarity. I began to understand that I was not like other girls - I fought my way into classes full of men, earning respect and wrapping power about me like a cloak. I understood very quickly this was not because I was trying to subvert convention, but rather because I didn't know what I was doing was different.

My experiences of discrimination, by many accounts, were few and far between, though I watched as others around me suffered much different fates.

And sometime during that period of observation I grew up.

I realized just how extraordinary it was for a woman to have done the things I'd done, been invited to the places I'd been invited to, and accepted by groups that so rarely accepted people with my piping. I realized just how much further I might have gone had I been a man. I realized how much was still held above a glass ceiling, and what insidious tools society used to subvert and dismiss the ambitious of my sex.

It made me angry. And so I wrote. At first it was just little things - a main character who didn't whine and learned to take care of herself. Then it became bigger - addressing reproductive rights and the illogical conclusions many right-wing extremists would have us come to (these were short stories which I still hope to have accepted in magazines...the time to wait for submission and acceptance is considerable!).

It might have been my pregnancy that tipped me over the edge into owning the "f" word. When I realized that even times where women were practically worshiped, they became more trapped than ever by social expectations, corporate greed, and misplaced beliefs.

Yes. I'm sure that was it. I just couldn't stand the idea of someone else dictating how I should use my uterus and how it should be treated - especially someone who doesn't have one.

That is how I became a feminist.

Yes, it is still a dirty word. Sometimes it's probably more dirty than "cunt" and certainly dirtier than "bitch," which for some horrible reason has become acceptable to use by women about other women (similar to other derogatory words for other groups). But "feminist" cannot be waved away like "bitch." It is so much more empowered and intelligent than "cunt." The anger and aggression of a feminist is more sharply honed, more precise, and better prepared than these other dirty words. A feminist can influence minds, change attitudes, command respect, and if she wants, she can even take down a nation.

This is not the name given to someone who hates or who wishes for domination over men, but rather a person yearning for a new paradigm - a new way of life that allows partnership despite difference, and honors the unique powers that only women can wield.

Truly the "f" word is worth using and owning. It might be the most bad-ass a woman can be. If so, it seems ripe to start calling people out. Let us begin sentences with "I'm a feminist and..."

Zimmerman Proves Yet Again, Inequality is a Man's Game

http://www.thenation.com/blog/175260/white-supremacy-acquits-george-zimmerman

I've been reading article after article about the Zimmerman case and acquittal. There are a few things that strike me.

One is the overwhelming sense of being pigeon-holed. I, like many others I'm sure, don't want to be painted with the same brush as others who happen to share my skin color.

The other thing that sticks out to me is the similar (though structurally different) plights of women and people of color. While I may not be stalked and subsequently shot, I have been stalked and followed home - presumably with very different intentions by my would-be attacker.

The anxiety a black man feels (cited in the link above) is similar to a feeling I have every day as a woman. I have rarely if ever felt completely safe when stepping outside. I have to alter my habits in order to make sure I would not be sexually assaulted. I can't walk alone at night. I can't wear certain clothes. I can't go certain places alone, and others I can't go to at all - even with a male escort.

My words aren't given the same weight as many men's. My emotions are often attributed to hormonal imbalances or surges as opposed to being legitimate reactions to stimuli in my environment. I don't earn the same as men. I have to fight for the same employment positions as men. I don't get to have control over my body. I don't get the health care I need, despite the important human producing abilities that dictate special circumstances and care.

But there aren't riots over my situation. There aren't widespread protests and outrage when my sister dies from abortion complications. There aren't widespread Facebook statuses declaring the horrible inequality women still experience when a woman experiences injustice. It just isn't as important.

Women, society says, just aren't as important as men.

So while I empathize with the families involved in the regular failures of the justice system to be color-blind, I can't help but be a little annoyed.

People just don't seem to care as much about the half of the species that ensures we continue.

Wendy Davis, Abortion, Teens, and Literature

A lot of important things have happened this past week politically (both good and bad). One of the good things was the Wendy Davis filibuster, which effectively skyrocketed the Texas state senator to superhero status in the eyes of the pro-choice camp.

While the latter has mostly drawn attention to Ms. Davis' gumption, it has also put the spotlight on several other important and scary points. One being, of course, the recent underhandedness of the GOP to pass legislation that is against most people's interest (I say this piece impacts most because as far as I know, we women are still 51% of the population).

The other issue is of course, the one at the center of the debate - abortion and a woman's right to choose.

I am, and always have been pro-choice. Even after I became pregnant and I thought hard about how I would feel if my situation was different, I still came to the same conclusion; women should be able to choose. I came to this conclusion because I know that regardless of how we legislate this issue, there will always be women who want an abortion. If we make abortion illegal, there will always be women who will go to shady doctors, use coat hangers, drugs, or ask their boyfriends to beat them so they will miscarry or abort.

I also know, there are medical situations (both physical and psychological) that may require abortive intervention. I don't want any legislation in place that would criminalize such acts.

I don't want a man dictating what I can and can't do. My pregnancy has taught me, in a very tangible and real way, there are certain areas of human experience that are withheld from men. It only seems right that those who experience them get to make decisions about these things.

 There are so many other issues that surround the abortion debate - like foster care (Those unwanted babies go somewhere...), death row (If we're pro-life, shouldn't we be pro-life all the way?), war (same as the death row issue), quality of life (What happens to mom after the baby is born? Pro-birth isn't the same as pro-life!), and of course the philosophical question of when life begins (which as far as I know, no one can agree on).

These are complex issues that need to be considered. I think it's even more important that teens talk about these things because they are at the age where the lines are gray. Do parents get involved? Will they have access to contraception? That's why I wrote JEREMIAH. I wanted to give teens a way to talk about reproductive rights and to think about situations that could occur if they choose to be sexually active (which, let's face it, most of them will!). In a place and time when sex education isn't a guarantee and legislation is regularly proposed that restricts access to reproductive health care, something has to step up to the plate and get people talking. People like Wendy Davis help, but so does literature.

Are there any books that have forced you to think about difficult issues? Sparked new perspectives? Encouraged you to consider something different? Please let me know with a comment!

40 Things I'd do as a Politician

The more I read about these "austerity" measures and various things being voted into law, the more convinced I am that fewer and fewer politicians actually care what happens to us (Elizabeth, you're actually amazing and I kind of love you btw).

Because of the way politics is currently, and the incredibly judgy nature of the American public, I doubt I'll ever get into politics. But the whole scary mess before us got me thinking, what would I do if I was a politician? How would I make the world different for my unborn child?

So here's a list (in no particular order) of things that I'd do:

1. Decrease student loan interest rates. People trying to better themselves should not have to become indentured servants in order to do so.
2. Break up big banks and keep them separate from federal funds. This seems like a no-brainer, but apparently it's uncommon sense.
3. Increase corporate loan interest rates. This is a route to decreasing our debt.
4. Support capital gains tax. It's an easy way to address our national debt.
5. Repeal Citizens' United, however it needs to happen. This is just wrong.
6. Break up telecoms for trust violations and buy/possess the lines. This has been an on-going issue since the industry's creation, and prevents any real competition, much to consumers' detriment.
7. Revoke corporate personhood. Corporations are not people. They should not be treated as such.
8. Close corporate tax loops, simplifying the tax structure. Companies making profits must pay taxes. The current situation encourages large corps to be taxed no more than the average non-profit!
9. Increase taxes for high-networth individuals. To whom much is given, much is required.
10. Put low caps on political campaign spending. This would place candidates on an equal footing as well as prevent corporate interests from influencing the political process to voters' detriment.
11. Require companies to have certain number of workers in country if they want to sell products/services in country (dependent on industry and product/service). This would ensure jobs were kept in America as businesses would be foolish to lose such a market.
12. Have stricter environmental regulations and inspections for agribusiness. There have been many disturbing situations regarding agribusiness, and the industry is unsustainable in its current form.
13. Give tax credit to individuals using contraception. Population size is a concern, and so is general sexual health. To prevent unwanted pregnancies and additional burdens to tax-payers, this would incentivize pregnancy prevention.
14. Require restaurants to compost and recycle as part of health requirements. This would create more jobs and help reduce our carbon footprint (as well as enriching the soil by placing nutrient rich compost back into the earth).
15. Charge product retailers per plastic bag/paper bag (or ban plastic bags altogether). This would help decrease landfill waste and as well as ocean pollution.
16. Institute a one-payer system of health care. Socialized health care is effective elsewhere. It would give many people peace of mind (and by many, I mean the majority of the population that currently has to make job choices based on health care benefits if they are able to do even that!).
17. Require a year of service in either military or AmeriCorps (or other volunteer civil service program). By having young people do a year of civil service, we have a cheap labor force that can help correct a wide variety of projects on the community level.
18. Decrease military spending. We spend a ridiculous amount of money on the military when other parts of our nation need greater attention.
19. Pull military back from excessive engagements. We need to concentrate on issues at home rather than spreading ourselves too thin across the globe.
20. Allow schools more autonomy to address issues at local level. Schools know more of what they need than we do at the federal level.
21. Increase educational funding. This is an area that has received too many cuts and continues to suffer, thereby weakening our workforce and our ability as a nation to compete.
22. Place limits on how many residential properties one individual or entity can own. This would allow young families more opportunities to own homes, as opposed to investors owning the majority of the land.
23. Require property owners have primary residence in country, as opposed to foreign investors purchasing residential property without any kind of repercussions.
24. Require that a certain number/percentage of workers should live in the community where they work. This decreases carbon footprints from commuting as well as increasing the connections within a community (i.e. creating a sustainable community).
25. Institute a living wage. If we want a sustainable economy, we need to take care of all of our workforce. They need to be able to live while working as anything - including being a waitress or flipping burgers at a fast food joint.
26. Require paid sick time for all workers. Duh.
27. Require at least 4 weeks paid vacation (like the majority of the world!) for all workers. This is a good idea because people won't burn out or get sick as much. In short, we'll be happier - and happier workers are more productive.
28. Require paid parental leave. This helps keep able-bodied workers in the work force while allowing them financially safe time to bond with a new family member.
29. Give credentialed midwives the same status as obstetricians regarding attending low risk pregnancies (insurance coverage etc). Why wouldn't we?
30. Make contraception free for low income individuals. Duh.
31. Make contraception free without parental consent to minors. Duh.
32. Require companies of a certain size have childcare for workers on site. This is better for productivity and for workers.
33. Require companies smaller than a certain size provide stipend/voucher for daycare within a 10 mile radius from work site. Same as above.
34. Institute restorative justice programs for at the very least, low-level offenders. This is cheaper and more effective than more punitive measures.
35. Decriminalize marijuana possession (and possibly legalize, with the expectation of taxing marijuana products). This would decrease jail populations, and if legalized and taxed, the marijuana market could become another source of income that would address national debt.
36. Give community/municipality tax credits/incentives for community gardens/CSA. This is a way to build more sustainable communities as well as facilitate healthy eating habits (and therefore increase disease prevention in the greater population).
37. Institute free wi-fi in cities. This would be a part of acquiring telecom lines, and would level the playing field for potential labor. Without internet access, it is difficult to be competitive or to become educated/access services. This would address several issues at once with little cost to municipalities.
38. Would continue to protect private information, period.
39. Beef up Social Security to something that actually supports retired people. It doesn't make any sense to penalize people who have spent their lives contributing to their communities by ceasing to care for them.
40. Live in the community I represent (as opposed to owning a house far away from the people who are actually impacted by my policy choices).

Phew! That was a LOT! There are more, but these are the ones that stick in my head the most - that keep me up at night. Just imagine what would happen if these changes were actually implemented and supported by our representatives? Our country would be an amazing place. I'd actually be proud to call myself American when I went abroad...as opposed to wanting to hide to avoid projectile rotting fruit or vicious slurs.

Yes, I can't wait for the day when our representatives make choices that work for us, as opposed to hurting us over and over again in favor of corporate interests and antiquated ideas about how the world works. May I live to see that day.

An Open Letter Reminding Congress & Senate of Their Responsibility

Madison may have been right. People might be too stupid to be entrusted with the ability to choose. Maybe we didn't have any good choices. I don't know. I think it's gotten to the point now where I see an article daily about how the legislative branch is proposing or voting on some bill that makes me want to bang my head against the wall.

So, in the spirit of correcting undesirable behavior (wow, I already sound like I'm an attachment parenting pro!), I have decided to write a little letter reminding our dear representatives of their responsibilities:


Dear Congress/Senate,

I am married, 30 years old, employed part-time, and pregnant with my first child. I have good health care benefits through my husband's job and a mountain of educational debt courtesy of two degrees in higher learning. I am a Christian and a patriot. It is because of who I am and what I've experienced that I am writing you about several concerns. Based on your actions in recent years, I feel you have as an institution and individuals forgotten your vow and commitment to the population you represent.

Firstly, your vow is not to get re-elected. Your entire purpose is to represent the needs and interests of your community. You represent us. Rather than spouting pretty words and taking pictures with babies or paying lip service to issues you have no intention of championing, work on getting something done that will make this country and the world a better place. That means sometimes doing things that people don't like, even if it is the right thing. When in doubt, do the right thing, not the thing that will get you another 6 years in office.

While it is true that your constituents voted you in office based on your perspective, I would urge you to recognize the fact that we work in a two party system and there are very few real choices for us. In short, remember: you may be the lesser of two evils, not the beloved darling of your district or state you imagine.

Your stances on issues may not *truly* represent the people of your state or district. Your constituents may agree with you on say what to do about taxes, but they may fundamentally disagree with you on your creationist perspective of evolution. For the purposes of representing your community, you should assume you have no opinions until you know, without a doubt, what the needs and interests of your community *really* are.

This means rather than focusing on party lines, which are limited and often do not represent the needs and views of real people, please consult with your constituents and see what will actually benefit them. If you represent a community which consists of a number of elderly, social security and health care should be your priority, not airplane travel. If you represent a younger community, you will want to support more funding for education or labors' rights, rather than voting to increase spending on military research and development.

In addition to keeping close to your constituents, let me remind you that corporations and businesses are NOT constituents. While they may fund campaigns and give all manner of gifts, make no mistake - they are not voters. They do not have voter interests at heart, and often want the opposite of what voters need.  Helping corporate interests does not guarantee job creation, in fact, many times it does the opposite (I think of tax loop-holes and laws that allow corporations to ship jobs overseas as opposed to paying their due and employing hard-working Americans).

Another thing to do is brush up on our amendments. I'm not sure if all of you realize that we are guaranteed things like freedom of speech and that church and state should be separate. The reason I don't know if you are aware of these things is the regular actions and propositions made in the name of "security" and "God."

This is one of the most diverse countries in the world. Our diversity is a strength and a weakness. We have every opinion, ethnicity, belief, creed, and orientation under the sun. This gives us incredible resources when creating ideas, but it also means we have to work incredibly hard to protect minority groups from being steam-rolled. It is easy to say, for example, this is primarily a Christian nation. That said, even in Christianity the nature of God is disputed. Though I am Christian and Baptist, I would disagree strongly with many of my Baptist brothers and sisters about how God acts in the world. I do not want their version of God dictating how I can live or what I can teach my children.

Still, even in the most diverse populations, we can agree on many things. We agree that our people should have safe places to sleep, food to eat, and care when they are sick. We want education and fulfilling work for our neighbors, family, and friends. We want green spaces and natural resources for our children and grandchildren to enjoy. We want freedom to be who we are, in a safe, healthy, and sustainable community that honors our contributions and those of others. These are things we can agree on. These are the things you, as representatives, can work to protect and ensure.

Moving forward, remember these things. Remember who is important - not you. You are not important. You are a tool - a vessel. You are *our* tool. We can wield, hone, or break you. When you act, you act for us - as an extension of us. We are important - your constituents are important. The long-term health of our country is important, and our country is us.

I am one of many, and I hope my words fall on your open and listening ears.

Sincerely,

Alexis Donkin