Why I Love Khloe Alwell, and You Should Too

During my launch of THRIVE, I started the process of revamping - or rather rewriting - my Khloe Alwell series.

I fell in love all over again.

I had forgotten how rich and complex the books are. I forgot the nitty gritty of all the characters. I forgot how damn sexy the boys are. Like...really. I forgot how much I totally love Laran.

In talking with a friend about my love of Laran, she grinned.
"Have you ever heard Anne Rice talk about Lestat?" she asked, twisting her lips.
"No," I said, raising my brows.
"You talk about Laran the way she talks about Lestat. Like, you really love him." Her eyes sparkled and I grinned sheepishly.
"Laran is my dream man. If they ever did a TV or movie adaptation of these books, I might have problems. My marriage might be in trouble. I mean, I think I might fall in love with Laran. I might forget the poor guy was just an actor."

And it's true. But the other guys are nothing to sniff at. I mean, I love them all for different reasons. All my characters are family to me. But Laran is... something else.

And because I love him, love all of them, I had to publish a second edition. I didn't do the best job I could have when I first published these books, so I went back. Hopefully I'm doing my characters justice. I want readers to fall in love with Khloe. To hate her attackers, get angry with her, to bite their lips as she yearns, and to cringe as she tries to reject with grace. I want them to ache when Laran enters a scene. To grumble with Constantine. To saunter with Freyr. I want them to glow with Dani.

I want readers to get bloody and bothered and caught up.

This is why I am so pleased that second editions of THE BROTHERS and LOVERS AND RIVALS are now for sale on Smashwords (and soon after on all major online retailers).

If you haven't explored Khloe yet, I invite you dive in, see humanity as you've never seen it. Explore climate change in a way that you never imagined. See myth, faith, love, sex, and high school in a wild story of self-discovery and empowerment that shows what girls are made of - the stuff of legend.

Who Never Read 50 Shades

Recently there has been a war in social media about 50 SHADES. I have a theory about why.

For the most part there are three groups in this fight. The first says the book is poorly written but entertaining drivel. They say it has nothing wrong. There were no rape scenes. It wasn't abusive. It's just erotica etc etc.

Then there are others who read it and hated it not because of the writing quality necessarily, but because of the message communicated to women and girls about BDSM and sexual relationships.

The most extreme warriors in this battle are those who never read the book and will not see the movie. These are the people who have started Twitter campaigns and written editorials. These are the people who unfollow and unfriend fans.

I think the first group has lived in blissful ignorance of the experiences of the other two. The fans cannot have experienced physical abuse or sexual violence and comfortably enjoy these books. How can you read about someone getting hit or humiliated or dominated and feel comfortable if you experienced sexual violence or physical abuse yourself? Maybe these fans have never experienced overt misogyny. They don't know what it is like to be told, in no uncertain terms, that they are worthless because they have a vagina. Whatever the case, they have seemingly gone through life unscathed.

The second group, my guess, has had some abuse experience either through friends or family, or directly to a mild amount. They have suffered at the hands of someone with more power. They have experienced or watched someone else suffer through something. They are allies to those who have bore the brunt of the abusive statistics and they recognize the connections between popular entertainment and the normalizing of such behavior.

The last group, the anti-fans, are the ones we really need to pay attention to. These are the people we need to take the time to understand and empathize with. These are our canaries in the coal mine. I believe these are the most likely to have suffered directly. They are the ones who were manipulated, molested, beaten, or raped. They are the ones who were stripped of their power by someone they trusted. They were the ones who have been told by society it was their fault. They are the ones who discovered the very people closest to them would not come to their aid when they were abused.

When I was younger I was told by a friend, the people who are most sensitive, most outspoken about abuse, are those who have experienced something directly. Let's consider the statistics. 1 in 3 women will be sexually or physically abused in their life time. That is ONE BILLION WOMEN. Of the women alive today, one billion of them have or will be abused physically or sexually.

That's a lot of people.

Think about your Facebook feed. Think about your friends. Think about your Twitter, G+, and Instagram followers. Think about the people you grew up with. How many of them reacted poorly to this book? The movie? Maybe they were impacted directly by abuse. It is possible. It is likely.

Statistically you know someone who has been raped. You know someone who was molested. You know someone who was beaten. You know someone who was verbally abused. You probably know many someones. Just because it happened doesn't mean they would tell you. Don't assume you were judged to be a safe person. These are the things we don't talk about. These are things society says are shameful.

So if you are a fan of this infamous piece of pulp, think about what it tells those people, what they hear out of your mouth: I am not safe. I am not going to protect you. I stand with your abuser.

And all you thought you said was, "It was a fun Saturday read."

Until All Are Equal - Feminism

The internet is full of fail. It allows idiocy to multiply like a virus and collect into little pools of festering infection. First, let me remind everyone: USE YOUR CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS. It is always a good idea to consider arguments thoughtfully especially if they are well structured and supported by sufficient evidence, regardless of your own opinion.  This is how we learn and grow and that is always a good thing.

Always consider a situation and the definition of the words being applied. Does the situation actually fit the words being applied? Or is the person making statement after statement with malapropisms? In other words, does this person actually know what he or she is talking about?

Just saying.

Now to brass tacks.

Let's remind one another, ladies and gentlemen, why FEMINISM is not the "F word." Feminism is not MAN-HATING or "Feminazism." That is female chauvinism and NOT the same thing (I think we all agree chauvinism is bad...equality is good). Let's also remind one another that FEMINISM is about a set of ideals - a philosophy and a movement. It is about EQUALITY in PUBLIC and PRIVATE spaces for EVERYONE.

If a woman has NOT experienced discrimination or violence because she is a woman, I can only attribute this to one of three things: sheer luck, lack of life experience and/or exposure to the world (i.e. too young), or obliviousness to her own situation and those of women around her.

If a man has not witnessed or met a woman who was discriminated against or attacked because of her vagina, then he can only be too young or oblivious (not asking the right questions or "calling a spade a spade" as it were).

Women, you need feminism because

1. You like being able to vote.
2. You like being able to drive.
3. You like being able to have your opinion weigh the same as someone who has a penis.
4. You like being able to choose if and when you want to be a mother.
5. You like government protected parental leave.
6. You enjoy being able to work...in any industry and any organization.
7. You enjoy making it to upper management (or at least having the possibility to).
8. You like being able to go to college and study whatever you want to achieve whatever goals you have.
9. You want to be able to get the same wage for the same work as someone with a penis.
10. You enjoy being able to wear pants, shorts, skirts, and pretty much anything you want at any time ANYWHERE - seriously... think Saudi Arabia people.
11. You enjoy being taken seriously. Seriously.
12. You want to be seen as a person, as opposed to a walking vagina to be possessed or used.
13. There are still women in this world who do not have access to all the  the above mentioned things.
14. Daycare is still not provided by all employers.
15. Women who take themselves out of the workforce during childbearing years have a difficult time being hired after. 
16. Women are still not trusted to know how to give birth in the US and around the world.
17. Women are still not allowed control over their reproduction in the US and globally.
18. Women are more likely to be the victims of sexual abuse (3 in 10) than  men (1 in 10).
19. Women are much more likely to experience violence at the hands of their partners than men.
20. Women worry about being physically safe with men. Men don't feel that way about women.
21. When saying that someone abused you sexually, society is predisposed to call you a liar and an opportunist unless there is physical proof.
22. "Cunt" is still worse than "dick."
23. "Whore" is a slur. "Pimp" is a compliment.
24. Women are less likely to vote for a female candidate to office.
25. We have been so conditioned by the idea that we can't do certain things that WOMEN REINFORCE the status quo.

Men need feminism because

1. Men can't stay home if they want to (without worrying about societal pressure and stigma).
2. Men like parental leave.
3. Daycare is still not provided by employers.
4. Imbalanced power dynamics foster resentment and subversion by the less powerful.
5. Men (and women) want whole, supported partners.
6. Having an empowered partner means a happier relationship (Ever met someone who had control over their own life who was upset about it? Really?).
7. Men need to know how to be male without being violent or aggressive towards women (read: television, video games, movies, and popular music).
8. Men need to be able to explore their own identities and roles (son, husband, father etc).
9. Diversity of perspective leads to innovation which can lead to better solutions (i.e. dialectics).
10. Everyone is more productive when they are supported and empowered (Think of your sisters, wives, mothers, and daughters here.).

All feminists are not the same, but saying that we don't need feminism is like saying we don't need to worry about racial equality. Sorry, but there is still a whole lot of racism in the US and the world, and there is STILL a lot of sexism in the world.

We definitely need feminism.

Isla Vista Mass Murder: One UCSB Grad's Perspective

This morning I heard about the tragedy in Isla Vista. There are a number of things I thought and felt immediately.

I was there - not there last night, but there just a few years ago. I used to hang out in IV with my graduate student friends. I used to make late night runs to Freebirds to eat ridiculously messy nachos when nowhere else was open. I used to drink wine at department parties off of Del Playa.

If this had happened a few years ago, it could have been me shot, maimed, or killed. It could have been my friends. It could have been my professors. That's what makes this so horrible.

A mass shooting isn't terrible because of the death. That happens all the time. Gang shootings happen all the time. But those have specific intended targets. Those happen in places I rarely if ever frequent. They would never happen to me. Mass shootings are horrible the same way 9/11 was horrible: nowhere, nothing, is sacred or safe.

My mother had the reaction that no doubt most liberals/centrists will have - ban handguns. "This would never happen in Britain!" she said.

That's true. It wouldn't happen in Britain. But it wouldn't happen in Britain for several reasons. Yes, having fewer guns on the street would make a difference (crazy, impulsive, or enraged people would have less access), but there are other things going on here.

How many mass shootings have happened in the US? I feel like every time I turn around another one has happened. The shooter in question is deemed "crazy" as if this is enough to satisfy the public and that's the end of it. Except here's the thing - people keep acting out in this way. It's become normal. It's now normal for people to shoot up the place when they're freaking out. It's now normal for a person to explode in an incredibly hurtful way and take it out on innocent and uninvolved parties.

Let me tell you something; that is not normal.

That is preposterous.

The question arises, why is this happening? Why are people so messed up in the head they feel the need to externalize their hurt onto their community?

I can hear the questions now about this particular shooter:

• Was it a failing grade?
• Did his girlfriend break up with him?
• Was he suffering a psychotic break?
• Did he forget to take his medication?
• Was he recently returned from a tour of duty?
• Was he on drugs?

But these are the wrong questions. These answers may lead to the reason why the actions took place, but not the thoughts. What drove this person to think that taking a gun through a college community and shooting at random strangers was a good idea? Weren't there a thousand other thoughts that could have gone through this person's head before that? Wouldn't a person have to be extremely desperate and disturbed to reach that point?

And that's the issue.

I think as a culture these horrible outbursts have become normal because all of the stress, depression, and anxiety we suffer on a daily basis is unacceptable to discuss. Therapy may have become more common place, but it still has a stigma associated with it. Men, while more present fathers and husbands, are still not allowed to cry or admit weakness in wider culture. How often do you see a TV hero cry? I honestly can't remember a time (Though maybe I've seen it once or twice, I mean, law of averages and all that.).

We don't just need to ban handguns. That's not enough. We need to talk. We need to address the underlying cultural and psychological issues that lead people to commit these kinds of acts - to thinking these are acceptable and normal.

Talking is normal. Crying is normal. Taking a gun and shooting innocent people because you feel rejected by women or you failed a class is not.