Until All Are Equal - Feminism

The internet is full of fail. It allows idiocy to multiply like a virus and collect into little pools of festering infection. First, let me remind everyone: USE YOUR CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS. It is always a good idea to consider arguments thoughtfully especially if they are well structured and supported by sufficient evidence, regardless of your own opinion.  This is how we learn and grow and that is always a good thing.

Always consider a situation and the definition of the words being applied. Does the situation actually fit the words being applied? Or is the person making statement after statement with malapropisms? In other words, does this person actually know what he or she is talking about?

Just saying.

Now to brass tacks.

Let's remind one another, ladies and gentlemen, why FEMINISM is not the "F word." Feminism is not MAN-HATING or "Feminazism." That is female chauvinism and NOT the same thing (I think we all agree chauvinism is bad...equality is good). Let's also remind one another that FEMINISM is about a set of ideals - a philosophy and a movement. It is about EQUALITY in PUBLIC and PRIVATE spaces for EVERYONE.

If a woman has NOT experienced discrimination or violence because she is a woman, I can only attribute this to one of three things: sheer luck, lack of life experience and/or exposure to the world (i.e. too young), or obliviousness to her own situation and those of women around her.

If a man has not witnessed or met a woman who was discriminated against or attacked because of her vagina, then he can only be too young or oblivious (not asking the right questions or "calling a spade a spade" as it were).

Women, you need feminism because

1. You like being able to vote.
2. You like being able to drive.
3. You like being able to have your opinion weigh the same as someone who has a penis.
4. You like being able to choose if and when you want to be a mother.
5. You like government protected parental leave.
6. You enjoy being able to work...in any industry and any organization.
7. You enjoy making it to upper management (or at least having the possibility to).
8. You like being able to go to college and study whatever you want to achieve whatever goals you have.
9. You want to be able to get the same wage for the same work as someone with a penis.
10. You enjoy being able to wear pants, shorts, skirts, and pretty much anything you want at any time ANYWHERE - seriously... think Saudi Arabia people.
11. You enjoy being taken seriously. Seriously.
12. You want to be seen as a person, as opposed to a walking vagina to be possessed or used.
13. There are still women in this world who do not have access to all the  the above mentioned things.
14. Daycare is still not provided by all employers.
15. Women who take themselves out of the workforce during childbearing years have a difficult time being hired after. 
16. Women are still not trusted to know how to give birth in the US and around the world.
17. Women are still not allowed control over their reproduction in the US and globally.
18. Women are more likely to be the victims of sexual abuse (3 in 10) than  men (1 in 10).
19. Women are much more likely to experience violence at the hands of their partners than men.
20. Women worry about being physically safe with men. Men don't feel that way about women.
21. When saying that someone abused you sexually, society is predisposed to call you a liar and an opportunist unless there is physical proof.
22. "Cunt" is still worse than "dick."
23. "Whore" is a slur. "Pimp" is a compliment.
24. Women are less likely to vote for a female candidate to office.
25. We have been so conditioned by the idea that we can't do certain things that WOMEN REINFORCE the status quo.

Men need feminism because

1. Men can't stay home if they want to (without worrying about societal pressure and stigma).
2. Men like parental leave.
3. Daycare is still not provided by employers.
4. Imbalanced power dynamics foster resentment and subversion by the less powerful.
5. Men (and women) want whole, supported partners.
6. Having an empowered partner means a happier relationship (Ever met someone who had control over their own life who was upset about it? Really?).
7. Men need to know how to be male without being violent or aggressive towards women (read: television, video games, movies, and popular music).
8. Men need to be able to explore their own identities and roles (son, husband, father etc).
9. Diversity of perspective leads to innovation which can lead to better solutions (i.e. dialectics).
10. Everyone is more productive when they are supported and empowered (Think of your sisters, wives, mothers, and daughters here.).

All feminists are not the same, but saying that we don't need feminism is like saying we don't need to worry about racial equality. Sorry, but there is still a whole lot of racism in the US and the world, and there is STILL a lot of sexism in the world.

We definitely need feminism.

RH Negative Fun and Complications

If you didn't know already, I'm actually magical.

Okay no, not really. But I am apparently a human-ancient alien hybrid. That's right folks! I'm part reptile! Or something... :-/

If you didn't get the overwhelming sarcasm of the last paragraph, you might be Californian, or just reading, but rest-assured, it was sarcastic.

But seriously, I am (according to the latest two rounds of blood tests from two separate lab companies) rh negative. In the U.S. we only make up about 15-16% of the population. And there are reasons for this. Because well, rh negs like myself, our blood doesn't do positive - like, at all.

When positive and negative blood mix...they clump in a weird way. This is because negative blood will attack the positive blood. You can imagine the kinds of problems this might cause in transfusions etc.

Christian unfortunately doesn't know his rh status, which means he has to get tested before 28 weeks into my pregnancy. If his blood is negative, then I don't have to get an extra series of shots. If he is positive, I do...or my baby could die.

Alright, the first baby probably won't die. But the second could.

This is because if the baby is positive and my blood and the baby's mix, I could build up antibodies to reject future babies, or just make them terribly sick. Either way I look at it, we're about 1.5 months out from him needing to be absolutely certain his blood is one way or the other.

When I got my own blood test back, my mom didn't believe it. She is positive. My dad is positive. I just happened to be the 33% unlikely offspring of two +/- parents. Lucky me. I will blame my grandparents for this one (my maternal grandmother and probably my paternal grandfather, though I'll never know with that one).

And their legacy? What exactly is this fun little factor that I have that makes pregnancy just a little more complicated? Where did it come from?

Well, they think it may have come from Neanderthals. Or at least, that's the going theory that doesn't yet have scientific proof (that part of the gene hasn't been sequenced yet). The reason people think this strange and rather useless blood factor came from Neanderthals? Well, most people like the idea of something that could kill babies coming from a foreign group. That would be an easy explanation. The only other explanation I could find is simple goofy evolution.

Most people like this idea that rh negative blood makes them special. It's a fun little theory (or science fiction). I've read all kinds of strange things about rh negative blood people, connecting all kinds of random traits to this blood type.


The most popularly spouted of these are the physical characteristics and the psychic/empathic/electrical ones. I've also read a lot of stuff connecting ruling classes to rh negative blood - blue bloods.

Damn.

So let's just, for shits and giggles, go through one of the more extensive lists I've found.

1. Hazel eyes? Check. 
2. Ion shielding? Going with no (what the hell is that?!). 
3. Reddish hair? Check. I've always had natural red highlights. 
4. Low blood pulse and body temperature? Does the inability to control my body temperature count? I'm going to...check. 
5. Low blood pressure? Check. 
6. Sharp sight or hearing? Well my sight sucks, but my hearing is actually off the charts (I've had it tested), so check. 
7. Pronounced intuition? I'm loathe to say this one, but check.  
8. Extra rib or vertebrae? Not to my knowledge. 
9. Love of space and science? Check! But who doesn't? 
10. Sense of not belonging? Check. But I always attributed this to being, well, different in my approach to life - not to my genetics!
11. Piercing eyes? Uh, based on anecdotal evidence provided by third party observers, I will check.
12. Paranormal occurrences? Damn. Check.
13. Psychic dreams? Check. In my family, they're actually called "an Alexis."
14. Truth seeking? Check. But who doesn't?
15. Desire for higher wisdom? Check. But again, isn't this common?
16. Enhanced empathy? Check, though I wish I didn't.
17. Compassion for humanity? It depends on the day...I guess check.
18.   Higher mental analytical abilities? You mean, am I smart? Yeah. I'm pretty smart. Check.
19. Mission in life? Sigh. Check.
20. Psychic abilities? Do we have to talk about this again? I feel weird. Check.
21. Unexplained scars? What the hell do scars have to do with anything? NO!
22. High sensitivity to EM and ELF fields? Lol. Yeah, I'm actually an EMP. DOUBLE CHECK!
23. Alien contact? Psht! No!

So out of 23 weird separate characteristics popularly attributed to rh negative people, I've got 19 of them.

Oh, and just so we're clear on the ruling class business, yes, my family has blood ties to European nobility. So if we add that, I'm shooting 20 out of 24. Sheesh.

While I'd love an explanation as to why I break phones, computers, and dishwashers, or regularly have clairvoyant dreams, I don't connect these things to my blood type. The only thing that I absolutely do connect to my blood type is the very real and dangerous possibility of making my baby sick (s/he just started kicking to remind me why I would take preventative measures to protect the kiddo). So unless (or until) science somehow proves that I'm related to the Nephilim or the Annunaki, I'll just chalk the high correlation of traits to coincidence.

It is coincidence...right??? Please tell me this is just coincidence. I don't want to be anecdotal proof of these fringe theories!

Natural Childbirth: Why I Won't Be Drugged

It's time to come out - about childbirth.

For those who are close to me, you already know I believe natural unmedicated childbirth is best. It is how I intend to give birth to my growing baby. My mother did it in 1982 and I will do it 2013. Millions of women have done it in between, and millions more will do it after me.

The *only* reason I would change my mind is if there was a *medical need* to do anything else. When I say medical need, I don't mean they *think* the baby is big or that my pelvis is small (well, I mean, seriously that would be stupid. Have you seen my hips?). I mean situations such as the baby's heart rate is wonky or I'm bleeding and to ignore these things would result in the death of one or both of us. That is time for medical intervention. And I am absolutely for medical intervention when it is necessary. But when it's not?

I am not a wimp.

I am the kind of girl who was so impatient to get my ears pierced a third time at the age of 16 that I jammed earrings through my lobes without numbing - slowly.

I'm the kind of girl who decided 2 weeks before I needed to be there, that I would study abroad in Hungary without knowing the language or anything about the place.

I'm the kind of girl who at the age of 4 jumped off the top step to catch a floating envelop and broke her collar bone at the bottom because, I reasoned, I was light and small. I could totally catch it (I didn't, but it was a nice idea).

I am the kind of girl who put up with chronic TMJ pain and difficulty chewing until - with the help of my parents and world class surgeons - it was corrected through months of preparation, hours of major surgery, and 6 months of recovery.

I'm the kind of girl who would marry my best friend and then jump in a truck and move to a city I'd never seen just so he could get the best training he could to do the thing he loved (and I'd put up with that city for 2 yrs until I thought I'd go bonkers).

I am the kind of girl who told friends exactly what they needed to hear even if it meant I cost myself a friendship because no one else would say the thing that needed to be said.

I am not a wimp.

I am strong. I am powerful, and above all, I am a woman.

I know childbirth is intense. I know it is unexpected and things change mid-progress. I know it will be painful at times.

But it is also beautiful, wonderous, amazing, and brings me closer to the Creator than anything else in the world. And when I use this amazing power, at the end, I am given a precious gift - something unique and beautiful and wonderful - my baby.

I don't want anything to get between me and that time - certainly not a drug induced stupor. Christian asked me once what he should do if I asked for drugs, and I looked at him like he had 5 heads.

"No drugs."
"But what if you ask?"
"NO DRUGS! I want to feel everything."

He kind of smiled and nodded, though I could see it made him nervous. It is hard to watch someone you love go through something so physically intense. I can only imagine what will go through his mind during the process. Still, I know he'll respect my wishes. I know my midwives will respect my wishes. I know, short of real medical danger, I will stay in the beautiful birth center room, and see my baby for the first time, completely alert (if tired and hungry).

And when I picture how it will happen, I see that. I see myself holding my baby in the birth tub, letting him/her nurse the first time or falling asleep in my arms. Just picturing it is enough for me to feel my cheeks get sore from grinning. And I know this imagined picture will pale to the feelings of the real thing - like Dorothy stepping into Oz, everything will be in sharp color. I wouldn't be able to see that with an epidural. Medical interventions would keep things blurred and foggy. No thank you, I'll take the sharp focused picture every time.

So when someone asks me about my birth plan and questions the wisdom in going natural or my (ha! my!) fortitude, I will say this:

I know myself. I have no doubt in my ability. I'm powerful. I'm a woman. I was made to do this. You can't stop me.

Motherhood: Expectations v. Complete Inexperience

It's confession time.

1. I have been in 1 American wedding - my own.
2. I have been to only one bridal shower besides my own.
3. I have been asked to babysit only once, and that was during a church function where if something had gone awry, I could have called on an adult. This is despite the fact that I took the American Red Cross babysitting course.
4. Though I never was asked to babysit, I was regularly asked to house and dog sit.
5. I have never been to a baby shower - ever. Wait! I went to one when I was like 8 or something...does that count? I don't really remember it.
6. I have never changed a diaper (though I've seen it done plenty of times).
7. I have held a total of 2 babies in my entire life (one of them was one I babysat in confession number 2).
8. My husband has more experience with young children than I do.

I am, by all accounts, inexperienced.

Like Hermione (with whom my husband regularly compares me) I have read and researched all kinds of things about babies and parenting - from gear and cloth diaper folds to birthing classes and toddler discipline, I have eagerly devoured information.

But of course, reading is not the real thing. Reading may be helpful, but every child is different. Every pregnancy is different. Every birth is different.

The sad thing is, I am not alone in my lack of experience. Many young women grow up with this lack of exposure to raising children. When they get to the point where I am, they become deer in headlights - freaking out about every little thing. Will I break the baby? Will I screw it up? Is this normal? How could this kid poop so much when he's only been drinking breast milk?!

It's enough to make anyone's head spin. We are, by all accounts, lost.

Gone are the days of communities raising children together. There is not that sharing of responsibility. Many couples are choosing to have no children at all making an even smaller pool of potential exposure to motherly pursuits. While some women choose to have larger families, more often than not, couples are choosing to have only one, or at most, two children.  Childcare is generally relegated to professionals with so many early childhood education credits to their names, in settings that are carefully controlled by state accrediting bodies.

Yet, while we're so inexperienced, we're expected to know everything. We're expected to be perfect angelic stewards of our bodies during pregnancy. In childbirth, we're expected to dope ourselves up and be strapped down to be cut open in a conveniently scheduled surgical procedure. When our baby is out, we're expected to love them immediately, follow all the rules set out by the experts (never mind that these experts are consistently contradictory), and raise them with all the latest gadgetry in the most scientifically supported parenting style.

This is the American way.

It is completely bonkers.

Instead of this wretched picture, I will choose another classic American way - independence. I'll do things my way - the way that makes the most sense for our particular situation. I will not feel guilty for my lack of experience. I will not feel guilty if I don't use all the crazy gadgetry or the parenting style du jour in magazines. I will enjoy this adventure and let things happen as they must, doing the best I can with the information and intuition I have at the time.

So, if you decide to give me some bit of pregnancy/childbirth/parenting advice, don't be hurt if I do the exact opposite. Because I might. Hell, I probably will. I'm ornery like that. I live in Oakland, and as they say, we do what we want.