Open Book Blog Hop: Three Things Shaping My Voice

Winetasting in Paso Robles

What are three things that make you unique? That was the prompt for this week's Open Book Blog Hop. I think you'll see a lot of connection between my answer and my books.

Ultimately the thing that makes a writer unique is experience. Accident of birth places us in a certain range of possible experience and life directions. In my case, there are a few specific things which guide everything else.

First, and perhaps the most obvious, is the influence of my parents. My parents are both ordained Baptist ministers (it is one of the family occupations in my tree). However, their brand of religion is not exclusionary in the least. It is carefully considered, thoughtful, and deep. My father is a man of logic and learning, who enjoys everything life has to offer, from watching a finch take a bath, to winetasting, to playing electric bass or guitar in a funk band. When my friends meet him, they say, "Your dad is so cool!" Half the time they end up befriending him on Facebook.

My mother is a powerful person. She dictates the climate of every room she enters (a gift I inherited, for better or worse). She suffered prejudice in order to follow her calling. I think because of this, she determined not to pigeon-hole me into a gender label. Instead, as a child she gave me gender neutral clothes unless I asked for something "girly." She made sure I had all kinds of toys, from remote control cars to blocks to dolls. I had science and craft kits. Thanks to her, I never felt like I couldn't do something because I had a uterus.

Second, I experienced a lot of overt misogyny from toddlerhood through young adulthood. I write a lot about this in my memoir THRIVE, and while I won't go into the details of what happened here, it definitely shaped who I am and my voice as a writer (especially in the context of my upbringing). This made me hunger for compassionate justice for all people, no matter their identity or station. It definitely directs my themes in all my fiction, but especially in THE ROLLINS PACK, because I wanted boys to particularly understand how their actions can impact others.

Finally, I am an optimist. Despite whatever crazy things happen to me (again, see THRIVE for some of the nitty gritty), I look for the beauty and wonder in all things. This may be considered a quality or trait as opposed to an experience, but it definitely shapes how I view my life experience and how I approach new things. I always give people the benefit of the doubt. If I don't know I person, I never credit their reputation until I have seen and experienced it myself. If something bad happens, I always look for the lesson or opportunity available. When there is the option for adventure, I always say yes - because I see all the marvelous possibilities and potential. It's how I ended up studying abroad in Hungary at the last minute (I heard a professor talk and decided I was going a month before.). It's how I got married in India in the Himalayas (Because why not? A story for another time...).

These are the things that stick out in my head as dictating what I do and how I do it. These are the things that shape my work and my path through life. What about you? Leave a comment below or write a post and join the hop!

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Looking for a diversion this August? Be sure to check out P.J. MacLayne's books. If you like werewolves like I do, you might want to pick up a copy of WOLVES' PAWN. It explores werewolf social structure and has a love story, the kind of thing I love in paranormal!

Also be sure to read about MacLayne's Wyoming adventures. There are some super cool pics on her blog.

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An InLinkz Link-up

The Most Powerful Force

Love.

This is the thing that holds us together and sets us apart. This is the thing that makes us scale mountains and cross oceans.

Love.

More powerful than greed or apathy or fear - love can turn an enemy to a friend. Love can turn an object into a real human being. Love is the most powerful force - more powerful than gravity. It is the ultimate variable - more important than time.

It is the ultimate choice - transcending Schrodinger's cat, particles and rays, life and death.

Love.

And what comes from this ultimate power? This force before all forces? When we use this, when we allow this force to direct our hearts and minds, only the best things come into being. Only our best dreams are realized at the hands of love. Only our best intentions are made manifest - made into only, exactly, the best thing needed at that exact time.

Anger, jealousy, sadness...these are products of the broken heart. They are symptoms of love lost, or betrayed. Do not allow such things to direct your actions. Twisted plants grow from seeds sown with these hands.

Instead, turn your heart toward love. Turn it to forgiveness and let go those broken things. Let your heart be healed through the creative, restorative power of love. Focus instead on new tomorrows, better days filled with peace, friendship, hope, and joy. These are the fruits of a vibrant heart focused on love. These are our yearnings. Let us set our sights on them.

This is my earnest wish for all - that your hearts be filled with love.

Crossing Genres: Poetry, Fiction, and Non-fiction

Well, I'm in the process of putting my toe into three pools. Some people say this is a bad idea, while others have done it quite successfully and encourage such an adventure.

Honestly, I really don't care what "they" say. I'm doing it. That's final. It's done.

I'm particularly inspired by the non-fiction work of several of my favorite "children's" authors - C.S. Lewis and Madeleine L'Engle. Both these individuals were people of faith and their spirituality profoundly influenced their writing - not just their fiction, but also their non-fiction.

I'm finding that to be the case for me as well.

It is good to write fiction. It is good to write good fiction. But how can I sit back and not put my two cents in on issues that matter to me in a non-fiction way? Yes, my blogs can do that for me to some extent. Perhaps they will at some point develop into some kind of book or series themselves (stranger things have happened). But a blog is a different kind of thing. The writing I'm talking about has a very different purpose, and certainly one devoid of the diary or even essay form that is so popular in the blogosphere.

It's for this reason I published my poetry collection. It's for this reason I am in the process of revising my world religion curriculum. Do they speak to the same audience? Maybe there is some overlap. I'm not sure. But I'm acutely aware that most of the readers of these three areas will likely not overlap. I'm comfortable with the idea that different people will need to be reached for these very different creations.

And that's okay.

I doubt Lewis or L'Engle thought their non-fiction pieces would be avidly devoured by the same readers of their most famous children's series. If they did, I think we would have labelled both of them "delusional." Were (are) their non-fiction pieces read as widely as their fiction? I doubt it. Does it make their contribution to spiritual discourse less valuable? Certainly not.

I don't write for fame. I write because my soul burns. There is too much to hold inside - it must find voice. It must find expression. I must call out into the dark, loud and clear. I would love more than an echo of response or a hollow nothingness. I would love to have a sea of voices saying "yes" to my words. But whether I hear them or someone else hears them a long time from now doesn't matter. I cannot know what my words do. All I know is I must speak them - I must write them. From then on, their lives are their own.

When You Lose It All

If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, you already know I asked for positive thoughts and prayers in the last day or so. If you've been keeping up with my various blogs, you know we've had a few hurdles this summer, except none of them was as big as the one that appeared this morning.

Christian lost his job.

I'm taking a deep breath now, so I can let that sink in again. It doesn't seem completely real. If I stop to think about it, I begin wondering about the logistics we face in the next month.

There are the bills we have to pay. There is the food we need in order to live. There is the fact that rent in the Bay is exorbitant and now, even with our loans on forbearance we don't have the income to support the measly loft where we currently reside. There's the fact that we have a baby on the way and I'm not sure what our insurance situation is going to look like, or if we will have to move out of the area and look for a new care provider in the last few weeks of my pregnancy. Oh, did I mention we don't have any baby gear AT ALL right now? There is no car seat, no diapers (cloth or otherwise), and no place for kiddo to sleep.

We are, more than ever before, at a crossroads. We have nothing. There is no emergency fund. There is no job waiting in the wings. We have fallen as low as we've ever fallen and there is no net (Thanks America for not believing social democracy is a thing worth pursuing! You've made this possible!).

We have three main things we can do (and I'm not even sure if they're doable):

1. Christian can file for unemployment.
2. Christian can apply for jobs.
3.  We can try to start our own business.

These could all happen at the same time. They're not mutually exclusive, and frankly, I think they're all worth pursuing at this point. As such, my writing and publishing goals are going to be put on hold while I help Christian get things going. Being able to eat, having a place to sleep, and taking care of the baby are my top priorities. I don't think I'll completely stop working on book stuff, but I doubt that I'll be able to be nearly as aggressive as I wanted to be. If I can get 3 or 4 books published this summer, considering the craziness surrounding our living situation, I'll be amazed and incredibly proud of myself.

Granted, if I still pulled off publishing 7 books I would call that something near miraculous.

Whatever the case, print versions of the books are going to be put on hold until I have money to spend on purchasing proofs (you have to order a proof of each book to check for errors, formatting etc). The cost of the proofs varies depending on the type of book (binding and size), as well as the number of pages, and whether it is in color or black and white. I'm disappointed by this, but I don't have a choice at the moment.

I can't submit stories to magazines with reading fees.

The reality of my present situation is starting to set in, especially as how this will impact my personal goals.

And it hurts.

Even though I know practically what will happen on Monday (we'll put our loans on forbearance or deferment, start the unemployment papers, apply for jobs, and begin developing a business plan) I don't know what will happen to us after that. So much hangs in the balance. This is such a big change and it is incredibly scary and painful. I have to believe there is a reason for all this. I have to believe this was a way to clear the slate, to allow for something bigger and better. After all, I have been feeling like this year was going to be a big year. Maybe this had to happen to allow for the really good stuff to come into our lives. I hope so. I don't know that I'll be able to handle a lower fall.

RH Negative Fun and Complications

If you didn't know already, I'm actually magical.

Okay no, not really. But I am apparently a human-ancient alien hybrid. That's right folks! I'm part reptile! Or something... :-/

If you didn't get the overwhelming sarcasm of the last paragraph, you might be Californian, or just reading, but rest-assured, it was sarcastic.

But seriously, I am (according to the latest two rounds of blood tests from two separate lab companies) rh negative. In the U.S. we only make up about 15-16% of the population. And there are reasons for this. Because well, rh negs like myself, our blood doesn't do positive - like, at all.

When positive and negative blood mix...they clump in a weird way. This is because negative blood will attack the positive blood. You can imagine the kinds of problems this might cause in transfusions etc.

Christian unfortunately doesn't know his rh status, which means he has to get tested before 28 weeks into my pregnancy. If his blood is negative, then I don't have to get an extra series of shots. If he is positive, I do...or my baby could die.

Alright, the first baby probably won't die. But the second could.

This is because if the baby is positive and my blood and the baby's mix, I could build up antibodies to reject future babies, or just make them terribly sick. Either way I look at it, we're about 1.5 months out from him needing to be absolutely certain his blood is one way or the other.

When I got my own blood test back, my mom didn't believe it. She is positive. My dad is positive. I just happened to be the 33% unlikely offspring of two +/- parents. Lucky me. I will blame my grandparents for this one (my maternal grandmother and probably my paternal grandfather, though I'll never know with that one).

And their legacy? What exactly is this fun little factor that I have that makes pregnancy just a little more complicated? Where did it come from?

Well, they think it may have come from Neanderthals. Or at least, that's the going theory that doesn't yet have scientific proof (that part of the gene hasn't been sequenced yet). The reason people think this strange and rather useless blood factor came from Neanderthals? Well, most people like the idea of something that could kill babies coming from a foreign group. That would be an easy explanation. The only other explanation I could find is simple goofy evolution.

Most people like this idea that rh negative blood makes them special. It's a fun little theory (or science fiction). I've read all kinds of strange things about rh negative blood people, connecting all kinds of random traits to this blood type.


The most popularly spouted of these are the physical characteristics and the psychic/empathic/electrical ones. I've also read a lot of stuff connecting ruling classes to rh negative blood - blue bloods.

Damn.

So let's just, for shits and giggles, go through one of the more extensive lists I've found.

1. Hazel eyes? Check. 
2. Ion shielding? Going with no (what the hell is that?!). 
3. Reddish hair? Check. I've always had natural red highlights. 
4. Low blood pulse and body temperature? Does the inability to control my body temperature count? I'm going to...check. 
5. Low blood pressure? Check. 
6. Sharp sight or hearing? Well my sight sucks, but my hearing is actually off the charts (I've had it tested), so check. 
7. Pronounced intuition? I'm loathe to say this one, but check.  
8. Extra rib or vertebrae? Not to my knowledge. 
9. Love of space and science? Check! But who doesn't? 
10. Sense of not belonging? Check. But I always attributed this to being, well, different in my approach to life - not to my genetics!
11. Piercing eyes? Uh, based on anecdotal evidence provided by third party observers, I will check.
12. Paranormal occurrences? Damn. Check.
13. Psychic dreams? Check. In my family, they're actually called "an Alexis."
14. Truth seeking? Check. But who doesn't?
15. Desire for higher wisdom? Check. But again, isn't this common?
16. Enhanced empathy? Check, though I wish I didn't.
17. Compassion for humanity? It depends on the day...I guess check.
18.   Higher mental analytical abilities? You mean, am I smart? Yeah. I'm pretty smart. Check.
19. Mission in life? Sigh. Check.
20. Psychic abilities? Do we have to talk about this again? I feel weird. Check.
21. Unexplained scars? What the hell do scars have to do with anything? NO!
22. High sensitivity to EM and ELF fields? Lol. Yeah, I'm actually an EMP. DOUBLE CHECK!
23. Alien contact? Psht! No!

So out of 23 weird separate characteristics popularly attributed to rh negative people, I've got 19 of them.

Oh, and just so we're clear on the ruling class business, yes, my family has blood ties to European nobility. So if we add that, I'm shooting 20 out of 24. Sheesh.

While I'd love an explanation as to why I break phones, computers, and dishwashers, or regularly have clairvoyant dreams, I don't connect these things to my blood type. The only thing that I absolutely do connect to my blood type is the very real and dangerous possibility of making my baby sick (s/he just started kicking to remind me why I would take preventative measures to protect the kiddo). So unless (or until) science somehow proves that I'm related to the Nephilim or the Annunaki, I'll just chalk the high correlation of traits to coincidence.

It is coincidence...right??? Please tell me this is just coincidence. I don't want to be anecdotal proof of these fringe theories!

Walking Fertility Goddess

I didn't know.

As someone who studied art for years I have seen the statues and read the speculated reasons for their creation. Worship of a mother goddess early in human history was a supposedly popular thing.

But seeing the large round bellies and enormous breasts seemed to be hyperbolic. No one looks like that, I thought.

Ha! Boy was I wrong.

Of course people look like that. Pregnant women look like that. Sure, I'm not sporting an ass or thighs like them. I'm not quite as squat. But when I look at myself in the mirror, my belly pushing out and my breasts swelling to new and frighteningly large sizes, I see the resemblance.

Before I didn't connect these statues to beauty. I thought it was antiquated and strange.

Now however I understand their beauty. A pregnant woman has a special beauty. Sure, she may be flushed, have stretch marks, pimples, rashes, and waddle when she walks. But these things don't matter and in point of fact, contribute to her beauty. She is engaged in the most glorious thing a woman can do. She is creating life. She is as close to the Creator as a human can be in her body. Other people cannot but defer to her as she persists in this sacred act. Yes it is the most a person can be aware of their body, but it is also a spiritually connecting thing.

So when you see a pregnant woman waddling around, recognize her for what she is - a walking fertility goddess with all the beauty that entails.