Full Stop - A Mandatory Break

Last week was rough. This past weekend was rough. Now today...

I slept until 1:30. I couldn't help it. Okay, I woke up with the sun and did a few things, but then I went right back to sleep. I woke up again at 11:30 and tried to do a few things like use the bathroom and drink some water. Even doing basic tasks like that, I was falling asleep. I think the only reason I woke up at 1:30 and finally got out of bed was because it was so hot on my second floor I couldn't handle it any more. Otherwise, I might have slept until Christian got home. :-/

Needless to say, when I looked at the print format template for JEREMIAH, I wrote the name of the book and added chapter sections to the template. Then I stopped.

This is the most sluggish I've been since the first trimester. I hope it's not related to the tea my midwife advised me to drink (nettle). I had that the first time today and I'm not sure if I was supposed to feel any different but the only difference I've experienced today is a total and utter exhaustion.

Of course, it could be completely unrelated to pregnancy and more to do with the whirlwind of stress in my life right now.

Whatever the cause, I'm laid up. Nothing is happening. Not today anyway. If I were to force myself to do anything today, I think it would be a disaster. I'd make mistakes and end up having to redo everything anyway. That's not the way to go about reaching your publishing goals.

Unfortunately, when you're a super prego lady, some days you just have to curl up, nap, and/or read a book. Today is one of those days for me. Send me good thoughts that tomorrow can be productive despite the worship committee meeting that will take me away from my laptop for several hours...I can't afford another day like today.

Tent Camping In The Second Trimester

Yes, it might be a little nutty, but it was well worth it.

Christian is a good husband and as such, he made a reservation for a camp site in the redwoods next to a bathroom that had a shower. Literally, when we pulled up to the site, I could see the bathroom without having to search. It was maybe 50 feet away.

First obstacle tackled.

My second concern was one of food. For those of you who have been keeping up with my pregnancy exploits, you know that I need to eat snacks throughout the day and possibly a fourth full meal.  We had bananas, granola bars, and planned to bring protein shakes (which ended up being left unfortunately, but as it was, the food we had sufficed).  Fortunately we had enough on that front.

Second concern dealt with.

Finally I was worried about sleeping. Sleeping on my memory foam topper on my mattress at home has rendered my hips sore and uncomfortable the following day, so what would tent camping do?

Ahem.

There was no good solution to this one, short of bringing one of those huge air mattresses. Considering that our 2 man tent barely held the two of us (it was made expressly for back-packing) there would be no way to fit an air mattress inside unless it was a twin....which wouldn't work if another person was expecting to sleep there as well.

I had originally thought I would bring my Snoogle, but I didn't have a cover for it (and I really didn't want to try to wash mud or whatever off the pillow itself). Also, Snoogles are large. Being in my sleeping bag alone felt confining. With a Snoogle it would have been impossible. Plus the temperature at this time of year north of the Bay does not encourage open sleeping bags. So instead, I used two pillows to lift my upper body a bit, a blanket over my sleeping bag (because I was FROZEN!), and wore wool hiking socks to bed along with two shirts and long pants. This meant I slept some of the night, but of course, I was sore and stiff in the morning.

We also did something else crazy. We went hiking.

Normally I would say hiking is not a crazy endeavor - even for a pregnant lady. There are plenty of hikes that could be finished easily even with a new center of gravity and the propensity to be out of breath after every 20 feet.  We did not go on one of these hikes.

We climbed a mountain.

Alright, we climbed part of a mountain. We traversed approximately 2000 feet in elevation and about 4 miles, round trip. Needless to say it took all of my fortitude to go as far as we did, and by the end, my bladder was full, my water bottle was empty, and I was starving. Looking back I wouldn't have pushed myself as hard as I did. We should have turned around sooner, however I was glad to know that I could do it, even if it ended up taking the majority of the morning instead of the hour or so it would have before being pregnant.

Tent camping wasn't horrible over all while being in my second trimester. I would have been miserable in my first, and I'm sure this would also be true in my third (though for different reasons). That said, I expect the experience is not for everyone. I could see that many women would find the whole thing an exercise in exquisite masochism. For me however, the beauty of the place and the respite it offered from the city was enough to counter any inconvenience I experienced. I found myself depressed as we came closer and closer to Oakland. Being at home was actually distressing.

If anything, my time in the redwoods taught me 2 things:

1. I am now capable of much more than I was during the first 3 months of pregnancy.
2. I need to live in the woods - seriously.

Hopefully I can put these lessons to some use. If only I had more motivation to Zumba...

Camping with a Snoogle

When we made the reservation for the campsite, I figured it would be early enough that it wouldn't be a problem. I wouldn't be intensely uncomfortable like I had in the first trimester and I wouldn't be waddling and huge (as I will in the third).

I forgot a few variables.

First is the issue of food. I snack frequently. If I don't, bad things happen. Sometimes I just get really snappy and mean. Other times I will break down crying. And of course, there's always the messiest option of immediate regurgitation if I was hungry enough. Yuck.

I'm not sure how I'll deal with not having meat and dairy on a near constant basis for a couple days. I hope peanut butter can be a reasonable substitute, but that remains to be seen. All I can say is Christian is a brave man.

The second issue is sleep. My joints have been achey for some time. When I sleep on my side (which is basically the safest way to sleep - or so they tell me) my hips get sore. They can get so uncomfortable it feels like someone actually stabbed me in the hip. So I turn over. Usually it's one at a time, but sometimes it's both. The only remedy is to sit up or walk around. Needless to say, my sleep is punctuated at best, and nonexistent at worst.

So I bought a Snoogle. Snoogles are a crazy patented shape body pillow that cost a stupid amount (unless you go to Burlington Coat Factory). They are also a gift from GOD. I say this because while nothing can completely eradicate the aching in my hips (though I haven't tried acupressure which sounds like a good idea), this crazy pillow comes pretty close.

Obviously I'm taking my Snoogle with me camping. While it will do nothing to mitigate the sorry sleeping mat under me, it will at least keep my joints aligned.

You see how all this could be a dangerous combination... I think Christian may be taking his life into his hands. And the guy is such a sweetie! And while many couples end up sleeping in separate rooms or having possessions destroyed by wrath during pregnancy, we've been remarkably blessed. I attribute this to Christian's easy-going attitude, our combined senses of humor, and my ability to recognize when I'm being ridiculous and apologizing.

I hope that will be enough this coming week. *gulp*

I'll let you know how it goes.

Walking Undead: A.K.A. Exhaustion

I remember mono.

Well, I remember a month long dream interspersed with Enya tracks, a sore throat that reached epic proportions, and lymph nodes the size of golf balls. This is because most of that month when I was terribly sick, I was sleeping. I couldn't do anything else.

So when the pregnancy exhaustion hit in week 6, I was familiar with the need to sleep 18 hours.

However this exhaustion is different from being sick. This is the kind where you get bursts of energy for a moment. Suddenly you can unload the dishwasher - and then you have to take a nap. Immediately. No questions.

Or you start cooking dinner and then all of sudden it's too strenuous and you have to sit down because you can't breathe and you might keel over if you stood one second longer.

People don't talk about these things.

WHY DON'T PEOPLE TALK ABOUT THESE THINGS?!?!

I had no idea pregnancy would be so exhausting in the first trimester. I was completely ill prepared. If I was married to a lesser man this would be hellish (mostly because I would never have clean clothes or eat home-cooked meals).

Fortunately Christian is superhuman. He's patient, gentle, and calm. He cooks dinner, does the laundry, takes out the recycling, and rubs my back when my ligaments decide it's time to move around making me sore. I could not imagine going through this time by myself - or even worse, with someone who didn't understand or didn't care.

He, like all good husbands, realizes that I'm exhausted because I'm building a completely new life inside me. Not only am I building things like ventricles, lungs, arms, and legs, but also supportive structures like the placenta and umbilical cord. When you think about it like that, it doesn't seem so bad to leave a light layer of dust on the TV stand. It makes perfect sense that I would need to take 3 extra naps. Of course I have to eat another snack during the day. It's not just for me, but for the life I'm creating.

I'm not being lazy. I'm being reproductive.

Camping for an Urbanite - Adventures in Camping Part 1

My husband is an outdoors sort of guy. He's not a lumberjack and he wouldn't live in a hermitage in the Yukon, but he likes doing things outside.  I like hiking. I like boats. I even like digging in the dirt when there's a garden to be maintained. I have never, however, gone real camping.

On the East Coast camping usually means you're going to a cabin retreat on a lake somewhere. Your friend has a little log place with all the regular amenities, and you visit on the weekend. Sometimes it means RVs - but I didn't know anyone with that kind of monstrosity. I can't imagine trying to manage such a thing in the weather...

My husband grew up with camping. Yes, his parents did (and do) own a large (by my estimation, which isn't well informed at all) camper. It has all the amenities a sizable camper could have, including a kitchen, shower, and toilet. Despite this, Christian would often have his own tent when his family camped. My husband has slept outside in a boat while his family slept in their camper. He's slept on the sand. He's slept on grass, building roofs, and dirt. I, on the other hand, have slept on mattresses.

It is true I have on occasion slept in the forest under the stars and sprays of green leaves, but I did it rarely and relished going back to a real bed and shower. I have slept on camping pads on church floors in developing countries and eaten meats that come from parts I don't want to discuss or imagine. But, I have always done this as part of some kind of missionary or existential life experience. I have never gone camping just to, well, camp.

This coming Monday is our three year anniversary. Because we're living on bare bones at the moment, our options for celebrating this year were limited. We could have gone to the movie theater and out to a single half way decent meal. Instead, we're going to Lake Isabella for two nights to sleep in a tent. The days are hot there, and the nights are cool. One of the nights will be at a location that is completely undeveloped. The other will be at a full amenity camp site. Christian is super excited and was bouncing off the walls last night as we planned our camping menu (which trust me, ours is not very exciting because we don't have a reasonable cooler), and packed our gear.

I, on the other hand, am most concerned about the fact that I won't be able to work on my book for an entire weekend and I may not get any sleep. I am trying to keep an open mind for his sake. I want it to be successful and I hope that we both enjoy our time there - but I am purposefully keeping my expectations low so I won't be disappointed. Christian can tell I'm a little wary of the experience and I think he has purposefully made it a little less grueling on my behalf, which I appreciation. Still, it will be an adventure one way or another, and I will definitely document the whole messy thing. Wish me luck!

Cleansed - Taking out Sugar and Caffeine

For those of us with the automatic drip feeding us a steady intake of caffeinated beverages, it seems heretical to wake up naturally.  But as evidenced by our adrenal glands, if its possible to wake up naturally we should.

As part of my "get healthy" plan, I have recently done something I never thought I would be able to do.  I stopped drinking any kind of caffeine.  Yes, occasionally I do eat a bit of chocolate.  But you know what? I don't really miss it.  The only thing I find myself craving is diet soda, but even then I think its more about the bubbles and the sweet flavor than it is the caffeine.

In an effort to be good all the way around, I decided to limit my sugar intake even more than I already had.  This means I've taken out a lot of simple carbs - though I am the first to admit I'm having a hard time replacing them with complex ones.  It also means I'm trying to take out foods that include a lot of added sugar and replacing them with fresh fruit.  I'm particularly enjoying the fresh strawberries available right now!

It's not an easy thing to make these dietary changes, but it's a lot less difficult than I imagined.  My body feels better in every way.  Something I notice when I eat bad or imbalanced meals is I literally feel sick.  Caffeine would screw up my sleep habits.  Now that I'm eating tons of veggies, fruits, and lean meats, I have more energy. Maybe that's because I'm able to sleep a full night without waking sometime around 2 am (which had been a long standing issue for me).  Since I'm not up on stimulants, I don't crash in the middle of the day like I used to and I love it.

You have to decide that you want to make these kinds of changes.  Switching your soda for Perrier isn't something that will appeal to everyone, but it makes kicking the bad habit a lot easier.  Eventually, the craving for sweet soda will pass. By that time, you'll already be more than half way to a new healthier you. I know I am!

Little Things Are Big - Pre-move Stress

I hate all the little things.  It's not big things that stress you out.  It's little things.  It's a combination of improper filing, new ownership of your apartment complex, a lack of boxes, pollen in the air causing you to space out, along with a lack of money.

Thank GOD I haven't had someone close to me die recently (knock on wood), gotten pregnant, or had a major illness.  If I had, I would have gotten the prize for collecting all the stress badges in a single year. 

Moving is stressful.  Not knowing exactly where we're going is stressful.  Not being able to complete any of my writing projects for months is stressful.  I could go on, but the list just keeps getting longer.  Now more than ever, I want to be settled.  I want everything to be taken care of for me.  I'm so exhausted by the process that I want to curl up into my shell and stop dealing with everything.  Even though I was lucky enough to get the numbers for our settlement with the property management company today (changing ownership had caused a bunch of issues), I don't feel better.  In fact, I feel worse.  Maybe it's because its more real now.  Maybe its because my head is all loopy because my body is reacting to the pollen in the air.  I'm not sure.  All I know, is despite the sunny disposition outside, I'm worn down.  Even though I worked out this morning (which normally gives me tons of energy) I'm exhausted. 

Think I'll go hide in a hole for a little while until the feeling passes.  Then it's back to somehow making things work for the best.  With any luck, the job in North Bay will work out for Christian after the summer's end.  I'm hoping it does, because I'd like to explore the Bay Area more and review some more interesting places and events.  Cross your fingers, pray, meditate - whatever you do - just send us positive vibes that everything works out the best way it possibly can.  Hey, if it does, maybe I'll win that poetry contest I entered.  That would be quite the cherry on top of the mess!

Ashamed to be American - Money Problems

I can't sleep. This time I'm not thinking so much about tomorrow, my exercises, meals, or work. I'm thinking about money. I'm not just thinking about mine either. And to be clear, I'm freaking out.

I've never been more ashamed or more scared to be American. Funding is being cut to programs that are used by tens of millions of Americans rather than raising taxes on the richest. The majority of our net income as a country is shouldered by 3 million people. That might sound like a lot, but think that our country has over 300 million - its really a drop in the population bucket.

So 1 or 2% tax increase on those 3 million would have a huge impact on our state and federal coffers. It wouldn't deincentivize wealth creation. People will still have buttloads of money. Never fear! But honestly, they really won't miss it. You see, these super rich don't actually spend money - they hoard it. Money can't trickle if it isn't moving. The economy depends on money moving. So a little tax increase on people who can handle it would save our country... save our programs... and those rich people wouldn't even miss their money.

If politicians keep cutting important well loved programs which don't really impact budgets rather than addressing the problem, they shouldn't be in office. Hard times require hard choices. Politicians should be here for people, they cannot be in office for power or for big monied interests. People need to be first - not money or corporate entities - no matter what the cost.

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Sing in the Morning - Bird Song Heals the Soul

Normally I wouldn't have heard it.  I woke up just early enough.  Normally I would have had my eye-mask on and my earplugs in depriving me of sensing the world around me.  That morning however, I awoke with my eye-mask off, showing me the morning light.  Wide awake, I decided to take my earplugs out as well and was greeted with the sweetest of sounds.

I love mornings.  I love the light and the way it reflects on the trees and flowers.  The world is sleepy, so the sounds of people are slight.  Cars aren't whizzing around as fast as can be.  At that time, along with the light, the sounds of birds fill the air.  It is this which brings a smile to my face.  No matter what happens in politics, economics, or any other social institution - if the world is about the collapse as we know it - it simply doesn't matter. The world is right when the birds sing in the morning.  Nothing can take that away from me.  Thank GOD.

Occupation v. Vocation - Striking the Balance

Well, I finally got a job.  Thank the LORD.  One that actually will pay and is part of a legitimate company, even if it is a part-time gig.  But still, the stress leading up to this point was unbearable. It's nice not to worry so much about things.

The job hunt gave me some perspective on things that I really hadn't had time to examine before.  For example, as a writer, I need to have time in order to write.  I have to have energy each day in order to allow for me to write a blog post, work on a novel, or pump out a short story.  I can't work a 9-5 job and write.  I've tried.  It doesn't work well for me.  When I do that, it diverts my attention too many directions leaving me no way to really focus on my calling.  The result is, most work is soul-sucking for me.  Of course there are some things which really equate to the bowels of Hell and other things that are just slightly purgatorial, but the end is the same.  I feel like I am missing something.  I cannot be happy.  It is impossible.  I know my vocation, and if I were to avoid doing it, whatever the reason, I would be miserable for the rest of my life.

I've felt the effects of this before, even before I was absolutely certain what I am meant to do in this world.  In some ways, Phoenix was my cleansing fire.  I had to go through that period in order to figure out what I needed, what I couldn't deal with, and what I was willing to give up.  Without that purifying fire, I never would have come to my present place, where I am so much happier, where I feel right.

It is true that for the past few months Christian and I have lost a LOT of sleep.  We were both stressed out.  At the same time, I felt fine.  Don't get me wrong, I was wallowing my fair share and sobbing appropriately, and frantically brainstorming with the best of them.  I was.  Christian and my mother can both attest to this.  At the same time, I found a peace and a purpose that I haven't known.  I felt like I have finally come into myself.

It's something we all have to take time to do.  It is necessary.  If you don't make time to figure these things out, your soul and God will do it for you.  The universe will do it for you.  It will require that you stop and begin a great purging of spirit.  This is the only way you can figure out who you are meant to be, what you are meant to do, and it is the only way you can truly be happy.  We are all meant to go through this world as our best selves, to have purpose, and to live it to its fullest.

Beyond the need for something to pay bills, I needed something to inspire me.  It's a delicate balance between vocation and occupation.  You see, in order to write I need to be inspired.  In order to be inspired, I need to go out and do things.  In order to write I need to eat, in order to eat, I need money.  To get money, I need to work.  So working is a logical thing to do for any writer.  The catch is, you can't work too much or too little, it needs to be the Baby Bear amount - just right.

The moral of the story is, a little work (occupation that is) is good and necessary on many levels. Vocation is necessary for spiritual, mental, and emotional health and needs to balance with occupation.  When you have vocation, the world can fall apart, but your soul will be intact.  I recommend it as insurance, every time.

Reiki Works - Some Recommended Hooby Dooby Healing

You may remember that my mother is, as my father likes to say, "into hooby dooby stuff." What does that mean exactly? Well, I have the same tendency, so I'll be a little more pragmatic than my father might be.  We're interested in those things that are mysterious in the world, things that are inexplicable, and possibly on the fringe of what is acceptable in Western spirituality.  Yes, I mean new age.

This might make some people completely skeptical, and they might poo-poo whatever else I have to say.  To those people I say, get over it.  Suspend disbelief and choose to be a little open for the duration of this blog post because it may be that you will learn something helpful.

I'm the kind of person who wants to believe in things.  It's only recently that I've felt any kind of skepticism towards anything.  Two years ago you wouldn't have found me attempting to tear things apart the way I do now.  Still, every time I get a little too skeptical, a little too cynical, my mother is there to stem the flow of doubt.  She does it in a variety of ways.  Sometimes its testimony of her experiences or those of her co-workers.  As a spiritual counselor in a hospice, there are always stories about miraculous and strange things that happen to different people, or in the unusual continuing education classes they are required to take.  The gossip tends to be of a supernatural kind.  It makes sense, seeing as these people deal with death on a daily basis.  Strange things happen at death.  It is one of the last great mysteries.  As many answers as we find about the thing, we create ten times as many new questions.

It a strange tension between my mother's testimony and the documentaries produced on similar subjects for Nova or National Geographic.  I find myself re-examining things in a way that I hadn't wanted to for my entire life.  It used to be that I had a completely Christian understanding of life and death, a Western understanding of medicine, and a progressive perspective on the world in general.  Keep in mind, religion isn't the only thing people believe in.  Belief systems happen in politics and in culture in a variety of settings, even science can be called a belief system.

These days I have seen a complete about face in my beliefs. Everything is topsy turvy. Skeptic or not, I find myself in a whole new understanding with the necessary exploration to accompany it. To keep things simple, we'll stick to one set of assumptions that were turned on their head - healing.

My skepticism of Western medicine began as early as junior high. I got sick with a sinus infection every month from October through April several years straight until some doctor got the bright idea that I might have allergies.  They never tested for it.  They put me on an allergy medication, and I stopped getting sinus infections.  There were things like this that kept happening, to varying degrees, until I had some debilitating issues while living in Phoenix which no doctor or physical therapist was able to treat.  Literally, they could find nothing wrong with me.  They couldn't see anything wrong, yet I had severe physical swelling in several joints.  I was constantly in physical pain.  In the end, I changed my diet myself.  I started doing pilates and I was able to address my symptoms on my own. No doctor was able to help me.  I did it myself.

Now, I am a very anxious person.  I probably shouldn't drink as much caffeinated green tea and diet soda as I do (as to the latter, I really shouldn't, but we all have our vices).  Necessarily as an anxious person, I have difficulty sleeping.  When I wake up my mind starts going about everything and anything that concerns me, and I just can't turn it off.  Even though I altered my eating habits in order to promote sleep, and exercised regularly, I just couldn't get anything to work. Knowing this, my mother intervened.  She gave me some lavender spray and some oil and she gave me a Reiki session.  I slept like a baby.

Reiki is a kind of energy work.  It involves balancing the body's natural energy centers to promote consistent energy flow.  Just like if your body has a blockage in another system, like your artery or intestine, it causes problems.  It is the same with energy.  Now, I would counter doubters this way - that even if you didn't believe this stuff worked because of the energy balancing, it is still a relaxing and calming experience that leaves you feeling cared for and tranquil.  Of course, if you don't think it works, you've probably never had a session.

Each Reiki session is experienced differently, though the process the healer uses is the same.  The healer goes down your body, from energy center to center, clearing each in turn.  The patient experiences this clearance differently depending on what is going on with their body and spirit.  For example, my first Reiki session gave me the giggles.  I giggled and giggled and couldn't stop.  My throat became sore (keep in mind I didn't have a cold nor was I sick in any way).  As my session continued, I felt extreme heat as each section of my body was cleared.  Keep in mind that my mother's cold hands weren't on me (like me, my mother's hands are perpetually cold).  They were about 4-5 inches away from my skin, yet I felt a firm reassuring pressure and extreme heat. 

Going into my session, I had no idea what to expect.  My mother merely said that each session is different for each person.  I didn't go in with specific thoughts planted in my brain as to how I should experience this thing, or how it would work.  It just worked.  So how is it that something like this could do wonders for my physical and psychological well being when medical doctors were unable to?

Let me put forth some observations - there are some things that Western medicine cannot address.  There is mystery in the world and in the human body, and that is okay.  There are some ailments where traditional healing practices are more beneficial than Western ones.

Beyond that, I love Reiki.  I think it's amazing and more people should experience it.  I'm seriously considering getting some kind of certification.  In the mean time, I'm reading up on it (which is requiring more than a little suspension of disbelief).  Even if some hooby dooby stuff is a little wonky, Reiki works, which means some of these other ideas may have an ounce of validity as well.  It's enough to encourage my exploration of the hooby-dooby.  Wish me luck and cleared energy centers! :-D

Insomnia, Causes and Coping

There are only a few typical reasons why a person (a woman in particular) wakes up in the middle of the night.  There is the hormone cycle, that causes your body to freak out because it's trying to work out hormone levels and so causes you to wake up randomly.  There is anxiety or even anticipation, which can happen for both good things and bad things, making you too excited to stay asleep for a full 8 hours.  Lastly, there is the lovely situation when something is wrong with your body - maybe your temperature is off, or your stomach is bubbly - which forces you awake to address the situation.  I am familiar with all of these.  Tonight was just another one of those typical insomniac moments.

I can't help but stumble into them.  I am by nature, an anxious person.  Add my physical quirks that require a very limited range of bodily equilibrium and sleep is a regular disaster.  Insomniac moments tend to occur regularly for me.  It is a rare and much coveted night when I sleep the entire night and wake up feeling refreshed.  In the past few weeks, I generally wake up at least once during the course of the night and in the morning feel like several freight trains ran over me leaving me in a zombie like stupor. I'd like to take a second to point something out that seems a little strange - I wear an eye mask and ear plugs yet when there is a full moon I tend to have more issues with waking up in the middle of the night regardless of whatever else is going on... or is it? Coincidence? I'm just not sure. 

So how can I work through this? What can I do to make this better? I try everything. I exercise.  I do.  That helps a little.  I never ingest stimulants after a certain hour.  As I said before, I have an eye mask and earplugs. I have organic lavender oil and linen spray to put on my temples and on my pillow (which I use periodically but not nightly).  In order to ease my way back to sleep, I keep water, books, tissues, a journal, Sudoku puzzles, several books, and various decongestants in my night stand.  I could do yoga, maybe meditate.  My mother taught me some basic self Reiki which is very relaxing, but I have been horrible about doing it with any kind of consistency which renders my knowledge effectively useless. 

Generally my best plan of attack is the one where I simply do something for a given amount of time until I start to feel tired again.  That's why I have the journal and the Sudoku.  Tonight however I decided to skip my typical tools.  When I woke up tonight I was so awake, thinking about so many things, that I needed the big guns.  If I had Tylenol PM or something stronger I would have taken that.  Even Benedryl would have been an option.  Instead, I fell back to my action plan, but with the ultimate self-stimming tool - the internet.  So I grabbed my laptop and propped it against my knees.  It's nice having my little netbook.  I could even watch movies or TV shows on this thing right now if I wanted to.  I could research random things for the short story ideas I've been knocking around for over a month in my head. I can carry on conversations with other insomniacs, check the NASDAQ, catch up on world news, and plan next week's menu. All of this, I can do in the middle of the night on my lap.  It seems wrong. But then again, we do live in the future.  Things will only get stranger.  Maybe they'll come up with more useful and pervasive ways to address insomnia.  Hell, maybe they'll get rid of the red-eyed wonder altogether.  That would be amazing.  Give that man a Nobel prize!  Crime stats suddenly drop! People are suddenly nicer!  Healthier! Happier!  All for a little sleep...

Alas.  I'll have to settle for sacrificing an hour in the middle of the night to the goddess of sleep.  When my eyes start to itch and my lids begin to droop, I know I've given her enough time to transition back to the world of dreams.  I really like dreams.  They're so much more interesting than mundane living.  I would much rather spend time with them than reading about stock movement.