THRIVE Book Launch Week 11: Blistered and Limping

Last week time sped up. Things were all timey-wimey. I experienced about two weeks in the span of seven days, and yet, got very little done for my books. Or at least, that is how I feel.

My nutrition was off. My sleep was off. My work was off. For the last few days I've felt like I've got a hangover, and yet, I didn't have the pleasure of drinking. It's all the punishment, with none of the pleasure.

So unfair.

Needless to say, even while in the midst of this whirlwind, I've had some points of light. It has been hard to focus on them, because frankly I've had a hard time focusing on anything at all. That said, some time last week I had a brilliant idea.

I started contacting victim advocacy organizations about listing my books on their resource pages, doing blog posts, and or talking at their events. Their missions are in line with my goals for THRIVE, and that resonated. I got one that invited me to do a blog post, and one that said they would review my press kit. Seeing as I only emailed three, I felt that was a pretty good response. It seems that direction is something I need to continue to pursue. And along those lines, I need to connect with other organizations doing things on other topics within THRIVE.

It's kind of easy to find organizations working with survivors of sexual abuse. Not easy to search for the bend I'm looking working on homelessness, unemployment, and even less so with "whiteness." Hopefully I'll have some kind of epiphany of search terms this week to figure out connections for other outlets. In the mean time, I need to recover from last week. So, unfortunately, the week leading up to my digital release, is also the week I'm dragging from other things in life.

Isn't that just the way?

It is the last little bit of the marathon, and I have enormous blisters covering my feet. I'm dehydrated. I'm limping. I've got a stitch in my side. I am that stumbling runner. I'm so close, and yet it feels like every step is full of pain.

And I wonder, is the pain all worth it? When I get to the finish, will I be proud? Or just relieved that it's over?

But of course, this is just one race in a series of races. Promoting THRIVE doesn't end on June 15 with the release of the ebook. There is the speaking tour I'm gingerly putting together for next year. There are the videos I've finally prioritized with Christian to get done. There are the audio books I need to record and master. There are the organizations I need to contact, the posts I need to write... and the list goes on.

And that's just THRIVE. I have so many other writing projects this could be my full time job, plus some. It is daunting. But I'm getting ahead of myself. I can't think that far, not yet. Right now I have to concentrate on one foot in front of the other. This is the first marathon. I have to finish as strong as I can.

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LAUNCH UPDATE

Despite the craziness of everything in the past week, I was able to get the following done:

• Researched victim organizations
• Contacted victim organizations
• Wrote post and submitted to one of the above.
• Wrote first draft of submission for writing blog related to THRIVE.
• Contacted friends at universities about speaker fees
• Posted to author forum about speaker fees etc
• Did social media blitz for several days on THRIVE.
• Blog posts
• Wrote and posted exclusive story to Patreon.
• Began rewriting FAMILY FRIEND OR FOE.

 This week I'd like to do the following:

• Contact friends personally about the book - either through social media or email or both (LAUNCH DAY IS NEXT MONDAY!).
• Contact more victim organizations about resource listings, guest posts, and guest speaking.
• Follow up with friend about radio appearance.
• Follow up with contact about speaking appearance.
• Send out inquiries about speaking appearances at local organizations related to THRIVE content.
• Send out social media blast about THRIVE.
• Rewrite post for web zine/blog and submit.
• Send email blast on launch day.
• Blog.

I think that is more than enough. If I'm lucky, I'll get some videos done, but I don't know how things will go in the evening. It's one of those things that I feel like everything is so full, so intense, I'm not sure how much energy I'll have at the end of the day. And I'm pretty spent right now. I have a major case of energy drain. I have to get back on track, which considering the timing, might be difficult to do. We'll see. I'm crossing my fingers and counting on the support of many to make this happen.

When there is a good purpose, I believe things happen. This will test my belief...and that's a little scary.

Detox Life and Reach Goals

Since I started adhering to a writing plan that involves daily and weekly goals, I'm back on track in other aspects of my life. In fact, I would say that I'm in the process of cleaning house.

How, do you ask?

Well, at first it was journaling. I was going through a real dark time, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Journaling helped me to release a lot of things going through my mind which freed me to work on other things (read: writing).

Then I added yoga. I'm not one of those people who is into mixing spiritual disciplines so I was a little hesitant to do this before now. The reason I finally came around and decided to add it to my daily routine is because it can be a kind of meditation. Meditation is good for the body, mind, and spirit. It releases tension can help the body rid itself of toxins etc. It's just a good idea all the way around.

So I hopped onto the Hindu bandwagon for some yoga (just yoga...no pantheon or holy thread or anything). It's been a real blessing and incredibly nourishing to me on every level. I also think I get to sleep faster because of it (probably because of how relaxing it is - this has nothing to do with my new mom sleep deprivation...I swear!).

Then I started adding daily workouts on top of these things. This is something I've really just begun doing this week with any consistency. I had been doing some casual circuit training using my baby as resistance, but that was very sporadic at best (and who knows how effective it was being at achieving my fitness goals other than building muscle). This week I added some kickboxing circuit training videos and next week I plan to up the ante with some other circuit training and HIIT videos. These are ideal for me because they're short but effective, which means I can do them without leaving my baby playing in his play area for too long. The only problem with them is I kind of want them to be longer...or more intense feeling (I sense I'll be adding some low level weights to these puppies!).

I say this now, but talk to me in a week...

My next step is to implement better eating choices...

And then who knows? More active promotion? Actively socializing (sensing a trend here?)?

Needless to say I'm doing these things while I'm reaching my writing goals every day, and I'm taking care of my little man. I know that as I move through this time, every aspect of my life is getting cleaner and the next step of everything is becoming clearer. It's a great feeling.

Sometimes you just need to do some spring cleaning of yourself.

Tent Camping In The Second Trimester

Yes, it might be a little nutty, but it was well worth it.

Christian is a good husband and as such, he made a reservation for a camp site in the redwoods next to a bathroom that had a shower. Literally, when we pulled up to the site, I could see the bathroom without having to search. It was maybe 50 feet away.

First obstacle tackled.

My second concern was one of food. For those of you who have been keeping up with my pregnancy exploits, you know that I need to eat snacks throughout the day and possibly a fourth full meal.  We had bananas, granola bars, and planned to bring protein shakes (which ended up being left unfortunately, but as it was, the food we had sufficed).  Fortunately we had enough on that front.

Second concern dealt with.

Finally I was worried about sleeping. Sleeping on my memory foam topper on my mattress at home has rendered my hips sore and uncomfortable the following day, so what would tent camping do?

Ahem.

There was no good solution to this one, short of bringing one of those huge air mattresses. Considering that our 2 man tent barely held the two of us (it was made expressly for back-packing) there would be no way to fit an air mattress inside unless it was a twin....which wouldn't work if another person was expecting to sleep there as well.

I had originally thought I would bring my Snoogle, but I didn't have a cover for it (and I really didn't want to try to wash mud or whatever off the pillow itself). Also, Snoogles are large. Being in my sleeping bag alone felt confining. With a Snoogle it would have been impossible. Plus the temperature at this time of year north of the Bay does not encourage open sleeping bags. So instead, I used two pillows to lift my upper body a bit, a blanket over my sleeping bag (because I was FROZEN!), and wore wool hiking socks to bed along with two shirts and long pants. This meant I slept some of the night, but of course, I was sore and stiff in the morning.

We also did something else crazy. We went hiking.

Normally I would say hiking is not a crazy endeavor - even for a pregnant lady. There are plenty of hikes that could be finished easily even with a new center of gravity and the propensity to be out of breath after every 20 feet.  We did not go on one of these hikes.

We climbed a mountain.

Alright, we climbed part of a mountain. We traversed approximately 2000 feet in elevation and about 4 miles, round trip. Needless to say it took all of my fortitude to go as far as we did, and by the end, my bladder was full, my water bottle was empty, and I was starving. Looking back I wouldn't have pushed myself as hard as I did. We should have turned around sooner, however I was glad to know that I could do it, even if it ended up taking the majority of the morning instead of the hour or so it would have before being pregnant.

Tent camping wasn't horrible over all while being in my second trimester. I would have been miserable in my first, and I'm sure this would also be true in my third (though for different reasons). That said, I expect the experience is not for everyone. I could see that many women would find the whole thing an exercise in exquisite masochism. For me however, the beauty of the place and the respite it offered from the city was enough to counter any inconvenience I experienced. I found myself depressed as we came closer and closer to Oakland. Being at home was actually distressing.

If anything, my time in the redwoods taught me 2 things:

1. I am now capable of much more than I was during the first 3 months of pregnancy.
2. I need to live in the woods - seriously.

Hopefully I can put these lessons to some use. If only I had more motivation to Zumba...

Bring It! - Starting P90X

Okay, so like hundreds of thousands, possibly millions of Americans, I have drunk the Kool-Aid. I bought P90X and I got the gear necessary to complete the program. I bought the goofy thing for a few reasons.

1. I feel better when I'm physically active and apparently I like an ass-kicking when it comes to a work out.
2. I spend way too much time on my duff working online and writing my books.
3. I want to be healthier and more physically fit.

So I completed the requisite fitness test. Honestly, I thought I would fail it. I didn't think I would be able to complete a pull-up, having never done one before in my life. Keep in mind, growing up, I was the kid who couldn't climb a rope, never did a push-up, and was almost always last picked in gym. Of course, I did work out pretty heavily while living in East Bay. But even still, the summer made me lazy. I didn't think I would be able to even start the program.

 Except, then I passed the fitness test with flying colors. I was actually able to do everything and then more. It was a surprising place in which to find myself - the bookworm art kid being able to do better than minimum on a physical test. This got me pumped.

So today when I did my first workout (I'm following the 'Lean' program. For those of you familiar with P90X, you know this is heavy on cardio and light on resistance). Core Synergistics was intense. I didn't finish every exercise and I didn't use any weights today. Still, my abs were exhausted and my glutes are sore. It's been a while since either of those things have been true from exercises. Needless to say, I was psyched as I downed my protein shake this morning.

I've seen a lot of people post negative reactions to the program, as well as plenty of success stories. Hopefully I feel just as pumped at the end of the week as I do today, and again at the end of the month. My long term plan is to complete each of the 90 day variations starting with Lean, going on to Classic, and rounding it out with Doubles. We'll see how the first run through works. My first goal is to finish all the exercises in each work out. Each step brings me closer. Here's hoping it works out!

My Adrenal Problem - Exhausted by Caffeine

I'm beginning to wonder if chronic fatigue syndrome is a fancy name for adrenal fatigue.  Because basically, I've been suffering from adrenal fatigue symptoms for years.

Now, normally I would say that health information easily accessible on the internet only serves to enable hypochondria. However, few people pay attention to their bodies these days.  They also don't get checked out for many ailments because health care requires you give up your firstborn child.  So it makes sense that stress related ailments might not make the top of the list to get diagnosed.  It also makes sense that one of the only ways you'd find out how to fix your problem would be through the internet.

For the last month or so, I've been experiencing the worst spaciness and fatigue I've ever felt.  At first I thought maybe it was allergies.  So I decided to take a look and see what hay fever symptoms really are.  Well, I might have a mild irritation when Spring shows up, but for the most part, I'm really not allergic to anything outdoors in the Bay Area.  So then why was I feeling so off? It was like I was dreaming while awake, or sleep walking, but I didn't feel like I was living my life.

Somehow I was able to get up and workout, but the energy I got from working out would quickly disappear and I would crash about an hour later.  What was happening to me? I couldn't figure it out.  So I looked up spaciness.  Well spaciness can be a result of all kinds of things - from anxiety (which could have been a potential cause), to medications (none of which I'm taking).

But what about fatigue? This sudden change in how I was feeling made no sense. The more I read the more I became convinced that I just needed to take a step back and examine how I was feeling and what exactly was going on with my body.  That, I was convinced, could never be a bad thing. 

I'm really not depressed.  I'm stressed - it's different.  I am however, an anxious person, and the last few years have been ridiculously stressful for me.  When you're stressed, your body releases hormones - cortisol primarily - which happen to also make you fat.  Women, it seems, are more prone to this vicious cycle of stressful fattiness.  Now, as I read this something inside me clicked.  I've been working out and eating better and I have lost inches.  I haven't really been able to lose weight despite the significant lifestyle changes I have been making.  As I researched more, I realized that my stressful life was actually making me fat.  The main organ in need of love and care to remedy the situation - the adrenal gland. 

What an eye-opener!  And the solution is so simple.  Change the way you eat, sleep, and give up caffeine.  Wait, what?!  Did they say I have to give up caffeine?!  Apparently that lovely stimulant on which I have become so incredibly addicted, is actually causing me to gain weight and become more exhausted. Sigh.

Well, it's not going to be easy, but I have to do it.  Already I've started eating smaller meals, incorporating small healthy snacks every few hours, and am weaning myself from my drug of choice.  Hopefully the withdrawal isn't as bad as I'm expecting.  But seriously, I would love my energy back.  So I guess a little snappiness is the price I'll have to pay.

Martial Arts & Body Confidence

"Get thee to a nunnery!!"

I yelled this after having read an article on a martial arts website.

Lately I've been researching a lot of throws, strikes, and holds in martial art forms.  I've learned more about martial arts in the last week than I ever expected I would know in my life.

You see, I was not an athletic kid.  In fact, I was the anti-athlete.  I remember in kindergarten we were given basketballs and rather than throwing them or trying to shoot, I sat on one with my friend while the world went by around us.  Later in elementary school, I distinctly remember the utter surprise when it was discovered that I could goalie floor hockey and went, for two weeks, to being picked first in gym class, from having been last or second to last.  I even went so far in high school to play 'air sports' where a group of thespians and I, convinced a substitute we could act out the moves of the sports for an entire period.  This was to avoid playing actual volleyball which I found to be humiliating.

It should come as no surprise then, that I have never done any martial art.  I never wanted to.  Having it drilled into my head that I was bad at athletics from a young age was enough to keep me away from any physical classes.  The idea of someone seeing me looking completely retarded despite good instruction is absolutely abhorrent.

Now that I'm older, I realize I'm actually not entirely uncoordinated (I can dance extremely well for someone who has had very little direction).  I just never practiced any sports.  So I find solace in things like hiking, paddling, badminton, and cross-country skiing.Of course now that I've been doing interval training regularly and consistently lift weights, I am a lot more confident in my body than I was when I was 9 or 10 or even 21.

This leads me back to Shaolin Kung Fu. Shaolin is a school of Kung Fu, in which there are many styles which can be traced to specific temples and masters. No matter what the style, they are all based on a specific philosophy and set of teachings.  Similar to Zen in some ways, there were monks (who could be male or female) but you didn't have to be celibate or practice asceticism.  I could be a Shaolin nun and not specifically give up things - all I would need to do would be to live simply.  Reading that was enough for me to want to practice Shaolin, despite the fact that I would have to spar eventually.

Another martial art I find interesting is much more about defense - that is traditional Tai Chi Chuan.  While there have been some modern forms that are strictly for health or demonstration, Tai Chi is Chuan was a complete martial art form with strikes and weapon work, just like many other forms.

Of course, the dork in me has a thing for the form Aang from Avatar used, which is Baguazhang.  This form is relatively new and has some of the most graceful throws I've seen demonstrated.

I can't really investigate this further until I'm settled with steady income. But it's a nice idea.  I'm definitely interested in pursuing this and at least trying out the world of martial arts instruction.  All this came from my book's main female character needing to be able to put the moves on bad guys.  Who knew?

You Are What You Eat - Step 2 of Physically Awesome

You are what you eat.
Your body is a temple.
The body never lies.

There are more sayings relating to the human body, but these are the ones that stand out the most to me.  Like most sayings, they are true.  You can't fool someone into thinking you're fit when you're not - whether you're a bag of bones, a beached whale, or anything in between.

Yes, its true that everyone's body is different.  Yes it is also true that different bodies respond to things differently - food as well as exercise.  Thing is, the processes are still the same.  You still have to eat balanced meals and you still have to strength train and do cardio.  You can't get out of it.  And the reality is, it doesn't matter where you start, what your genes are, or how bad your habits are - you can still get physically fit.  If you want something badly enough, it will happen.  You just have to focus on making it a reality. 

I'm telling myself this after doing a strength training session focused on legs, interval training for 30 minutes, and 15 minutes of stretching.  If someone would have told me four years ago this would be a regular thing for me, I would have laughed.  Of course now, I have a workout journal that I take great pleasure in using to record my daily progress.  I also have a blaringly large set of goals with corresponding pictures on my goal board that I look at daily.  There's no getting around it.  Fitness is a part of my daily life, and I love it.  Still, I have a ways to go when it comes to eating.  That's the next thing I have to pick apart.

Everything I've read says to take things one step at a time when it comes to changing your life.  So far I've got the workouts in hand, even the cardio and the stretching.  Now I just need to make sure I'm eating 5-7 meals a day.  From everything I've read, my protein grams need to match my goal weight in order to build lean muscle mass.  That is definitely something I haven't been very good about.  So I've been checking out different eating plans of fitness models in order to gauge where my food intake needs to be. Ultimately, the goal is to have a fitness model physique so it makes sense that I would consider what successful fitness models have done in order to achieve their fitness goals.  Chiefly I've been looking at those with similar body types to mine (height and frame) because all frames are not created equal. It wouldn't make sense for me to eat the same as a 5'2 East Asian man.

Needless to say, it's a tedious process and one for which my journal doesn't work well. The space for food intake is only six lines, whereas the workout portion is 75% of the total daily entry page (it should be noted that I like it for the workout portion).  As for food intake, I've tried applications on my phone, but I find it irritating. This is because it takes 15 times longer for me to enter food items in my phone than if I wrote them down.  I'm just not sure what the best route is to get from where I am to where I want to be when it comes to food. 

Then of course, there is the realm of the supplement.  I have mixed feelings about supplements.  They're... well... odd.  The idea that you can't get what you need from eating regular well balanced meals seems strange.  Of course, like all American innovations in this post-industrial age, supplements are more efficient and effective at getting you to a specific goal.  So, do I forgo the philosophy that I should be able to eat my way to awesome? Or should I just bite the bullet and start ingesting creatine every day?  I'm beginning to think I should go for it because of the positive effects it apparently has.  Fitness models seem hooked on the stuff.  And after all, the body never lies and you are what you eat - even if its supplements.

The point is, I have to do something about my eating habits.  I also have to continue with my current workout regime which is clearly having some positive effects (I can see my muscles moving more clearly during basic everyday movement and I have much more tone than I did previously). You can't get away with just exercising or eating well.  You have to do them both.  The sacrifices you make by eliminating things like brownie fudge sundaes and blooming onions are more than made up for by your new found energy levels, your overall better mood, and just generally feeling good. 

Even a couple months ago I would have said, I like eating donuts.  Now, just thinking about it makes reminds me of how it spikes my blood sugar and makes me crash later in the day.  Ick!  Give me my protein shake or my yogurt and grape nuts pulease!