Open Book Blog Hop: Three Things Shaping My Voice

Winetasting in Paso Robles

What are three things that make you unique? That was the prompt for this week's Open Book Blog Hop. I think you'll see a lot of connection between my answer and my books.

Ultimately the thing that makes a writer unique is experience. Accident of birth places us in a certain range of possible experience and life directions. In my case, there are a few specific things which guide everything else.

First, and perhaps the most obvious, is the influence of my parents. My parents are both ordained Baptist ministers (it is one of the family occupations in my tree). However, their brand of religion is not exclusionary in the least. It is carefully considered, thoughtful, and deep. My father is a man of logic and learning, who enjoys everything life has to offer, from watching a finch take a bath, to winetasting, to playing electric bass or guitar in a funk band. When my friends meet him, they say, "Your dad is so cool!" Half the time they end up befriending him on Facebook.

My mother is a powerful person. She dictates the climate of every room she enters (a gift I inherited, for better or worse). She suffered prejudice in order to follow her calling. I think because of this, she determined not to pigeon-hole me into a gender label. Instead, as a child she gave me gender neutral clothes unless I asked for something "girly." She made sure I had all kinds of toys, from remote control cars to blocks to dolls. I had science and craft kits. Thanks to her, I never felt like I couldn't do something because I had a uterus.

Second, I experienced a lot of overt misogyny from toddlerhood through young adulthood. I write a lot about this in my memoir THRIVE, and while I won't go into the details of what happened here, it definitely shaped who I am and my voice as a writer (especially in the context of my upbringing). This made me hunger for compassionate justice for all people, no matter their identity or station. It definitely directs my themes in all my fiction, but especially in THE ROLLINS PACK, because I wanted boys to particularly understand how their actions can impact others.

Finally, I am an optimist. Despite whatever crazy things happen to me (again, see THRIVE for some of the nitty gritty), I look for the beauty and wonder in all things. This may be considered a quality or trait as opposed to an experience, but it definitely shapes how I view my life experience and how I approach new things. I always give people the benefit of the doubt. If I don't know I person, I never credit their reputation until I have seen and experienced it myself. If something bad happens, I always look for the lesson or opportunity available. When there is the option for adventure, I always say yes - because I see all the marvelous possibilities and potential. It's how I ended up studying abroad in Hungary at the last minute (I heard a professor talk and decided I was going a month before.). It's how I got married in India in the Himalayas (Because why not? A story for another time...).

These are the things that stick out in my head as dictating what I do and how I do it. These are the things that shape my work and my path through life. What about you? Leave a comment below or write a post and join the hop!

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Looking for a diversion this August? Be sure to check out P.J. MacLayne's books. If you like werewolves like I do, you might want to pick up a copy of WOLVES' PAWN. It explores werewolf social structure and has a love story, the kind of thing I love in paranormal!

Also be sure to read about MacLayne's Wyoming adventures. There are some super cool pics on her blog.

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An InLinkz Link-up

THRIVE Book Launch Week 11: Blistered and Limping

Last week time sped up. Things were all timey-wimey. I experienced about two weeks in the span of seven days, and yet, got very little done for my books. Or at least, that is how I feel.

My nutrition was off. My sleep was off. My work was off. For the last few days I've felt like I've got a hangover, and yet, I didn't have the pleasure of drinking. It's all the punishment, with none of the pleasure.

So unfair.

Needless to say, even while in the midst of this whirlwind, I've had some points of light. It has been hard to focus on them, because frankly I've had a hard time focusing on anything at all. That said, some time last week I had a brilliant idea.

I started contacting victim advocacy organizations about listing my books on their resource pages, doing blog posts, and or talking at their events. Their missions are in line with my goals for THRIVE, and that resonated. I got one that invited me to do a blog post, and one that said they would review my press kit. Seeing as I only emailed three, I felt that was a pretty good response. It seems that direction is something I need to continue to pursue. And along those lines, I need to connect with other organizations doing things on other topics within THRIVE.

It's kind of easy to find organizations working with survivors of sexual abuse. Not easy to search for the bend I'm looking working on homelessness, unemployment, and even less so with "whiteness." Hopefully I'll have some kind of epiphany of search terms this week to figure out connections for other outlets. In the mean time, I need to recover from last week. So, unfortunately, the week leading up to my digital release, is also the week I'm dragging from other things in life.

Isn't that just the way?

It is the last little bit of the marathon, and I have enormous blisters covering my feet. I'm dehydrated. I'm limping. I've got a stitch in my side. I am that stumbling runner. I'm so close, and yet it feels like every step is full of pain.

And I wonder, is the pain all worth it? When I get to the finish, will I be proud? Or just relieved that it's over?

But of course, this is just one race in a series of races. Promoting THRIVE doesn't end on June 15 with the release of the ebook. There is the speaking tour I'm gingerly putting together for next year. There are the videos I've finally prioritized with Christian to get done. There are the audio books I need to record and master. There are the organizations I need to contact, the posts I need to write... and the list goes on.

And that's just THRIVE. I have so many other writing projects this could be my full time job, plus some. It is daunting. But I'm getting ahead of myself. I can't think that far, not yet. Right now I have to concentrate on one foot in front of the other. This is the first marathon. I have to finish as strong as I can.

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LAUNCH UPDATE

Despite the craziness of everything in the past week, I was able to get the following done:

• Researched victim organizations
• Contacted victim organizations
• Wrote post and submitted to one of the above.
• Wrote first draft of submission for writing blog related to THRIVE.
• Contacted friends at universities about speaker fees
• Posted to author forum about speaker fees etc
• Did social media blitz for several days on THRIVE.
• Blog posts
• Wrote and posted exclusive story to Patreon.
• Began rewriting FAMILY FRIEND OR FOE.

 This week I'd like to do the following:

• Contact friends personally about the book - either through social media or email or both (LAUNCH DAY IS NEXT MONDAY!).
• Contact more victim organizations about resource listings, guest posts, and guest speaking.
• Follow up with friend about radio appearance.
• Follow up with contact about speaking appearance.
• Send out inquiries about speaking appearances at local organizations related to THRIVE content.
• Send out social media blast about THRIVE.
• Rewrite post for web zine/blog and submit.
• Send email blast on launch day.
• Blog.

I think that is more than enough. If I'm lucky, I'll get some videos done, but I don't know how things will go in the evening. It's one of those things that I feel like everything is so full, so intense, I'm not sure how much energy I'll have at the end of the day. And I'm pretty spent right now. I have a major case of energy drain. I have to get back on track, which considering the timing, might be difficult to do. We'll see. I'm crossing my fingers and counting on the support of many to make this happen.

When there is a good purpose, I believe things happen. This will test my belief...and that's a little scary.

THRIVE Book Launch Week 10: Help Me Fulfill My Purpose

I have a broad vision, but I need your help.

For the next few posts my format is going to be a bit different. I wanted to focus on THRIVE related stories in the blog posts and keep my update separate. That way the stories are the focus of the post. As expected, THRIVE related posts will, of course, have THRIVE in the title.

Imagine that.

This week was hard because Christian's grandma died (see my last post). It derailed my social media campaign plans and to my chagrin, the people who said they would help me with posting have completely flaked...which really sucks.

More than ever I feel the need for support, in part because of this remarkable woman's death, but also because I feel the intense need for this story to reach people. I need people to read THRIVE. I need it. I believe (and people can think what they will of this) that part of my life purpose is to share this story and change people's lives through it.

I believe the reason I suffered as much as I have is because I am not the kind of person to succumb to addiction, or to sit back, or to wallow. I really feel that my suffering is a vehicle for the healing of others and of communities. I feel at the core of my being, that lives can be transformed by this story.

I need your help.

To get this story out, I need your support. My readers. My friends. My family. My acquaintances. I need you, each and every one of you, to do the following things:

1. Buy a copy of the book - the ebook is cheap, and even cheaper before June 15 (3.99 is less than a fancy coffee!). The paperback is the standard cost for that genre - not bad and you're supporting a friend.  
2. READ it. This goes without saying, but seriously. Read it.
3. Write a review, on Smashwords, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Apple, whatever. Just do it - please. The more reviews the better.
4. Share posts from my Facebook author page, links to the book (paperback or digital), and or tweets. Talk it up to people who might need to read this story - it could help someone get through a tough part of life.
5. If you're feeling this close to your heart, then share it with organizations, media, or other outlets and contacts that would find this story interesting. I research, but I am limited. I may have missed something. I'm sure I missed something.

The thing I learned is that I am nothing without my support system. I need your help to fulfill the vision I have for this book. I have a dream about what my story can do, and I cannot realize it without you. Each and every one of you. You have come to my aid in the past, saved me from horrible fates (something I detailed in THRIVE), and I need your assistance one more time.

Please. Help me do this. Help me reach out to people suffering in silence. Help me pull them out and show them how they might live.

Thank you.

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LAUNCH UPDATE

What did I do last week? Ugh. I feel like several weeks have passed in the span of one...

• Print copy of Lilith and Ammon
• Print copy of The Brothers
• Print copy of Lovers and Rivals
• Amazon Kindle copy of Lilith
• Kindle copy of new version Brothers
• Kindle copy of Lovers
• Uploaded Thrive preorder to Kindle
• Uploaded Thrive journal preorder to Kindle
• Blogged

And this week?

• Aggressive social media campaign posts - G+, Twitter, Facebook, author forums
• Blog posts
• Solicit organizations for Thrive as resource listing
• Solicit organizations for speaking engagements
• Upload to Patreon
• Start Family, Friend, Foe rewrite (WOOHOO!)

 I think that's enough. Remember, June 15 the Smashwords price will jump on THRIVE and TRANSFORM TO THRIVE. Until that point, you get a significant savings so make sure to PREORDER NOW! Unless you want to buy the paperback, in which case...ORDER NOW (the journal too!)! :-)

THRIVE Despite Loss: One Woman's Story

Yesterday an amazing person left this world. You may have met her, or maybe not. Anne was the kind of person who made friends everywhere because she did so much with every moment of her life. She did so much, helped so many, and was a model for living. She was a school nurse who was so important and irreplaceable, the school called her out of retirement. She volunteered at her church for her entire adult life, doing jobs no one else would do. She worked at a thrift store where all the proceeds went to people in need. She drove her shut-in friends around for errands. She made sure they had everything they needed, including love. She gave of her self and her resources to the community and also to her family. There was never too small an act. There was never too little material. There was never too little time.

She was and did all these things despite one major hole in her heart. She experienced the kind of loss from which it is impossible to ever really recover. In her prime of life, her family was halved. This loss, I knew, was never far from her mind and yet, she lived. She was a blessing everywhere she went. She was powerful and generous and gracious and good.

She was a superhero. Truly.

Everyone has those kinds of moments - of loss, abuse, poverty, emotional turmoil, spiritual crisis, or relational disconnect. They happen. They happen to everyone in one form or another. And when these moments happen, we can stay in that moment and stop living. We can wallow. We can spiral down. That is one choice.

The other option is to choose life. We can live fully, completely, every moment. We can give of ourselves. We can immerse ourselves in our communities. We can be a light in a difficult world. We can be superheroes.

While this process starts with a choice, sometimes it is hard to understand the next step. That is why I wrote THRIVE, not only so anyone would know the choice was theirs, but so they would have a model for how to transform their perspective, and therefore, their lives.

Do not let loss cloud your heart. Do not let an attack continue to hold power over you. Do not let walls prevent you from being who you were meant to be. You can be like Anne, the amazing woman who continues to leave her mark in the lives of those she touched. This is what I wish for you, to live fully no matter what you encounter in life. You can do it. You can thrive.

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There is still time to pre-order digital copies of THRIVE: HOW I BECAME A SUPERHERO and TRANSFORM TO THRIVE: 32 DAYS FROM VICTIM TO SUPERHERO! Order them today at the special pre-order price and save!

Or purchase them in paperback here! 

The Waiting Game

Watching time go by...

Lately all I do is wait. I'm just waiting. My own version of purgatory.

"A 34? Proceed to window 7. A 34? Proceed to window 7."

That is what I may as well hear. Because I'm waiting.

I'm waiting for responses to my doctoral applications. I'm waiting for those responses because I cannot make any choices without that information. Honestly, I haven't determined the choices I would make in hypothetical scenarios. So I snap at those closest to me. I curl in a ball on the couch. I hold on to the present as best as I can, as best as I ca wait.

I'm waiting for feedback on my nonfiction book. Waiting to respond to all those social media posts that clearly don't have experience in the things I do. That don't seem to understand what they are saying to people who share my secret life. Waiting to reveal myself, my history, for all its horrors and glory. Waiting to make a splash even as the waters are dark, filled with sharks and blood. Biting my nails. Donning my armor. Watching. Sharpening my sword. Waiting.

I'm waiting for someone to read book 4 in Khloe. Waiting to be ready to reread it. To rewrite it. To draw the cover that it is meant to have. To be inspired into that art. Waiting to publish it, for those fans loyal to the series. Waiting to push it against all those science deniers...waiting to connect it to the stories of the extreme things that should only be the stuff of fantasy, but are real. The drought...the storms...the insane snow...are real...and where do they come from? Waiting.

I'm waiting to get that mentor promised me. Waiting to hear back from websites. Waiting to get help recording videos - recording audio - creating platforms. Waiting to have enough time to work out. Waiting to decide what I want to do with my life. Waiting to pay off my debt. Waiting to change the world. Waiting to have people understand my deepest depths. Waiting to get a job. Waiting to be independent. Waiting to have the benefits I so desperately need - the rewards I so richly desire. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

I am not a patient person. I have done all that I can do to prepare. I have done all I can do to hold on to this vision in my head of a future, of a more wonderful life. I just can't wait any more. I can't stand another day. I can't stand another hour - another minute - another second. It is crushing my spirit - my mind - my heart.

I just want to hear...

"Alexis? Proceed to window 1. Alexis? Proceed to window 1."

The Most Powerful Force

Love.

This is the thing that holds us together and sets us apart. This is the thing that makes us scale mountains and cross oceans.

Love.

More powerful than greed or apathy or fear - love can turn an enemy to a friend. Love can turn an object into a real human being. Love is the most powerful force - more powerful than gravity. It is the ultimate variable - more important than time.

It is the ultimate choice - transcending Schrodinger's cat, particles and rays, life and death.

Love.

And what comes from this ultimate power? This force before all forces? When we use this, when we allow this force to direct our hearts and minds, only the best things come into being. Only our best dreams are realized at the hands of love. Only our best intentions are made manifest - made into only, exactly, the best thing needed at that exact time.

Anger, jealousy, sadness...these are products of the broken heart. They are symptoms of love lost, or betrayed. Do not allow such things to direct your actions. Twisted plants grow from seeds sown with these hands.

Instead, turn your heart toward love. Turn it to forgiveness and let go those broken things. Let your heart be healed through the creative, restorative power of love. Focus instead on new tomorrows, better days filled with peace, friendship, hope, and joy. These are the fruits of a vibrant heart focused on love. These are our yearnings. Let us set our sights on them.

This is my earnest wish for all - that your hearts be filled with love.

Playtime and Celebrations

Here I come to kick some butt!!

All work and no play makes Alexis a dull girl.

Fortunately this week is full of fun. This past Saturday I got a night out to a friend's costume party (super fun to dress up and reconnect with friends!). Sunday I sang Pharrell's "Happy" at church and then we had Trunk or Treat, which was followed by us carving a pumpkin and roasting the seeds.

And this coming weekend? I'm opening at the Cambridge Drive Concert Series which should be another good time.

With any luck, next Monday Christian and I will get some movie time, but that will depend on a few things being in place (babysitting and errands being completed for example).

Though I have a few aspects of my doctoral applications yet to complete (short answers and essays for example), I feel confident that I will have them completed soon, and that all aspects of the applications will be at the peak of excellence (as far as I can make them). That's all I can do. The reactions of the admissions committees are outside of my control. I'm comfortable with whatever happens because I know whatever happens, this coming year is going to be a good year for myself and my little family. I don't know what that means exactly, but I know we're heading to a really good place.

All the more reason to put on some make-up and pretend to be an off duty superhero...or Toby Keith (Christian's costume...complete with a red plastic cup...).

Strange Power

Strange things happen when you're open. I don't mean opening your front door - although strange things can happen then too - rather I mean, being open to life. I mean, living - really living.

I am the last person to deny anxiety. I am a queen of anxiety. I have an app in which I record my moods daily (of which there are many) and I frequently check the anxious face, along with the worried face, and the stressed one, and the tense one...

Keep in mind this is when I am meditating and doing physical activity of some kind...which makes me think I could probably stand a few anxiety hypnosis sessions, if not mood altering substances.

I feel anxious every day. Literally - every day - at least once a day, if not sixty-three times daily I am anxious. I don't mean just a little uncomfortable - I mean gut-twisting, nausea-wrangling, lip-biting, nail-drumming anxious.

I carry it in my shoulders. This means they are super tight, up to my ears, and often hunched when I'm going through a particular spell of high stress.

You may have surmised my life is a little stressful these days. Truthfully I am probably more anxious now than I have been since junior high (another story for another time). Then it was a daily battle with the self - a struggle to decide status, acceptance, and place. It's been almost twenty years and while certain elements were released and resolved, new ones grew to take their place. That's crazy.

This anxiety I carry around is crazy. It has been a personal obstacle in more than one situation. It has stopped me from so many things, which seems strange because if you know my history, you know I've done a lot. I mean, I lived in India for six months and it didn't stop me then!

Now you're wondering what it did stop me from doing.

Maybe pursing a doctorate earlier? Trying a crazy entrepreneurial idea to the fullest extent? Calling a long-lost and well-loved friend on the phone to confess life moments? I don't know if it was just the anxiety. I know that was a part of it. I know there was a part of me when I was younger that just couldn't handle the idea of settling down into any kind of set structure. I know there was a part of me that couldn't handle the idea of failing at anything because I've lived under the crippling shadow of perfectionism from more than one quarter. There were expectations and there was always the thought in the back of my mind that I would be imposing - that I couldn't afford it - that I wasn't good enough - that they had other friends in person who were closer or more important - that I wasn't worth the time. These were the words that repeated over and over again.

It doesn't matter how successful or brilliant or amazing a person is - they are still vulnerable. There are still pieces deep in the bowels of a person's soul that are hidden, protected by layer upon layer of acquired emotional armor. But I heard someone say, it isn't the protected who have power. Those with mech-warrior battlements are more brittle than shale, weaker than mica. The armored cannot expose themselves. They cannot become close. They cannot grow outside their protective shell.

The world belongs to the vulnerable - the weak - those willing to expose their soft underbellies to the light of day. Those who hand their hearts and minds to others - despite the risk of betrayal, ridicule, and destruction - own all social power. They are the ones who risk everything, and like a good stock broker, they could lose it all. But they could also win the day. Their rewards could be richer than their wildest dreams, all because they risk everything.

Shed your anxiety. Be vulnerable. It pays better.

This Quantum Life - It's Getting Better

I have become increasingly convinced in the power of quantum physics.

Okay, take this with a grain of salt because I am a lay person and have never studied physics. But I do know this - what you expect is what will happen, once you observe it. Except it needs to cook a little first.

The physicists (along with everyone else) will be making this face now:

Frankly, I don't blame them, but let me explain.

If you put enough thought into something it will happen, because you want it to happen. The catch is, you have to be unattached. You have to care without caring. You have to let the thing sit unobserved for a while. Eventually it will happen and before you even realize it. Pretty cool, huh?

Unless you've experienced this firsthand, it's pretty unbelievable. Even when it's happening, you might not really believe it. But it is. In fact, it's sort of happening for me right now. I wanted to start putting myself out there, but I wasn't sure how it was going to work. I wanted to be active and out in the world, but that's hard to do when you only know a few people. So I put up Craigslist ads. I got a friend from that, and a professional contact as well. This past weekend a bunch of friends and family were in the area and connected both Christian and I with a few more people in the area. Every day I've had something new to do and something new to try. It's been amazing!

Alameda Canal

If you had asked me a month ago if this would happen now, I probably would have shrugged and nodded without completely believing it would happen. No, it doesn't surprise me. It is better than I expected, however. And like many things, it happened all at once.

So now I'm writing lyrics for The Brothers' soundtrack and going to work on an unrelated single. I started designing t-shirts. I'm finishing up another book. I made some new friends. I'm working out regularly. My apartment is starting to feel like home. Christian has a job he loves and is working on some of his own projects. Life is good, and it's only going to get better.

Settling is For Wusses - Get What You Really Want

Everyone has their pet peeves.  I for example, hate it when people decide to drive 50 mph in the left lane of a four lane highway.  Technically the left lane is the passing lane, and should be reserved for times when you are passing someone.  You shouldn't hang out in the left lane.

In fact, I have a number of driving pet peeves, but in the grand scheme of life, the universe, and everything, they are relatively minor.  One of the things that really bugs me to NO END that is more major is when people don't go after what they really want and settle.

It drives me CRAZY when people settle. 

Settling for less than exactly what you want is essentially giving up and deciding not to actively participate in your own life.  And, you should be the master of your life.  That's why it's your life, not mine, or anyone else's. 

Technically, yes, it is your choice to settle, to do something stupid, to be miserable. But isn't that the stupidest thing you've ever heard in your life? Why the hell would ANYONE choose to be miserable? Why would you settle for anything less than exactly what you want?  It isn't logical.  It doesn't make sense. It is, in fact, as stupid as person can possibly get.

My only guess, the only logical explanation for why someone would choose to settle and be utterly miserable in life is one of two things. 

1. The person hates him or herself. Therefore, they think they deserve misery and attract it and therefore need counseling...or...
2. They're delusional and need professional counseling.

So, if we use logic then we see this person needs counseling to develop a sense of self-worth and or they need someone to help them break their shell of delusion. In either situation, third party intervention is necessary because no one actually wants to be miserable. No one seeks this out intentionally, except within these particular situations.

Okay, its true that settling doesn't necessarily mean you'll be miserable.  But it does when settling keeps you from doing the things you really want to do and being the person you really want to be.

Keeping this in mind, here is your mission, should you choose to accept it. The next time your friend or family member is about to make a stupid STUPID choice, draw them aside and talk to them. Point out the reality of their situation.  Have all interested parties sit in an intervention session. Dump a bucket of water over their head.  Whatever it is you need to do, stop them from making a choice they will regret later. I know it's not very democratic of me, but sometimes, that isn't the way.  Sometimes you need someone to strong arm you so you are finally able to see the truth.  And everyone does need that at some point in their lives.

Your friend will thank you.  I've been thanked for that very thing.  But I've also been the one thanking. The end result was for the best.

Chef as Artist - The Beauty in Cooking

I never knew chopping celery could be so beautiful, but it can.

Last night I had a real treat.  One of my friends is a professional chef and he decided to cook a group of us a meal.  Even though intellectually I could appreciate the work behind the act of making a meal - the sweating in a hot room, the preparation behind cooking for massive amounts of people, and designing a menu appropriate for a given restaurant - there was definitely something I had been missing.

I hadn't really been able to appreciate the artistry.

Cooking, like almost anything done well, is an art. In some ways, perhaps it is MORE of an art.  There is the chemistry of ingredients, the decision to follow or "tweak" a recipe, determining how long something should be over heat or not, and then of course, there's my favorite - plating presentation. 

A good chef will make all this look effortless and beautiful, leaving you stunned as to how he could mince garlic so uniformly, and how he got the gentle blanket of pepper to coat your tongue in each bite.  This is the difference between someone who cooks at home and someone who has spent years perfecting the art form.

Sometimes I really like cooking.  I enjoy making something beautiful, presenting it in an appetizing and interesting way, but most of all, I enjoy the reaction I get from someone eating my food who really enjoyed it.  I'm NOWHERE near my chef friend's prowess.  My chopping is clumsy, and my knife handling is not nearly as sure or as fast.  I make guesses at things where a chef would be certain.  Sometimes when my food is done, it may be a disaster.  There is no question - I have a lot to learn.

But it's nice to know how much cooking (and baking for that matter) is an art form.  It's nice to know that creativity there can be rewarded and beauty can be seen from start to finish.  It may not happen in my kitchen for a while, but at least it's happening in someone's kitchen.  Even if it is just the Four Seasons where my friend works.

ODC - A Dance Show SF Adventure

One of my friends has a sweet job at a nonprofit dance company. Seeing as it is their 40th anniversary, employees got a number of tickets comped for the series of March shows.  My friend, feeling like giving her friends a sporting chance, decided to send a mass email - first to respond got tickets.  So, I responded and got some for the March 18 show.

Well the night was drizzling and a Friday night in downtown San Francisco is generally a hopping place to be.  Streets were still crowded with pedestrians and cars alike.  We finally parked in the SFMOMA lot and then walked over to the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts where the performance was being held.  At the ticket windows there were huge lines of artsy hipsters and the like.  We were running a little short on time, so someone came out and yelled to make sure we were all there for the performance and that we had only 5 minutes.  The lights flickered along with the seating bell.  The woman then reassured us the show wouldn't begin until everyone was seated.  Eventually we got to the window and claimed our tickets.  Inside, an usher kindly showed us our seats.

We didn't have to wait long before the lights dimmed.  The artistic director gave a short speech regarding the anniversary of the company as well as thanking sponsors.  She left the stage and the curtain went up.  The first piece, being performed for the first time, was "Listening Last."  The music went back and forth between a lot of marsh sounds including crickets and frogs, and city sounds such as traffic, sirens, and alarms.  There was some interesting group choreography reminiscent of natural settings, however the majority did not appear to showcase the dancers' abilities.  At least two of the female dancers were unable to hold poses and were slightly stiff.  This may have been because the dance was so new, I'm not sure.  Additionally the piece was a little too modern for my taste - the music and the movements felt inaccessible (and in the case of the music during one portion, physically painful).  Despite that it was a creative discussion of the differences between urban and rural life.  One could go so far as to say it was a compelling emotive argument for rural simple living.  While I could appreciate the interesting discussion of urban v. rural living, I still didn't enjoy the piece (I should note here that Christian did - to each their own). At that point I was a little concerned about the second piece.

Fortunately, "Stomp a Waltz, which was first performed in 2006 was both musically and visually accessible as well as appealing.  The red and black costumes, the acrobatic highly energetic and sometimes romantic movements, were a pleasure to watch.  It was almost overwhelming to watch - each area of the stage had interesting and beautiful dance happening in concert.  I found myself having to look this way and that because I was too close to the stage to see everything at once.  It was the kind of piece I would enjoy seeing again to see the things I missed, and find nuances that may have been hidden to me in the first viewing.

The third and final piece was modern (in that it was strange) and accessible simultaneously. "Waving Not Drowning: A Guide to Elegance" had simple costumes, interesting dancing, and was set to a woman's voice discussing what makes a woman elegant.  It culminated with the female dancers spending a significant portion of stage time dressing the male dancers in paper outfits (some with headbands complete with paper flowers - one even had fairy wings).  The dress time was weird, and even though it was funny, it felt like it was just a really slow punchline to an already elongated joke.  Granted, I did laugh out loud quite a bit - especially when the male dancers began dancing in their new 'girlie' paper outfits.  It was an interesting comment on the nature of fashion and how it relates to femininity.

After the show, there was a small party free to all audience members on the balcony (sorry, this doesn't happen every night!).  Drinks, cheese, and strawberries were in evidence, along with some music (which I think was a CD?) and way too many people.  It was so crowded we decided to leave in about two minutes.

Instead of partying with our fellow audience members, we walked to a diner that was about 4 nice sized blocks away.  Keep in mind it was 10:20pm, and the parking garage closes at 11. When the garage closes, you can't get your car out - you're stuck BARTing it home.  Well considering we needed the car and didn't want to spend the extra cash required for 24hr parking, we inhaled our food and then booked it back to the garage.  Luckily, we got there with time to spare and were home before midnight.

Morals of this story: 1) ODC is an interesting dance company that is worth checking out especially if you are open to more modern dance companies (and can handle more cerebral music and choreography). 2) Always check the time your SF parking garage closes, because otherwise you might have to ride the bacteria infested BART seats all the way home and pay $30 for parking.

Dell Cafe - Locally Owned Businesses For the Win

One of the things I really like about the Bay Area is the number of locally owned businesses.  So many places have become over run by huge corporately owned chains or franchised places that effectively homogenize America - which is gross.

On Castro Valley Boulevard locally owned business after business lines the street. Yes, you do have a few flagships like large grocery chains and of course the requisite number of fast food joints.  Still there are a lot of wonderful stores, service providers, and restaurants that are worth checking out.  I'm thinking in particular of my new favorite breakfast/lunch location - the Dell Cafe.

On the outside Dell is nondescript, another tan building with a small parking lot that it shares with several neighboring businesses.  Inside however, Dell brings you back to another time.  A family owned business, Dell is where everyone working there is family and so are the loyal customers.  The menu is limited - simple - but good.  When you get an omelet with avocado, you get a plateful of omelet and hash-browns with a HUGE helping of avocado - for $6. It's comforting to sit in the burgundy booth stare at the large mural of Castro Valley in the 40s when the cafe originally opened.  Add the delicious and inexpensive food and the casual family atmosphere it's a great place for brunch.

It's places like the Dell Cafe that make you feel like something in the world is still the way it should be.  Those kinds of places are closing across the country, with the economy the way it has been, and the increase in chain restaurants.  People often times don't want to take a risk on something they don't know.  But with reviews easily accessible and map programs directing you to frequently searched locations, it's easier now to find the sweet local places.  I for one, want to live in places where there are more locally owned shops than not.  Its locally owned businesses that maintain community health and keep an economy going.  So go find your Dell Cafe

JeJune, Gourmet Pizza, and Rain - Adventures in SF

Yesterday Christian and I went on the longest adventure we've had since living in the Bay Area.  We went to the JeJune Institute. In the interest of encouraging you to do the same, and not spoiling anything, I will only say this: wear comfortable shoes and be prepared to spend 2-3 hours walking.  I would not suggest doing what we did - which was wandering around in the cold rain for almost 2 hours.

After trudging around in the rain, we finished the JeJune experience, we called some friends and proceeded to deal with rush hour traffic in the city first to the Presidio to cuddle with a Russian Blue while one of our friends got ready.  Then we drove across the city to Potrero Hill to meet another couple.  Once there, we walked a few blocks to a snazzy pizza place.  I figured pizza would mean all the regular flavor combinations meant for pizza with the most exotic being Hawaiian.  No, I was sorely disappointed.  I should have known when our waiter came over sporting a thick French accent that regular New York style cheese was far from an option. So we settled for a 4 cheese pizza with pears and raisins.  Let me just say, first that Gorgonzola tastes like fertilizer to me, especially when combined with other cheeses.  Secondly, pizza should never be sweet.  The only fruit that belongs on pizza is tomato.  Luckily, good company will always make a meal, no matter what the food is actually like.

There is only one place in the world where you could get pears on pizza, have an experience like the JeJune Institute, and finish it off with some organic tea in a green apartment. Thank you San Fran for another wild ride!

Try Something New - Break a Mold, Have an Adventure

As complex as our society has become, I am convinced that people who break out of molds are still considered completely strange, possibly fantastic (in the traditional sense of the word, coming from the root fantasy).  Despite all the different things we are able to do and be, humans have the tendency to put each other into boxes, and allow themselves to stay within them.  So when a person decides they won't be categorized, people can become shocked and frustrated, or they can have a whole new world open to them.

I am thinking particularly of the relatively simple juxtaposition of someone who likes art and football, or fashion and reading the Times.  These things are oppositional by all accounts to our society, but of course, there are people who like to do each set of things, and some who like all four (I'm thinking of myself...strange bird that I am). The more I interact with people, the more rare it is for me to find someone who enjoys multiple types of things, or who is at least willing to entertain something outside their own cultural sphere.

What does it matter? Why push one's self to read a reliable news source while at other times contemplating the far reaching impact of teal on Jimmy Choo?  Well, the less easy it is for someone to put you in a box, the more fun it is for everyone.  Necessarily you run into more kinds of people than you are likely to if you only race RC cars than if you also watch ballet.  You increase your likelihood of adventures, which is always enjoyable for you, and tends to lend some excitement to your varied group of friends.

In this world, it is easy to have varied interests.  Now you can access almost anything from almost anywhere (as long as you can pay for shipping to more remote locations in the worst case). However, it is just as easy to keep yourself in a rut.  You could do the same thing day in and day out, and your life would never get more exciting.  It would never change.  You would continue to read the same books, eat the same cereal, and wear the same bland dress clothes.  It would be predictable.  So isn't it better to change things up? Isn't it better to try something new and experiment with different interests when there is really nothing stopping you from taking a dance class or learning mountaineering?

It's better to try it rather than not.  What can you lose? At the very worst you have a story of adventure.  At the best, you open a new door to all kinds of wonderful things.  It sounds like a win to me.

A New Mindset, A New You, A New Year

Superstitions are often viewed as bad.  Wives tales are considered false.  The thing is, superstition, like stereotype, has some basis in reality. I am thinking particularly of something a friend told me several years ago on New Year's Day.

"Whatever you do on New Year's Day marks the rest of the year."

Like a canary in a coal mine, or a weather vane on the roof of a house, what you do on New Year's is an indicator of things to come.  Now, I may not think that someone is talking about me when my ears ring, but what you do on New Year's day is an indication of the person you are, where you want to go, what you want to do.  It follows that because what you do on that day is an indication of who you are, and everyday of the year you are yourself, necessarily this will be an indication of your year.

I think the idea originally was more about tea-leaves, palmistry, and astrology.  The meaning wasn't really supposed to be some great philosophical logic reference.  It was supposed to be a fortune cookie. But the fact remains that fortune cookies can have more meaning than their original intent.

I remember last New Year's Day.  I didn't do nearly as much as I have done this morning.  I don't mean that I went out and drafted plans for an eco-city made out of recycled parts or wrote the next great symphonic masterpiece.  Simply put, my mindset is completely different.  My head is bubbling up with determination and purpose in a way that it hasn't in three years.  Because I am thinking this way, feeling this, I know this year is going to be full of things that are amazing and wonderful.  I look forward to new friends, more adventures, strength, endurance, beauty, and affirmation for my writing and my art.  Maybe I will find a group of musicians to sing with this year.  Who knows? All I do know is the world is my oyster, the universe is ready to respond to my thoughts.  I've got this one.

I hope you do too.  Best wishes for an amazing 2011!

A Process - How to Make Friends

wwShort of living in your hometown or the place where you went to school, trying to make friends requires cunning, creativity, and a certain degree of extroversion. I am guaranteed the first two, the second I have to work on, but two out of three ain't bad.

I say this because everyone I meet who lives outside those two scenarios always seems to struggle for a social life separate from work.  You see, in your hometown, you can rely on your previous connections.  You have any people your parents knew.  You have 13 years of schooling relationships on which to rely, and any summer job connections you may have gleaned over your teenage years.  Plus if your family was a part of a religious community or some other organization, you have a few other pools from which to draw social engagements.

If you live in a town where you went to college, a number of your professors and classmates are also likely to live there.  You tack onto this any organizations you joined, and work contacts and you've got at least a core from which to build a healthy stream of social interaction.

Of course, there is a third option which I have yet to experience.  It is the child factor.  When you have kids, you meet other parents no matter where you might be located.  This triples your options, even if they tend to be kid-centric.

The problem is, there is a significant swath of the population that doesn't fit into any of these categories - frequently young professionals who have struck out on their own they are left to fend for themselves in the "big city." This leaves them going to happy hour with workmates and little else.  If you're lucky like Christian and I, you end up living in a place that attracts like-minded people from your past social pools, so at least you have some sort of core on which to build.  If you're not, you have no given way to seek out other interaction.  You are marooned.  Isolated.  There are tons of people around you but none of them speak to one another let alone you.  So how do you break out of your shell and move into that friendly sphere? You work at it.

It is just like losing weight or getting fit.  It takes time and practice and the development of special skills.  There is no way around it.  Some people are born with those skills and it's a little easier, but for most, you have to develop them consciously.  And trust me, everyone needs friends.  I can think of a bagillion different situations that a person could end up in and need friends.  It is a necessary thing.  Everyone needs to be in community. It only takes a second to start the process.  Once it's started, you just have to nourish it and nurture it.  It doesn't take much.

Most people don't realize that a friendship needs a little bit of a spark, a little chemistry, and a willingness to maintain the relationship.  There is a courtship period.  You get to know them, they get to know you.  Maybe you get coffee a few times.  Maybe you go on a hike, or take a class together.  Who knows? Once it gets going its easy to keep it up, if you want to, but you need to want to. 

I would call myself a reserved person.  I've been told by multiple people that when they met me I was scary, intimidating.  One person even said I channeled "second-grade teacher vibe." That is actually very scary to me because I had a horrible second grade teacher who screamed at me quite a bit and glowered like it was her religious duty.  I'm, what you could say, is selective about who I allow to get close to me.  It's stupid and frankly destructive.  I look at the world in a weird way, and the selectivity doesn't help the small pool of people who can get past the cold exterior I present.  Most people realize that under the scary, I'm very different.  It just takes... a while. When I say a while, I mean, probably three or four times meeting me.  There is definitely a warm up period.

I say this, but the reality is that friendship doesn't have to have a warm up period.  Friendship can start growing in the first meeting.  When you start recommending books and music to one another, you have a solid friendship in the making.  That can happen in a couple of get-togethers, no matter how uptight you might be regularly, you just have to be open to the possibility of a new friend.

So I know I have a ways to go as far as getting out there.  I'm definitely in that group of people not guaranteed a set of friends (such as with a job or a kid).  It's late now, but tomorrow is a new day.  I think it's time I break out of the apartment and start being the joiner I used to be in college.  It's time for me to make some more friends.