We Cannot Rest: Claiming Our Birth Right

I have been a little busy with my writing sample. Now that I am finally finished and have sent off the first doctoral application, I can take a little break before getting on with the next. Thus it is a perfect time for a post...

In my research for my paper I discovered something: the world remains stacked against women. I was astounded at how incredibly pervasive this stacking truly is. Yes it is also stacked against minority groups and the poor, but of course, you can be any combination of these and be female. Still, minorities and low socioeconomic groups are seen as marginalized. The problem with sexism is its invisibility.

Apparently having a vagina means you cannot make as much money. It means you are less likely to get a raise or be promoted. It means you are more likely to be attacked - verbally, physically, and sexually. It means you are told repeatedly by society from every conceivable avenue that you are less, despite many people claiming this isn't so (even as their actions say otherwise).

The day when "cunt" and "dick" have the same connotation - when a man is not seen as "feminine" when he chooses stay home because his female partner prefers to work - is not yet here. The day when on site day care is so common it is expected is not yet here. The day when it there are just as many women as men in positions of authority is not yet here. The day when imprisoned mothers are given the possibility of being mothers to their children is not yet here. The day when we don't have to be afraid for our daughters' safety is not yet here. The day when women control their reproductive lives is not yet here.

Until that day arrives, we cannot rest.

We must stand up. We must join hands with those of like vision - those seeking justice - giving voice to the voiceless. We must call on the power that only women wield and stand with our friends, neighbors, and family who see a better way.

We cannot rest. This is FAR from over. Our birth right awaits. The call goes out. Will you answer?

Misandry, Misogyny, and The Third Way

I am a feminist and... I love men.

WHAAAAAT?!?! I can hear some misandrist somewhere shaking her fist and shouting obscenities.

Blasphemer!

Heretic!

Except it isn't. I think it's safe to say that most women love men. They love their fathers. They love their brothers. They love their sons, partners, husbands, and friends. There are quite a lot of men in our lives that we love.

I think it's pretty safe to say that most women also want respect, because we're people and people want respect. We want the ability to control our lives and have our choices, feelings, and values honored.

These things should not be controversial, news, or rocket science. They are common sense.

That all said, I understand why there are women out there who hate men. I get that. I get the personal experience that is so incredibly hurtful it shades your perspective on every person to the point of essentialism. I can understand why an abused woman would hate her abuser, or anyone with qualities reminding her of that person. I understand why someone would hate her attacker, and anyone with similar qualities. It makes sense to me, but it also is something that I believe everyone needs to move past.

I am not someone saying "just get over your hurt." That is not what I mean at all. I mean to say we need to be different. We cannot act like oppressors pointing to a whole group of people and claim they are all exactly alike. That is preposterous. I would be angry if someone said all women were X or Y (hee hee) so how can I do the same thing to another group?

I also recognize there are still a lot of insecure men out there who continue to perpetuate sexual inequality and that situation isn't something we as women can just "get over." That said, we cannot make choices based out of fear, anger, or hatred. This is the way down a spiral of pain and despair.

Instead, let us honor ourselves and our fellow humans by acting out of compassion, wisdom, and justice. Whatever feminist actions we take, let them be informed by these three values, for if we do not, then we are no better than misogynists.

It is time for us to reclaim feminism from hatred and reassert it's original purpose - equality for all. This is neo-feminism - one that transcends misandry and allows for men supportive of the women in their lives to rejoin the movement. As a woman married to a man, who bore a son, I'd like feminism to welcome them with open arms, so they can work beside the women they love for a brighter tomorrow.

Self Work is Never Done

Anyone who says they don't have more to work on is delusional.

There's always more to work on. There's always room for improvement. The more you do, the more likely you will succeed because the closer you are to mastery. If you're already a master, you will only get better.

The challenge is finding those places to improve. I mean, you and I, we're too close to ourselves to always figure out what work needs to be done. We may know something needs changing, but how do we find those areas of need? And then, how do we go about fixing them?

Lately I've been doing a lot of self-reflection. I'm in an uncomfortable situation in my life and there has been a lot of upheaval surrounding me. I see the world going to hell in a hand basket, and I feel out of control. There's little I can do about the world, but it would be nice if I had something to cling to that was more stable at home. I mean, something that was for sure...and safe...and well, easy.

Earlier this year I'd gotten into the habit of journaling and writing things I was grateful for every night. A little yoga before or after this journaling really made a difference too. And, then there was also the whole listening to affirmations thing I was doing. Well, for one reason or another, I got out of this habit. I substituted working out for this night time ritual (working out in the morning - not before bed! Geez!). At first, things continued going well.

But once again, I've gone to that dark place. I found myself frustrated with my situation and how slow change has been to come to my life. Instead, I felt like things were slowing down - or even going backwards.

I had so much going on in my head, I needed to do something. I picked up my journal. It seems, even with blogging, writing novels, and non-fiction books, I still have more words floating around that need release. The words, hateful, difficult, angry, disappointed, and depressed, flooded out. And then inspiration struck.

How could I change my life if I didn't know where I needed to change myself? My thinking was all wrong. I was so focused on negative things, on the fact that things weren't changing, on my unhappiness, there was no way I was going to move forward. I've read a bagillion self-help books in an effort to get ahead of my negative preoccupation, and I've had little luck. I needed something more pointed.

Cell phone to the rescue!

I found an app.

Surprising.

But there is an app, or twelve, that include personality/psychological tests to help you pinpoint areas where you need improvement. The one I found was Know Yourself. While the name leaves something to be desired, the comprehensive testing options and articles to combat issues found in your results were impressive.

I mean, I've taken a lot of those goofy tests...but none of them attached helpful content to my problem areas. In fact, few of them identified my problem areas the way this app did.

The Complete Personality Test was long, and the results were nearly as long as the test itself. However, the feedback was invaluable. It helped me unpack areas and habits that need attention (desperately!). It also affirmed other areas, some of which were pleasant surprises (things I never thought of came to light). I haven't yet been able to read all the attached articles, or put exercises in place to change my focus, but I'm hopeful. I feel like I'm on the right track, not only personally, but also professionally.

Sometimes you just need to get right with God, I mean, yourself. Yeah...yourself. ;-)

My Cell Phone Changed My Life

I'm a little bit of a gadget person - just a little bit. Still I never expected I would be so shaken by a change in my cell phone.

Remember how I wanted to wait for Blackberry to get their act together? Well, I couldn't. I couldn't because my battery was expanding and not holding a charge. In short, if I waited until a company decided to release their latest and greatest, I could have had acid burns on my cheek from my phone exploding.

Not ideal.

It helped that my husband's phone was some crazy Chinese knock-off that refused to stand up to his regular abuse (His pants and his phones last half as long as other people's - I swear!). So we both got new phones.

Because I have crazy personal goals that require a revamp of my social media presence, I started downloading apps that I hadn't even dreamed of.

I finally committed to Hootesuite, which has been somewhat of an improvement, though if I had the money to pay for the service, I think it would be better. But beyond the expected, I also downloaded Sparksfly, Konnect Social, and ShoutOMatic.

So far, Sparksfly has upped the ease of engaging with my Tweeps (though not as much with Facebook...). I've done more retweeting in the last few days than I have done in a 48 hour period EVER. I started to fool around with Konnect Social, but I have yet to really dive into the possibilities with this app. The possibilities do appeal, especially because I want to engage more with people who will be interested in my content (duh! Who doesn't?!). ShoutOMatic seems really cool and would help me put up greater variety of content, but again, I have yet to use it. Often times I have a sleeping baby around when I have time (like right now) and trying to fool with extra sounds doesn't seem like a good idea.

This is just the beginning.

I've started taking videos of related things and am looking forward to revisiting my YouTube account and creating a few channels (one per blog?). This is in part because of some super easy video editing apps that I can put on my phone, as well as the GoPro and my husband's amazing tech skills. I'm both anxious and excited about these prospects.

And I wouldn't have ventured down this crazy path without my new phone. While it's not the new hotness, it is enough of a change from my previous phone that the improvement is marked. The possibilities have grown exponentially. Doors have opened.

I'm a kid in a candy shop.

Come stuff your face with me. It's amazing.

What are some social media apps that have changed your online life? What are some tech gadgets that opened doors for you? Leave a comment below!

Detox Life and Reach Goals

Since I started adhering to a writing plan that involves daily and weekly goals, I'm back on track in other aspects of my life. In fact, I would say that I'm in the process of cleaning house.

How, do you ask?

Well, at first it was journaling. I was going through a real dark time, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Journaling helped me to release a lot of things going through my mind which freed me to work on other things (read: writing).

Then I added yoga. I'm not one of those people who is into mixing spiritual disciplines so I was a little hesitant to do this before now. The reason I finally came around and decided to add it to my daily routine is because it can be a kind of meditation. Meditation is good for the body, mind, and spirit. It releases tension can help the body rid itself of toxins etc. It's just a good idea all the way around.

So I hopped onto the Hindu bandwagon for some yoga (just yoga...no pantheon or holy thread or anything). It's been a real blessing and incredibly nourishing to me on every level. I also think I get to sleep faster because of it (probably because of how relaxing it is - this has nothing to do with my new mom sleep deprivation...I swear!).

Then I started adding daily workouts on top of these things. This is something I've really just begun doing this week with any consistency. I had been doing some casual circuit training using my baby as resistance, but that was very sporadic at best (and who knows how effective it was being at achieving my fitness goals other than building muscle). This week I added some kickboxing circuit training videos and next week I plan to up the ante with some other circuit training and HIIT videos. These are ideal for me because they're short but effective, which means I can do them without leaving my baby playing in his play area for too long. The only problem with them is I kind of want them to be longer...or more intense feeling (I sense I'll be adding some low level weights to these puppies!).

I say this now, but talk to me in a week...

My next step is to implement better eating choices...

And then who knows? More active promotion? Actively socializing (sensing a trend here?)?

Needless to say I'm doing these things while I'm reaching my writing goals every day, and I'm taking care of my little man. I know that as I move through this time, every aspect of my life is getting cleaner and the next step of everything is becoming clearer. It's a great feeling.

Sometimes you just need to do some spring cleaning of yourself.

The 2014 Master Writer Plan Part 1: Process & Publication

By divine intervention I came across an action plan for promoting indie books and developing a platform. It was a hallelujah moment for me. This was the thing I've been looking for! These were the questions I needed to ask myself! Finally! Someone had put together some actionable steps for me to pursue one by one in order to get the word out about my beloved creations!

As you may have guessed, my strong suit is promotion. :-D

So of course I devoured the information and quickly realized it raised more questions than it answered.

Not only did I realize how lacking my knowledge was of social media campaigns, I also realized how incredibly scatter-shot and scatterbrained my attempts had been. I was operating with the whole, "throw everything at it and something will stick" mentality. I've known I needed to change my approach, but I just wasn't sure how to go about doing it.

Well, I started going through the questions this site asked. Then I asked more questions of myself. Then I brainstormed. Then I asked other people these questions. Then I brainstormed some more. Then I prioritized based on expected ease and projected impact of these various actions. Then I made a list.

All along I said I wanted to publish 7 more books this year (and pretty much every year after as long as I am writing) but I wasn't sure how I could do it. While there are specific actionable parts of promotion that need to be thought through, I also needed to get clear about how I could break down my word counts in the time left of this year in order to reach my goal.

As my husband says, each new book promotes every previous book. That's the beauty of having a collection published.

In an effort to ensure my success with my publishing goal (and subsequent promo overhaul) I needed to make sure my word counts were reasonable and that I was giving myself enough time to edit, proof, format, and publish each manuscript.

I needed to not only break down things into daily goals, but also weekly and monthly across the different aspects of publishing (cover design etc).

The result is the following:

• Monthly word count goal: 31,000 words
• Weekly word count goal: 7350 words
• Daily word count goal: 1050 words
• Monthly editing goal: 1 book
• Monthly publishing goal: 1 book
• Monthly cover goal: 1 cover

There will likely be a lag at the beginning which will stretch through the year because of the process of writing and publishing (i.e. March will not have a publishing goal and December won't have a word count goal).

These are separate from any promotion work I do - including blog posts, Twitter, Facebook, videos, podcasts, etc. I'm not exactly sure how the promotion goals are going to fit into my days because I'm not exactly sure how much time I want to devote to each thing and what those things will be. I think initially there's going to be a lot of time spent on cleaning things up (which will be a real pain and may take the place of some of the other writing/publishing goals in various months).

I plan to detail my efforts in my publishing goal for 2014 as well as my promotional goals. I hope others will find the process enlightening and helpful, especially for those who were/are as clueless as I have been. That said, I'd better get writing!

Good Idea, Bad Idea? Tactics for the Writer

I've been thinking a lot about ideas. How do we have them? Where do they come from? When we're trying to write, what kind of ideas stick and which ones get pitched before they've been fully vetted?

If you're like me, you have a new idea every other second. It's dizzying. I actually throw out more ideas than I work on because I just don't have time, energy, or money to complete them.

And honestly, it's disappointing not to work on them all. I'd really like about 12 hours more per day for the rest of my life. I think that might make up the difference, but enough about my ridiculous ambition...

But what if you struggle to have ideas? I've been in situations where I wanted desperately to come up with something and just hit wall after wall. Forcing an idea to happen feels impossible, but it can be done. The question is, will that forced idea be good enough to pursue?

So how do you come up with a good idea when you need it? The best way I know is to be systematic.

First you need to come up with problems to solve. So make a list of problems or types of books/stories you'd like to write. For me this was pretty simple. Last year I decided I wanted to write a stand alone book for adults. If I could, I wanted it to be science fiction. I came to this conclusion because I hadn't written any stand alone books yet, nor had I written anything for adults or anything in science fiction. Basically I wanted to see if I could do it (the key here was discovering the problem I wanted to solve - setting a goal of achieving something I hadn't done).

Then I had to figure out where it would get started. To come up with a location, I delved into places I knew. In order to limit my location possibilities, I decided I wanted to have the main character in graduate school. I thought this would be a good bridge age (you can still attract some young adult readers while appealing to a more mature audience). From there, I decided to pick the character's major. Most people pick graduate school based on one of two things - cost or quality. I wanted to eliminate cost as a factor for my character and so gave her a scholarship to one of the best programs in the country for her major.

I wanted to have a game changer in the middle of the book - a large twist that would throw sci-fi nerds through a loop (maybe a sucker punch?). So I did that. I incorporated some marginal ideas that I saw on a reality TV show and BAM! I had BELOW THE BELT.

Another thing I wanted was to have a book of short stories. While my stories have not developed into books yet (I'm still sitting on them waiting to get published in lit zines), I had to come up with a few themes. I could have sat down and brainstormed themes, but as it was, I started by writing a story. The story was about a political issue that bothered me deeply - women's reproductive rights. From there, it was easy to write several more stories about women and children. I picked one aspect of women and children's wellness for each story. I still have several more to write if I want them to be a biddable collection.

The next idea in writing I'd like to pursue is the interlude short story. This is a story that happens between books to main or supportive characters and often fills in the gaps that fans want filled. Currently I'm pondering possible stories in the Khloe Alwell saga. I figure one short could be about the Ceres-Lugh-Llewellyn debacle. Another could be about the writer of the Lilith-Ammon prophecy. These are points that were raised in my books, but could not be developed because of the chronology involved.

The best way to come up with ideas? Decide on goals. Brainstorm. Make lists. Ask questions and then answer them. These are different tactics that can be used separately or in conjunction with one another. The result is you'll figure out something that speaks to you - and if it speaks to you, it's probably a good idea.

Another Nesting Solution: Cleaning

This is one way to get the crazy obsessive mania of pregnancy under control - clean.

Whatever motivates you to clean (a friend coming over or just a bit of stray bbq sauce in the wrong place) should be used. Then break out the products and implements.


My personal favorite all purpose cleaner is Simple Green. I was introduced to the stuff by my print-making professor at Bard. It does amazing stuff. You can fiddle with the concentration to make it as strong or weak as you need. It cleans just about everything and does it well. The nice thing is it is also non-toxic. While it is a cleaner and does have fumes, it's not noxious like so many cleaning products out there.

So I took my Simple Green and my microfiber cloths and went to town.

Then I moved on to dusting. While Simple Green might work well for things like tile or counters, it's not ideal for wood. There's something that should be said for a nice lemony polish. I'll be honest - I'm not brand loyal on this one. I get the cheapest generic stuff and use that (though I've heard there are some homemade options that substitute quite nicely - I'm lazy). I use this not only for wood surfaces, but also my leather couches. I *hate* dirty leather. With all the different textures that are fashionable these days, it's a good idea to keep up your leather polish routine.

I think I just heard your jaw unhinge.

I know what you're thinking - who is this person excited about domestic tasks? Where did the hipster writer chick go who used to brood about her starving artistry? Sorry, but I've always been this way. I just hide it well (thanks to the internet). My college friends can attest to the tidiness of my room, and how I would apologize if a pair of pants was out (This somehow made my room "messy.").

My 1st trimester was actually torturous because I didn't have the energy to maintain a clean and tidy apartment. Christian can vouch for the whining and regular pouting that ensued.

You can imagine the GLORY that shone down on our apartment when I got my energy back. I've been cleaning several times weekly (which is actually more often than pre-pregnancy). I don't always clean the whole apartment, but I do clean portions of it - whatever I find offensive at the time. Today was a whole other story however.

Once I'd moved past dusting and rearranging things, I vacuumed and mopped. I cleaned the bathroom (not the tub as it's a little harder with fumes and balance these days). I cleaned fixtures. I even vacuumed our bathroom fan (we have a Dyson - the best vacuum I've ever used and if you value your floors and have the cash, I really recommend them.). I revealed surfaces that had not seen sunlight for over 4 months!

Christian came home and wasn't sure what to do. The place looked completely different. Of course, I cleaned to the point of exhaustion. I was moving slowly, my joints almost creaking, and there was no way I could even attempt to cook dinner (incidentally I do *not* advise cleaning to this point). Normally I wouldn't have been as thorough as I was. Normally I wouldn't have checked and double and triple checked to make sure something was spotless and streakless.

But I'm not normal right now, well not for pre-pregnancy anyway.

The nesting instinct was satisfied, at least temporarily, by my exertions. I will likely sleep through the night again, for which I am grateful. The question is, how will I satisfy the beast tomorrow? I feel a bit like Seymour from Little Shop of Horrors looking for any way to pacify Audrey 2. Thankfully my nesting incident isn't a human-eating talking plant.

Scamming Scammers - How dumb can they be?

I've done a lot of tutoring and private lessons for a little extra cash here and there. One of the places I typically advertise is Craigslist. Unfortunately, Bako doesn't seem to follow the Craigslist rules. People don't seem to use it very much which is more than a little annoying because it's one of the best free classifieds out there.

It used to be that scammers would post things on Craigslist, and it would be few and far between (well, at least that had been my experience up until Bakersfield). Now, when I post something for tutoring or private lessons, I get the most bizarre inquiries.

See below:
** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid:  wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info:  http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html

--
Hello how are you doing? I just want to know if the tutor lesson still
available for my son  for a month he is 14 years old, I want you to
calculate the cost of 1 hour  per day for three days in week for the
whole a Month and email me the total cost..Hope to read back from you
asap..Thanks

Now, my cost per hour was in my posting. So an idiot can use a calculator to figure out how much three sessions would be in a week and then multiply that by the number of weeks, right? Right.

Second question, why the hell is someone going to be in Bakersfield for a month after school has already started? Why would three hours tutoring be enough to be helpful for this kid?

All the email responses I've gotten from this particular posting have been the same. I have a 15 yr old kid who is going on vacation (VACATION TO BAKO FROM EUROPE... that makes sense...) and I want 3 hours tutoring for 4 weeks. Then they want all your information and they send you a check. You're supposed to take some of the money out and then send the rest to the mysterious nanny, who almost always lives in China or Mississippi.

Apparently these people don't get it either when I call them on their shit. I've told several of these people, "You know, I can deposit the check you send me, but I'm going to wait for it to clear the bank because scammers use Western Union immediately." I've also said this one, "If you're so wealthy, why are you having me send the money? Why not just send it yourself? That seems like it would work much better."

And yet these idiots keep on trying to scam me. The sad thing is, I think some people actually fall for this and get conned out of thousands of dollars.

Here's my proposal. Let's scam the scammers. Have them Fedex you a check, and then, never send the money. This way, they end up losing money on their scams and will have to stop. If you figure they're spending at least $5 on each thing, or up to $20 for something overnighted, it's going to become very unprofitable very quickly.

How Much is it Worth? Online Price Wars

So I've been thinking about the different costs for various kinds of electronic media.  A song can cost a dollar or two with artists giving some away free in an effort to entice listeners to purchase more. The New York Times has begun to charge online readers after a certain number of articles are viewed.  E-books can run anywhere from $1.50 to $200 depending on the content and how many competitor books are available.  The question now becomes, should I package The Brothers in such a way (or some of the other works I have going) that the first chapter or a segment is free, and then the person can buy the whole thing if they like it?  I'm not sure.  It's an interesting idea.  Of course, if a book is priced low enough, many people will buy it regardless simply because the price is not prohibitive. It is however, possible to price something too low, implying that a product is not valuable and therefore not worth the pittance it costs.

I'm going back and forth in my head what price I should put on my little book of fiction.  It is getting to be about that time to publish.  I'm pretty sure I will go through Book Baby and make the book available through the large distributors of e-books.  It seems to make the most sense, but I will have to check to see what the difference would be to go through each company myself.  Then I have to check on the copyright situation.  I really don't want anyone snagging my stuff, as seems to happen these days, just because I didn't do the legwork to make sure I kept all the rights to my work.  Yes, my days are full of these questions - these along with what clothes I won't be using next month and which shoes I can pack.  Decisions like these are both exciting and mind-numbingly tedious.  *Sigh*

The Great Purge - Clearing out the Clutter

It's frightening to get rid of pieces of yourself.  That's what it feels like when I go through my wardrobe in preparation for packing.  The great purge - I should have done it before I moved to the Bay Area from Phoenix, and honestly, I did get rid of quite a lot of things before moving, but it feels like I didn't make a dent.  My current closet is the size of three regular size closets.  Still, I have a full dresser.  Christian's closet is much smaller and half the things hanging in it are uniforms - that he doesn't own - for his job. 

 

Clearly I'm the one who has to purge my clothes. 

 

So I asked for advice.  I read organizing articles. I took my clothes out and put them in three piles - yes, no, and maybe.  Already one garbage bag is ready for good will - but it was hard for me.  The concern that had been keeping me from the purge was the idea that my old clothes would fit me again once reaching my fitness goal.  As it is, some of my old clothes do fit, but the reality is that a lot of the leftovers are just not worth moving.  It's better to reward myself with new clothes when I'm svelte than holding on to things which I may never want to wear or may never fit again.  Fashions change and so do tastes. 

 

The thing is, I've become so frugal, I see each piece of clothing as the money it will cost to replace it.  So when I get rid of things, I feel like I'm throwing away money.  The idea is abhorent to me.  But I know that it's better to save of moving and storage than it is to save on a few shirts or pairs of pants.  Ross is there for a reason.  I should use it as necessary.

Once I had gone through my clothes I moved onto purses, jewelry, and hair things.  It was a lot easier because I had already done gone through the process with my closet (the first round anyway). Not only is it better to get rid of these things because I'm not using them anymore, but also because it declutters my living space.  Beginning was painful, but by the end, it was cathartic.  Even if you're not moving, I recommend going through the process.  I love having empty space in my closet again!